New girlfriend found my lingerie drawer

[kaylyn]

I am a 21 mtf crossdresser and have been dating this girl for about a week. I invited her over to my place to hang out and watch movies and I cooked for her. After a few drinks and other activities in the bedroom she wanted to take a shower and I showed her where my bathroom was and let her take one. I was cleaning the kitchen she she walked out of the bathroom holding a handful of my panties and two bras and demanded to know who they belonged to. In my tipsy panic I said they were my ex girlfriends that she never came back to get. She is very open and I want to tell her that I crossdress but I'm worried that if I do she will be angry I lied or freaked out by the fact that that was mine. Any ideas on how to handle this situation without causing damage to the relationship?

[bridget thronton]

Only you know who to tell - lies are not always forgiven

[prene]

I cannot tell u what to do.

I told mine when she found girls clothes at my place. It was hard though.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kaylyn,

Tough call. I am big advocate on only revealing when you are ready to do so. However, she kind of caught you but it does seem you recovered in a "general sense". I am not sure how easily she bought the "ex girlfriend" story so I asked my wife what she would have thought if she were your GF (I did not mention your name or circumstances - it was a general question). She indicated if you had just recently broke up with your ex-GF, a couple of weeks at most it is plausible she would have bought the story as you may not have had time to get rid of those things. But if has been a significant amount of time and depending on the amount of undies (was there a lot) it is highly unlikely you would have kept them. I have to agree. If I had an ex-GF who left her undies at my place, I would have boxed them and sent them back or tossed them within a few weeks. So, if it is longer, my wife indicated she would be more inclined to believe: (1) you have another girl on the side and those are her undies (minimal amount); (2) they are yours, for whatever reason (a lot of undies).

Hugs

Isha

[Robert]

I guess it depends if you are comfortable starting a new relationship with a great big lie from the get go.

If you reveal the clothes as being your own, and it is a deal killer, then so be it. Some might argue that you will have dodged a bullet. If the reveal is not a big deal, then there will never be a time in the future where you will be confronted with both your cross dressing and a great big lie. And, of the two the lie will be the most destructive.

[charlenesomeone]

Lots of great info here and search the site too. Its you that knows your situation but based on the facts
you put here, it would seem that if you think this may be a relationship that continues then you need to
come clean as it were. Best of luck.

[prettytoes]

That reminds me of an old joke...
Two old friends were in the locker room at the gym. When they were changing, one of the guys was wearing pink lacy panties. The other guy commented "I didn't know you wore women's underwear...when did that start?" His friend replied "when my wife found these in my glove box!"

Probably best to come clean now...I would apologize for lying, and then explain to her that they are yours. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

[Robert]

I'd also be questioning why she felt she had the right to go looking through your personal items and then confront you with what she found. That would probably be a deal killer for me.

Letting someone use your shower doesn't, IMHO, confer the right for them to root around in your drawers, read your diary, or hack into your computer. YMMV

[Kate Simmons]

Lesson learned is that for whatever reason a woman is going to find stuff like that. They are more willing to believe that it belonged to a Ex rather than the logical alternative. If you have female clothes around they will be found, remember that.:battingeyelashes::)

[Katey888]

I have to agree with Robert... I know I'm from a <slightly> earlier generation, but I wouldn't expect a new GF to start taking possession of any drawer space after a week, nor go rooting around uninvited... :Angry3:

Humourously, you could say that they were simply the bait to trap uninvited drawer inspectors... :heehee:

Seriously, if this is a serious relationship you would want to fins a way of telling her at some time... but just one week in... :eek: You could break up in another few weeks and what if she decides that a confidence is worth nothing towards you then... Who might she tell...???? :thinking:

Settle the relationship before you reveal - a week is too short...

Katey x

[jami]

Ask her how she feels about alternative lifestyles and lead into crossdressers if she is receptive

[Caden Lane]

Well, lots of great advice. Lots of cause for concern. And you are only one week in. So not a lot invested in her at this point. However she has already indicated she feels obliged to snoop into your life, so where else and when else will she snoop? Will your lie be uncovered by additional snooping? Just keep in mind, that so many single women have been burned so many times these days, they feel obligated to snoop on prospective boyfriends. I'm sure many have background checks run, and if your CD life crosses paths with your drab life, there is simply no telling what an online background check would reveal.

As I said earlier, you are only one week in. Nothing really invested. Take a leap, see what she says. If its not for her, you found out early, and you've really lost nothing. The only downside is if she travels within your same social circles. She may not keep your confidence.

My alarms go off that she feels like she can snoop so blatantly. But you may have a different tolerance for such a thing. For all I know, you put it there hoping it may be discovered. Often, we do a lot of things in the hopes of making the accidental reveal. Its a subconscious mechanism of fear.

But in the end, all any of us can do is offer advice, not make the decision for you. As a single crossdresser, you do need to figure out the how and when to tell a prospective mate. Entering into a LTR without a plan will certainly doom you and/ or your dressing to some of the horror stories you've certainly seen here. So you've got to be asking yourself some very serious questions here, and soon, and it's only for the best that you be completely honest with yourself, so you can be honest with any future Mrs. in your life.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lanr

[kimdl93]

You've known her a week and she's snooping in drawers? A week and she's already asking 'who is she?" I would consider this a red flag. And I wouldn't tell a new girlfriend only a week into an acquaintance.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

At 21 I think you can safely assume you will find another girlfriend. Be honest. If she accepts it she's a keeper. If she doesn't... er, does she know your social circle? I guess if she's mean she might out you...but you haven't given us much info.

Good luck either way, and get a better hiding place!

[AnnieMac]

Naw, don't tell her. You covered it great! At age 21, girlfriends come and go anyway. Enjoy her company while it lasts! If she is curious about it she will bring it up again, then maybe you can tell her you kept your ex's stuff there because you kind of have a thing for lingerie, but then she brought it up and it will be easier, and she may even think it's hot because it was her idea. Honestly, I think This forum gives us a false sense of security and convinces too many people to blow their relationships (and sometimes lives) up when it is unnecessary.

[AmandaM]

You've been dating her for a week and she has the gall to demand who they belong to? Jealous much?

[UNDERDRESSER]

2 choices, keep on with the lie, and eventually she will ask "why haven't you got rid of those" or worse, she will realise the drawer is getting fuller, or has been re-arranged. Now what do you do? She obviously goes through your stuff, how long do you think you can hide it?

Other choice, tell her. Maybe she is OK with it, maybe not. Best find out now. If her knowing could put you in a bind, i.e. she goes round telling everyone, what will that do? What's the worst? probably won't be, the worst, but your decision as to which route you take.

How did she find it anyway?

[Isabella Ross]

If the relationship is casual and you don't think it's going to go anywhere serious, keep a lid on it. If you really like her and think the feeling is mutual, just remember Bill Clinton's gaff (not the one we wear): if he'd gotten out in front of his cigar escapade as Dave Letterman did, things wouldn't have ended so poorly for him...

[Tracii G]

This is just me you do what you want but I would tell her you want nothing to do with her just because she went thru your stuff.
Maybe she learn you just don't do things like that.
Ask her how she would feel if you did that to her?
She just showed she can't be trusted so who's to say she won't do other things.

[NicoleScott]

There won't be a better time than now to have that talk. If your relationship blows up because of it, now is better than later. It only gets more complicated if you wait. That is, as Isabella you said, if you think the relationship might go somewhere.

[carhill2mn]

I would think twice about getting into a relationship with someone who would be looking in my dresser drawers the first time she is at your house.

[Judith96a]

Yep, I think it's time that she discovered the kerb!

[Sissy_Michelle]

Kaylyn,
So your new girlfriend found your lingerie drawer. Then she dug out your panties and bras and confronted you with them, and you lied to her... Easiest way out is to tell her the truth now since y'all are just starting out. Better to start with the truth, if she find out on her own or looked at the sizes of the garments before she confronted you. You are already in trouble.

@--}---
Michelle

[Tamara Croft]

She shouldn't be going through your things at an early stage like that, it's beyond disrespectful and down right rude. I would have told her to put them back and mind her own damn business.... Don't think this one is a keeper, I agree with Judith, time she did discover that kerb :kickbutt:

Oh Sissy Michelle, listen to yourself... she has to justify why she has a draw full of lingerie to a nosy new g/f? I don't think so, she shouldn't be going through the things in the first place.... She might have lied, but the new g/f just broke the 'TRUST' line...

[Annaliese]

Come clean now, if it does go to the next level and she find out, then it more lies. Tell her just what you told us.

[Lorileah]

this romance is doomed now. You lied. She isn't going to take that well.

[Amy Lynn3]

I agree with Tamara and several others. Kick her to the curb. Believe me things will only get worse for you, that has nothing to do with crossdressing. The new GF is not to be trusted, as you have found out. Trust is what relationships are built on. You want a person to add to your life in a good way, not control it.

Run Kaylyn, RUN.:o

[Tamara Croft]

Really?? this woman went through her things and she needs to come clean for lying??? O M F G... REALLY???

[Lorileah]

The question wasn't if the GF was wrong. It is no different IMO than when a CD "borrows" his wife's clothing. But it's not tit for tat. Best would be if they forgave each other...Actually best is they go separate ways

[PaulaQ]

Actually best is they go separate ways

Lori, how can you know this? It may be true, it may not be true. Who knows? They'll have to work it out.

[Jodi]

First thing I would want to know is--Why was she opening drawers and rummaging through your dresser? You've only known her a week Is there no respect for privacy?

What would be her reaction if the tables were reversed, and you went through her dresser at her place?

Jodi

[Tracii G]

I would have sent her packing or called her a cab right on the spot.
Maybe she will learn a tough lesson this way.
Yes trust is the mainstay of a relationship and you know she deff doesn't show trust trust doing what she did.
I can't stress enough to get this point across to her in no uncertain terms.
You are young and women will try to manipulate you don't let them.

[Carolana]

Without pointing fingers, I am alarmed at some of the responses here. No one is totally free from baggage. But you are in charge of your own state of mind. If she took a shower she was probably just looking for some clean underwear, and from her discovery just wanted to know if your relationship was exclusive. As for lying to her, I think down the road if you came clean she would likely understand why you kept things a secret. After all, you barely know each other and at the moment you have no way of knowing if she can or is willing to keep your secret. If you continue the relationship I would wait until you are sure she can be trusted before telling her anything. Even then, you have to know that many of us here are still keeping our secret from our loved one(s). This is not just a lying issue. That is an oversimplified opinion, in my opinion.

[Beverley Sims]

Try to not refer to the subject again.

[terri7]

maybe when you 2 break up
she will leave you a drawer full of her undies

[Tamara Croft]

You are young and women will try to manipulate you don't let them.I'm a woman and I take offense to that!!!


If she took a shower she was probably just looking for some clean underwearWhy would she be looking for clean underwear in a mans drawer? She doesn't know about the CD'ing and if she was looking for clean underwear, why would she then go question Kaylyn about it?

I caught my son on video going through all the drawers in my bedroom whilst I was on holiday (I had cctv set up) and quite honestly, I felt so violated and was absolutely disgusted by it and that was my SON, not some person I'd known for a week. This isn't about the lying, this is about trust, there is no trust when someone goes through your things, innocent or not, it's just not the done thing!!

[Lori Kurtz]

You've only known her for a week? And she thinks she has the right to snoop in your drawers (and what would she have been looking for in doing so, anyway)? Part of your post seems to be based on your feeling guilty about lying to her. I can relate to the guilt and shame that lead a CD to try to justify lying, and to the guilt and shame that result from the lying. I certainly have lied plenty in my life. But please don't beat yourself up for lying in response to information that somebody obtained through a gross invasion of your privacy. You don't owe this person your deepest secrets. She's the one who has some explaining to do, not you, if this relationship is to continue.

[NicoleScott]

I think the "snoop in your drawers" criticisms are too harsh. She wasn't snooping, but looking for something to wear. No bad intent. People have vastly different levels of privacy expected and privacy given. My parents had neighbors who just walked in their (my parents) home. It's how hey were raised. My brother and I are very close but would never think of walking in each other's home. We always knock, then wait for the door to be answered. When staying/eating at another's home, I always thank the host when I depart. And I taught my son to do the same. His girlfriend never does when she visits. We're not offended, just recognizing that people behave as they have been raised. Give her a break, and focus instead on how he should handle the unintentional revelation.
Demanding an explanation - that's another matter. I can't defend her for that.

[Barbara Jo]

Been there.....
I also told casual/new GFs that they were my ex's in a matter of fact manor.

Someone you only dated for a few weeks is not someone to tell your most intimate secrets to.
I guarantee you, she is not telling you her's!

[Amy Lynn3]

I think this thread will end up adding a completely new definition to the saying "getting in someone's drawers, AKA Panties.:heehee:

[~Joanne~]

I am going to agree with everyone here who said that the trust has been violated, this relationship is doomed, and tell her NOTHING. she already had the gall to just go through your things in your room because she thought she had the right, imagine how much more snooping she is going to do with your PC, Your phone, the list goes on and on.

If she had the gall to do this, don't think for a minute she isn't going to tell everyone who will listen that your a CD if you tell her. Don't do it, dump her and move along. You'll be sorry if you don't.

[sterusjon]

Kaylyn,

First, the young lady may be history for you already. She may have had a prior experience and was in no mood to repeat her mistakes so she felt the need to do a little "digging". She may have already run for the hills, screaming all the way. I am not saying she did it the right way but surely you can understand that her past experiences she might have caused her to protect herself.

If, on the other hand, she is still in the picture, I think, you have to do some things to protect yourself, since, as others have pointed out, this is a major "red flag" deal. Some here have advised to kick her to the curb. I am hesitant to submit that as a first response. I suggest a little more empathy since I would like to be shown some for me if I found myself in some such situation. (By that I mean, concern for my future well being and acting somewhat inappropriately. I can't think of anything that corresponds at the moment. Can you?) I suggest a discussion with her as to why she felt the need to be so "inquisitive." If the response is not adequate as an explanation or reveals character traits that are not acceptable to you, then kick her to the curb or, alternatively, show her that door if you are kindhearted. If, however, it rings true and she is open about the reasons for her invasion and she is apologetic and you can sympathize with her and you wish to proceed with a relationship, you, then, need to try to be open and honest with her about what she really found, in my opinion. Fair is fair. Easier said than done? Maybe. Good luck.

Stephanie

[mechamoose]

You should have copped to it being yours...

If it blew up, she wasn't going to fit with you anyway. If it didn't... you missed out on a fun night of encouragement and 'other stuff'.

- MM

[Caden Lane]

I never understand this jump in logic that so many around here make, which can be summed up with "missed out on a fun night of encouragement and 'other stuff.'" Yeah, just because a woman accepts or tries to understand our dressing, or doesn't go running into the hills doesn't mean it's automatically a kinky night of festivities. I suppose it makes sense to folks who are on the fetish end of things, but it just seems like a simplistic, dumbed down logic and a short sighted way of looking at things.

[mechamoose]

Yeah, just because a woman accepts or tries to understand our dressing, or doesn't go running into the hills doesn't mean it's automatically a kinky night of festivities.

I said 'other stuff' deliberately. That could have been shared stories. That could have been asking the OP to dress up and be HER around her out of curiosity. It could have been COMPLETELY acceptable to her (Yah, my Dad/Bro was CD/TS)

I would suggest that you are making an assumption that I was talking about sex. CD/TS is about identity more than it is about sex.

From The Turtle Test:
Q: What is a 4 letter word ending in 'k' that means 'intercourse'?
A: Talk

- MM

[Caden Lane]

You may be an isolated instance then. I've personally seen other instances where thats the exact sort of jump in logic that gets made around here. It's more than likely wishful thinking on their parts, or fantasy driven, but still. However, you have to admit, "other stuff" is sort of vague and lacks specificity.

[DeTerminator]

I think that you should question her motivation for looking through your drawers in the first place, before you decide what to do. Ask her if she thinks it's right for her to be doing that. Then, go from there. Things could get out of hand with that one, I think.

[Rogina B]

Give her a "time out" for snooping and being nosey..

[ReallyRobyn]

Personally I think you now have a great opportunity to share your cross dressing with another. At this point you have the perfect opening to ease into it, or dump it all at once. Either way, the door is cracked open. You said she’s open minded so here’s your chance to bring it out. If she trips, so be it, but who knows, it may be the beginning of a lot of fun!

[Barbara Jo]

I just want to point out the the OP made no mention of where she found the panties.

[DorothyElizabeth]

The thread title says she found the lingerie drawer. Description in the post says "... she walked out of the bathroom ..."

From those two things, I deduce the lingerie drawer is in the bathroom. OP does not say whether lady friend had wet hair, and was merely looking through bathroom drawers for a hair dryer.

I can't make any more suggestions as to how to proceed than have already been made here, but I can offer suggestions to some posters that they MAY have been jumping to incorrect conclusions.

Of course, we each bring our own baggage to these forums, but when we are trying to offer suggestions (especially about relationships), I think we should all do our best to try to remain non-judgmental.

[Stephanie47]

I read this thread this morning before I had to run off to a meeting. You have been dating this "child" for a week and she is demanding to know who the garments belong to? I intentionally used the term "child" because I do not consider her reaction to be that of a woman. A week long "relationship" does not require any accountability. Frankly, I think it was wise to withhold your intimate feelings from her. Anyone who opens up to anyone in a one week "relationship" is asking for trouble. If you had fessed up to her, I'd really hate to see who she espouses that knowledge to when you and her part ways.

[SheriM]

A couple observations. If you think this is serious and will last a while, you need to tell her. Think of the consequences - She found your panties after only a week - what are you going to tell her the next time she discovers something. You say that she is open minded so there is a good chance she will be OK with in and you will have a mentor and shopping companion.
On the other hand - If you think the relationship is short lived, keep it to yourself, especially if being outed to the world would be really bad for you. Any time you tell someone, your secret is out.
SheriM

[Katiekins]

Since the relationship is only a week old I would just take it as it comes. For all you know it may or may not work out and if it doesn't then there's no reason to tell her the truth yet, especially if she's within the same circle of friends.
If it does work out she's going to start asking questions as to why you still have the underwear and if you're comfortable with telling her at the point then go for it, if not then start by finding a better hiding place :)

[CONSUELO]

Be honest. In the longer run it is the only thing that will work for you. Weaving a web of lies will not help and will make you unhappy/

[suchacutie]

What a complicated situation:

If you were generally "out" as CD then you would have simply told her they were yours (or sent her packing on the spot).

She is obviously insecure and immediately thought she was being played, so you can see why she flew off the handle.

Since she should not have been going through your drawers and if that is the casual way she treats privacy, maybe you should rethink the relationship in the first place.

Since she should not have been going through your drawers to begin with, and if you don't want yourself "outed" yet, I would hold off and see what happens in the relationship. If you do decide to reveal your CD life, you can call it even since she should not have been into your privacy at that point in your relationship. If she objects to that last statement, send her packing as you are not compatible.

So, you have a couple of immediate choices: Send her packing, wait and see what she does and send her packing if she starts to be pissy about all of this, wait and see and if you feel you can trust her (which I doubt) explain the situation and see what happens, or out yourself to her and take your chances.

For me, I'd distance myself from her as fast as possible. By the way, someone who views personal privacy at such a low level is likely telling every girlfriend in the world what happened and is looking for advice from her "support group". Does she have a Facebook page or anything like it? You might want to take a look!

[Carolana]

My sentiment is close to replies 38 and 51. Too many people giving advice based on their own personal history and "baggage" as it were. Things to take into consideration: Compared to a 60 yr. old like myself, you two are just kids. Your relationship is just getting started, and from experience I can tell you there's no way of knowing in a short time if it will last, if you are a good fit, if you have compatible goals and interests, or if she can be trusted with your secret.
Regardless of how she discovered your stuff, she has the right to know if there is someone else in the picture. On that note, she got out of the shower and if she's anything like the dozens of women I have known, has an aversion to putting on dirty underwear afterward. And unlike some opinions here, some girls may feel just fine putting on a clean pair of men's underwear, especially her boyfriend's. There's no cookie cutter. No one here represents another person's mindset. I think the attacks against her are insubstantial. (not enough insight or information). I haven't seen any more posts from you since the first one. Any new developments?

[Sissy_Michelle]

Tamara,
I am not agreeing that Kaylyn has to justify why the new girlfriend was going through her things. I agree it was rude and disrespectful that the new girlfriend had done it. If the new girlfriend was that jealous or curious as to go through his bed room chest of drawers. I wonder how curious she was searching his online name or other things. Kaylyn should be careful she hasn't found a stalker.

In addition I was only trying to impress upon Kaylyn that she shouldn't lie to someone that would eventually find out. It isn't fair to either of them.

I didn't mean any disrespect. Sorry. :(

Michelle

[QUOTE=
Oh Sissy Michelle, listen to yourself... she has to justify why she has a draw full of lingerie to a nosy new g/f? I don't think so, she shouldn't be going through the things in the first place.... She might have lied, but the new g/f just broke the 'TRUST' line...[/QUOTE]

[Eryn]

OK, we're talking about two people in their early 20s in a relationship of a week. Even from my advanced age I can remember what that was like. "I've got a GIRLFRIEND, I don't want to screw this up!" There is a strong imperative to keep the boat afloat even though, to us older and wiser, the relationship has trivial length.

Now, quite a few of us have jumped to the conclusion that the girlfriend snooped through the drawer. Knowing the orderliness of many young men (myself included) it may well be that the drawer was not closed and the items were in view. She probably shouldn't have confronted him with "the evidence" but we have been told that alcohol was involved. Her confrontation could have been anything from a jealous rage to a playful tease. We don't know.

Now, the Big Question, whether or not to tell her of the true situation. A week-long relationship doesn't warrant it, IMO. If the relationship gets more serious, say a month, you certainly should revisit the situation. You simply tell her that there is something that has been bothering you and lay it out for her. You can be truthful and say that you were worried that telling her at that time would have spoiled things between you but now that your relationship is more serious you wanted to make sure that she knew the truth.

Do not leave it longer than that and do not get caught dressing in the interim. Put the pretty stuff away where it cannot be snooped.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Tamara, Kaylyn...

Short story... When I was stationed in Italy, I met a young lady and we had an incredible evening. So nice that we woke up with each other the next morning. I kissed her on the forehead and told her to go get cleaned up I'll make us breakfast. I heard her in the shower while I scrambled eggs and toasted bread and perked coffee. When I had everything ready I turned to the door and there she was dressed in my flight suit minus my boots. She had on my underware, brown t-shirt, flight suit and even my dog tags. She looked so sexy that breakfast wasn't touched and we went back to bed. We didn't leave the house till afternoon...

Did I explode over the fact that this girl that I met that night was wearing my uniform? Did she write down my service number? What else did she rummage through? When I was 26 all I cared about was that this beautiful Italian girl that barely spoke English was in my bed. Now I am 48. Married. A bunch of red flags appear, when I first read Kaylyn's post. Experience? Something to hide? Was this stranger right for going through Kaylyn's things?

Forgive me for my rant.
Michelle



I'm a woman and I take offense to that!!!

Why would she be looking for clean underwear in a mans drawer? She doesn't know about the CD'ing and if she was looking for clean underwear, why would she then go question Kaylyn about it?

I caught my son on video going through all the drawers in my bedroom whilst I was on holiday (I had cctv set up) and quite honestly, I felt so violated and was absolutely disgusted by it and that was my SON, not some person I'd known for a week. This isn't about the lying, this is about trust, there is no trust when someone goes through your things, innocent or not, it's just not the done thing!!

[Athena_]

Some great advice has been given, but a rainbow of different choices to make. You mentioned that you were tipsy at the time. I think that stealth crossdressing and alcohol are a sure way to be outed. She certainly crossed the trust line with her discovery, but you also crossed the trust line with not being honest when confronted. Trust is one of those things that takes a long time to build, but only moments to destroy.

If the relationship gains traction, I would come clean in a month or so. Better to be honest when you know the trust has been built back up and hopefully it can just be something the two of you will laugh about in the future.

"Honey, remember that time when I found your bras and panties...."

[Jenniferathome]

The funny thing about this thread is that arguments are being made because we know she looked in a drawer. Does everyone believe this is the first snoop ever committed?

For every confrontation I'll bet there are a million snoops and peaks that occur. Frankly in today's weird world, I would encourage my daughters to poke around to ensure their safety.

So, to the OP, do you think this is the first time a girl has looked in your drawers? While I think it is reasonable to expect privacy, are you prepared in the event that privacy is violated? Clearly no, in this case.

The confrontation was a bold move on her account and speaks to a jealous nature that is a red flag in my view.

[NicoleScott]

Good point, Jennifer, and to take it further, I would guess that almost ALL of us at some point did the snooping into another person's drawers and closet and more --> trying on what we found.

[MichelleDevon]

Interesting situation...

Having come out with a lie when initially caught is a problem...but an understandable response in that situation; I suspect many of us would have done the same. But if this was me I would raise the issue again and come clean, explaining that the lie was to cover your embarrassment at being asked such a personal question based on her having gone rooting around in your dresser. If you find that she rejects the idea of crossdressing then she is not the girl for you - you cannot embark on a long-term relationship with someone who is unwilling to accept the whole of you - been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It is a recipe for unhappiness and resentment in you and distrust and doubt for her.

As for her rooting around in your dresser - I would like to condemn her for that but I feel that would be hypocritical of me since I have little doubt that if I was in her situation, given a little unrestricted time in a new girlfriends room, I would be unable to resist the temptation to have a poke around. I don't think I would have flouted anything I found there though... Maybe she was jealous, thinking there was another woman in your life, maybe she was ignorant about crossdressing, who knows...

Come clean, apologise for the lie and see what response you get and take it from there...

xxx

[Ressie]

I would have to know the person for longer than a week before confessing that I cross dress. The exception would be if the person had already given clues that she would approve. Some women would end it and spread the news that you're a CD at that point. For those that don't care if you're outed, tell the truth. But then, you would have probably outed yourself by now anyway.

[Susan Smith]

If she's going through your things now you can't trust her to keep a secret if you dump her. I'd stay in the closet until she's been around long enough that you can trust her reaction.

[Alice Torn]

She did not know what was in that drawer/ Perhaps...money? Oh. womens lingerie! I guess have a talk early, and get an understanding, or, like Barney Fife says, "Nip it in the bud."

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is possible she was looking for a towel and happened to open that drawer (I know people who keep towels in drawers.)

As for just ending the relationship, the OP may be unlucky in love (I certainly was when I was 21) this might be a rare opportunity for them and not something they want to dismiss so easily.

[Caden Lane]

I can't even bring myself to accurately throw stones about the snooping. Because I know that in my early years as a crossdresser, I had to steal lingerie from friends and families drawers and hampers. What can I say, I was 8-10, like I had resources for lingerie.

But the fact of the matter boils down to is that the OP has to figure out a way to tell potential partners. The OP needs to find better ways to hide their stash until they do. The OP has a certain responsibility to their potential partners in telling them. I think on these points, we can all agree.

[Tamara Croft]

I'm locking this thread due to the fact we're going round in circles and Kaylyn had been online several times and not bothered to reply to anyone or even thank anyone for their advice.

Thread closed.