Trapped in my own house

[Glenda58]

Long story. I use to dress and go out before I got remarried. Told my wife about me before I ask her to marry me. It became a DADT relationship. I would dress when she was away and go out at times. My wife became bored sitting at home so I said that could do some in the community and she did and started going to meeting 2 or 3 times a month for 2-3 hours :) Now I have some time to dress. She become more involved in the community now the Mayor comes by the police even the DPW workers know her and our cars. This is a small town and now everyone waves as we drive by.

Just yesterday she was gone for about 4 hours and I got dressed and was walking around the house. When my dog started barking at the front door. It was the police they had something for my wife from the Mayor. I hid in the laundry room with no windows after a few minutes I looked out he was in the back yard looking in the yard with his phone. A minute later my phone rang. My wife wanted to know where I was. I told the hardware store. She said the police had something to drop off and where at the house.(DAH) I told leave in the door or take it back to city hall. The police finally left. I made a quick change look to see that they weren't around and left the for a few hours.

I thought I had it good but now everyone knows us. I can't even go out when she away:sad: and now I have to watch where I go in my own house.

[Kandi Robbins]

Frankly Glenda, that trapped feeling is what finally helped drive me to tell my wife. I know your wife is not supportive, but at least you are honest with her. I spent many years keeping the secret to myself, which I now know, is unfair and was wrong of me. I feel your pain!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Glenda, It sounds like you've gotten yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place.:daydreaming:

[Brenda456]

I know the feeling. But, one must take the bad with the good.

[Vikky]

Hi Glenda

I know the problem as I am in a similar situation. We are well known in our community and I have a certain standing and people call unexpectedly. Can be awkward but I dare not answer the door when dressed (like now!).

Vikky

[Teresa]

Glenda,
I've decided that my age that hiding behind closed doors is stupid if I don't get to be more open with my dressing now it's never going happen ! I know I've got to think it through carefully and not be rash but I struggled too long to back down on this conversation with my wife !

[Amy Lynn3]

Sorry, Glenda. I know how that can be when a person is on different boards and commissions. The more your wife becomes involved in the community, which is not a bad thing, I see your problem getting bigger.

My advise....build or install a drop box in a safe location outside your home. Tell your wife you want to help her get her paper communications. Ask her if she could tell all her board chairman to tell the delivery person to leave all notices to her in said box. Good luck.:)

[Stephanie47]

As a retiree you should have plenty of time to dress. Likewise, I'm a retiree. However, my wife still works. That gives me seven hours a day, Monday through Friday, to be Stephanie when she decides to assert herself. I am not looking forward to my wife's retirement. In your case, since your wife and you are in a DADT, I would suggest discussing your needs for Glenda time. It is not really fair to have Glenda restricted to the extent she is since your wife was told of her before marriage.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

now I have to watch where I go in my own house.

Yup, know how you feel. Our house is a goldfish bowl, lots of glass, easy access all around it, and now a tenant in back who works from home and can/does drop by at unpredictable moments. Basically I almost never dress at home, and it sucks. I rely on going to other places/friends to dress, and it's very limiting. I'm out to my wife, but not out to our little community here, and it looks like it's going to stay that way for a while at least.

I send sympathetic cooing noises and some fudge cake.

Nikki

[Debra Russell]

I think your going to have to figure out someplace other than home for Glenda to play ... I think we all understand......................................De bra

[docrobbysherry]

If anyone asks for the definition of a "closet dresser", Glenda? I'm sending them to your thread here!

Meanwhile, I suggest u do what this closet dresser does. I meet up with other dressers in surrounding towns and cities for meet ups, dinners, club outings, etc.. U could the same even if u only wanted to visit Walmart, Macy's, or Dennys!

[SherriePall]

That's a terrible thing when someone comes over unexpectedly. Especially if your car is in the driveway. I've done the same thing -- found a room to hide, lock the door, and hold my breath.
Being too well known in the community is one reason I haven't run for office or done anything stupid.

[Beverley Sims]

Glenda,
I am sure there is a work around. :)

[Eryn]

There's a saying, "Fences make good neighbors," which seems to apply to you. A locking gate and a doorbell at the gate will keep the snoops out of your yard.

You're making accommodations in your life for your wife. That's a good thing. However, certain aspects of her life are now impinging on yours. This is why DADT situations often don't work out, because if there is no communication there is no way of resolving conflicts.

I'm not sure of how you might remedy this, but the first step is a talk with your wife. She probably views CDing as "my husband's wierd hobby" which of course is far from its true importance to you. You're making all the sacrifices and this leads to a sense of resentment. BTW, "allowing" you to dress does not count as a sacrifice on your wife's part. Dressing is part of your being as much as breathing is.

Between the two of you you might be able to come up with a reasonable compromise to meet both of your needs. Perhaps an out-of-town trip now and then would be sufficient, or perhaps a limitation on unannounced visits by her friends to your home would do. Nothing you decide has to be cast in concrete if there is communication.

[MissTee]

Ugh, that is a tough situation. Agree it might be time to ask for some "space" in your life for your needs.