Chatted up

[sarah555]

Has anyone been chatted up / hit on while out en femme, and how did you react.

[Adriana Moretti]

like a normal person......ok maybe I blushed a bit

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Scared the living hell out of me!:eek:

It was one aspect of my feminine persona that I had never even considered.

It was at a dinner in Atlanta during Southern Comfort when I was approached. I was out with a group of other girls and asked for their help. Everyone rallied around to help but in the end it wasn't needed.

I explained to him that I was not the least bit interested and he was a perfect gentleman and honored my wishes.

I was so upset I almost called my wife that night and asked her what to do. I was more afraid of her response than I was about the suitor. My wife just laughs about it now as one of those things "women" have to learn.

[Kate Simmons]

I always feel flattered myself.:)

[Lori Kurtz]

Only once, many years ago. I was maybe 30 years old, and not yet at the peak of my dressing skills. I was in a mall parking lot, wanting to be seen but not by anyone up close. I didn't know whether I was passable or not, but thought maybe so from a distance. Suddenly there was a guy right there next to me saying hello. I was caught in between my two worlds, not sure what the guy was seeing when he looked at me: did he think I was a real woman, or did he realize I was a CDer? In retrospect, I think he must have clocked me, but at the time, I didn't know. I turned away, and each time I turned away, he tried to maneuver himself into my field of vision again. He was persistent, but not aggressive. He spoke reassuringly, and I felt no threat of violence, but I was still scared out of my mind. If he was sexually attracted to me, I knew there could be no happy ending, because if he thought I was a woman, I couldn't deliver what he wanted, and if he knew I was a man, I didn't want what he intended to deliver. I never said a word, because I have a deep voice, and he eventually gave up and walked away. Now I suspect that he might have been a sister, and I can't help but wonder what might have developed if I had thrown caution to the winds and just said hello.

[kaleyg]

I was at a gay bar watching a drag show. I came alone, but knew a performer there via facebook and was hoping to meet her after the show. Anyway, I was sitting alone sipping a glass of white wine when a guy came over to chat. At first he just chatted, but then realized I was tg and started asking me about myself -- how long I had been dressing, how often, etc. Turns out he was a cd but wasn't dressed that night. Looking back, I wish I had played along a bit more and asked him to buy me a drink or something. He was a nice guy and there was no danger. We kept in touch on facebook a bit. If it ever happens again, I'm going to try flirting, just for kicks.

[nhlighthouse]

I was in a walmart automotive dept when I had my 1st encounter with a CDer. Beautifully dressed and carried herself well. We talked over the quality and price(s) of the auto goods that where on the pegboard and I could just feel something different about her in her voices and mannerism. This was before I came out and if I knew than what I know now it could have turned out much better and could have a new friend to help me dress and share our experiences! Oh well I am still looking.!
Maybe if us crossdressers wore a certain color nail polish on a certain nail that would out us to other CDers!

[Krisi]

Not "chatted up", but I've been greeted with "hello" or "good morning" and had to try to respond sounding like a female. I probably sounded more like Michael Jackson though.

[DanaR]

This happened back in the mid 1990's at the Esprit Conference in Port Angeles. Several of us were sitting in the noisy cocktail lounge at the Red Lion, it was getting late so my wife went back to our room. I sat there with some others for a while and a lady (gg) at another table was looking at me and made a gesture for me to stop by her table; which I did. She was sitting there with several friends. We were talking for a little while, then she leaned in and told me how pretty I was and gave me a kiss. Nothing happened and my wife thought it was funny when I told her the next day.

[Marcelle]

Nope and not likely to happen unless the person is wearing some major "beer goggles" :)

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

Or "coke bottle" lenses, right Isha? :heehee::)

[Tracii G]

I have had it happen a few times but I always said thanks but no thanks.
Never knew if they thought I was CD or a GG.

[Julie Denier]

I haven't been out enough for such an opportunity to arise - not that I think it ever would, but if it did, it would probably be a guy asking me to help him change a tire or move something heavy :D ;)

[kimdl93]

Never by a male, but I have had some interesting conversations with women. I'm married, so although I enjoyed the attention, I didn't take advantage of these situations.

[Persephone]

I've had it happen a few times. Someties it is kinda nice, sometimes it is just plain annoying.

Once an MtF TS and I were sitting in a bar having a drink and catching up with each other and this lounge lizard kept butting in, trying to talk us up. That was one of the annoying ones and we finally had to be pretty harsh with him to get him to go away.

But most encounters are just guys who want to strike up a connection. I try to deflect those as nicely as possible. After all, guys have delicate egos, especially when it comes to female relationships, and it took some courage on his part to approach, so I try to smile and let him down gently.

And then there was my "stalker." You can read about him here (click here) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?135317-Mystery-Solved!-Now-I-Have-A-Problem!&highlight=stalker) and if you go to that message and click on the blue "Kimberly (and everyone)" part you can get the backstory.

Oh, yeah, and I've also been hit on by two women!

As Linda E. Woodworth's wife said, it is just one of those things you have to get used to as a woman.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Aerotgirl]

I usually have a guy or two talk to me or offer to buy me a drink when I'm out. I'll have a friendly conversation with them, but I'll buy my own drink. I have no interest in men and many of them find this very difficult to understand.

Dani

[sarah555]

You must look great en femme to be chatted up so many times x

[DebbieL]

Yes, I have been chatted up, but I do have a ring on my left 3rd finger - It's actually a wedding ring that came from my wife's father's mother. I can be flattered and be interested in the men if they are polite, because that is the safest route to go. If they start to get too forward or I can see that they are thinking romance, I mention my wife, or Lee, "my other half". That usually cools things without them getting rude.

I've also been chatted up by other women, and that is just normal for women. I've been on the plane thinking I'd just sleep on the flight and end up having a wonderful conversation with the woman next to me the whole flight. If I mention my wife, they often ask how long I've been married, they say "not possible, gay marriage wasn't legal then". That is usually when I let them know "I was her husband when we first got married".

The worst thing to do is treat a man like he is a jerk just for talking to you. 99% of the time, flirtation is just mutual affirmation, complimenting each other, showing that you are attracted to each other, but understanding that there may be any of a dozen reasons why you won't be going home with each other tonight. Flirting and chatting each other up is a nice way to affirm your own femininity and his masculinity.

Generally, if a guy is a rude jerk, that will show up in the first 90 seconds, and it's not too difficult to excuse yourself.

[Aerotgirl]

That is an excellent point. The last thing I want to do is create that type of resentment that would make someone hostile. Granted some people are just jerks or are looking for a reason to be jerks. That's one reason I always try to stay polite and in no way misleading to them. I love socializing with strangers when I am out, but I do draw the line at unsolicited groping as a means to entice me. At that point I stop being so polite and have to be a little more firm. If this sort of thing makes you feel uncomfortable, try taking self defense courses to instill confidence in yourself. I have never had to hurt someone and I hope I never have to.


Dani

[Sallee]

It has happened a few times once in straight country bar 30yrs ago I was asked to dance. I guess I passed well then It was a kick I did say no but still what a thrill. It has happened a few other times to but usually in a gay drag bar so I am sure they knew I was a CD. I have always declined. It hasn't happened in a while

[stacey.eyes]

The main one I remember was a bit like Kaley's, at a bar, alone at a small table and watching karoke. I was probably a bit overdressed, in a black sparkly semiformal, and a guy grabbed the other chair at the table and sat down next to me. I was unclear about his intentions, and responded to the small talk with answers that were only a bit more than monosyllabic. The waitress (possibly having seen this guy before?) suddenly became very attentive, checking on me frequently. I finished my drink pretty quickly and asked her for the check, and she took care of it quickly and gave me knowing looks as I got up and left. In retrospect, I suspect he was harmless, but not knowing for sure was uncomfortable. The feeling of being flattered was in a distant second place.

[justmetoo]

I got "chatted up" by a guy once. Not in the least bit flattered (uncomfortable, yes, flattered, no). I'm not interested in guys that way. And I'm convinced he "clocked" and that's why he thought he could "chat me up". No thanks.
Now, if it were a woman who tried to "chat me up" I'd probably feel differently. :)

[Jenniferathome]

I shared my minimal experience in this thread:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?221213-Out-in-to-tight-of-a-dress-just-had-to-do-it!

i can't really see how any man could stay fooled for long. Usually proximity will be sufficient to show that we are cross dressers.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I have been hit on only once a few years ago and I was scared because I NEVER expexted it. Below is the link to my thread from that experience.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?147802-I-just-got-Hit-on&highlight=hit+movie

[jjjjohanne]

I always present male. I was out in a skirt, etc. on a two separate occasions when a woman started talking to me and asking lots of questions. Both times, once on a plane, I ended up talking with her for over 30 minutes. Once, a guy came over to me and asked me if I had lost a bet or something. Then he talked to me for another minute. I never got any sense that he was approving of my dress. Just curious about what he was seeing, I think. Never anything more than that.

[sara.rafaela]

Several times. One of the better... i was at divas in SF. This is an infamous bar in San Francisco that has a reasonable amount of working girls. I was there having a drink before going onto my next location. An older gentleman approached me.I thought: "Great, another tranny chaser. After a few words he found out I was a scientist, not working the bar, and that I dress for fun; and that he was a patent attorney. We had a great conversation." Middle of the road... a guy was highly interested in me. We danced a little salsa together. i did this mainly because I had never danced the follower part. I told him I did not want him to invest a lot of time in me because I was only interested in women. He was friendly and moved on. One of the creepiest, I was talking to a young man visiting from Australia. the talk was nice, about touring in the US, until out of the blue he mumbled, "I want to see you in my bed". He did it in a form that was like the way someone mumbles into a ventriloquist dummy. He tried to kiss me. I got the bartender and bouncer to have a word with him and while he was occupied I made my escape. Really weird.

[AngelaYVR]

The very first time I went out by myself. On the way home I stopped at a little market to buy some veg for dinner (yes, despite the intense thrill of going out I still remembered the mundane) and was briefly engaged in a strange chat that started off nicely enough but soon resulted in him asking if I took pictures of myself and if I had any I could send him. I tend to smile politely and move on if I see similar types eyeing me up.

[helenejo]

On a few occasions at gay clubs but that was what I was there for. Its nice to flirt and be complimented...some guys think they don't need to make any effort at all though

[chrissy111]

The first time I went out I was 21 and it was a gay/straight club. Was sitting at the bar and a guy asked me to dance. I did dance with him after telling him I was waiting for my gf. He danced and the went on hunting.

[Genifer Teal]

Depends on the person. Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is bad. Why is it the bad ones are the most persistent? :-(

[MelanieAnne]

I was walking down a main street years ago, after dark, when a guy pulled over to the curb right side of me, and drove along slowly side of me as I walked, trying to get me to come over to his car. I was scared, but just kept walking and not looking at him. He finally gave up and drove off.

[StephanieCLT]

I was at a martini bar back in October that had a band playing, and I probably hadn't been there ten minutes when a nice looking guy approached my table. When he asked if I'd like to dance I virtually freaked out (on the inside). Totally wasn't prepared for that. I politely said "no," because I truthfully wasn't ready for that, and I'm not a huge dancer anyway. Next though, I'll try to be better prepared, and who knows, maybe I'll see what it's like to dance in heels, lol.

[Lorileah]

I think the last one gave me a cold

[michelleddg]

Never been hit on dressed, and I'm sure I'd freak were it to happen. I just don't put myself in that position. Hugs, Michelle

[BillieAnneJean]

It happens to me just about every time I am OUT enfemme alone. That is one of the benefits of our Grand Rapids Crossdresser Social Group, The Grand Illusions OUTings. HTTP://www.crossdressersmichigan.com When women are in a group, men tend to stay away.

Guys say the darndest things when trying to get what they want. When presenting as a woman we must always not only listen to the words just in case something meaningful happens to slip out, but we must also listen for the baloney that comes slathered with mayo between the bread.

Examples all enfemme and alone:
I had a guy six seats down the bar start to talk to me. Then five seats down, then four, then three, then next to me. He started out with questions about CDing. I am always willing to provide educational information if it is general CDing information. Next thing I know he is asking me to let him take me back to his place and tie me up! See Note

I had a guy ask me if he could buy me a drink. Free Drink!?! That was a new one. He said he was new to the area so I gave him a summary of life in Grand Rapids. He asked some questions about CDing which I am always willing to provide. He said he was interested in CDing. Then at the ame time he propositioned me he slid his hand up my inner thigh to where the thigh high to boy short panty gap is and felt me up! He obviously was very skilled. I grabbed his hand and pulled it out. See Note

I had a guy proposition me and offer money. See Note

I had a guy come up behind me on the dance floor and start to bump and grind on my fanny. Now it is well padded so I am somewhat isolated in there. But when he slid his hands up my torso and around me drawing me to him, as I was startled and looked to the mirror to see what happened, I could see him plastered on my backside. I just turned and jerked myself out of his grip, in a move that might be releasing myself, might be dancing. The rest of the night I stayed away from him knew where he was, and always faced him.

Usually they come over and use their best pick up line. I wonder if I was ever that unpolished? Then they ask if I am interested in sex along with the sexual orientation question. This is the typical interaction, the others are the exceptions. This happens every time I go to a new place. It also happens about half the time I have a new hair style or color. And also is more likely if a new guy in town is there. See Note

Women too. But very rarely. They tend to not be in the clubs unless in a group. But later on, after enough drinks, they can get frisky. I have experienced romancing feminine hands. One time a gal lifted up her top and plopped her breasts on mine. I kept a straight ahead gaze and said "Well that never happened before!" See Note

I do get a lot of conversations from strangers who just need someone to talk to. Because of my writings in the local LGBTQ newspaper with accompanying photo, some people recognize me, Billie. Mostly gay but also TS. They (the one approaching me) have been ostracized by their families and are all but broken hearted. I find myself giving words of acceptance and hope. And hugs. Mostly with a new friend sobbing on my shoulder. The gay guys are flabbergasted that a hetero guy is comfortable dispensing some compassion to an admitted gay man. What is their sexual orientation to me? All I see is another human being. If I have somehow made someone’s life a little better at that moment, maybe that is the whole reason I lived up till that moment. Maybe I helped them with their pain. I wish someone could help me with mine.

Note)
I have had to travel for work for forty years. I have been chatted up by women while in guy. I always reject their offers with compassion and humor. Same for the guys and women when I am enfemme. I just thank them with a smile, tell them I consider it as a compliment. In a compassionate tone, frequently while patting their shoulder or laying my hand on theirs, I explain that I am a hetero male in a life long monogamous relationship with the girl of my dreams. I carry a picture of her from when we met. She was just turned 15. I show them the picture and say that I will NEVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER break my vows. That she is my air that I breathe. They always are let down gently.

So take it with humor. Be kind. Chuckle at yourself and let them know it is OK to laugh with you. Let them down gently. Let them know that you can be a bar friend but are not interested in more. Well that is what I do anyway.

SUCH FUN!
Billie

[MelanieAnne]

When he asked if I'd like to dance I virtually freaked out (on the inside). Totally wasn't prepared for that. I politely said "no," because I truthfully wasn't ready for that, and I'm not a huge dancer anyway. Next though, I'll try to be better prepared, and who knows, maybe I'll see what it's like to dance in heels, lol.

Just remember not to try and lead! :heehee: