Question for you older single CD gals

[Paula T]

I have been crossdressing for quite a while now and I am single. I have come to a conclusion after a long and serious conversation with myself. Do I want to grow old by myself or find a loving partner. Is it going to be worth it to keep this up or really do give it up. The truth being is that is what has happened to me. I have found the sweetest gal I have ever met. Strangely I have had WAY WAY less desire to crossdress. I used to go out almost once a week, now I have been out only once since Sept. And that was for Halloween as some friends and I had that all planned but strangely it wasn't as much fun as the year before. I am 74 so I know in my heart now that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life and we all know how few and far between accepting gals especially my age group are to find that would accept this.:eek: Have any of you gals in my age group or even younger had thoughts of this sort.:daydreaming:

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Paula, I'm 2yrs. behind you and been married 51 yrs. in three weeks, It 's been a DA/DT off and on:daydreaming:
My wife:love: just don't want to see me when I'm dressed but she knows about everything.

[Genifer Teal]

Not sure what the general level of acceptance is in your area. At your age there may be other stumbling blocks to a relationship. This may not be one of them. I think as we get older our lever of what really matters and what doesn't changes. We do get set in our ways and that can be a bigger problem. I've always worried about growing old alone. It could still happen. If it does it is my own fault and not my reasons for being here. I have had more than one situation I did not take full advantage of and let slip away. Acceptance is out there. I just have to have my eyes open when I find it. I hope you find it too.

[Lori Kurtz]

Quick history: dressed secretly since childhood; continued during first marriage until wife found out, ending the marriage; binge-dressed as a single guy/gal; decided I wanted to be married, so I decided to try not dressing; found a great woman and had many years of happy marriage until she passed away. CDing remained a part of my private fantasy life during all those years, but I never acted on it, and never regretted that. Now, nearly as old as you, I realize that I can never be the sexy young babe I used to enjoy being, and that was what dressing up was all about for me. So although I feel free to dress up if I really want to, I don't want to enough to shave off my beard. The fantasies remain, and I enjoy them. I have a full life, with friends and activities--including bursts of activity here--but I feel no need at this point for crossdressing or for seeking a new partner in life. Giving up CDing doesn't work for everyone, but it sounds like it might for you. Drop it for a while and see if you can handle doing without it. It's certainly best not to start a relationship with a secret that could blow it apart. A past history of crossdressing is not important as long as it does not intrude upon the present. Make the most of what you have.

[Ceera]

I'm 57, and have been widowed for about a year now. In my youth I tried on women's clothes a few times and got a bit of a thrill from it, but didn't dare pursue it while living anywhere near my parents. Likewise, I had a few gay sexual encounters, but didn't dare date a guy while my parents might find out. I found a lady to settle down with and we shared a straight, monogamous marriage for 30 years, and did well by it, with no regrets, though I knew and my wife knew that by inclination I am at least somewhat bisexual. These days, I'm not trying very hard yet to find a new companion, but I'm looking 'on both sides of the fence', as it were. My next companion could be of any gender or orientation...

It would be ideal if I could find someone, female or male or TG, who can accept that I like to cross dress, and who could share that activity with me. Someone who liked seeing me en-femme and interacting with me in both my male and female modes. I know it could happen, but I'm not willing to limit my choice of companions to only those few who could accept both sides of me.

Quite honestly, if I meet someone who could only accept my male side, but who would be happy to remain with me for the rest of our lives, I'm pretty sure I would be willing to give up on my cross-dressing to settle down again. I waited most of my life to give free reign to my more feminine urges. I didn't really give it a serious try until I was single, after my wife passed. It's been delightful, but it isn't a critical part of my life, and I'm not sure it ever will be. So for me, giving it up would not, I think, be too big of a sacrifice.

I'm quite certain that many, if not most, of the people in these forums are more committed to their feminine identity than I am. My answer probably isn't typical of the group here.

[justmetoo]

I am single and have always been so. I've only been in 1 relationship that lasted longer than a few dates (it lasted a few years). There are/were times when I had less desire to dress, and times when I went months and even years without dressing. But it always came back. I guess it depends on how much a part of you it is. I know for myself it's not a part of me I can deny or hide for too long. And I don't feel like I should. I've made my decision that while I'd love to have an accepting partner I'm not willing to settle for less. The key for each of us is to find our own answers. What works for me, what my priorities are, are very likely not going to be the same for most other people. But maybe you don't have to compromise with her. Maybe you can sound her out somehow and find out how she feels. Balance, communication, mutual support and love, as well as self-acceptance and self-knowledge, and even humor (as talked about in another thread), are all pieces of the puzzle, I think. Best wishes!

[docrobbysherry]

Single, 70, and sexy! Would I like to find an accepting and attractive woman? Of course! And, I'd like to win a $50,000,000 lottery and have world peace. Probably the same odds as those happening?:straightface:

Meanwhile, some of my best friends now r dressers. We meet for dinners, drinks, club dates, and back yard BBQ's. They r all younger than I. Much younger in many cases! And, I have Sherry to come home to. Life is GOOD!:D

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[Connief]

I do all the time Paula and I'm only 57. Have almost given up on finding a woman, with or without the CDing. If I did find a woman to spend the rest of time with, I know I would make every effort to throw the CDing away!

[DorothyElizabeth]

I'm single (divorced) and 70. I often think it would be nice to have someone to come home to. (Occasional sex with someone other than myself wouldn't be too bad, either) But I am a theater musician. That means there are sometimes months when I am home maybe one evening in the entire month. Sometimes one show immediately follows another, and I am not off from playing every night for as long as three months. I don't think I have the right to expect anyone to sit around waiting for me, so I am resigned to remaining single. (Unless, of course, I should happen to run across a cast member or another musician who is romantically interested.) As to dressing, I let potential partners know that part of me pretty early on in the relationship. I just tell them - "show and tell" isn't necessary. If that's a deal-breaker, I want it early, so neither of us gets emotionally hurt.

I sometimes fantasize about finding a female theater musician who also was into a little "gender bending" - that would be an ideal situation for both of us, but I am not holding my breath, waiting for that dream to materialize.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Paula, you already know the truth I'm sure, that there's no guarantee you'll be able to walk away from the CDing after the initial wave of togetherness wears off. But to describe her as the sweetest gal you've ever met- who could walk away from that either? I think if I were in your shoes I'd go for it, and be prepared that if the urge to dress returns, to keep it firmly in the closet, unless by then you feel certain that she'd be ok with the knowledge. Life is too short to throw away the chance of happiness.

[Erica Marie]

I am 45, and have come to the conclusion that meeting an accepting gal is just a fairy tale and this is part of me and will never go away and I am cursed to live out my life as a single, who knows what. I didnt ask for it and I didnt plan it this way, but it is who I am and after thirty some years the fact is it will never go away.

[Glorialovesheels]

I too have a similar situation Paula, when I was single, I would crossdress quite often... but not that im in a relationship, is very rare that I do.. maybe I use cross-dressing as more as an outlet? when I was younger and single , I never really dated much and cross-dressed often. not that im in my forties its the total opposite hmmm

[Alice Torn]

Paula, I started a thread several weeks ago, about singleness. At 60, and very alone, for years, never married, either, still virgin, I see i may die alone. I think i would be willing to quit, or very seldom Cd, IF a right lady came into my life, and really loved me, because i have been alone 60 years. But, i feel like i am part woman, so a relationship with a straight woman would be difficult at best. As our lives reach their twilights, we have to ask ourselves if dressing is as important as a loving relationship , in these later years. I f you have someone who is really in love with you, and maybe can tolerate some dressing, go for her. maybe quitting, or a very seldom dressing, as Nikki says. I still have not found a love of my life. I am pretty set in my ways, and i don't like that i am getting worse. Being alone and single is all i have known, and likely will stay that way, barring a miracle. I don't want a competitor , overlord mate, male or female.

[DMichele]

After being married just short of thirty years, I have been living alone after divorcing about eleven years ago. I resolved myself to live simply after the divorce; and had minimal interest in looking for another relationship. I am not cocerned with living out the rest of my life by myself.

However, if I was approached by a GG, I would be open to exploring a relationship, with the clear understanding that I am TGed.

[Ally 2112]

I have been married and told my x way before the nuptials in the end it did not work out mostly because of the cding there were other issues also .After that i got onto a long term relationship with an older women at first she was very receptive but in the end it was to much .I am still very good friends with the x GF and sometimes we do talk about it but not alot
So i guess to get to the point i have tried twice and i don't figure the third time will be the charm and i have come to accept that i will be single for the long term .As much as would like to find another totally accepting women i don't think it will happen

[MelanieAnne]

I was married for 17 years, single for 34 years now. And I have seen too many friends and acquaintances get married and divorced several times over, losing thousands of dollars each time. I learned my lesson the first time, LOL. My interest in crossdressing always diminished somewhat when I had a new girlfriend. But it always came back, when the initial excitement wore off. Now at 73, I look around at the women I know, and I think, ummm, no thanks! I do what I want, when I want, and if I want. I spend my money anyway I want, without checking with anyone. And there is no one running up my credit cards. I know I will probably die alone. Nobody gets out of here alive, as they say. But I would rather die alone, than have some old lady sitting in a chair next to my hospital bed, waiting for me to croak, so she can get on with her life. You only live once. Might as well enjoy it!

"All men are born free and equal. Then they get married and give up all their freedom". Go figure.

[Katie Taylor]

I was married a long time ago, then had a few serious relationships. Never told them about my cd'ing. Finally decided to live single. It does make life simpler, I can leave all my clothes and such out. At times I think I do live with a women...lol. I would love to find someone to share all my life with, but it just seems like a lot of work to find some one that is accepting at first then probably changes their mind later. So for now I going to live single and live my life the best way I can. BTW will be 63 in a week

[Princess29]

never really been in a relationship either at the age of 38 and still trying to figure this out. Very much alone and a loner but that is not necessarily by choice.

[MelanieAnne]

I can leave all my clothes and such out. At times I think I do live with a women...lol.

Ha! My sentiments exactly. A few pairs of heels and sandals kicked in the corner of the bedroom. A couple dresses on the back of the chair. A bra on the dresser. Bottle of red nail polish in the bathroom. Life is good. :D

[MisterEgurl]

I'm 40-years-old and have given up trying to date or find someone. I've never had any luck in the romance department. At this point, I'm happy enough alone and have adapted to it. Every once in a while I wonder what I'm missing and get down about it, but those episodes are getting fewer and less depressing. Seeing most of my coworkers, colleagues and associates go through painful divorces is all the proof I need to know that romantic relationships aren't the end-all, be-all of human existence.

[josrphine]

Were have all you nay sayers come from????? I moved to Florida in 2005, after my divorce. I have met at least 4 women that were very happy with me being a C D an Bi. I am now married to a wonderfull women that loves me more as a women then a Man. Yes she loves the man part too. WE go every were as sisters and the biggest problem we have is that we are both the same size in cloths an shoes. Its very funny when we are going out, that one will say to the other I was going to wear that. Here in Florida on the west coast it is 9 women to every man. If you are in any of the bigger city's what do you see but women with other women. Now for me I was able to give them the best of both worlds, a girl friend and a man. At almost 74 an if I do say so my self, I am not bad looking an have gone to many places with my wife, Yes once in a while I get the look but my wife love me!!!!!. You won't find these women in bars, social meets an church"s there are two gay church near me an I love going ,with or with out my wife. Stop feeling sorry for ur self what dose a sale's person half to do, see many to make a sale. My advice is stay away from the sex ploy, get to know them, but I did tell the women that I dated, as I saw were we were heading what I was. That in my mind cuts out a lot of bull. We have been together for 9 yrs an married 2. I got one

[DorothyElizabeth]

" ..My advice is stay away from the sex ploy, get to know them, but I did tell the women that I dated, as I saw were we were heading what I was..."

That is my approach, as well. As my lesbian friend, Teresa (who knows that I an a gender bender) says, "You are a good person. You come out before you go in." :)

There have been women I dated who accepted my preference for girly things, and there have been women who didn't. Usually, my being dedicated to music performance is more of a problem for them than my choices in clothing. I have concluded that musicians shouldn't marry, unless they marry other performers, because only they can understand why performance comes first, above all else, except in an genuine emergency.

[Ressie]

If I were in your heels I would tell her. If she really cares for you it won't be a deal breaker. (61 and single for 10 years.)

[CONSUELO]

Paula,

This is such a difficult question and as you can see there is a range of advice. I have experienced occasions when I thought that I did not need to cross dress any more. The emotional desire for the comfort of cross dressing seemed to disappear. Time and experience showed me that I was wrong. I see someone here said that "you should come out before you go in". You are really torn between feeling that the cross dressing urge has simply faded away and the stronger urge is for a relationship. Perhaps you should give it some time and explore the relationship a little further. I understand that telling this lady about your cross dressing could kill the deal but what if you make a commitment and your urge to cross dress comes roaring back?

[Alice Torn]

joserphine, 9 to 1 ratio of single women to single men, in west Fla? Almost the opposite in Rockford Illinois area.That is kind of amazing, but kind of scary even! I always found there were more GG in the warmer states.

[Karen62]

Paula, my experience has been that I discovered the sweet, silky softness of nylons when I was a young boy and it was immediately a compulsion with me to touch them, feel them and wear them. I made multiple efforts in my life to stop this behavior because of the massive amount of shame I dumped on myself about it, but each time I eventually broke down, due to some new temptation, and indulged again. And each re-engagement with it only expanded my experience with it, my love for it, the peace it gave me (albeit fleeting) and the strength of the grip it held over me. I first stopped as a young teen but restarted in college (long story). I got engaged and then married and stopped, but in time it came back stronger than ever (living with a woman and seeing her lovely clothes -- especially the lingerie and other things I bought her! -- was very hard for me to handle. When the marriage ended nearly 2 decades later, I immediately dove back into CDing big-time, looking for some sort of immediate, emotional relief. But as the emotional damage of the failed marriage eventually subsided, I chose to get back into the dating scene, and I once again consciously abandoned CDing, sure that the effort would stick that time. And once again, it eventually came back.

In my experience (and in the experiences I've read about from many of the women here), you can try to repress it. You can sincerely want to be rid of it. You can convince yourself that you will be successful this time. And in the emotional flush of a brand new romance, you can become really quite confident that this time you have all the motivation and the will needed to succeed. I thought all of these things. But it never fully goes away. It gnaws at you. You see someone dressed in beautiful clothes and think "I used to know what that feels like -- and I used to like that feeling -- a lot!". You see clothing ads, women out in public, on TV shows and in movies portraying a character dressed in a fashion or wearing an item of clothing that sparks an ache in your gut that won't go away. You just want to touch the fabric, to feel it on your skin, to experience it clinging to your body (or swishing across your skin). The feelings eventually come back, despite your very best intentions. At least, it keeps doing so for me.

Now, Paula, you are not me. You may be able to squelch this compulsion in you. Perhaps my issue is deeper than CD (and I am finally exploring that very issue right now) and perhaps you are not burdened as such. As I have unsuccessfully tried to permanently stop many times, I have finally decided to go in the opposite direction this time and simply accept the fact that I am never going to be rid of this facet of my personality, as frustrating (and yet exhilarating) as it can be.

Be honest with yourself, but do what is right for yourself. Just understand that there is no light switch on the wall of your mind to turn this off. It's just part of me, and it may be the same for you. It's a life-long struggle. I'm just learning that my struggle has actually been for self-acceptance.

I wish you all the best in finding the happiness you want and getting the needs you have fulfilled in this life.

Karen

[MelanieAnne]

You are really torn between feeling that the cross dressing urge has simply faded away and the stronger urge is for a relationship.

The problem here, is that over time the urge to crossdress again, overpowers the urge for a relationship, and becomes the stronger urge. The younger crossdressers think that they can simply come out to their SO, be accepted, and have the best of both worlds. Maybe one in ten actually pull it off. The other 90% wind up divorced.

[lingerieLiz]

Yes Florida has a lot of senior women. Many have outlived their mates. I've also found most areas are somewhat liberal. I agree with Josrephine that you have to be out and about where the women are. Make friends that know you CD but be yourself. I'm married (a long time) and we hope to live out our lives together for many years to come. Over the years I've been friends with women that knew I wore women's clothes. I've had conversations and been told that it wouldn't bother them if their husband dressed. To what degree, how and where may be an issue. I've seen women with their husbands who were dressed on occasion in various degrees of passing to outright flamboyant comical. If you are not out meeting people and making friends you are limiting your chances for success. If you are single why worry about what people think? One thing I found years ago is you can't make people like you, but you can find people who like you. Discard those that don't like you and replace with those that do.

[Kate Simmons]

I had resolved my feelings and made my CDing a total choice to do or not before I started dating again. I can take it or leave it really. Even so I told my GF up front everything about myself and she had no problem with it as she does not define the person by the CDing. The only advice I can give is just make sure you resolve your feelings before looking for a potential new partner and when you find one be honest and up front. Then you are less likely to "booby trap" your relationship with the dressing if you get the urge again. :)

[Lorileah]

Different perspective and situation for me because this is who I am and there won't be any compromise. I will need a person who wants to be with me as I am. Will that happen? Possibly. You never know what's around the corner. But I get the idea this thread is about people who CD not transition. And can/if/should you change what makes you happy to find someone to be with. My opinion is no, be who you are and if the right person comes along it will happen. You should not force it or change for it. That will just lead to anger later on.

My GF of 17 years knew about me before we even physically met. She loved being out with me and being "in" with me. She loved me no matter how I looked. So it could happen again. There are those out there who will live with you as you are no matter how you dress. But you have to be upfront and let them decide. Don't hide out and spring it later.