I got "Sweetied" at work yesterday.

[Emma Beth]

As most of you know, my wife and I moved back to Mississippi a few months back and I have transferred with my job and have continued to work.

I have become an asset to the team I now work with and things couldn't be better.

Since I've been here, I have been gendered back and forth at work by the customers. For the most part I work in drab. However, I have been letting my hair grow and at work I keep it up in a pony tail. With the natural curl of my hair and the humidity, my pony tail gets into a single tight ringlet.

Now don't get me wrong, I have loved it when I get ma'am-ed and such by the customers at work. It makes me feel right with myself; and when they apologize for "misgendering" me, I tell them it's alright. Occasionally I will get the odd term of endearment from some of the men and older ladies.

The fact that I have been trying to work on my voice a bit doesn't help them sometimes.

Anyway, while I was at work yesterday; I greeted one of the customers that was in the store like I normally do and he called me Sweetie. Now I took it the way he meant it, he was just being friendly they way so many people here in Mississippi tend to be in the area I live.

BUT, there was a small part of me that felt like he was being demeaning or condescending and it made me feel odd. On the one hand, I felt right because he gendered me the way I want to be gendered. On the other; I felt a little hurt, insulted, etc. at the same time.

I've never felt that way before and it still feels strange to think about.

I know, "Get used to it, Honey. It happens all the time." But this is the first time I felt that way when someone used a term of endearment with me. Mind it was a really small part of me that felt that way, but I felt it none the less.

I just thought I would share that moment and see how others thought about similar situations.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Think less. Be yourself.
It doesn't matter what I think or someone else thinks.

If you find those terms neutral, endearing or condescending you act accordingly when they come up. You are your own woman.

Sometimes I think as we transition there is a part where you try to internally feel like you think a woman would feel
...as if you are offended because a "woman would be offended"...or you think "what would another woman think of this??"...
I know I did this for a while
... its really not helpful, you have to just be yourself and feel how you feel...

[Andy66]

You cant try to figure out how a woman would react to it because ... wait for it ...
Not all women are the same. :)

Personally I find it condescending when strangers call me sweetie or whatever. Seems like such informal language should be saved for ones spouse, children etc. I would love to be called Sir, but will settle for Maam. :heehee:

[Judith96a]

Elizabeth,
If any man 'Sweetied' me at work he would get a look - of the fatal kind! But of course I'd be en drab and it would be entirely inappropriate and grounds for a harassment complaint.
However, if one of the women at work tried the same thing, frankly my response would depend on the individual and the context (even though, strictly speaking it's still inappropriate and grounds for a harassment complaint). If it was clearly harmless fun, or that individual's customary manner of greeting almost everyone, then it wouldn't bother me.

As a customer in various stores, in 3 different parts of the UK, during the past month I've been variously addressed as 'mate' (regularly by different SAs in the same store), 'luv', 'dear', 'sir', 'sweetheart' (all en drab) / "ma'am", "darling", 'luvvie', 'treacle'(by a London cabbie) all en femme. The only one that rankled was when an obnoxious little toad addressed me as 'mate' when what I really wanted to do was to slap him very hard. But that was because he was being a prat!

My advice, if it's the local vernacular then roll with it! In that context it's not really a term of endearment, it's just a substitute for 'Miss' that happens to sound very similar to one! I dare say that we've all been called much worse things!

[Persephone]

Now I took it the way he meant it, he was just being friendly they way so many people here in Mississippi tend to be in the area I live.

Kaitlyn got it.

It is the way that locals in that region treat each other. You were perfectly entitled to call him "Hon" or "Dear" as well.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[michelleddg]

What Persephone said. It's a regional thing. In the Deep South "sweetie" is a polite form of "hey you". Hugs, Michelle

[Kris Avery]

What Persephone said. It's a regional thing. In the Deep South "sweetie" is a polite form of "hey you". Hugs, Michelle

I'll second that remark. I'll also say it's difficult to understand the differences between different areas of the country.
I grew up in an area where ma'am was only used as another word for bi7ch.

[Emma Beth]

Believe me, I did roll with it the entire time simply because I was at work and it was one of the many variations on the local vernacular; I have lived most of my life here in the south. But that tiny part of me simply reared its ugly head almost right after the fact. To a point I do feel rankled at myself for letting myself feel that way at all.

It just kind of struck me at an odd moment.

And, as one of my new years resolutions; I have been moving more toward living as myself, the Woman I really am.

Wendy, that can have the same meaning here also. My favorite one is, "Bless your heart." Which can be quite the insult also, depending on how it's said and the context.

[becky77]

Men do that to women all the time, if you are entering a womans world then you are leaving a mans world. The rules change and often men feel superior to women, however to me it just sounds like a regional thing and something you need to get used to. I'm not from that way but I believe woman use the term Sweetie just as much?

Sometimes people can put an emphasis on these words that changes the meaning, you don't have to stand for it though, it may be a customer but add your own emphasis on your reply.

If I was in your part of the world and was called Sweetie it would just be what it is, a local word. If someone called me Sweetie in the UK (unless they were American) it would sound ridiculous.