Just so disappointed with myself!

[SophieBee]

I had it all planned out, a lovely day at the coast away from home pressures, no family to interupt us I could at last find the time to talk to my wife about me and this CDing thing. But I bottled it! We were having such a lovely day I just couldn't bring myself to ruin it for her. I'm such a coward!
I know I've got to tell her sometime, but I can't seem to find the right time and I feel so dishonest dressing behind her back.

Sorry for the rant but I just had to get it off my chest and tell someone!:angry::angry:

[Marcelle]

Hi Sophie,

Don't beat yourself up about this. You will know when it is the right time and will act accordingly . . . it doesn't make you a coward, just human.

Hugs

Isha

[SophieBee]

Thanks Isha, kind advice and I'm sure you're right and the time will come but I'm just impatient.

[Melody A]

You're not a coward by any means. Even the fact that you are considering telling her takes a lot of guts. Hang in there. You'll know when the time is right.

Melody

[justmetoo]

Yes, it's a very scary thing to do. You're not a coward, you're human. Best wishes!

[Eringirl]

Not much consolation, but welcome to the club. A lot of us have been there. You will know when the time is right. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just proves that you care about your wife and her feelings and well being. Without that, you would be a psychopath. ;) As Isha says, just means your a sensitive human being.

Erin

[Beverley Sims]

Sophie,
It is good to get such things off your breast, even I suffer from cold feet, even at the most unexpected times.

[CarlaWestin]

That's so honorable of you. You know, your wife is really your best friend. I'm so happy that you just enjoyed the moment. Good for you.

[Alice Torn]

It has been said, "timing is everything."

[LelaK]

Write her a note: "Dear, I have a terrible addiction I've been hiding from you, but I can't keep it bottled up any longer. Actually, 'terrible' may be an exaggeration. See me soon, please, for details."

[Jenniferathome]

Sophie, you are getting paralyzed by the idea of the reveal. There is a lot there but it is all behind one door. Open the door and the rest comes. "Honey, I need to tell you something." The rest comes...

[charlenesomeone]

Sophie agree with all the others, you are not a coward. The time will come, you will know it, and as Jenn said open the door. I did the same thing, and then one day,
it was the day. Went good on the reveal, but just in a DADT right now. Either way it turns out at least you have opened the communication lines.
Rant here all you want, we understand.
Hugs

[lynda]

hi sophie, nice to meet you,why are you beating yourself up,for being a caring person,the time will come and when it dose, youll know it,and remember what ever comes out of that conversation .you both can make it work . i was in a dadt marrage and a happy one .because what ever happens the most inporting thing is to repect each anothers feelings . hugs love lynda

[kimdl93]

There will be another opportunity. I'm glad the two of you had an enjoyable day.

[daviolin]

Talk about bad timing for me when I told my wife. We were all snug into bed, she was dressed all sexy for me in stockings and cute panties and bra. Boom I laid the bomb on her about me liking to dress up in girl clothes. Well that went over like a turd in the punch bowl. Needless to say, sex was off for that night. Anyway its been 6 years since the that night. Yes we are still together and happy as ever. She lets me dress anytime I like. I guess there isn't any real perfect time to come out. Just do it and hope for the best. It worked for me. Daviolin

[Annaliese]

No, you have to pick the right time and that was not it, you were right, ruining the day for both of you would not have been a good chose. Give her a letter, carefully written, if you want to bad enough you will find away. good luck.

[Melissa Rose]

You were thinking of your wife by not wanting to ruin the moment. That is not being cowardly, but being compassionate and considerate. Another good opportunity will come along and you will sense if it is the right time and place. If you wait 2 years to tell her then maybe you are being cowardly, but do not beat yourself up over the short term.

[Teresa]

Sophie,
No your not a coward, why spoil a good day for both of you, at least you respected her and let her enjoy the day !
When it comes down to it there never is a right time, if she takes it well that's great, but if she takes it badly, try and be ready for it with some good answers ! If you haven't thought it through yet try and get the basics covered, are you gay and do you want to change sex ? These are the usual questions, if you answer no then why do you need to dress as a woman ?
You feel you want to be honest at the same time you don't want to upset her, but it's not so easy for her to take in because it's alien to her so don't expect her to come back with an honest straight response, it's going to take her time !

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Sophie,
We keep that closet door securely locked for so long, it's hard to hand someone else the key and let them inside.
I had the same issue, wanting to tell, fearing the worst outcome.
An accidental outing forced me to hand over the key, but I still had to turn that door knob and let her in.
I didn't know where to start, she had no idea what I had to tell her, but could sense my fear.
I said to her "I don't know how to say it" her response was " just say it, and let the cards fall where they may.
Easier said than done.
Finding the right time, that's up to you.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[meganmartin]

Don't beat yourself up and find the time to tell her.
But do not let her find out on her own like mine did that was much worse.

[CONSUELO]

Sophie,

You did the right thing. There will be other moments when you can raise this issue. It needs to be a dialogue so consider the possibility of engaging a good and knowledgeable therapist to enable it.

[emma30]

Hi Sophie,
I came close a year ago and bottled it too, I'm as I was but I've accepted it and my time to tell will be when the children have flown the nest, I'm happy the way things are, your in the same boat as a lot of us that's what this is for to talk as you know so talk when ever you need to,, a problem shared is a problem halved as they say ?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'd suggest arranging a day free of distractions, but just go somewhere low key, or nowhere at all, so you don't feel the pressure of ruining something special again. If you wait for the perfect moment it may never come. I wish you the best of luck with the conversation, it's a doozy.

Hugs, Nikki

[SophieBee]

Wow this is what I really love about this place, everyone has an opinion, an angle on a problem or experience, many varied but all relevant. I can take so much from all that's been said. Definately getting hung up on this reveal thing, in essence I need to chill a bit and let it happen.

So grateful for your thoughts.

Sophie xx

[Karren J]

You knew to enjoy a wonderful day and hold off on a difficult talk, so you wouldn't spoil for your loved one. That's character not cowardice.

[Eleonore]

I have been a coward too. I was only able to introduce my "secret" to my wife (at the time she was not even my gf) my means of whatsapp.....well turned out to be a soft introduction that is now to be considered the best thing I did in my entire life :)

[SophieBee]

Elton John said "Sorry seems to be the hardest word". I don't agree with him after this weekend. "Crossdressing" definately is though!
At last we had the conversation that I knew was coming but that I was dreading and having started by telling my wife that there was something I had to discuss with her, there was no going back as she looked as scared as a rabbit in the headlights. But I found it so hard to actually come out and say that word, much much harder than back when I first outed to my counsellor.
But what surprised me, or perhaps it didn't as I had no idea how she would react, was how well she took it and was more worried about me and my troubles than herself. What a woman, I don't deserve her!
The silence after that word left my lips seemed to go on forever, followed by "ooooooooookay" after which we had a long conversation in which she asked me about, when and what I've dressed in, how long I dress for, do I make-up etc etc. No anger, no temper, just an honest and frank conversation, hand in hand as we walked.
Answering honestly so as she knows as much as possible about me now and my suppressing past, lifted a massive weight from my shoulders, not least, as she says she's sticking with me and although she's not sure where this going, we'll get through it.
There was even some humour when she asked what from her waardrobe I'd dressed in, I found that a bit awkward, but as I decribed the various items, she "Ah, all the stretchy stuff!" Mmmmmmm, thanks love! I think it's the first time in months I've really felt able to laugh.
So, for what it's worth, and I'm super-new to all this crossdressing, if you have a wife, girlfriend or S.O. and you believe you need to have "the Talk", then my advice is to find the right time and place and "Just do it"
So much has changed in my head over the last 24 hours, all for the better and I'm sure the conversation will go on in a positive and constructive way.
Although it has sparked off a massive Pink Fog but I have to go to work now so that'll have to wait!
Finally thanks to everyone for the good wishes and advice on this forum, it really helped me to get over this massive hurdle!

Sophie xx

[justmetoo]

Congratulations! That's a big step, and you're right, it can be a hard one to take. Very scary, when you face the possibility, however real or remote, that you could lose the love of someone you care deeply about.

It would probably be good to cool your heels a bit and fend off the pink fog. Sometimes what appears to be initial acceptance is just the calm before the storm as she processes the information. On the other hand, sometimes it really is acceptance. The best thing to do, I feel, is to keep the communication going, what it all means to you as a couple, boundaries, and all that. Now is certainly not the time to make it just about you. She is part of it one way or another. Of course, part of how she handles it is up to her, but how you handle it can make some difference, too. Take it slow and easy, listen to her, talk to her. Hopefully the communication and humor will see your relationship become stronger than ever. Best wishes to you both!

(probably wouldn't hurt to look at some of the responses from GGs around here to comings out, and in the what GGs dislike thread)

Take care, Sophie!

[JessicaFoxx]

Congrats!

Hugs

Jessica

[Melody A]

Congrats!! :) :) The hardest part is over. Just remember to keep communications open and honest.

Hugs,

Melody :battingeyelashes:

[cindi_in_satin]

I wish I had the courage you have. I've been dressing on and off since my high school days (I'm now in my early 50's) and there have been two recent occasions where I almost got caught. I was in a state of panic - what would I tell my wife? Would she throw me out? There are times where I want to toss my few girly clothing items and be done with this, but I can't bring myself to do it. It's who I am, I guess.

[Stephanie47]

It doesn't matter if it's the reveal of one's cross dressing or any other issue, it's never wise to screw up a nice day or taint a nice place with potentially bad news. If she were to not take to cross dressing at all, then it is possible any future trip to your once favorite spot may be just that....Your once favorite spot!

[Pat]

I'm so glad it worked out for you. I think the lesson is that "the time" to have the conversation is not the time that's right for just you, it has to be the time that's right for both. ;) It sounds like you guys are positioned for a happy future. Congrats!

[RobynT]

Sophie: Congratulations on taking the leap. It truly was a frightening thing for me, when i told my SO. I was physically shaking when i told her, and i think she was relieved that it wasn't some earth shattering illness or infidelity that i was trying to speak with her about. She took it in stride, asked a lot of questions which i answered honestly, and is supportive of what she says is our journey together. We are at the 6 month anniversary of me telling her, and we have both come a long way, and have a long way to go. After telling her, I was also overwhelmed by the fog, having been so deep in the closet for my whole life, which made her take a step back. I think it was too much too fast for her, as I was like a child in a candy store. We have since come to a middle ground that works for both of us. We talk a lot, and honesty is always at the forefront. I wish you and your wife the best as you move forward.... Robyn..

[Claire Cook]

Hi Sophie

I think you did exactly the right thing, and I hope you both enjoyed your day. As others have said, if there is a "right" time for "the talk", you'll know it.

[SophieBee]

Thanks everyone for all your replies, much insightful and experienced thoughts.

Not surprisingly 24 hours later, my wife's initial acceptance developed into an understandably adverse reaction, with many tears and fears, although I think she has the right to such a reaction as I've had 3 months to get my head round all this!
And then today she went shopping and returned home to greet me with a bag full of girly gifts for me, from make-up to a little black dress (OK not so little!)
What a remarkable human being, now I know I really don't deserve her and that I'm seriously lucky as I sit here this evening in my new clothes, feeling calmer than I have in months, with my wife across the room, promising her love and support. I think it is still to be a roller coaster ride ahead, but it's a good start.

I have to say it was a huge moment to present myself to her (or anyone) for the first time but it feels a huge relief to have got it out of the way.

So thanks again for the advice from everyone on this forum, I'm sure I wouldn't have got to this point without you.

Sophie xx

[Andrea Chenowith]

As it turned out, it was an accident, fate ... just a plain old mistake on my part that brought it about. I accidentally dropped a pair of black laced panties on the bathroom floor and didn't notice. My wife found them,

Better than than what happened to me with an ex - I worked/lived two hours away and could dress all I wanted there; but she hated it. I was underdressed at work that morning with the plan to take off my panties (which were under my boxers) before driving home - where we had dinner reservations. Day ran long, and I had to hightail it out of there, barely making it in time. Managed to take a very quick stop in the bathroom, but instead of being able to drop my jeans completely and ditch them, I was only able to manage to get my left leg out of them. (Stretched like crazy, but snuck it under my shoe...)

Tucked them into the waistband of my boxers and thought I had it under control. "I'll just sneak into the restroom at the restaurant and ditch them there."

And then the tuck slipped. I felt them slide down my leg and prayed that they would catch on my sock and hang out in the bottom of my pant leg.

Nope.


Needless to say, we didn't make our dinner reservations after the ensuing fight......