Is this a fetish or something more?

[LexiNexi]

I used to think this was just a fetish. But I can remember wearing my sisters clothes long before puberty. It almost feels sexual though. That can't be a fetish can it?

[Nefer]

Fetishes are likely to develop before puberty actually, or more accurately your fetishes manifest in puberty based on prior experiences. That's not to say it is necessarily a fetish for you, as it varies heavily by individual.

[DeeArel]

It is what you allow and/or make it to be.

[LexiNexi]

Fetishes are likely to develop before puberty actually, or more accurately your fetishes manifest in puberty based on prior experiences. That's not to say it is necessarily a fetish for you, as it varies heavily by individual.

I realize that sexuality is genetic. But where do fetishes come from? I have long suspected it something to do with childhood but I don't know.

[Nefer]

I realize that sexuality is genetic. But where do fetishes come from? I have long suspected it something to do with childhood but I don't know.

Fetishes come from a variety of sources, and there's very little in terms of consensus within the psychological community. For some it can simply be pavlovian. You associate certain things with sexuality, and the presence of such things enhances, or even becomes necessary for you. This would more likely happen through some kind of conditioning. People who watch a very particular type of pornography can often develop these kinds of fetishes. For crossdressing fetishist, it would often develop much earlier based on tactile pleasure or a forbidden appeal or any number of other things. Fetishes of this kind though, seem more likely to arise due to developmental plasticity. As I don't dress sexually I don't speak from experience, but as someone who's done a lot of anthropological research, I can tell you could read and study for years on this topic and never be finished or have a definitive correct answer.

[latex-steph]

Varies greatly around here from what I've read. For me it's almost completely sexual and I would consider it a fetish almost like living out a fantasy or role play. I don't want to actually be a girl, but can play one and embrace a side of my personality that I never get to experience in reality, feeling like a hot party chick. However, I would say the majority of people I've read from on this site don't consider it sexual at all and the majority of their cross dressing activities can involve simply doing day to day activities presenting as a female.

[Beverley Sims]

The short answer is No!

It is something that persists.

[LilSissyStevie]

First of all, this is a false dichotomy. It can be a fetish AND something more. Second, sexual imprinting begins in early childhood long before puberty. Third, all sexual arousal is fetishistic. As a culture, though, we only call unusual sexual attractions "fetishes." There is no essential difference between being attracted to "men" or "shoes." Being attracted to shoes is just a lot more unusual. Fourth, there is no convincing evidence that any sexuality is genetic including heterosexuality. If there is, I'd like to know how to get tested to see if I have the gay gene. A sexuality is just the sum of your fetishes. That doesn't mean that any particular sexuality is invalid or a choice. The "genetic vs. choice" argument is another false dichotomy that floats around here a lot. If it were a choice, I wouldn't have chosen this.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

...all sexual arousal is fetishistic.... There is no essential difference between being attracted to "men" or "shoes." A sexuality is just the sum of your fetishes.

What? I thought sex was about reproduction, survival of the species. Shoes is about shoes, isn't it? Or have you found a brogue that can brogulate?

[LilSissyStevie]

What? I thought sex was about reproduction, survival of the species.

The vast majority of sexual contacts do not result in reproduction. That's just a side effect. A good one or we wouldn't be here. Nature doesn't care whether our species survives or not.

[Kate Simmons]

CDing is different things for different people. Enjoying it is the key whatever it happens to be for each of us.:)

[PaulaQ]

It isn't a fetish.

What if it is a fetish? What difference would that make?

BTW, I told myself "this is just a fetish" for a long time. Guess how that turned out?

[Mink]

for most it really is just a fetish

and for some it's a fetish that lessened sexually but has imprinted into comfort / differing sexuality that might be then confused as a gender identity THING!

because it's less "weird" in this modern age to be gender non-conforming / fluid that just to have a fetish or just like it cuz you like it (and or used to be more of a sexual thing!)

[Eleonore]

Shoes is about shoes, isn't it?

This deserve a tatoo!

[Mink]

you can have a foot fetish or a knee / elbow / armpit fetish

but you can't have a breast or vagina fetish!

hair fetish?

a THING for blondes!

tattooze!

that ooze!

[Ressie]

I thought a fetish had to be for an unanimated object. That would leave human body parts out. Crossdressing isn't one size fits all haha. There are those that don't do it for sexual reasons at all aren't there?


Nature doesn't care whether our species survives or not.

I'd like to hit the like button for this ^. But is nature capable of caring about anything?

[docrobbysherry]

Wow! Some of the best and most informing posts I've read regarding us "fetish dressers" in the 7+ years I've been on CD.com. Back then? If u even hinted sex ever had anything to do with your dressing you mite get beat up pretty badly!

Now, it seems that those dressers that have NEVER been turned by dressing r pretty rare birds. In my case, it has always been sexual in private. But, when I began going out dressed I noticed I didn't get turned on at all. And, that hasn't changed in 7 years. In private, turned on. Out dressed, nada, nothing, zero sexual thots!

[DorothyElizabeth]

The first time I dressed in women's clothing, it was a definite turn-on. That said, over the years, it has become less and less of a sexual thing, and more just something I find comfortable. Also, it's fun. Women have so much more variety of choice in cut, color, and even overall "look" and feel than men. I guess that's why they sometimes call it "drab".

[LelaK]

fet·ish
ˈfediSH/
noun
noun: fetish; plural noun: fetishes

an inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.
"an African fetish"

a course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment.
"he had a fetish for writing more opinions each year than any other justice"

a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.
"Victorian men developed fetishes focusing on feet, shoes, and boots"

[DorothyElizabeth]

So it all boils down to who gets to decide what is "excessive or irrational" or "to an abnormal degree". That conclusion makes it time to go re-read the thread about Perception and Harley Davidson. :)

[missVS]

Wow! Some of the best and most informing posts I've read regarding us "fetish dressers" in the 7+ years I've been on CD.com. Back then? If u even hinted sex ever had anything to do with your dressing you mite get beat up pretty badly!

Now, it seems that those dressers that have NEVER been turned by dressing r pretty rare birds. In my case, it has always been sexual in private. But, when I began going out dressed I noticed I didn't get turned on at all. And, that hasn't changed in 7 years. In private, turned on. Out dressed, nada, nothing, zero sexual thots!

For me ditto with docrobbby sherry. Totally fetish and highly sexual in private. In public not so but I do feel good and feminine but not the arousal that I get from my private sessions which of course makes sense. I recently went out in public with my ex wife. She thinks its cool I dress now and go out. Well I was trying on some outfits for her and she could tell I was getting worked up by it. Thats me.

[Adriana Moretti]

I
BTW, I told myself "this is just a fetish" for a long time. Guess how that turned out?

ha ha.....i felt it was kinda a fetish too....especially when I first started, cause I was into fetish wear so i figured thats what this was....but that got old, and my thoughts, and feelings changed, everyone is going to be at different levels of this...some stay in one place, others move on i guess ...it could be a fetish for some...

[nvlady]

If you want to call it a fetish, go ahead and call it a fetish. From my point of view, I call it a pleasure.

[LexiNexi]

First of all, this is a false dichotomy. It can be a fetish AND something more. Second, sexual imprinting begins in early childhood long before puberty. Third, all sexual arousal is fetishistic. As a culture, though, we only call unusual sexual attractions "fetishes." There is no essential difference between being attracted to "men" or "shoes." Being attracted to shoes is just a lot more unusual. Fourth, there is no convincing evidence that any sexuality is genetic including heterosexuality. If there is, I'd like to know how to get tested to see if I have the gay gene. A sexuality is just the sum of your fetishes. That doesn't mean that any particular sexuality is invalid or a choice. The "genetic vs. choice" argument is another false dichotomy that floats around here a lot. If it were a choice, I wouldn't have chosen this.

There is a gay gene on the x chromosome.

[ReineD]

But where do fetishes come from? I have long suspected it something to do with childhood but I don't know.

This therapist agrees with you. See the section, "Where Does The Fetish Come From?". Childhood. It starts out as a fascination and becomes sexualized during puberty. Further down, she explains that fetishes are deeply embedded and cannot be changed. So the advice is to accept and work with it, and not be ashamed. It is a part of who you are.

http://www.therapywithcare.com/Article_Fetish.html


There is a gay gene on the x chromosome.

Not really. From 2005: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20050128/is-there-gay-gene

"Since sexual orientation is such a complex trait, we're never going to find any one gene that determines whether someone is gay or not," says Mustanski. "It's going to be a combination of various genes acting together as well as possibly interacting with environmental influences."

And an article from 2014 citing several studies: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/10637532/Being-homosexual-is-only-partly-due-to-gay-gene-research-finds.html

There are many theories involving different factors and the point is that no one knows for sure.

[Lily Catherine]

I've experienced both the sexual and comfort aspects of crossdressing within very short time frames (albeit separately). While I am still turned on by wearing overtly and overly feminine fabrics and garments, part of the appeal of women's clothes on my part is the form fitting comfort I get from body-hugging lingerie and jeans that fit my waist exceedingly well, like no men's jeans ever could. Guess I subvert the notion that the sexual aspect is naturally outgrown...

[LexiNexi]

This therapist agrees with you. See the section, "Where Does The Fetish Come From?". Childhood. It starts out as a fascination and becomes sexualized during puberty. Further down, she explains that fetishes are deeply embedded and cannot be changed. So the advice is to accept and work with it, and not be ashamed. It is a part of who you are.

http://www.therapywithcare.com/Article_Fetish.html



Not really. From 2005: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20050128/is-there-gay-gene

"Since sexual orientation is such a complex trait, we're never going to find any one gene that determines whether someone is gay or not," says Mustanski. "It's going to be a combination of various genes acting together as well as possibly interacting with environmental influences."

And an article from 2014 citing several studies: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/10637532/Being-homosexual-is-only-partly-due-to-gay-gene-research-finds.html

There are many theories involving different factors and the point is that no one knows for sure.

Your sexuality is not a choice. I tried being gay. Even having sex with a man dressed as a girl. Never achieved an erection at all, but I always do with a girl.

As you said its not one gene but a few, possibly with an environmental factor. So definitely genetic *maybe* also ...

[sometimes_miss]

A sexuality is just the sum of your fetishes. That doesn't mean that any particular sexuality is invalid or a choice. The "genetic vs. choice" argument is another false dichotomy that floats around here a lot. If it were a choice, I wouldn't have chosen this.
Well said. And to add, some of it is not genetic either. After all, we are the sum of our experiences as well, and traumatic psychological things shape our personalities as well.
In the end, what it comes down to, is that there are many varied reason why a man might crossdress, and that reason might change over time as well.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lexi, I don't know what you want to call it, But it's just who I am and it's just what I do.:daydreaming:
I've been in this program for over 68yrs. now.:hugs:

[CarlaWestin]

For me it's a fetish connected to a passion to form a lifestyle.

[NicoleScott]

Pretty vague question. I assume "it" means crossdressing and "fetish" means sexual fetish, but not everyone sees it that way. In a way, everyone is right: if it's not a fetish for you, it isn't, but if it is a fetish for you, it is.
I have long thought that if you have a sexual fetish, you know it. It is much more than liking something a lot, or thinking that dresses or shoes are aesthetically pleasing. It is that objects (even just by themselves) can evoke a sexual response. For many of us with such fetishes, crossdressing props up the excitement brought forth by the object (not that it needs propping up).
Is it (crossdressing) a [sexual] fetish or something else? Nobody can answer that for you.

[LilSissyStevie]

Well said. And to add, some of it is not genetic either. After all, we are the sum of our experiences as well, and traumatic psychological things shape our personalities as well.

In my quest to figure out why I do this, I've gone through a couple of theories that seemed at first to have some explanatory power. Autogynephilia says that I have an "Erotic Target Location Error" meaning that instead of finding my erotic target outside myself in a real woman, I find her inside me and I'm essentially attracted to myself as a woman. The other theory is that my fetish is the result of repressing my "inner woman" and if I just let her out and become the woman I truly am, the "fetish" will turn out to be normal female sexuality. Neither of these two theories, despite their initial appeal, was ever completely satisfactory. The one that makes the most sense in my case is the idea that this is the result of the sexualization of childhood emasculation trauma. Heck, those three words, Childhood Emasculation Trauma, pretty much sum up my childhood experience. So in the same way that a spanking fetishist sexualizes spanking, I have sexualized emasculation. And it's not just sexualization, it's more that that, too. This would have been easier for me to see if I was just into something like small penis humiliation or cuckoldry. Those are obviously emasculation fetishes. But once you get transgender psychologies involved, it mucks up the picture. As always, YMMV.

[CONSUELO]

Thanks to ReineD for pointing out the article on fetishism. I have also seen cross dressing described as "fetishistic transvestism". I know many on this site will reject the use of the word transvestite because of past negative associations, but it is a legitimate descriptor of what we do. I have always had a very strong fetish for lingerie. Just the sight of pretty slips or even a lace hem of a slip would be a sexual aphrodisiac for me. Even seeing the word on the page has an affect. I am strongly attracted to and aroused by the sight of pretty lingerie, especially slips, by the sheen of material such as satin or silk, by its texture and feel and by the sight of pretty lace trim. When young my cross dressing was exclusively with lingerie and would be associated with sexual gratification. Later in life I just dressed that way and the "comfort" factor became more important as I began to dress completely in feminine clothing. However it always feels sexual to a greater or lesser degree.

As the article highlighted by Reine states, your fetish never goes away. It came about because of circumstances beyond your control and the point of therapy should be to learn how to live with it and dump the guilt.
After many years of agony and shame I have decided to embrace my fetish. I am an Fetishistic Transvestite and I'm proud of it.

[heather ann martin]

I was born male but live and dress as a woman. I don't see this a fetish, it's just who I am. I couldn't be anything else.

[ophelia]

May it ever be so. I dress for sexual gratification as well. Given the ultimate prudishness of most of the women I've been with, a kick-ass red lipstick with great gloss can always be relied on to get off and about my business.
I still am with women, but most of them would not regularly wear such beautiful clothes a I do and have often rebuffed my gifts of more sensual clothing, especially as they become older, relegating them to the back of their closets.
Maybe I should date women more my size 12?

[ReineD]

Your sexuality is not a choice. I tried being gay. Even having sex with a man dressed as a girl. Never achieved an erection at all, but I always do with a girl.

I know that sexual preference is not a choice (for most people, although some people are bi). I was just saying they do not know that it is necessarily genetic, and if there is some chromosomal similarity among some homosexuals (they do say there may be some genes at play), they have not found it in all homosexuals and there is not yet any firm evidence. Other factors contribute to who we are; they discuss environmental and social factors too.

The point is for people to accept themselves as they are no matter the causes, given that medical science still has not found solid genetic links. If people keep looking for some sort of physical "proof" they are genetically coded to be gay or transsexual, doesn't it mean that deep down they feel that anything less than that somehow invalidates who they are?


Thanks to ReineD for pointing out the article on fetishism. I have also seen cross dressing described as "fetishistic transvestism".

I just want to point out it isn't fetish for everyone. We are constantly changing, that's how we evolve as individuals and also sexual expression does diminish (for some? many? most?) as people age. Many TGs in this forum say that it started out that way for them, but over time they changed and the focus strayed from the physical sexual aspect of feminine expression.

I would love to see the word "fetish" replaced with "alternate sexual preference". People tend to want to distance themselves from what used to be considered deviant behavior, but I think they are more likely to accept the fact they are a part of the normal sexual spectrum (the bell curve), albeit at either end.

[CONSUELO]

ReineD raises a good point. Does it make us feel any better if we can point to a genetic explanation for being a cross dresser? We may be the way we are for several reasons including something "genetic" as well as how we were conditioned to take an interest in cross dressing, usually at a young age when our sexuality was very plastic and open to being impressed by something like dressing up.

We are what we are for some complex and as yet little understood reason. Remember Gay Pride. Perhaps we should have Cross Dresser Pride and stop overanalyzing ourselves so much. I don't see the same degree of defensiveness and analysis in the gay community.

[LilSissyStevie]

I would love to see the word "fetish" replaced with "alternate sexual preference". People tend to want to distance themselves from what used to be considered deviant behavior, but I think they are more likely to accept the fact they are a part of the normal sexual spectrum (the bell curve), albeit at either end.

The problem with that is calling something "alternate" privileges the "normal" kind from the "other" kind. For example, in my lifetime oral and anal sex have moved from being hideous perversions and crimes in most states even between consenting adults to tools in the sexual toolbox. You either like it or you don't but nobody has to go to jail anymore. Few people today would consider them "fetishes" in the pathological sense of the word. There is no need for an alternative identity for sodomites. Calling something a "alternate sexual preference" would just be a euphemism for fetish which is just a euphemism for perversion. So rather than making them part of the normal spectrum, they would be forever exiled to "other" land.

[ReineD]

Calling something a "alternate sexual preference" would just be a euphemism for fetish which is just a euphemism for perversion.

I meant "alternate" in a statistical sense only, as compared to what most people do. If we accept the concept of a bell curve then this absolves everyone of self-judgment, doesn't it?

And I agree I think it will take a long time, in our somewhat puritanical age, for people to stop believing that there is something somehow "wrong" with being different sexually.

[CONSUELO]

As ReineD says, we are spread along a spectrum. Actually we are spread over many spectra as the varieties of sexuality are huge. Amazon has a huge range of books on an astounding range of sexual preferences and interests. Psychologists try to classify all of these in a search for relationships and causes but without too much success. The trouble with classification is that it begins to suggest that some sexual preferences are better than others. I would hope that the members of this site do not join the rush to judgement.

[LilSissyStevie]

I meant "alternate" in a statistical sense only, as compared to what most people do. If we accept the concept of a bell curve then this absolves everyone of self-judgment, doesn't it?

I get what you're saying but there is a sense that considering something as an alternate stigmatizes it. After all, any sexual practice is a alternate of the others but we don't call penis-in-vagina sex an "alternate sex preference."

A good example of this kind of thinking happened when my mother (RIP) was in a convalescent hospital down in Orange County (CA) last year. While I was visiting her she commented in passing that almost the entire staff was Asian with a few Hispanics thrown in and that there were not many "regular" people there. LOL! By "regular" she meant white and English speaking like herself. Now she was no hater and she didn't mean anything by it. It was just an observation. But it disclosed a very subtle and mostly benign racism that even she was unaware of. In her world there were "regular" people and the "others." "Alternate sexual preferences" are the kind that "regular" people don't have.

[ReineD]

"Alternate sexual preferences" are the kind that "regular" people don't have.

Not just sexual preferences, but gender identities too and I agree, if you use the term "regular" statistically. Most people are hetero and their gender identities do conform to their bodies assigned at birth.

Had your mother been Chinese in a nursing home in Beijing, and the majority of staff was Korean (or German, or Sudanese, etc,) she would have said the same thing. The staff members' ethnicities would not have reflected the majority population in the area.

It's just human nature, Stevie, to classify and organize. We do this from the time we are little, sorting all the M&Ms in the box into piles of similar color, or separating the peas from the carrots on the plate. We just need to remove the stigma from the one yellow (or green or purple) M&M that might be in the box. :)

[Taylor Ray]

One hundred years from now, I suspect that this word "fetish" will be an obsolete remnant of a narrow-minded past.

Gender norms create labels to describe behavior which does not conform to said norms.

Now, if something was an "obsession" for someone...say, having to wear panties in order to perform sexually....than yes, there is an obsessive component.

But after spending a year on this site I am pretty sure most gals do not require very specific articles of clothing or specific role-play situations in order to have a healthy sexual life.

[AnnieMac]

For some reason, the above comments made me think of something. Is crossdressing illegal in the US, or in some states?
It would be weird to have to go to jail for this, as mentioned in a previous post about how certain sexual practices were "regulated" in days gone by.

[PattiL]

There's some good reading in the links - thank you ladies, it helps!

[MsLana]

I reckon for me its both. I enjoy my lingerie and makeup and high heels and my favorite perfume. I enjoy my wrangler cowboy cut jeans and boots...I like to look good and feel good both ways. Maybe CD is just a hobby??...I am better off not trying to figure it out...I just do it...:battingeyelashes:

[Stephanie Julianna]

More! It's an expression of my personality in many ways. Sexy, playful, interested in things feminine, emotional and yes at times there is some sexual pleasure as well. All in all it's a great release valve that I would not have if I was some macho kind of person.