MY biggest fear was being a full time CD all ny life

[LexiNexi]

I guess the self fulfilling prophecy is coming true.


At least I look like a girl. And not something else..

This was fun at first but now its weird.

[prene]

Why?
If I looked like your Avatar I would be full time and transition.
It would be great and more normal for me.
I can look close but my voice is way to rough.

[LexiNexi]

MY voice is rough too. Its hard not to talk. Or not have a butt or real boobs..,

Plus when you talk to guys out in the street some want to fight you. Call you a fag or queer...

[Amanda M]

You talk about "an old fat man in a dress", then you complain about being judged. Can't have it both ways. I'm old, may I not dress too?

[LexiNexi]

If only I was born with a guys body. Wouldn't be so bad i I was gay.


You talk about "an old fat man in a dress", then you complain about being judged. Can't have it both ways. I'm old, may I not dress too?

Sorry that was wrong. I didnt mean it like that. Im just tired and upset ill change my post.

[lynda]

hi amanda, could not agree more, i see some really nice looking plus size sisters on this forum, who present well as women ,i think what she said was unkind , but just bad jugdement in the words she picked. love hugs lynda

[LexiNexi]

sorry i was just over tired and mad that this is not just a "phase" like it always was. I wasnt thinking and i am sorry.

[Teresa]

Lexi,
Maybe you have too much time on your hands to get stuck with these thoughts !
I had a wife and two kids,a mortgage and was just setting up my own business at your age ! I didn't have time to think about looking girlie ! Cding just slotted in where I could manage it ! Now in my sixties it's hit me hard realising CDing is for life and now I want to be a bit more girlie !!

[~Joanne~]

There is no such thing as a full time CD. if this is a full time gig for you, then your TG/TS, and should be seeking therapy and the help you need to start your transition.

[Jolene]

CDing is something I just do. All of us have different reasons, so just go with the flow of things and enjoy. How long will I be doing this?
As long as I enjoy it. :)

[pamela7]

it sounds to me like Lexi just needs support from openminded people in dealing with her life situation, its not as if she wants to change gender or to dress as a man, so its how best to cope with what is?
and when its emotional and difficult like this we're not politically correct.
if we can help, then lets help.

[Lorileah]

Why?
If I looked like your Avatar I would be full time and transition.
It would be great and more normal for me.
I can look close but my voice is way to rough.


I am having trouble understanding things here today. You won't transition because of how you look? Then you shouldn't even consider transitioning. If you need to transition, do it. If there are contingencies like looks or voice or walk, you shouldn't transition. This is a forever thing not a if/then thing


There is no such thing as a full time CD. if this is a full time gig for you, then your TG/TS, and should be seeking therapy and the help you need to start your transition.
I will disagree. The clothes don't make you a TS. Why couldn't someone wear the clothes and still feel they are in the right body?


We all get the "I hate myself" bug on occasion. Don't sweat it.

[~Joanne~]

Lorileah, I agree but I strongly do not believe there is such as thing as a "full time CD". When I hear people say they are "going full time" to me that means they are beginning down their road to transitioning. If your a CD and your dressing every day, there's more to it than just being a CD.

[Sarah-RT]

I know I certainly go through on and off phases because of doubt. I like crossdressing, it makes me feel comfortable but I always fear that it's a phase so I shouldn't get so embroiled in it or that I might just be doing it out of boredom and since it's exciting that I don't realise that.

I haven't been on the forums in 5 years and I regularly think of purging my stuff so there is no temptation.

This is also why I'm afraid to come out in case in a few years I find myself not doing it any more and that I'd have left myself open to judgement or whatever.

But while I may not have been dressing I have certainly been watching M2F transformation videos on YouTube or looking at girls shoes and dresses when I'm out in a bar and I've come to the conclusion that the doubt and guilt is simply just bottled up lack of expression due to societal norms and that it isn't our fault or something that could be fixed, it also does not need fixing.

If they had a magic pill to stop the urge or there was the choice for dressing to be as normal as anything I'd certainly pick the dressing.

Hang in there, we're all in the same boat

Sarah x

[LexiNexi]

transition to what? I already look girly but wouldn't mind a bigger butt or boobs; but not worth taking medicine for.

[Caden Lane]

Hi again Sarah. I hope the purge you are enduring ends well for you in one regard or another. I do know that my purges have only proved to frustrate me further, and I've vowed to never purge again. I've learned over the years, "That which we suppress/oppress WILL be expressed." Often times, without any level measure of control. Upon taking my dressing back up, the pink cloud would be overwhelming, and it was everything I could do to keep from self destructing. I learned very quickly, it most certainly wasn't a phase, it was not something I would simply outgrow.

In recent years, seeking out psychologists who understood it, and helped me understand it better have made me more accepting of this aspect of my life. My psychologist has helped me to go from thinking of it in a shameful secretive way, to seeing it as a private matter. Often, when we think of a secret, we think of dirty little secrets, or things with negative connotations. When we think of a private matter, we think of something that is a tightly held family matter, where only those deemed worthy will know.

Ever & Always,
A very private Caden Lane

[LexiNexi]

the urge seems to get stronger each time. I have never came out to anyone until now.

[Tracii G]

I see what you are doing.

[LexiNexi]

Things are very awkward between my girl and myself now. She is having trouble with the rapid weight loss/ muscle mass (stopped taking my testosterone ) and lack of body hair. She also got mad when I agreed to paint our toes and painted mine first. She also didn't like the blonde wig ...


I see what you are doing.

I don't. Maybe this will go away.

[docrobbysherry]

It doesn't go away, Lexi. For most of us, anyway.

And, I think what people may mean about "full time CD's"? If we could consistently pass and get over the stress and fear factors, we'd go out more often. I certainly would. But, I can't pass at midnite during a black out on a moonless nite!:doh:

So, I happily and safely prefer to dress at home!:D

[Kate Simmons]

We are exactly who we are supposed to be Lexi. :)

[Mollyanne]

I wish that I was born w/a girls body instead of the male body I have.

Molly

[LexiNexi]

I wish that I was born w/a girls body instead of the male body I have.

Molly

To clear things up I look very similar to my the girl in my avatar when dressed, I also like the German girl look, since thats my heritage. I kind of wish I was big and masculine and had a strong jaw line and face. You might change your mind after you tried it.