relationship with your SO

[soccer1986]

Hi,
I am new here and I have just started to get into the crossdressing world. There is so much to learn, it will take some time.
At the moment I am single and hopefully I will find a girl that will accept this part of my life.
As far as a relationship goes I have always been the stereotypical guy in the relationship that will fix things around the house, watch sports, make sure my girl is happy. I really do enjoy this role and it is part of who I am so it will always be there. My question to all the girls out there, when you are dressed do you prefer to have your SO treat you as a friend/girlfriend or do you wish your roles switch? Would you like her to be more attentive to you.
Like I said this is new to me and I am trying to learn more about this world. As of now I don't know how a relationship would be like.

[HollySmtms]

Hi there. I, too, am new here and my story is very similar to yours as regards my role in our relationship and who I am as a man. For many years my wife supported her "husband wearing women's clothing" and, recently, the debut of my complete feminine self. When I am Holly we are wife/wife and when I'm not we are husband/wife so we're still a loving, married couple and she treats me the same either way. "Me" is just more multi-faceted now. I really like being free to be a girl when I am a girl and we have fun with it. Hope that is helpful.

[kimdl93]

I am married and I am fully out to my wife. Each relationship is different, but I prefer that my wife treat me just the same, regardless of how I'm dressed.

[~Joanne~]

My SO doesn't treat me any differently either way I present at home and that is how I prefer it. If we are out though she most certainly would as we are more "friends" than "couple" for the sake of appearances and such .

[Jenniferathome]

I am me regardless of how I am dressed. I certainly do not expect my wife to behave differently towards me because I am in a skirt. I'll add that this is true outside the bedroom. I DO expect her to behave differently there. She's not to not women or men that look like women.

[MissTee]

I get treated the same either way. The only difference is when I'm dressed she will approach me to talk "girl stuff." When I'm not dressed she does not do it as much. I really don't think she notices her approach is different, but I do. I am OK with it though.

[kinkyboots]

The few times I have dressed for my wife, she played along with the whole lesbian thing. later she told me she only did it to make me happy and made her feel a little weird. she prefers me being the big strong guy, but also understands it takes a lot out of me to constantly hold up that persona for a long time (construction trade), so i'll end up doing 180 for a few hours.
If I can keep some sort of balance between the two, slightly masculine, but she plays with my long hair or nails, I don't feel the overwhelming need to dress as often. When I do get a chance to do a little dressing, I prefer she treat me just the same.

[Bea]

I am married and fully out with my wife as well. She does not treat me any differently when I am dressed and I would not want her to. Our bedroom activities are not any different either. We have several matching negligees and we both have a lot of fun even at our advanced age. :heehee:

[Erika Lyne]

I want to be me and be treated as my wife likes to be treated. I would like to be complimented on how I look. I want to be held the way she like to be held. She does let me dress around the house but most times she won't even look at me. She says she accepts me for who I am and she does buy dress up items for me. But I feel dirty when she won't even look at me. She does try but I feel hurt many times.

Hugs!
-E

[Trish]

My wife treats me the same, no matter how I am dressed.

[Tiffany Jane]

As our openness towards crossdressing is relatively new in a fifteen year marriage, it is my comfort being dressed around her that is more uncomfortable for me than her. It has been a long road of hiding and secretly dressing that has instilled a cautious approach in my mind. It is getting better, has allowed me to come to terms with this other side of me, and she has been nothing but supportive and helpful along the way. Painted toes still take her by surprise when I go weeks without painting them and she is amazed how much different my color and style choices differ between my two personas.

The most difficult part was trying to discuss the reasons for doing this. It developed in preteen years for emotional reasons, grew through twenties as a sensual discovery, and has become a part of my life that provides balance to who I am and where life has brought me. Not as easy as explaining I wear wranglers and boots, because as a man that's who I am. I am not a woman, have no desire to transition, but do feel a comfort in women's clothes. Not as easy to take when social biases alter our perception of what is supposed to be right or wrong.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi and welcome- it feels a bit weird to call you soccer... but I guess we can see where your sports allegiances lie.

My wife hasn't yet seen me cd, but 2 close female friends have, and after a few moments' adjustment, both treated me as they normally would- except our conversation moved to subjects like make up, shoes, and so on, and we became aware of a certain sisterliness- that was a real surprise, and a very enjoyable one.

I don't think you can project what any r/ship might be like, since it all depends on the individual. What we do read about happening, and it can be very traumatic, is a female partner starting out accepting, but then switching to being totally unaccepting, sometimes much later on. It's the luck of the draw, I think.

[Meg East]

We have been married forty plus years. I am totally "out" to my wife. She treats me the same whether I am in a skirt or work jeans. Like any relationship there are compromises. If you want a mutually beneficial and respectful relationship be prepared to accept and understand your partner's feelings.

[carahawkwind]

Neither me nor my wife like her being in a masculine role and I'm very analytical and problem solving oriented even dressed up more girly than her, although she is pretty hands on getting things done well. We did gender swap costumes on halloween we both agreed it worked better and more comfortable on my end than hers.

[Rachelakld]

My relationship with my wife does not change.
Also when dressed in front of wife or kids, I still use my normal "dads" voice
If I'm in a skirt and she wants the plumbing fixed (or yesterdays job, re-wire & fix a drywall) she still says it's my job.

[Rebekah_uk]

Hi there

I have been fully out to my wife for coming up to a year. We have had our up and downs but we are doing good. She's not up to seeing me dressed but she is getting closer. Communication is key wen you enter a relationship and never assume anything

[Lori Kurtz]

I think the answers to your questions are mostly within yourself. As you develop a fuller understanding of yourself and your dressing, you will have a better idea what to tell a prospective mate, and she will be able to decide what can work for her. For me, dressing up was always sexual, and the idea of having some kind of sexual encounter with a woman while I was dressed up was incredibly exciting. I never had the opportunity to do that, though, and it's a rare woman who is likely to be comfortable with enjoying that kind of a sexual experience. But for many of the CDers here, it's not so sexual, it's just a way of expressing a more feminine aspect of their personalities. For them, the way they would relate to an accepting spouse would be more like a friend or a sister. You're much more likely to find a woman who could feel comfortable with that. But the first thing for you to do is to understand what your dressing means to you, and what you want.

[jacques]

My wife tells me that I'm her "big strong man" - even if I am a man in a dress sometimes
luv J

[Amanda M]

It can be so confusing. In the very early years of our marriage, I would acknowledge that my crossdressing was fetishistic. That played well for a while, until my wife realised that was exactly the situation. She felt (rightly) that she had some how become second hand. That no longer was she the biggest thing in our sex life. Now, I was too emotionally immature to understand what my selfishness was doing. How much pain it must have caused her. In fact I thing this a BIG factor in so many relationships. CD's are almost, by defintion, narcisstic. Very often it is about "Me." "The mirror" "It's my right to have X number of skirts, and Y pairs of panties.

If that is where you are, take a break. A long break. Think about what is most important to you - a cheap pair of panties -or a loving relationship

With maturity, for me, I know. It is, in fact the relationship.

I think what I am trying to say is be honest, be open, be upfront. Do NOT concentrate on YOUR needs, because if you do, and do not take into your thinking a prospective partner's need, you are on the way to a truly awful place

[Cheryl T]

I'm fully out also for nearly 10 years to my wife and if we are home she treats me the same no matter how I appear.
If we are out in public it's different and she treats me as her girl friend.

[chrissy111]

My wife treats me the same dressed or drab. Sometimes when were out she forgets I'm dressed which has brought some funny moments.

[ringo]

When i'm dressing with my GF around i like to be treated as her girlfriend, i like her to take care of me but i also take care of her. But that's personnal :)

[Caden Lane]

Good Evening,
My Girlfriend has known about my dressing from early on. Well, to be more precise, she knew of my love for lingerie, and wearing it. Only after I had grown comfortable, and I had accepted it myself, did I reveal I had a desire to go out while fully dressed. From my experiences, she does not treat me any differently when I'm dressed, except there is this sort of platonic gulf between us. She has no romantic inclinations towards me as Caden. There have been a few casual and romantic gestures like in the privacy of the car, but nothing overt or in the public eye. Even in private, kisses or an embrace would be a no no. But I respect her boundaries and wishes in this regard. While I do miss her affections while dressed, I do know that they will return once Caden takes a hike.

I just asked her if she felt she had to treat me any differently, and she said the most distinct difference is that she feels more protective of me, like she has to run interference to protect me. She also pointed out she sometimes forgets pronouns. He instead of she, that sort of thing. A few nearly embarrassing moments at dinners, but nothing major. But her need to protect me while dressed up is astounding, and I'm honored she feels like that. But I do wish I could help her feel more relaxed about it, so she didn't have to feel so "on' in that regard, and could simply relax and enjoy the moment.

Ever & Always,
A very wistful Caden Lane

[Marcelle]

Hi there and WELCOME as I see this is your first post since joining. My wife knows about Isha and accepts her into our life but she treats me no differently if I was "en femme" or "en boy" as I am the same person.

Hugs

Isha

[ReineD]

I'm a birth female and I treat my SO the same no matter how dressed. I can take it one step further and say that when I spend time with female friends, I treat them just the same as I do my SO and as I treat my sons: with respect. If we are walking into a building together and I get there first, I open the door for whoever is with me whether male or female. When I cook dinner I serve everyone the same, whether male or female. I honestly don't know how to treat men and women differently. How do people do that?

Oh … I do use my SO's female name when I address her, and this is also done out of respect.

[DorothyElizabeth]

My wife tells me that I'm her "big strong man" - even if I am a man in a dress sometimes
luv J

One of my semi-long term relationship girlfriends told me she liked that I was strong enough to wear a dress. we were just kidding around at home, but true words spoken in jest and all that sort of thing.