Sarah-RT
01-19-2015, 05:02 PM
Another post from me, cant seem to help myself but anyways;
As im beginning to grow and accept myself and through some replies ive given to other threads im beginning to see a picture of where i am and what im feeling. Naturally have the urge to out myself to my family so locking my bedroom door in the recent evenings wouldnt become an issue.
I told my mom about myself once about 5-7 years ago with mixed results, I told her I wanted to have a talk and then just blurted it out that I dress and that was my whole conversation. She asked me had I told any of my friends, Was I planning on continuing it and would I be doing it in public. When she had asked the questions they didnt sound dismissive or as I am reading them now while typing, like she was trying to damage control the issue, it just seemed like she was trying to learn. My answers were no, no and yes respectively yet I had told a few friends.
After suffering depression at the time back then that im only learning now to acknowledge and recover from she had brought me to the doctors to get help for that after I had a breakdown, during which she said she felt that my crossdressing was ''somewhere I had gotten lost'' and we had never spoken about it again.
With this urge to out myself, I have been reading various things online, some including that transgendered boy who commit suicide with the extreme religious parents and his suicide note. I wouldnt consider my mom behind or ''backwards'' in the case of liberal issues and LGBT rights since she often asks after my two gay friends and she has a sister who's lesbian wedding she attended and often complains about the lack of equality here in Ireland to do with civil partnerships. Im assuming her issues is the too close to home reality and that I feel writing things down may help to relieve her concerns, or so I would hope.
Thankfully I am no longer in a mindset of a suicide note, and instead I ask: would a ''history'' note be more suitable, in a previous thread on ''when did you first CD?'' I didnt realise how much I had done it through various points in my life, before and after puberty which has helped me realise that it clearly isnt a phase as some of us hope sometimes, even though the intensity of how often I do it comes and goes.
The points Id think to include would be points in time when I have dressed, and why, such as being a child and thinking it was normal, to being a teen and feeling comfortable to do it, to now where Ive felt guilty about it since our talk. I wouldnt know how I feel still in terms of expressing disappointment with how she responded given her liberal attitude, or understanding because I can see how she would have concerns. I think no less of her in anyway, dressing is something ive kept as private as possible that I would not expect her to be on the bandwagon before it had arrived.
I also feel explaining things such as how im not looking to transition, I enjoy being male predominantly and that I would like to have her concerns expressed so that I could relieve some of them, perhaps that she'd think Id want to grow long hair or have my eyebrows shaped or something. As well as explaining what I would be hoping to do such as dress the odd time at home in the instance she sees me headed to the bathroom or to the kitchen at night dressed, and if I had the courage that I may attend an LGBT bar dressed sometime. Other things I can think she may feel is that Id look for her to buy me clothing the odd time like she would do for my sister and that I wouldnt expect or demand it of her or that my girl clothes would suddenly start appearing in the laundry.
I feel writing things like this down into an informative, concise explanation would allow me to at least clear up the previous encounter and give her some understanding, if not receive some acceptance. Has anyone thought of, or used this approach and how did it work out for you?
I didnt mean for this post to wind up so long when I was thinking about it but as I can, writing things down explains more than an awkward brief conversation for sure. My other big problem which im sure many of you have is that I have no other outlets for this kind of thought and in terms of 'sarah', you gals are her only family.
Sarah x
As im beginning to grow and accept myself and through some replies ive given to other threads im beginning to see a picture of where i am and what im feeling. Naturally have the urge to out myself to my family so locking my bedroom door in the recent evenings wouldnt become an issue.
I told my mom about myself once about 5-7 years ago with mixed results, I told her I wanted to have a talk and then just blurted it out that I dress and that was my whole conversation. She asked me had I told any of my friends, Was I planning on continuing it and would I be doing it in public. When she had asked the questions they didnt sound dismissive or as I am reading them now while typing, like she was trying to damage control the issue, it just seemed like she was trying to learn. My answers were no, no and yes respectively yet I had told a few friends.
After suffering depression at the time back then that im only learning now to acknowledge and recover from she had brought me to the doctors to get help for that after I had a breakdown, during which she said she felt that my crossdressing was ''somewhere I had gotten lost'' and we had never spoken about it again.
With this urge to out myself, I have been reading various things online, some including that transgendered boy who commit suicide with the extreme religious parents and his suicide note. I wouldnt consider my mom behind or ''backwards'' in the case of liberal issues and LGBT rights since she often asks after my two gay friends and she has a sister who's lesbian wedding she attended and often complains about the lack of equality here in Ireland to do with civil partnerships. Im assuming her issues is the too close to home reality and that I feel writing things down may help to relieve her concerns, or so I would hope.
Thankfully I am no longer in a mindset of a suicide note, and instead I ask: would a ''history'' note be more suitable, in a previous thread on ''when did you first CD?'' I didnt realise how much I had done it through various points in my life, before and after puberty which has helped me realise that it clearly isnt a phase as some of us hope sometimes, even though the intensity of how often I do it comes and goes.
The points Id think to include would be points in time when I have dressed, and why, such as being a child and thinking it was normal, to being a teen and feeling comfortable to do it, to now where Ive felt guilty about it since our talk. I wouldnt know how I feel still in terms of expressing disappointment with how she responded given her liberal attitude, or understanding because I can see how she would have concerns. I think no less of her in anyway, dressing is something ive kept as private as possible that I would not expect her to be on the bandwagon before it had arrived.
I also feel explaining things such as how im not looking to transition, I enjoy being male predominantly and that I would like to have her concerns expressed so that I could relieve some of them, perhaps that she'd think Id want to grow long hair or have my eyebrows shaped or something. As well as explaining what I would be hoping to do such as dress the odd time at home in the instance she sees me headed to the bathroom or to the kitchen at night dressed, and if I had the courage that I may attend an LGBT bar dressed sometime. Other things I can think she may feel is that Id look for her to buy me clothing the odd time like she would do for my sister and that I wouldnt expect or demand it of her or that my girl clothes would suddenly start appearing in the laundry.
I feel writing things like this down into an informative, concise explanation would allow me to at least clear up the previous encounter and give her some understanding, if not receive some acceptance. Has anyone thought of, or used this approach and how did it work out for you?
I didnt mean for this post to wind up so long when I was thinking about it but as I can, writing things down explains more than an awkward brief conversation for sure. My other big problem which im sure many of you have is that I have no other outlets for this kind of thought and in terms of 'sarah', you gals are her only family.
Sarah x