Have close-minded people learned to stay quiet?

[SusanaO]

I was thinking about how I gradually care less and less of what people say or think about the way I look. Although I consider myself male, I do wear nail polish and sometimes light makeup (although I don't think anyone has ever noticed the makeup because I only use a bit of concealer and nude lipstick in guy mode). Out of all the times I've been out with nail polish, I've only gotten one negative remark ("Well, at least it's not pink.") and every once in a while I get compliments (even from men!). I'll also do my long hair in fairly feminine styles.

But, it's not black rockstar polish; I've worn bright red, purple, pink, assorted transparents, and for a few weeks I was sporting a French manicure (oh, and here in SoCal where I get to wear flip flips and shorts often, I do go out showing my pedicures and shaved legs). Again, no one has said anything negative, not even coworkers. However, I doubt that means people have become open-minded.

Is it just me or have people learned to stay quiet about things they don't like? I live in San Diego, a conservative city within a liberal state. I wonder if I would still encounter the same situations in other places? I'm certain I'd really be having it during other times, and I'd like to hear feedback from the ladies here who have been dressing and going out for several decades.

[Marcelle]

Hi Susana,

I thinks it is really a case of that most people have busy lives and tend to concentrate on themselves vice others. Oh there will be those that don't agree, tolerate or just downright hate but for the most part they probably keep their opinions to themselves.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

If people refrain from saying what they might be thinking, it's a step towards open mindedness, but it's also a measure of intelligence and maturity. What amazes me is when someone thinks they are entitled to express such opinions aloud and obtrusively.

It works both ways. I would never say aloud what I think when I see an overweight guy sporting a nasty beard and a duck dynasty tshirt. And you know, if I judge that person on the basis of how I think they look, I may very well be underestimating them.

[Cindi Johnson]

I think it's an offshoot of urbanization. Residents of larger cities tend to be less judgmental. This is shown not just in their treatment of (and in my experience, acceptance of) us, but also in their approach to issues such as gay marriage, legalization of marijuana, inter-racial unions, different races and religions, etc., etc. Much of this may be due to the simple fact that, in large western - including latin american - cities, if a resident were to get upset by people who are different, well, they'd likely be upset 24/7. There are just so many who are different in such cities that it becomes impossible for a human to carry enough hate to cope with that reality. Even in Mexico, a fairly conservative country, Mexico City is now one of the most liberal in the world. Ditto for another city I've visited, Buenos Aires. In Texas, on the whole hardly a tolerant place, residents of the cities I've lived in (Dallas, Houston, and Austin) always accepted me when I dressed, although when outside of those urban areas I tend to stay on the interstates. It all kinda mirrors the "red" America versus the "blue" America: almost like two separate worlds.

[Allisa]

Being a baby boomer (on the later side) Iv'e seen a lot of changes in society,being a part of the sex, drugs and rock & role era we were ostracized for long hair, bell-bottoms, colorful clothing etc.. but all our doings were to get the attention of the "establishment" to be yourself was very unpopular and even dangerous and law enforcement was not even close to being tolerant of our lifestyle, but as we aged our opinions of self expression have been passed on to the next generation and as the more closed minded die off change is once again emerging with every generation although we as a group who practice our expression of self are still not totally accepted in main stream society we are more tolerated, thus my first reference to a past time, now men with long hair, jewelry, hairless bodies and yes some more effeminate clothing are just one part of a changing view of the world and although a comment might be on their minds they know it would not change a thing so get used to being exposed to it and get on with their lives. Bottom line you seem younger so you( "don't know any better ) but an old coot like me get the brunt of stares and comments because we need to act our age. Although I don't go out in full dress that often anymore I still, like yourself, wear certain femme items and pose as neither male or female in a conventional way. My latest item is carrying a shoulder bag, the looks I get now are priceless. I hope this fulfilled your curiosity. I think I may have rambled there.

[Eryn]

People will tend to remain silent in situations where they aren't sure that they will find allies to back them. Creating an ugly situation over someone wearing nail polish or lipstick isn't likely to do this.

[NicoleScott]

Not likely. People speak up when they are passionate one way or the other about various issues, but remain quiet when they are indifferent. Tolerance may not be acceptance, but at least it's not intolerance. I can't expect others to be excited about my crossdressing, so their silence is OK with me.

[Mary Poppins]

I think that there are so many factors in how someone that doesn't understand crossdressing. It could be religion, ignorance and uneducated. Just because we like to dress doesn't always mean that we are gay. I believe that we didn't chose this but we were born this way. I get my nails manicured and polished. I get my brows waxed and tinted. I wear women's clothing on weekends. I have gone to stores dressed up and some people have smiled and ithers are hateful. It goes with the territory. I accept and love myself for me. Remember that the next time you think negative thoughts. True friends will accept you.

Love,

Dame Victoria

[Michelle_G]

I think most people have seen it all on TV and the web. They don't really seem to care for the most part.

[scarletcd]

The world is definitely moving in the right direction. People are far more understanding and before. We still have a loooonng way to go before true acceptance but my hope is we will get there.

[Lauri K]

I agree that society is moving in a direction to be more understanding ; but time moves ever so slowly when you are looking for nationwide acceptance to come soon.

The real struggles appear to be in rural parts of the country and in the southern belt, still a lot of work (education) to be done in those areas in my opinion.

[PretzelGirl]

I go with the mix. Things are changing and for our first step of moving forward, indifference isn't a completely bad thing. Indifference usually means they haven't come to an understanding yet and education can overcome that. Acceptance being behind that hopefully. But for the more confrontational type of situations, I agree with Erin. Judgmental people or bullies love crowds with them. If they think they are going to be alone, they tend to run into the dark corners like roaches when the lights come on. If they lose that backing they become largely irrelevant. The danger with them is isolated situations where they can still attack one on one. That is why I preach safe locations to people going out. That dark alley is where we will see them now.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Acceptance and tolerance is certainly growing, ( at least around here ) but there is definitely a percentage that have just learned to shut up. Don't think I'd like to guess the actual numbers though. On the bright side, as the pendulum swings towards increased acceptance or even just tolerance, it does affect the nay sayers and negative opinions. They start to think "Oh, the others don't care about that? Well, maybe I don't have to pretend so much" Having been on the other side of that, I know that the drive to conform is strong.

As soon as I work up the courage, I'll be finding out exactly how much the serious haters have retreated into the woodwork. I finally got the nerve up to ask my senior manger if skirts or kilts would be acceptable, and got very positive response. I do not try to pass, I'm just a guy wearing a skirt. At least to start, they will be very simple things, that have the general air of a Utilikilt, basic cargo type skirts. Though I'm feeling the urge to dress it up a bit. I do feel very envious of the girls I work with, their dress sense, and the way they can really pull off a stunning look. I have no serious fear of any serious negative reactions from co-workers at least. I know there are going to some mostly gentle jokes, there are strong anti harassment rules in place, and they know it, the few that might really hate will have to deal with it themselves. I also expect that for the most part, the customers will be accepting, quite a few fairly positive I think. Inevitably though there will be a few, who can't deal with it, and I've pretty much decided if they make a fuss, I'll just get someone else, preferably a senior staff member, to help them. I think how I respond, rather than me being the cause of the fuss, is what is going to impact my employment.

Anyway, to answer your question Susanna, Yes, some are biting their tongues, but a growing and fairly large percentage are coming to think, 'Oh well, as long as they don't expect me, to wear a dress...' 'At least he, (her, it) can actually do the job...'

As time goes on, you know the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt"? It can also bring tolerance, and eventually, true acceptance. Just don't expect it to be quick, even, or complete.