Wow, that was unexpectedly fast

[Zooey]

Between a revealing therapy session yesterday and a lovely dinner with girlfriends tonight, I realized something.

Outside of work and family (where I'm not out yet), it's been 2 months since the last time I actually left the house presenting male, not counting one situation where I had to go to the grocery store in a minor emergency and didn't have time to shave. I didn't actually realize it as it was happening, for some reason, but I'm honestly somewhat shocked to find out where I am.

I've yet to start HRT (actively looking for doctors), but laser for my face starts on Friday. A friend (who never actually knew me as a man) asked me last night whether I missed going out as male, and it took me about 0.00000001 seconds to respond - 'nope, not one bit". While coming out at work has historically been a sticky point in my process of deciding to move forward with HRT, I've apparently come full circle - I would rather be who I'm supposed to be and crossdress as a man at work for a little while (until I feel more physically ready) than to not move forward.

I think I'd allowed myself to think that because HRT and hair removal hadn't started yet, I wasn't really transitioning yet. This week I've realized that while I'm still very early in my process, I'm a lot more transitioned (in some ways) than I thought. Now it's time to start getting my body caught up with my life.

[PaulaQ]

Hi Zooey. I think there is a tendency to overly focus on the medical and physical aspects of transition. There are many other parts to a successful transition in my opinion:
- social transition (what you are doing now)
- work transition
- legal transition
- psychological transition

What I mean by the last one is that almost all of us were socialized as men. We tend to have an awful lot of bad habits, behaviors that just don't fit us, etc. that we've accumulated. Plus, if you are going to go through the rigors of all the other types of transition, you are going to need to really understand yourself well. Look at it like this - you are going to create an authentic self, the real woman you are. May as well be a good one!

The tricky part of all this is trying to juggle the set of physical changes you undergo, with the other types of transition. (I think a real key is to manage to avoid losing your employment while you are in the awkward stage some of us go through where we neither pass well as a male or a female, but there are certainly other things that can and do go wrong for many of us.)

For what it's worth, I stopped presenting as a man before starting HRT, too.

[PretzelGirl]

I think that is very common and helpful. I realized it about 16 months before starting therapy. Mine was work and in-laws. I think the benefits are there for relaxing and going this way. The biggest one is getting comfortable with everyone and with you actions around them. Paula says is very well. But I also think, depending on the person's state of mind, it gives you the opportunity to decide if full time is the right thing for you. You may have already decided, but there are others that once they were able to get out more, their dysphoria settled either completely or to a point that they found acceptable. So although it isn't a complete RLE, it is a positive thing and can help settle your mind on your path.

[Angela Campbell]

I have said many times that transition doesn't have to be a one day thing. In fact a slow steady change is what I did. I spent a year getting my "look" together, getting used to being in public and so forth before I ever started hormones. Yes I eased into it. Worked very well for me.

I was on hormones for quite a while before coming out to family, almost a year before work was told, 6 months after I discussed with my employer before I changed name and came out at work.

[I Am Paula]

I have friends that tried to do everything at once, and it can be overwhelming. You appear to be doing just fine. You've set your pace, and you're going with it. Kudos.
I started going out years ago, but went full time about 8 months before HRT.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Zooey

Although the details of my own path were very different. I experienced a very similar thing. At some point, I "realized" that I was in the middle of transitioning. I never said to myself "i am transitioning", I never decided to transition up to that point...
and at that point I was presenting constantly except at work and with kids...I had lasered my entire body...100+ hrs electrolysis...started HRT......

then it was like...WTF!!!!!!!! This is transition. At that point, I felt as terrified as I did thrilled.

[LeaP]

Not uncommon, I guess. My therapist told me – or year or two later – that I had started transitioning before her eyes months before I even started talking about it.