WHICH ONE ??? Son or Daughter.

[Amy Lynn3]

I know many threads have been started about who finds our cloths we leave behind. I have a new twist to that age old question I would like advise on.

I am alone, no wife or near friends that know I crossdress. I have a grown son and daughter who do not know about Amy either. My thoughts are to tell one of them about Amy, just so my cloths can be donated without the other knowing upon my passing.

My question is which one do I tell ? They both love me equally and I think either could handle it.For example, my son came over the other day, as I got out of the shower. All he said was..."nice toes Dad". I thought they were too. I love red. Nothing else was said. My daughter sees clothing in my home and has ask me more than one time..."Dad are you crossdressing"?

Any thought or idea on which one to tell or another way to dispose of my clothing would be appreciated.

[Miriam-J]

Amy,

My initial thought is to tell both, and at the same time. They would be able to support each other with your information, and they would be able to work together to deal with your estate if something were to happen to you.

On the other hand, if only one of them lives nearby and would be dealing with your estate I might tell that one alone.

I don't think it matters much whether they're son or daughter as long as they're open-minded and not judgmental. It's quite possible they've already figured it out anyway and have discussed it between them, so there would be no surprise.

I wish you luck as you deal with this.

Miriam

[UNDERDRESSER]

No advice, but, first it sounds like both are aware or at least suspect, and are not bothered by it? Second, if you are at the stage of designating executors, ( which is what this amounts to ) what you wear when alone is going to be less troubling to them than considering they are going to lose you.

[Julogden]

If your daughter has picked up on what you're doing, she's probably discussed it with your son. If I was in your situation, I'd tell both of them. :2c:

[Leslie Langford]

Conventional wisdom states that GG's are typically more nurturing, empathetic, and accepting of our community, and often go out of their way to help us be our "true selves" because they admire us for having the courage to be who we really are ('bad boy" in reverse ;) ). Of course, that goodwill often flies out the window when our crossdressing hits too close to home, and then NIMBYism rears its ugly head ("Not In My Back Yard"!).

Hard to say, though - sometimes it goes the other way instead. You know your children best, simply have to make an informed decision based on what you know about them, and then take your chances accordingly.

[Annaliese]

Sit them both down and talk to them, they both have an Idea so, this is your chance to open up to both.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Amy, they clearly both know, and have probably discussed your crossdressing already. Why favour one over the other, with the risk of bruised feelings that might involve. Keep things equal.

[Amanda M]

Amy Lynn, what young man is going to simply say "Nice toes, Dad" when he sees your painted toenails. Amy, Have a chat with your wife - from your other posts I think that that is FAR from a problem, and get her take on it. Secondly - face it - you are out too your kids in all probability. Sounds like a family conference is in order. Whatever course you choose to take, I hope works out well for you all.

[Stephanie47]

I think both kids know you are a cross dresser. I'm sure they have conversed with each other. If you have any definite wishes for the disposal of your femme items, I'd leave those directions with your daughter. When a good friend of mine passed away her daughter disposed of her mom's attire. Most sons may feel uncomfortable cleaning and bagging up women's undergarments for donation. Most charitable organizations prefer clean and freshly laundered items. Heck, if your daughter has not seen all of your wardrobe, she may get a chuckle out of choice of style.

[julia ann]

Well Amy from what you said does not seem like you need to tell either one them, they both know and seem to be fine with it, maybe talk to them about about it and see if they would like to see the full look. If they love you equally and I am sure they do they may accept an open relationship with Amy! Good luck!

[Jackie Meyer]

To me both seem mature and pretty open minded.

[Lorileah]

both because in a time like that you don't need one to have a secret the other didn't know it just leads to bad feelings and wondering why you were not honest with both of them. experience

[Katey888]

Good advice already - I'd suggest both too... It's more equitable to each of them, and fairer not to leave one with an additional responsibility that might yet prove awkward for either... Sounds like they're both on the road to discovery anyway... :)

Katey x

[Ina Girdle]

My 2 cents. Tell them both, don't burden one or the other with the angst of having to keep their Dad's secret.
All the best & good luck!

[Jodi]

My daughter knows about me, although we have a DADT relationship. She knows what she will find upon my demise.

Jodi

[Rachelakld]

yes both, since daughter already knows, may as well make it official, instead of pretending she is dumb.
Does NOT mean you have to wear stuff in front of them though as that might be upsetting for them.

[amy101]

Come out to both of them it sounds like they both already no and just need some conformation I'm sure they will still love you just as much

[giuseppina]

This is a trust question, Amy Lynn. Whoever you don't tell is likely to feel left out and hurt that their father didn't trust them. I say tell them both at the same sitting with both present so both get the exactly the same story.

[bridget thronton]

Both my kids know (son and daughter) - quite happy they both know

[emma-louise]

Both at the same time they seem to know or at least suspect you are a crossdresser so shouldnt come as any big surprise to them, good luck xx

[charlenesomeone]

Another vote for both based on your OP. Try to do it at the same time.
Hugs

[Maria 60]

That's a great question, the proper answer would be to tell them both, but for some reason women are a little more understanding when it comes to things like this. My daughter is a snoop like most women, I believe she already has an idea, and I am growing in age also and believe before they get there shock of there life when I am gone maybe one of them can do some damage control. My wife ask me why I am worry about that, I won't be her to face the music anyway.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amy Lynn, Tell both and show them a list of your wishes.:daydreaming:

[Marcelle]

Hi Amy,

Another vote for telling both at the same time.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Acknowledge it to them both. They already know.

[Amy Lynn3]

I am so appreciative of the great answers I have received from my question. This Board is made up of the very finest and best minds in the world. Thank you one and all for your reply. I will mull them over and give it the best shot I can.
Blessings to you all,:hugs:
Amy

[abby054]

It is obvious from what you wrote that they both know and that they would rather not make a big deal of it. If you tell them, you will likely get yawns from both of them. They have been discreet about it so far. Everything you have written leads us to believe that they will not be surprised and that they will be discreet when they must someday take care of your worldly goods.

[Beverley Sims]

Mmmm!
They Know....
I would not mention anything else leave the status quo as it is.
If they want to know more and ask, then tell them, otherwise leave well alone.

[Alaina Ann]

Seems like no one needs to be told about anything. Just go on about your business and if they ask a question or two, be upfront and honest with them. Doesn't seem like a major issue. They must love you very much so make the most of it.

[ClosetED]

I think they both know, dtr certainly read about it to use the right word, and are waiting for you to share. So what do you want to share? You can limit it to "ALL my clothes should be donated to charity-EVERYTHING". Nothing more.
You can let them ask questions - "I know you have noticed my nail polish and clothes. Do you want to ask me about anything?"
But I think both together is best, unless you are much closer with one.
Hugs, Ellen

[Teresa]

Amy,
I have a son and daughter both now in their thirties and like you have made some silly mistakes !
I forgot my daughter was in the house some time ago, she caught me ironing a dress which she knew didn't belong to my wife , so I just told her straight it was mine ! I've since had a very good conversation with her about my dressing.
As for my son, I have had some small slip ups which he may or may not of picked up on ! As for telling him, I thought about this again only last night, and still feel I have more to lose by telling him despite him being an adult, but if I do separate from my wife he will have to know the reasons.

[mechamoose]

How about get them together and tell them both?

Your kids are worked together to deal with 'the parents' more than once (probably several times) before now. They have a relationship you (we) as parents can't even see.

I suggest talking to them together. If you talk to one one, then they have a SECRET. If you tell them together, then they have a CONVERSATION.

Trust your kids.

<3

- MM

[Sharon B.]

I am with the majority tell them both at the same time