What's your personal why?

[Jaymees22]

The big WHY of crossdressing seems to have no definitive answer, like we're just wired that way or it just feels good, etc,etc..

The question I'm asking is why we keep doing it even though it can cause problems in our lives. Is it an addiction or a compulsion for you. I just know if I'm home alone I have to dress up. I really feel like I'm my true self when I'm dressed. I'm fascinated with the transformation when I look in the mirror. I also feel much happier, I always felt I was fairly well adjusted in my life and then when I started dressing I was overcome with relief, because I felt better than I had ever felt in my life and I'm pretty old.

So I've listed some of my personal whys, what are some of yours.

Hugs Jaymee

[Pat]

I've always held that any question that starts with "why" can't be answered. "Why does the ball fall to the ground?" We say "gravity" but gravity doesn't say why it does that -- it just describes HOW it does that.

Why do I dress? Each word in the question is a valid English word, each is properly arranged to form a sensible interrogatory sentence, but it's gibberish. It's like "Would you rather go to Boston or by bus?" I can tell you THAT I dress and, like you, I can list the good feelings that come from it. But why? There is no why, there's just the fact of it. You can bring up endorphins or DNA or socialization but none of that describes why, it just describes how.

[Taylor Ray]

In the past I would always put off the question of 'why' as irrelevant. Now, I sometimes try to answer questions just to see what happens, as part of my process.

I began wearing my mother's lingerie at a very young age. But it wasn't just sexual. I also began to put on "Halloween Wigs" and take pictures of myself. I wanted to "see what I looked like", not just in a mirror but in a tangible photograph.

Of course, this was all very forbidden, so I could never really just allow myself to present as female. Having to hide this side of myself no doubt distorted the original innocence involved. But I believe it was very innocent, much like a child who says "why can't I just wear these clothes and try to look pretty." It was the "adult world" that had already predetermined the binary gender roles of which I was supposed to conform.

So for me, the question isn't "why I prefer to wear women's cloths and be pretty".

It is: "Why are gender roles so strict and limiting in the world." The answer to that question turns it back upon the spectator, and forces them to acknowledge their narrow-mindedness and limited capacity for openness. It is much easier for them to judge me.

[Rachael Leigh]

Sometimes I think it is a compulsion but then like you once I'm dressed it's just me and I'm ok with that.
I now want to be more open and comfortable being in public but since there is way more to doing that IE family and the like I have to be happy dressing at home and sharing here

[mykell]

hi jaymee,
when my son was younger he could not compose sentences for projects and reports,
(im not much better myself) i told him to just answer these questions, who, where, what, when, why, and how.

who: me, i like girl clothes
where: at home but i long to go out lately
what: wear the things that make me feel like myself
when: whenever i have the desire to wear them
how: easy, buy what i like
why: because i want too....it makes me feel like me
sounds so simple but it gets so complicated, so like you i think im pretty well adjusted and capable, seems like a simple answer to a simple question but why does the real answer eludes us so.....

[Kate Simmons]

Well, they say the truth hurts, maybe this is one way the truth hurts us. Being one's real self in today's world is not for the faint of heart.:)

[JayeLefaye]

[QUOTE=Jaymees22;3680332

...even though it can cause problems in our lives....

Hugs Jaymee[/QUOTE]

Hi Jaymee, and hugs back at'cha!

Please forgive me for singling out what I think is the most relevant part of your question. The why of CDing isn't what we need to figure out(because none of us can).

The "problems in our lives" is the issue that needs to be addressed...Sort those "lives" problems out, and then deal with the CD question.

I guess that what I am trying to say, is that being a CD is not the real issue, because it is what we are..

Jaye

[Natasha V]

My personal why is why can't Society get over judging everyone lifestyle and just let everyone be happy.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jaymee, It's just who I am and it's just what I do.:daydreaming:

[Jaymees22]

I've always held that any question that starts with "why" can't be answered. "Why does the ball fall to the ground?" We say "gravity" but gravity doesn't say why it does that -- it just describes HOW it does that.

Maybe I should have said what are your personal reasons? Jaymee

[Kandi Robbins]

Only speaking for myself, I am hardwired. My first experience, at the age of 5, took any options away from me. From then on, it was just managing the big pink beast, now finally embracing it and enjoying the ride!

[CynthiaD]

Because when I get dressed en femme and look into the mirror, the person looking back at me is me! I don't know that other person I see from time to time.

[flatlander_48]

Why we do this offbeat activity in spite of the problems it causes (real and imagined) speaks to the degree of significance it has for us. If it had less significance for us, we either wouldn't do it or we would reserve it for Halloween once a year. Whatever condition dressing satisfies, it is never 100% satiated. There is always enough left over to get us to the Next Time...

DeeAnn

[Purple Puppy GG]

...I really feel like I'm my true self when I'm dressed. I'm fascinated with the transformation when I look in the mirror. I also feel much happier,...

Hugs Jaymee

[QUOTE=Jaymees22;3680332]The big WHY of crossdressing seems to have no definitive answer, like we're just wired that way or it just feels good, etc,etc..


Erika tells me the same that when she is dressed up it makes her happier. That she is true to herself.

[Tracii G]

I'm more of a blend of both genders so dressing 100% female isn't a huge stretch. 100% female clothing makes me feel more normal when I go out.
I just feel like me no matter which way I am dressed.

[DorothyElizabeth]

For several years after I discovered that I like wearing "women's" clothing, I wrestled with the whys and wherefores of me, life, and my proclivities. (Of course, my first question was, Am I gay?, but that quickly went away - I am definitely not attracted to men) Finally, I decided it's like religion - I can't explain it; it's just part of who I am. And, as I often say to people, "I lived through the nineties and found the woman in me - she's a lesbian." :)

[Christen]

I fall in to the "It's who I am and what I do" camp. I've never felt complete unless I can express the feminine part of me, and I express that as presenting as a female, as best I can.

Christen x

[Seana Summer]

I have not figured out why I indulge in Crossdressing. All I know is that I enjoy it and it makes me happy.

[DorothyElizabeth]

and I express that as presenting as a female, as best I can.

Christen x

If that is you in the avatar, I'd say you do that very well.

[justmetoo]

Why not?

(but a little more seriously, it's part of who I am. By that I mean, when I dress en femme I'm expressing an aspect of myself. Same as when I'm dressed in other ways I'm expressing other aspects of myself.)

[giuseppina]

Escapism. Totally unrealistic in the real world, but it works for me.

[Erika Lyne]

[QUOTE=Jaymees22;3680332]The big WHY of crossdressing seems to have no definitive answer, like we're just wired that way or it just feels good, etc,etc..


Erika tells me the same that when she is dressed up it makes her happier. That she is true to herself.

This is so true. My wife (Purple Puppy GG) has this part nailed. When I dress it is like there is an anger stripped from me. I feel like all the lies I tell everyone , myself included, are lifted. I feel like I am being true to the world and myself. Unfortunately, I still hide Erika from the world.

Hugs,
E!

[Pat]

E! I like that. I agree, the feeling is a lot like no longer having to lie. Good insight.

One of my other quirks is that I like to ride motorcycles. Motorcyclists get questioned all the time by non-riders asking why we choose to do such a dangerous thing. In the riding community we just say "If I have to explain it, you'll never understand." Crossdressing is like that too, except here we get asked by our peers why we do it and the answer gets turned around, "You already understand why I do it, I'll never be able to explain." ;)

[Laceytosee]

I have never wondered "why". I have often wondered "why not". I would have enjoyed growing up and treated as a girl. I thought wearing skirts ane blouses would be the best! Now I do!! and of course the lingerie required for a complete outfit.

Lacey

[Princess Chantal]

Here is a bunch of answers to whys.

Why did I start? As a child I became curious of the appearance and softness that pantyhose had on legs in which led me to try on a pair once. The sensation from the experience created an attraction and became a fetish. I didn't wear them for several years after that, until a girlfriend dressed me up for Halloween when I was in my 20's. Wasn't that dressing up that triggered me into crossdressing though. It was seeing the pictures of the fun that was had by the local cd social group that struck the curiosity in me that got me wanting to socialize enfemme.

Why am I continuing on? Because I am really enjoying it in a hobby/interest manner and have such a passion of where I took my crossdressing to. Whoohoo fun in costumes! I still haven't experienced all the curiosities I had and am still gaining more wonderings.

Why do I believe that someday I would not be doing it? Health, lack of curiosity (experienced all of the curiosities I had "been there done that"), and/or just a loss of interest period!

[charlenesomeone]

The why for me is its me. Like others the total comfort is so great. Even when there isn't a "desire" putting on the look is so awesome.
Where does it go? Who knows, and who cares.
I also would like it to be ok to dress how we feel, within decency standards, one day?

[Raychel]

The why for me is......

This is the way I feel most comfortable.
and in the end, when I am laying on my death bed, the person that
has to be happy with my life is just me. Sure I would want special people around me.
but the most important person to make happy is me.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jaymee,

Why? Simply put Isha is as much a part of my as my guy self.

Hugs

Isha

[Gocaps14]

I have been asking this question to myself alot lately. I still can't explain it much myself. Some of it is I enjoy living a fantasy, kind of like a child playing make believe games. Some of it is I enjoy the feelings I have when I dress, and that is the part I have been thinking about lately. Maybe I should think about why I like chocolate cake instead.....

[Maria Blackwood]

It's a cure for stress for me. Early on there was the sexy fetish phase many go through, but now it's the way I unwind. I've mentioned before lingerie cured a long running sleep disorder. Lately I've been buying casual, "around the house" dresses, blouses and skirts. I change as soon as I'm home from work and not going out again for the day. I realized just this week that even though I'm a happily closeted CD, I spend just about 50% of my time in women's clothes if you count sleeping.

Rereading this I realized I just kicked the can down the road on the question. It's now "Why does CD relax me so?"

No idea. I simply accept it at this point. I'm curious to see what happens when I retire and lose the biggest stressor in my life.

[CarlaWestin]

The original personal why was being the youngest growing up with sisters and being raised predominantly by mom and female sitters, I was continuously exposed to all the activity associated with being female. Of course, when I got too curious about things I was told, 'boys don't do that.' So it all became some kind of alluring taboo and being the master of clandestine behaviour, I enjoyed borrowing bras and stockings and dresses, memorizing exactly their original position. It was so funny one time Mom said, "Stay out of my bra drawer!" Then she turned to my Father and said, "That goes for you,too!" I've always wondered about that.

[njcddresser]

A great question. My answer as to why? I haven't a clue. I do know it's something that's been with me that has laid mostly dormant since a young age.

Now that it's out I've fully accepted that this is who I am and I couldn't be happier.

[CD_Princess1234]

I began at a very young age. I would be at a friends house playing and going through his sisters closet looking for dresses. I didn't think anything of it and we acted out and played. As I got older in my teens, I would be at a girl's home in her room and get her to put makeup on me and we would go through her closet playing "dress up". She did not think it strange or treat me differently but treated it as a love fantasy to act out.

I have wondered is it a fetish, fantasy or something else. I don't stop to think about it anymore and try to label it.... I just enjoy the moment and feelings.

[windycissy]

Beats me! For some reason I decided to try on my mom's heels one night when she was out, but they didn't fit until I put on one of her stockings...boom! I was hooked. After my older sister went off to college, I started trying on her clothes until I totally dressed myself as a girl, and I had my first orgasm like that, which totally bummed me out afterwards, but I kept coming back, again and again...the immediate sexual gratification has long since been replaced by a feeling of happy contentment when I transform myself, and once I discovered that I was passable as a woman, going out and experiencing the world has become a huge part of my life. So I guess you could call it a lifelong addiction, reasons unknown?

[ClosetED]

IMHO, there are several right answers - depending on what you get from the actions. And you must use labels which not everyone agrees on. A "transsexual" may do it to match their inner gender. A "drag queen" does it for the money and some day to make fun of women. A "homosexual" man may do it to attract a male mate. A "fetishist transvestite" may do it for sexual gratification. Why they get sexually aroused by it is another matter and may have in common with the "heterosexual cross dresser", which this section has a biased population of. These people "love" women - meaning they appreciate feminine ways and thoughts and appearance, and wish to emulate them, not make fun. So why do these CDers, who like "normal" men, feel male, like women, and yet want to look and act like women despite enormous pressure not to? It shares many things in common with an addiction - but how does one have an addiction to drugs, gambling, sex, alcohol? What causes those addictions? And how good is any cure of those? is it in their DNA, their environment, a combination? Is it a self-esteem issue in regards to their physical appearance? Many here are very intelligent, so it does not appear to be self-esteem regarding mental abilities. Many are in "macho" roles - possibly also done to compensate for this early feelings. Many here feel better about themselves when dressed and they see themselves or the feelings they feel, as there are blind CDers. They use the phrases - happy, reduced stress, felt myself. It does not matter if you look good enough to pass - just that something makes you feel closer to that thing we adore - femininity (whatever that means to each of us).
yes, I have given this a lot of thought and reading.

Hope I have made you think.
hugs, Ellen

[sometimes_miss]

Most of the time it's not an addiction nor a compulsion, which is why it doesn't respond to treatment for those problems. It's usually part of a gender identity disorder, and there's no known cure for it at this time. The biggest problem is, there's such a stigma attached to everything feminine for males in our society, that many of us seem to have an insurmountable block that stops us from accepting that we have ANYTHING feminine about us in any way, ever. The huge percentage of people here who feel the need to pretend that their girl behavior 'isn't the real me' is pretty obvious evidence of this. Many even create imaginary female personas so that they can absolve any responsibility for the female feelings and behavior they embrace, and refer to that in the third person as if it's someone else entirely. I'm not saying these people are bad in any way, or that there's something wrong with what they're doing. It's just that it gets in the way of finding out who and what they really are, deep down inside their own minds. As for myself, every single female behavior, and feeling, is all me. It just makes me sad that it's so hard to find a woman that can accept a guy who admits to feeling the same way she does about so many things.

[Ally 2112]

I have tried for years to figure it out in the end i just had to accept it because i finaly figured out it was not going away .I say do it when you can and enjoy it when you have the the chance make the most of it

[Cheryl T]

My "Why" is because this is a huge part of who I am.
I was told once by a former girlfriend that I was the most sensitive and attentive man she had ever met. I credit much if not all of that to this part of me, my feminine side.
Why I started, I don't know, I was only about 6 or 7. Why I continued, I don't know, it just felt right to me.

[soccer1986]

Wow,
As a beginner dresser there are many questions that pop into your head and the why is probably one of the hardest ones to asnwer. I personally am still debating on they why. I know I am 100% straight, I don't find men attractive at all, I am atracted to the feminine attributes of women might they be gg or ts. This idealization that I have for women might be part of the reason I do it, but my answer is still a work in progress.

[stacy956]

Very good question as sometime i try to escape the deep stress i suffer from work so when dressed up as stacy nothing else seems stressfull im more relaxed and sometimes i just get tired of being a man :) i guess there is no direct answer for that question

[Katey888]

The good ole 'why' question again.... :D

For me, personally:

- I must be somewhat transgender or why the heck would I want to do this or feel good about doing it?

- I am feeling more like this is some sort of escapism or means of expressing my mild TG-ness as I seem to want to gravitate towards socialising while doing this - more than cosplay or historical re-enactment, but less than having 'a woman inside of me'.

- It still gives me a buzz, but one that is no longer sexual... :)

- And it seems that I am more attracted to glamour than my otherwise mundane, male existence would allow me to exhibit... :cheer:

And what am I going to do with all this makeup, wigs and stuff anyway... :lol2:

Katey x

[Kate's at home]

All I know personally is that starting at ages 4-5 I wanted to be a girl. Long before I knew about SRS, from 4 to maybe 7 years old, I imagined being surgically transformed. And this was in the '50's. Starting at around ages 8/9 - early to mid teens (puberty), this urge disappeared. When it came back as a teenager, it was all just very confusing, and I tried to ignore. Ambivalence and the start of the question "do I want to be with or want to be?", and one that I've essentially lived with all my adult life. From the beginning of my experiences as a teen, I knew I did not want to be with men and was not at all attracted to them. This helped me to understand the path was to both be with and be (to some degree) through dressing and the start of acceptance. Over the past 10-12 years I've fully accepted this part of me, with significant support from this site. Because of my size, I know I never could "pass", dress for me, and don't go out dressed, and that's OK now. I dress to varying degrees every day now at home and I enjoy this part of me fully as I understand it.

Genetics, socialization, both, past lives influence and experience, something else? Who knows. Now, no "why's", just be.

Kate

[Tonya Rose]

OMG!!! Finally a thread WE can all agree with each other on!!! My answer is (Happy Contentment) And my story as everyone else has... My step daughter who found me out not long ago was looking through some of my pics the other day and made the comment that the only pics that I ever smiled in were the ones where I was dressed..... Hmmm it`s what makes us,, us, Happy Contentment!!!:hugs:
Tonya!

[Angie G]

I only dress at home and under dress walking the dog. When I'm not dressed I just don't feel right like part of me is missing.:hugs:
Angie

[JimmiLynn]

I work during the day dressed en drab (underdressed) to make a living but, when I get home knowing that I don't have to go somewhere else, it's my time to dress en femme. It's my way to relax and the way I feel most comfortable.. It's like a compulsion I don't know how to explain it........

[MissVictoria]

In my case, the reason I enjoy dressing so much is because I love pretty women. It sounds odd to say (and even stranger to write!), but I love women so much, that I want to emulate them. Their smells, their shapes, the clothes they wear, the way they walk, talk and act. I have no desire to be a woman, and I don't consider myself trapped in the wrong body, or TG minded in any way. I just love trying to look like the women I love looking at.

[Adriana Moretti]

Why??? .....Why NOT ???..LOL.....Everyones got a reason right? ...mine is simple, I LOVE makeup, fashion,design and art...and in some way what we (do) has elements of all 4.....everyone here is an artist in some way shape or form, this is a form of art. Loving those 4 things, and growing up within the drag queen community here in NYC I feel this is just an extention of that artistic expression, a healthy creative outlet and it is deeply rooted in fun, and reality.

[sabrinaedwards]

I think that the "Why" is imortant, but probably not attainable. It is difficult to explain to others why we crossdress when we do not understand it ourselves. Many of us here lead dual lives, and it is difficult for important others to understand our motivation for this activity. It is still risky behavior from a job, social and cultural perspective. I wish I knew the reason(s) as to why, especially when I seem so obsessed with it at times.
Love, Sabina

[Rebekah_uk]

The "why" question

I have asked myself this question since the age of 11 when I used to borrow my dads ex'girlfriends clothing to now and I have to say it just feels right. When my wife and I used to go shopping she was always amazed how I was able too see what looked good on her. I think in reality maybe I was shopping for myself and she was my muse to see what looked good and what didn't look good.

After coming out to my wife coming up to almost a year ago, I seemed to have found an inner contentment and peace that I have finally accepted myself for what I am. Somebody who likes wearing female clothing and is proud to say that she likes it's instead of loathing myself and have it tear my apart inside. I finally like who I am and I will continue to build myself to a point where I happy enough with my presentation. To have a trip out into the real world and also post an avatar picture of myself. I want this to be the year that Rebekah owns who she is and is no longer afraid of who I am either enfemme of boy mode.

Sorry for the long reply
Becky
xxxx

[Jaymees22]

Thanks for all your replies. I guess only a Crossdresser knows why and we are the only ones that truly understand it. Hugs Jaymee

[mechamoose]

Because it feels like ME.

I could do/wear what my body looks like, but that isn't how I feel.

If 'Earnest Borgnine in a dress' is what makes me feel safe and comfortable.. like ME, then I don't care how it is viewed or accepted.

You shouldn't either.

- MM

[MelissaLipstick]

I agree. I believe that we have all asked ourselves this question. Personally, I don't have an answer, except to say dressing as a woman is exciting. Perhaps part of the appeal is that I doing something that I'm really supposed to do.

[Ally 2112]

As the Beatles said and in the end the love you give is the love you get or something like that .The point is try to love yourself and what you do or at least try to find peace with it .Hating yourself will get you no where .I still do not know why i do it but i like it :)

[phylis anne]

Well for me it is a great stress reliever ,phylis always knows when it is time to change over and enter a surrealistic calm area no matter what is going on around me ,sometimes I call her to the front without dressing just to visualize what I need hels get me through a busy day or a stressfull time at home .
hugs phylis anne

[flatlander_48]

I have never invested any significant time in thinking about the Why that leads me to dress. But, for some reason this thought occured to me this morning...

We can Question or we can Be. While it is possible to find an Answer to the Question, I think it is much more useful to Be for that is where we live our Lives.

DeeAnn

[Karen kc]

My answer-- I wore moms draws when I was 5 y o! You just dont teach a 5 y o the differance between silk undies and cotton undies. Soooooo I was born this way!! Its me!!

[Sarina Curtis]

I'm not really sure why, but contributing factors would be:

As a baby I had one of those circular walker thingies but I was just a bit too short for it so I was always pushing off on my tip toes. To this day if I am in bare feet, hose, or thin socks I will walk around on my tip toes. For a gag game show at a summer camp I was a counsellor I had to dress up as the 'hostess' (nobody forced me) and the 3 inch pumps the put me in felt like the most natural thing to ever hit my feet. On an aside my favourite heels are about 6 inches and feel amazing! So it seems I was predestined for wearing heels!

I can also remember being sick at home and trying on my sister's/mother's nylons and loving the feel of them. It's a shame that it took me nearly 30 more years to finally wear them on a regular basis!

Other than that, it just my happy place that I discovered by simply wanting to answer a yearning I'd felt but didn't understand for too long. Now I know it's just a part of me...

[VictoriaBabes]

Well I grew up a bit different from most boys. I guess it started back in middle school when my friends had noticed that I had breasts like a girl. Very embarrassing so in discretion I asked the school physician and he had told me I needed to lose weight and they will go away. When I started working out in preparation for high school my stomach trimmed a bit and poked my chest out more. I spent 4 years I high school binding my chest and hiding under baggy clothes. Now I was always a chubby kid and had a feminine backside that I used to get teased about. Eventually the grabbing/remarks from "friends" and "bullies" I started wearing my older sister's clothes.

[Cheryl T]

I spent decades trying to answer the question WHY? to my own satisfaction.
I've given up on that quest. I don't know why, I don't care why, I just know that I feel so much more alive, so much more ME this way than any other time.
No more chasing the reason, now I'm enjoying the ride.

[Suzie Petersen]

Why? Oh I have a simple reply to that: I haven't got the faintest idea!

Sure I have wondered over the years, and tried finding out by reading anything I could get my hands on, but no answer yet.
The thing is, it only really matters because we for some reason have to explain it to others!

There are many things we all do in our daily lives which is not exactly the same as what everybody else do, but while those others might not understand exactly why we do it, they also largely dont care! "Why do you like fly fishing?", "Gardening?", Riding motorcycles?", "Playing computer games?" ... Sufficient answer: "I just like it!" .. response: "Oh, OK, thats fine! I just dont get it!". But thats it! End of story! Nobody really cares.

However, when we dress up like the opposite gender, we are crossing an invisible taboo line into an activity that MUST be explained in peoples eyes. Question: "Why do you do it?", Answer: "I dont know, I just like it!", Response: "Well thats just not good enough! Stop it at once!". Huh??? OK, So I'll go dig a hole in the back year instead then. Answer: "Sure, have fun!".

I think we often search for the answer to the Why mostly to satisfy those others who ask, not so much ourselves. Especially when it is a wife who asks. Someone we have chosen to be our soul mate, someone who we want to please and make happy in any possible way. When she demands an answer to "Why?" then we have to come up with something!

So sometimes we fake it! Make something up just to try and satisfy!

"It is just such a stress relief from my tough days at work!" Well yes OK, but, how did that apply when you were 8?
"I just enjoy the feeling of the soft materials and all the colors and choices!" OK, so why the heck wont you wear anything but jeans and an old shirt in male mode?

And so on. We just make something up to satisfy their WHY question.

A lot of those explanations and justifications go out the window when it comes to the breast forms, butt pads, hair and makeup. Now it is clearly not just a matter of the feeling of the clothes, now it must be something about being female, wanting to be perceived as a girl! Right? Why else? And what is it with tucking? Clearly you want to be seen as female.

So we try to explain it all to make her understand that we just like doing it. Cant explain it, dont really want to either. But it is not good enough because everything we do when we dress and start behaving like women, is all the same the wife did when she wanted to attract a man in the first place. And here is her hubby, doing the same thing. Why?

Don't know, haven't got the faintest idea.

- Suzie

[Samantha Clark]

To an Existentialist the question is meaningless. To a Rationalist the answer is essential due to the compelling need to bring coherence to the Universe. I bounce back and forth between the two (right brain/left brain?). So far the answer escapes me as ineffable. Jury's still out with no verdict.