Pushing the grid

[Della]

I started here looking for insight, and went off the grid for a time. Anybody, why do we (closeted hiders w/ DATD spouses) do what we do. For me, I don't know. I have done tiny, tiny things, to not be notices, yet hoping to talk. So ... Why?

[DanaR]

I think that if you are in a DADT situation, you would push the envelope a little to feel like you have some growth. My wife knows about me and I don't have a DADT situation, but over the years I'm sure I pushed the envelope to get some kind of discussion started. It might be buying some new clothes and leaving them out for her to see; which sometimes have resulted in her wearing them to work. I think that the best thing is try to get some conversation going. Who knows, maybe she might open up a little. Most wives are worried about where this will go, only you can reassure her of what you destination is going to be. So communication is your best hope.

[giuseppina]

Your best bet is to have The Talk, Della. Dancing around the issue doesn't usually work very well and may end badly.

[Kate Simmons]

To which I would have to answer: "Why not?" :battingeyelashes::)

[charlenesomeone]

Della only you know how your SO "might" take the talk. When the time comes you will know it.
Read past threads on how others did it, and make your own plan.
Hugs

[Maria 60]

I always let's say drop the ball and see if it would bounce back. Through out the almost thirty years of marriage I never pushed her and was patient, but on the same note I also stayed very persistent. Every women is different and you know that just by the different reaction we read on this site. For my wife I usually plant the seed and she usually comes around and wants to see me happy. Sometime you just have to test the waters and see how cold it really is.

[Marcelle]

Hi Della,

By virtue of the fact you are in a DADT relationship, should you wish to "talk" a bit about it, you will need to broach that subject gently IMHO. Doing things (even tiny ones) to get noticed could seem like a slap in the face to your wife as she has already indicated she does not wish to see it or talk about it. Not saying you should not talk about it but you need to the broach the subject with sensitivity to her wishes as well. I could be as simple as "Dear, I know we agreed on a DADT relationship but I would like to discuss a few things about my cross dressing if you are willing". and then go from there.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Della, You just never know how it's going to turn out.