When you see someone dressed in public...

[FeliciaMCD]

... what do you do?

I was out doing some shopping with my wife today. Groceries, mostly, so nothing really fun and exciting. Well, we decided I needed some sort of a facial cleanser and makeup remover, so we went to that section of the store.

While looking I could have sworn I saw someone dressed up. I kind of did a double take, but I didn't want to stare or be impolite. We walked around to another section and I said to my wife "I think that's a man" and she said she thought the same.

So now I'm walking around the makeup section looking through the facial scrubs and such. I wish I could have said something. I wanted to say something. I wanted to find out more about going out in public in our area. I wanted to know if she was a member here. I wanted to stare, but I felt terrible. It wasn't a "wow, that's a man?" stare, but a "wow, I'm not alone around here?" kind of stare. I guess I was jealous of the bravery involved.

Well, I didn't manage to say anything, and I saw them pass by again on their way toward the exit.

Have you ever seen someone else dressed up while you weren't? Were you interested in finding out about them?

I guess I'm just excited to know there are others out there in my area. I mean, it's pretty much a guarantee that there are several, but this was the first time I had seen them.

[sheilagirl]

I've had the same thing happen and I always try to break the ice with a compliment.
Yes, there many of us out roving about.

[FeliciaMCD]

I wish I could!

I'm timid enough even with people I know. I saw someone I work with at a restaurant the other day and I about died trying to just say "hi, how's it going?"

So approaching a complete stranger is just something I would probably never be able to do.

[AllieSF]

I have run into several sisters when out, with me being in either male of female mode. If I am in the mood I may look for an appropriate opportunity to make a realistic and very neutral comment about the weather, the store, the products, whatever that I would realistically comment upon with anyone else. I always keep it neutral and may or may not be looking at them in the eyes. I may give them a glance while talking. That is not because I am shy, far from it, but they might be and I give them a break. So, if the opportunity arises for you, make it look like an innocent comment about something besides them. The last thing that many want to hear is something about them and how they present, unless there is something specific, like "Where did you get those boots?". They probably do not want to hear about you either, so please abstain from that too. If they are interested in talking more, it will be obvious, otherwise give them a break.

[Erika Lyne]

I'm always torn. If I see someone dressed and passing and I stare, while in drab, it must seem to them that they were just made, (even though it takes one to know one). If I don't look again, it is as if I am not admiring their bravery. If I say something, will someone else notice that wouldn't have otherwise or will they be awkwardly insulted that someone noticed after passing for a while? If I give them a smile and a nod, I may look like a Tranny Chaser. It always seems to be a losing thing no matter which path I take.

I wish I knew what the best option was. I'd like to give them a compliment but that usually comes out perverted.

*sigh*
-E

[victoria76]

I feel a lot like you, FeliciaMCD. I have seen them out and about and wanted to talk also, but was too shy to do it.
I am always fascinated to see others out and about. I admire their bravery! :)

[Seana Summer]

I try to not treat them any differently than I treat anyone else. Which is how I prefer to be treated

[Sara Jessica]

I rarely spot one of our tribe in the wild. We are not as prolific as many would like to believe.

[Starr]

I go out dressed often, and have no problem with a complement leading into a conversation, however I am pretty open about who I am so I am also very confident in being out...with that it is easy for me to deal with someone wanting to talk.. Now don't get me wrong here I am confident in who I am.. not confident in that I am passing to everyone I see.. I have no problem being read.. I even sometimes go out all fem but without my breast forms.. so easy to see I am not a real girl..

[Rachelakld]

I would like to treat them differently to everyone else.
If I saw a random girl I would not approach her, but if I saw one of us, I would want to say hi and compliment them.
I've only seen one while I was dressed, I smiled, she looked away.

And if you saw me, I would like you to say hi

[Laura in NC]

I just recently got back from a disneyworld vacation, and saw someone dressed as Alice. My wife saw her first and wanted to say something, but refrained as to not startle them. After all, they were on vacation as well. She did however take a photo to show me. We went back to our room via the lobby and they were still there texting. I too refrained from disturbing their vacation. I just smiled and thought "WhT a fun outfit to wear at Disney ".

[AngelaYVR]

This makes me wonder about some of the comments I get from guys when I'm out. I always assumed they were hitting on me but perhaps they were just trying to give the secret handshake?

[Karolyn]

I saw two CDs en femme when I went to Sephora the first time. That discovery made me much more confident for my future visits.

I just come back from the movie theater en femme, and that was interesting to see the reaction of some people. When I was on the sidewalk, people coming in front of me look at me first, then after a second they do a sudden move, like a little jump, because they just realized who I was. If there is a BF or GF, they start talking discretely. I didn't take it personally, but when I see CDs in real-life, I just have my normal reaction, which is almost none. I try to smile at least, to make the CD more confident.

[Karen62]

I think I saw a trans sister just yesterday. I was in the local UPS Store to drop off a return item shipment (some nice but non-fitting fem shoes to Zappos!) and was running late for an important engagement. I was a bit stressed because the line was taking a long time to move and I was impatient. Behind me I heard the store's door open and then I hear a feminine voice, although in a rather masculine tonal register, call out to the clerk behind the counter. I turned around to see a very tall (definitely over 6'), large-framed woman who was wearing casual but clearly feminine clothes. She had her own curly hair (no wig), and wore light make-up. She was already smiling when I look at her, and I gave her a BIG happy, warm smile in return. Her smile brightened up and she gave me a wink! Just then the clerk called me over, took my box and then I had to run along. But this was in my little home town. How awesome was that? I hope I run into her again when I am less stressed for time and finally get to meet her. She seemed to be so comfortable in her own skin -- I LOVED THAT. I'll get there -- one day.

Karen

[annecwesley]

There's someone I first noticed about 8 years ago at a local thrift store. She was not very passable at the time, but I have seen her over the years looking better every time. I've long wanted to introduce myself and get to know this kindred soul, whome I admire for her courage and development, but have never had the opportunity. I think I know who she is (her male self) and where he works - but I wouldn't dare introduce myself under those circumstances. She lives in my town, I've figured that out.

Just the other day I saw her again. What's odd is that I was looking her over, admiring her skirt and the way she looked before I noticed her face and realized who I was admiring. She looked good, and I wanted to tell her so. She was two people ahead of me in the supermarket checkout, and by the time I checked out she was, again, gone.

[Gwinnie]

I look from a distance and admire them for their bravery. I wish I could do it.

[Sarah-RT]

I was once in a shopping mall and saw a person walk by headed to a clothes shop who was 6' 5'' or so, im 6' 4'' and they were taller than me, I wasnt close enough to notice an adams apple but I did do a double take and thought, thats definitely a guy. I remember he kind of stared at me when I did the double take and was probably thinking ''hes realised im not a woman''.

Didnt think much of it at the time but now I wish I could have said something. Especially since Ireland has such a small population the percentage of CDers is presumably quite low and that socially we're still a little behind some of the rest of the world so I reckon it must have taken him a great deal of courage to shop in public during the day in a busy shopping center

Kudos to him

[charlenesomeone]

I went to the grocery store today for the first time here. Maybe it was me!
It was really busy, but no comment or staring. Cashier was nice.
Busy parking lot too.

[Beverley Sims]

A always see people dressed in public.
If they were naked I would have something to write home about.....

Oh! dressed as in.......

I do nothing to scare the deer in the headlights.
I know a lot of girls that would pass as boys without any effort.

[Krisi]

Just think how awkward it would be if you walked up to someone you took for a crossdresser and said "Hi, my name is Felicia and I'm a crossdresser just like you." and it turned out to be a generic woman?

The only crossdresser I've seen in public in many years is my own reflection in a store window. I didn't say anything.

[AnnieMac]

. . yea and add so when are you due?

[DorothyElizabeth]

This makes me wonder about some of the comments I get from guys when I'm out. I always assumed they were hitting on me but perhaps they were just trying to give the secret handshake?

I have met other "dressers" on three occasions. Purely by accident, I discovered the secret handshake seems to be a compliment paid to an article of clothing, nail polish, or a hairdo. If she responds with more than just a simple "thank you", you can move on from there to follow-up questions such as "where did you get it?"

[CrackedFacade]

I've only run into one person that was dressed (unless I'm hanging out in Dupont Circle) and we bumped into each other in the nail polish section of a local big box store. It was rather amusing b/c we both gave each other the "nod" and continued to look for that perfect colr.

[phylis anne]

I found if I start the convo with c"ould we have a birds of the same feather chat"? this has broken the ice several times
hugs phylis anne

[Jorja]

I immediately go to the PA system and say, Will the crossdresser in isle 6 please report to checkout #7 for interrogation as to why you are looking at the makeup. :)

Really, if we are close I will pay her some compliment or maybe just smile and say hello.

[JenniferR771]

Phylis Anne has a great idea! Also you could ask..."Do you have the CD time?" "Ohmigosh; I am in such a tizzy. I only have five hours to find a cute outfit for support group!"
"Where did you get those shoes. They are just so, so cute. I just had to say something."
"Do you think this top would fit me?"

I have met at least four over the years.

[flatlander_48]

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were in a store. I saw one employee and one customer who were transgender. My wife noticed also. As I was in the store for the expressed purpose of looking for dresses, I think that was a pretty clear reference. The customer left a few minutes after I noticed her, so there was no possible interaction there. The employee did not wait on me, but was close by when I paid for what I had picked out. I made a few witty remarks as I am want to do, but she wasn't moved to say anything and I didn't want to press it.

I am not one given to starting conversations with perfect strangers, but on occassion I will. Largely it depends upon the energy that folks give off. Often if someone is in their own world, I can sense that they would just rather keep to themselves. I try to respect that. I have no burning desire to find out how long they've been dressing, or who does their hair or whatever. If I did ask, it would only be after a certain comfort level had been reached.

[alwayshave]

I was once in the Pentagon City Mall Macy's shoe section with my fiancee and saw a member from this board. I thought about approaching, but decided not to.

[MelanieAnne]

Recently, I was walking in the park and spotted what I thought was one of us. I wanted to make contact with her. So I sat down on the bench near her, and whispered, "You look amazing, just like a real woman". She jumped up and began flailing away at me with her purse. :eek:

239984

[Jean 103]

Thank you for that Melanie Anne LOL Jean

[jjjjohanne]

I believe the common etiquette is to not acknowledge that you have read a CD. I believe it would be polite to call a CD Miss or Ma'am and never let on that you know anything further. If you really want to have a CD conversation with them, I suppose you could start with a question about where they bought their beautiful <clothing item>. If you confess you are a CD, then the other person might reveal that they are a CD. For me, I occasionally ask tall women where they find pants tall enough. I have never asked that of a CD, however.

[HollySmtms]

My wife and I were at the mall, leaving Sephora, and we passed two pretty 20-something women entering, one I am almost sure was not GG. I did a double take, she noticed and smiled, and we went our our merry ways. I wondered for a bit if "she knew I knew", but I am pretty sure she did. What I really want to know is, combining both my quick notice of her and the store I was leaving, did she figure me out? I do like to think so.... I have never been out of the house but if I was and was noticed by another CD or supporter I would definitely want them to say hi.

[ophelia]

Wouldn't be great if we could create a secret gesture between dressers which would indicate "You look amazing, you go girl"?
Maybe pointing with the left hand pinkie? The thankyou would come with a left hand pinkie pointed up...

[Joann Smith]

The universal sign goes like this . You are suppose to walk up to them , snap your finger twice , while make a big sweeping motion with your arm and say "GIRL YOU SERVING " in loud voice .


Do that only if they are not in a restaurant .. That would be kinda odd .

[Victoria Demeanor]

It took me a while to find this tread again and its old and has probably hashed to death, but it was one of the first ones I read when I found this site and as i would really like to find a like minded person to chat to in person it has been in the back of my mind for a while. I haven't really seen another girl in my area, but then again I haven't really looked. Also I haven't learned the secret hand shake yet. so I had a thought on this and wondered what the consensuses was.
As I'm not courageous enough to go shopping dress up yet, I figure If were to ever cross paths with another CD I would be in my normal old drab and not looking to come off as a creepy old man looking for a hook up so I came up with this.
I made up some simple business cards. My little Batgirl logo, my girl name and a simple "loves to chat over a good cup of coffee. I then included my gmail address. I figure if the opportunity ever percented itself, A compliment on her shoes, or question about a product on the shelf then a quick "oh here in case you are interested" then a "have a nice day and off to continue my day without lingering for a reply.
I figure the down side is a quick duck to avoid a flying hand bag if I was wrong or having to change my gmail account if things went wrong.
I kind of thought it was a non threatening way to say Hi sister. it also leaves it up to them to make the next move if any.
More then likely these cards will stay in my wallet forever, but what do you all think?
Victoria D ;)

[Connie61]

My wife and I had been shopping in a major store one evening. We were approaching a girl who was a CD. She was walking thru the women's section of clothing as we were too. Two thoughts I had: 1. She was pretty in her own way, 2. I was soooo envious

[pamela7]

I'm so new to this. It's like owning a type of car, once you own one you see them everywhere, before you never noticed. Before I rarely went shopping, now its my fave past-time, how things have changed! So on Monday yes I noticed a fellow CD'er, and I was not dressed. They knew I'd noticed, they had a little smile to themselves and nothing was said. I felt he knew I was also one of the tribe, and that was enough.

[detty]

Hi,

Very nice thread. I have two stories to share. One was a very trashy man in floral pants and red high heel pumps my wife saw in Zurich downtown. People were making fun of him and taking photos. I was sad about the story, I felt from the description, he was simply a lost soul without support and advice.

http://femidity.ch/articles/man-in-floral-pants-red-high-heel-pumps/

Another encounter was a nice crossdresser lady at a department store, who looked great, but was not passing. People did not cause her problems, but she was turning heads and raising attention. I think she chose a combination of feminine attire, which altogether signaled very much, she was a crossdresser. No offense, I would not be even closely passing as she did.

http://femidity.ch/articles/sales-50/

I added the links, if you want to read the whole of the stories.

Kisses,

Detty

@Victoria D: The business card is a very nice idea, but I think it would not work. You would scare her off, she could not tell that you are a co-affected, co-involved individual. A secret sign would be actually great as well.

[pamela7]

a circle with a vertical line through middle would look like CD ... it could be a brooch-pin or ?

[Alice Torn]

When i lived in Tacoma Wa, one cashier at a local gas station, had the most gorgeous fingernails painted nicely, and longish dark brown hair, with male voice,. I was thinking of telling that i was a dresser, but never did. I just treated the person like anyone else, with courtesy.

[Pat]

Wouldn't be great if we could create a secret gesture between dressers which would indicate "You look amazing, you go girl"?

How about a simple thumbs up?

[kimdl93]

I have seen or thought I saw a fellow traveler in the local grocery. On that occasion I was not dressed. The individual looked perfectly presentable and w as going about her business, so I minded mine.

[phylis anne]

This is for Jorja ,
I loved your reply it was hillarious lmao :D I can just see this happening in a store
hugs phylis

[ophelia]

I once had a chance to participate in a public makeover session by a transgenders MUA at MAC in Vancouver-Granville Bay Store, but I couldn't get the extension on the B&B. I was sooooooo disappointed.
How about..."You're tuckolicious!"?

[Andy66]

Just think how awkward it would be if you walked up to someone you took for a crossdresser and said "Hi, my name is Felicia and I'm a crossdresser just like you." and it turned out to be a generic woman?


:loc: I did something very similar the other night. I was in a bar that had a drag show going on. She came up to the bar next to me to buy a drink. I said it was nice that she was dressed up. Then she said, in a clearly GG voice, that she wasnt that dressed up. :ft:

I always try to make a fool of myself when I see, or think I see, a CD. :heehee:

[Kate T]

I said to my wife "I think that's a man" and she said she thought the same.


Irrespective of whether the individual was GG, GM, CD, TG or TS, at that particular point in time she was wishing to present as a woman. I think it is worthwhile to try and remember that and to treat her and think of her as a woman. That being the case then I think the greatest compliment you can offer her is to interact with her as if she were a woman. Now if during that interaction (maybe you provide assistance with looking for a particular item or perhaps provide some experience / comment e.g. I've tried the bright blue mascara but it just doesn't suit me) she gave some advice or indication that she identified as a CD / TG or whatever THEN the door is open to further develop that interaction.

[Rebecca Cross Bracer]

It's incredible to me that so many of you have mutual encounters with other CDs. I don't think I've ever encountered another en femme, and I consider myself to be pretty observant.

[annecwesley]

I've thought to ask "Excuse me, but do you know Ann Wesley?" If she recognizes the name (from this group, or any other forum I'm in) then I'd say "I'm Ann". If she doesn't recognize the name then -- well we take it from there.

[marilyn m]

jorja, that is really funny , had a dream about that woke up in a sweat lol :haha:

[Cheryl T]

I've seen sisters when I've been various places (both when I was dressed and drab) and yes, I've had the urge to greet them and say hello. But I always suppress that urge giving them the space to be them without intrusion. When I'm out it's not to be a leader, not to promote a cause, it's to express myself. This, for me, is much more than just dressing up. I want to just be me. It would upset me if someone came up to me and said, "hi, I'm a crossdresser too". I don't go to lengths to hide anymore. I do my best to blend in and I don't want to be "outed" because someone has the need to tell me they share this with me.
Give me a wink or a head nod or a little knowing smile, but please, don't approach me. If I'm at a venue which is obviously TG then fine, but in the mall, the restaurant, etc, just acknowledge you know and enjoy your day.

Sorry if this seems a little callous, I just want to be me and nothing more.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

When I Lived in New Mexico while taking care of my mothers estate, I worked overnight at a wallys and drove cabs. Never saw anyone that I thought was dressed in my cab but did know some FTM folk that rode along. I never said anything that might have scared or offended them but had some funny conversations.

We had one Lady that came into the store late at night or early in the morning dressed to the nines. Unfortunately many of the workers made fun of her even the people you wouldn't think would. I caught quite a bit of flak because I would tell people mind your own business and be careful as the stores attitude was if you made any kind of harassment you would be fired on the spot. She was a very nice looking lady and I loved her clothes. She would walk the entire store on her trips and when she came into my area I always made sure to tell her Hi and ask if there was anyway I could help her find anything. I would have loved to talk to her and tell her how nice she looked but that would have been sexual harassment. She usually dressed in 50's or 60's attire.

[Zeldamoonflower]

I guess yah do nothing.

[ophelia]

Another time was really awkward and annoying. I like to go shopping in indoor malls. I was set upon by a duo of really badly dressed CD's who wanted to join me. They looked like the drag fobs on Monty Python. Whatever attention I may or may not draw to myself I was not interested in the kind of attention they would have added. They had trouble taking no for an answer and became agressive. I had to speak forcefully to get rid of them. Ruined the evening for me really.

[leannejacobs]

I was once in a shopping mall and saw a person walk by headed to a clothes shop who was 6' 5'' or so, im 6' 4'' and they were taller than me,

Hi Sarah, Just a question about your sighting, at that height would you say she stood out like a sore thumb? Also I take it you weren't dressed at the time? The reason I ask is that I'm also the same height as the CDer you saw, I too go out and about and love having a wander in the supermarkets, I must admit, apart from a couple of curious teens I've never had any issues, I usually take a trolley to allow me to stoop a little and it gives me something to focus on or duck behind if needs be lol

I have also seen another CDer at our local supermarket, I was mortified with her choice of clothing, she stepped out of a car with a male driver, she wore a bright yellow non fitted very short dress, a white cardigan and was wearing black stockings and suspenders, clearly visible with the length of dress, small heeled black shoes carrying a black hand bag, she had a short blonde wig on, age? Mid to late 50's I'd say, respect for the outing in broad daylight but that outfit was never going to blend, maybe I'm to critical but it just wasn't a good look.

[CarlaWestin]

I rarely spot one of our tribe in the wild. We are not as prolific as many would like to believe.

How true. You would think that here in Las Vegas seeing a gender explorer would be commonplace. I actually see way more genetic women in fully male mode. It's always interesting to see the visual icons of maleness they choose to embellish. But, it's somewhat rare to see a CD male. And when I do, I make no attempt to engage as I understand that can be traumatic for some of us. On the other hand, I don't believe I've been clocked that often. Nor do I care.

[Sharon B.]

Can't understand why one of us would go stalking another one, how would you feel if someone done that to you?

[Cassiecd]

Yes, I'd say its very rare to spot a "sister" in public. Outside of events and bars of course!

Only once did it happen to me, I actually recognized a gal from her online profile on an airplane i was traveling on! I did not want to freak her out or give her away (very passable) but i did want to scream "you are not alone!" and how wonderful to see you in public! and I love your outfit!...I dress too!

I casually said hello and left her my card with a quick note. We did have a wonderful short chat after we got off the plane..it was fabulous!

[meganmartin]

I have not seen anyone else out while I was in male mode.
All I would do is smile in approval and most likely not engage them.
Its just a privacy thing, I would not want to freak them out.

What you have to consider is this the first time they are out and me approching them wories that I read them, or worse know them as a guy. Not knowing her situation.

However with that said if I did know them and they just never met me as a guy I would introduce myself.

[flatlander_48]

I have also seen another CDer at our local supermarket, I was mortified with her choice of clothing, she stepped out of a car with a male driver, she wore a bright yellow non fitted very short dress, a white cardigan and was wearing black stockings and suspenders, clearly visible with the length of dress, small heeled black shoes carrying a black hand bag, she had a short blonde wig on, age? Mid to late 50's I'd say, respect for the outing in broad daylight but that outfit was never going to blend, maybe I'm to critical but it just wasn't a good look.

If you line 10 crossdressers up and ask them "What is your goal while dressed?" you will likely get 10 different answers. There is a spectrum from not caring if you blend or not to working very hard to blend in and all points in between. Also, many men (and women also, for that matter) don't have much of a fashion sense and in many cases, are NOT trying to cultivate one. As jarring as that may seem, that can be the reality.

[BobbyRay]

Yes, I'd say its very rare to spot a "sister" in public. Outside of events and bars of course!

Dunno if it's something about the areas where I live but I run across MtoF crossdresser/transexuals dressed in public on a semi-regular basis. (every 2 to 3 months or so)

I've never approached them as I'm uncomfortable approaching strangers nor do I want to draw attention to them if they are trying to avoid being read.
That said some of the more readable ones have lead to interesting conversations with friends (None of whom know I'm a CD'r) who I am with about the topic.

I often find that some of the people I would most expect to be ok with it are the ones who regard them in the least regard and make the harshest comments.

[Lacyfem]

Kind of why I don't go out in public unless later in the evening to a place I know there will be other like us. If another CD can recognize us then the public can and perhaps "who cares" as those that don't understand aren't quite so kind as to pay us a compliment. Besides being 6'2" even short heels, I kind of stand out and with a man's shoulders I really stand out. For those that can get by and love to go out, I'm jealous and envious but am very happy for you as I'd so love to shop en fem.