any help will help

[lynda]

ilike to say i really like this forum and you girls, heres the the thing ever since i came out to my family and freinds and stared dressing 24/ 7 . i thought it would soulve all my gender problems, but it hasent it has only made them worst for me , because now i feel like im on a rumaway train and cant put on the brakes to womenhood . i come to the conculsion that i really miss my male side , but cant seem to find a balance anymore, every time i put on my guy cloths something brings me back to my female side and i feel compeld to change back, i think im alone way to much, but i am starting to pull away from my old guy friends, i just feel lost sometimes. i just want to go back to having control and balance in my life . any help will help . hugs love lynda

[Martina]

Lynda,
I think that we all go through this emotion within ourselves at times, wanting to dress more unable to find the balance to be who we are with the male and female sides not wanting to give way to the other.

What I have found is to totally be underdressed as my female self including a dress, with male outer clothes covering my innerself and this gives me the balance to look male on the outside but be female on the inside.
Hope this will help you to understand that you can find a balance within.

Martina

[Rachelakld]

Hi Linda, yes alone will do that to you, as it does to me.
Apart from dressing, what sports do you like to play, how about night class doing metal work, wood work, guitar or anything your interested in.
Put on your favourite bra & undies, male clothes over the top and go fishing or go karting etc with the lads.

Apart from dressing, make your life around what activities you like to do,

[kiwidownunder]

That's great advice Rachel :thumbsup:

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Lynda,
Balance is sooo important, Great advice from Rachel, but you actually need to make time for those things.
Set a schedule if you can, 2 days on, 2 days off, or whatever balance will work for you.
Just find something that your interested in (other than CDing) and are really good at. Something that occupies your mind.
Make it another passion, really try to be the best at doing whatever it may be.
It's very easy to get caught in the fog bank, but it will eventually fade away. Realizing your in it is the first step towards finding a way out.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[lingerieLiz]

It will take time to find the balance in your life. Since your friends are aware find what they are comfortable with. You may find that a blend of clothes and looks make you and others the most comfortable. I know several strait women who wear guy clothes, don't own a dress, or wear makeup. Several people know I wear women's clothes most of the time, but don't look like a girl or try to. We are all unique.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

You say you're starting to pull away from your male friends, but are you making female friends instead? You also say you're alone way too much. I think you should make finding accepting friends (or family) your priority, rather than focusing on the dressing, which is taking over.

Get out of your head- you're letting it spoil things for the rest of your body.

[charlenesomeone]

Lynda have you sought out a gender psychologist? If you intend to fully transition that
will be a necessity. If you just want more balance, lots of great suggestions here, especially
under dressing. Taking your time will help you even out too.
Hugs

[lynda]

girls thank you all, like i said i love this forum , dont want to rehash but a lot of you know i was in dadt marreage for along time , till my wife passed. and that gave me balance , now im alone and have way to much time to dress to the point that now its all the time ,where im so into it im getting stress headachs. i worry that im losing who i really am. becouse i use to do other things , i love surfing , guitar playing and the arts , i have to find that balance again , as for my sexuelty im male and i only love women and have no desire to transite,but im starting to relize from readind and the internet that my gender leans way over to the female side, i just relate and am more emotionly female, which really dose note bother me, . i can accept that , but it is eye opening.what i think im going to do is try to blend my dressing styes. thank all you girls again ,love you all and am very happy to call you my friends, love hugs lynda

[Marcelle]

Hi Lynda,

When I first came out to my wife and family, then friends and finally work, I had the latitude to explore Isha to whatever depth I needed. However at times it felt as though two halves were fighting for control of my mortal being. I found my gender identity therapist brought significant order to chaos and has lead me to the point where I am a 40/60 split (Female/male) in my day to day life . . . my point of balance. I realize not everyone has access to or wishes to seek out a therapist so I would follow some of the sage advice already given. Embrace what it is you like about being a guy (your hobbies, past times, friends, etc.) and concentrate on making time for them in your life. You are most likely experiencing a free fall of sorts now that the controls of a DADT marriage are off and eventually your chute will open and you will find balance. The one thing I found worked well for me was I stopped thinking what was female about me and what was male and just concentrated on being the best person possible by integrating those two parts into my life. Once I realized I am the same person regardless of how I was dressed, balance found its way.

Hugs

Isha

[bobbimo]

Lynda,
I think you are working to hard to decide who you want to be. Your previous DADT life kept all the girl in you bottled up and now its out. You are simply who you want to be.
When you wake up each day, scan whats happening in your day...cutting wood boy mode...tearing your car apart... boy mode... light gardening...boy or girl.. cleaning house... casual girl.. get the idea.
You dont have to be girl all the time or boy all the time.
If you are out to friends and family, then the biggest hurdle is over. Just be who you want to be in the present moment. Enjoy the beauty of every day, and thank the powers that be that you have this wonderful gift.
Hugs Bobbi

[MsVal]

Take a deep breath, Lynda, and exhale slowly. You're going to be okay.
It's been less than a year since your wife passed away. Your emotions and your new life as a single person have yet to settle down.

There is nothing wrong with you or your desire to dress up every day. You're at a point in life where you can do this. You can explore your feelings. You can experience a life that is quite different from what you had just a year ago. While living your new life and trying new things, remember: none of those are lifelong commitments. If you decide one day to go surfing in the morning and dress up in the evening - go for it. If you choose to wear a suit and tie for a week - go for it. You have the ability to change your mind whenever you want. Eventually, through all this self discovery, you will find the new "ME".

Just don't go looking for "ME" today. That person has not arrived yet.

Best wishes
MsVal