my wife caught me

[Vala]

Hi girls.

Since many of you post stories like this i thought it would be appropriated if i would make this my first topic. Sorry if you not interested or think I'm rambling, but i guess you should stop reading then cause this is a long post.

Its time to start with some history, so the few who have read my introduction message will be aware that i chose to drop breadcrumbs instead of dropping a bomb and that i haven't been a CD most of my life.

After i started to realize i had this side of me (a little under two years ago) the bread crumbs started to fall. The main things are: stop trying to be masculine (I did this a long long time without giving it a second thought), stop biting my nails on a daily base. Stop visiting the barber shop (in the front my hair reaches my cheeks and the back my shoulder blades).
After these breadcrumbs my wife didn't seem to be any wiser. There were some comments but nothing big. then a while ago when i had a few hours alone in the evening i tried an old clear nail polish of her that she had lost for a long time (I searched it for her on a previous occasion). Days later when she used it she commented of how awsome it was, and it is. The brush is really wide but not thick. So when she made the comment I responded that I knew it was a great brush.
And this piece of bread did raise both eyebrows. I quickly got the response "so you used it? Why! Why would you try that!" I had hoped for a better response so my only response was "I wanted to try it and see how it looked". A few more words were said but the event faded away. The event how ever did make me really concerned and I thought it would be best to stop dropping breadcrumbs for a while.

So let's fast forward to last weekend. My wife and kid went on a small holiday with my sister in law, my nephew and parents in law. I couldn't join because I had to do allot of painting. That did how ever mean that I was alone for two evenings in a row, somethings that hasn't happened in god knows how long. So it was a terrific time to play around with make up. I really want to learn the skills but it takes time and practice. So the weekend was a blast, work from dawn till dusk and play from dusk till bed time.
So on sunday i made sure to remove any makeup and nail polish, but when my wife got home my weekend became horrible, she opened the door, I greeted her and she greeted me. Then she did one step into the living room and her eyes changed. From normal to hel mode. She was like 4 meters away from me, but she noticed it. And said "are you wearing eye liner?!?!". Shocked as i was I responded "no" followed by my father in law stepping into the living room. It all went kind of down from there. I was trying to float but sank like a rock. In the end when we were alone I had to come clean and had a wife that was more then a little disappointed that I didn't trust her. But she also could imagine the fear I had especially when I pointed out that most relationships do not survive this. As weak as I am I still did not say literally that I'm a CD, but I did admit to like all the girly things, makeup, clothes etc. So I thought it was pretty much the same.

So in the end she suggested to keep the topic going, cause it shouldn't come between us. At this point she made it clear she didn't want to be a part of it. And would feel bad if I would dress up once a week. The good thing was that she was still sexual attracted to me and loved me for who I am. After this evening when she finally went to sleep. I was alone once again and was left feeling miserable and.

Yesterday I still was feeling miserable and not much words where spoken but my wife ensured me that she still loved me.

And finally tonight after we both had some time to overcome the initial shock we had "the talk". It took hours there were lots of questions and my wife was more accepting then she initial thought. There now is a good chance that she wants to be a part of in due time. I told her that she will be leading in what happens and I will not push anything. So only time will tell. But for now I'm happy that the talk ended in total peace.

Kisses Linda.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Good for you!!!

[Natasha V]

Wow, That's a lot to take in for a Spouse that knew nothing. Good Luck with the outcome from here on out. The story sounded like a novel. Nice and kept me going for more. Lol

[Annaliese]

That will get you every time, I came home from a conference and had dress the night before, when I got of the plane the first thing she notice was the eye liner. Busted. Sometime thing do turn out, I would never have told her, if she had not seen the eye liner. I would still be in the closet.

[MsVal]

Linda, It looks like you had one of those unplanned, unexpected, unprepared disclosures, compounded by other relatives in attendance. I wouldn't trade places with you for any amount of money.

Fortunately for you, it sounds like your wife and you have opened up a dialog that is leading toward some kind of mutual agreement. Good for you, and good for your wife. I advise you to keep that dialog going.

Best wishes
MsVal

[AngelaYVR]

My wife bought me some better makeup remover simply because I had such a hard time removing all the traces of eyeliner. I am glad for you that it led to greater openess!

[Glenda58]

My wife wanted to if I was wearing mascara yesterday when she got home. I had been dressing earlier in the day but was clean by the time she got home. But as I looked in the mirror I saw I had lipstick on my teeth. Kept my mouth shut and went down stairs and wiped my teeth.

Glad you and your wife are talking about this mine won't. Hope things work out for you.

[Lauri K]

Wow, I suppose I am lucky after reading this.

My wife is OK with my eyeliner and mascara routine (usually weekends for the eyeliner), But I have worn mascara (very black w / natural green eyes) for many years daily so I cannot imagine not wearing it, so I suppose my family and co workers, neighbors, friends etc. have gotten used to my wearing over the course of time or do not notice because I have never had any comments from them ?

I get a few comments about how pretty my eyes are once in a while though.......from others

[JamieG]

Wow, Linda. That must have been scary for you. I'm glad to hear everything is okay, at least for now.

[alwayshave]

Linda, I am glad to hear that your wife was so accepting. It can be a lot to take-in.

[MissTee]

Face paint would not out me since I don't use it hardly ever. Even so, I am blessed to have a supportive wife. Hope you can be as equally blessed. Good luck!

[Momarie]

And while you were leaving her these breadcrumbs (that's such an adorable, non-threating way to put it ~ just like Hansel and Gretel).

How many other messages were you sending her...
That made her believe she continued to live in the fairy tale of being married to the only husband she has ever known?

[Jenniferathome]

... I still did not say literally that I'm a CD, but I did admit to like all the girly things, makeup, clothes etc. So I thought it was pretty much the same.

...

Linda, it's not the same thing. Saying it to her will actually free you more than you can imagine. Basically, you are still trying to hide this from her. Bread crumbs didn't work and this won't work either. Get it out once and for all!

[cdncdwife]

I'm so glad you've had the talk and it worked out well. If you can be extra loving and supportive to her, I'm sure she'll try and do the same for you. I recently found out my husband was CD. And what a shock that was! It took me some to get over the worst of the shock and every day I feel better and better. I love my husband, I still get scared that people will find out and judge him but as far as our relationship goes we've never been better. It's funny reading your story because I found out when he also didn't entirely remove eyeliner. That stuff's a bugger to get out of your lash line! lol. But I'm glad we're open and honest with each other because it allowed me to ask a gazillion questions and figure out not only about his CD but also how this would affect me as a wife. That's a lot to think about and I' glad you guys are on this journey together. I hope you stay in touch.

[justmetoo]

That's a good point, cdncdwife. When a relationship is part of the equation 2 people are affected. I can only hope I will be as open and honest and communicative and receptive if I ever manage to get into a relationship/partnership.

This is one of the things I like about this forum, the input from GGs, wives, SOs, etc. I am open to my sisters and nieces and my mother, so I have them to learn from, too.

[Vala]

Thanks girls for the comments and taking the time to read the message.

Natasha:
That's so sweat of you. I would how probably never try to write a novel. My lack of language skill would be a real trouble.

MsVal:
Well I'm happy the plane didn't crash and burn.

JamieG:
Yes I was scared but it's kind of my own fault. I feel more for my wife. Cause although she did not say it out loud she probably was scared two.

Momarie:
Sorry I don't think I fully understand the second part of your message. It reads to me like I should be ashamed, but I can't believe that a your intension.
But for the record our relationship/marriage isn't a fairytale. Simply because it is real.

Jennifer:
Telling my wife literally that I'm a crossdresser was covered in "the talk". And her response to that was "that's just a label, to me you are still (insert real name here) the loving husband and father.", and that was kind of funny since she doesn't know my signature here. And to give more details she now knows what clothes I like in general, and what clothes/makeup I own and use offcourse. The thing that hasn't been done is showing it all, cause I made it clear I wasn't ready for that and she was fine with that.
By the way I also thought deeply about your comment and although I don't want to use this topic as a discussion topic I do feel I need to say that I disagree cause the word crossdresser is a generalization. Here on the forum we have people that just wear clothes without any make up, that under dress (I don't feel that need), that go all our to present as female as possible (that's my thing), who are transitioning, and we have cybernetic skin users. So stating what I like is in my opinion even beter than just saying I'm a crossdresser.

Cdncdwife:
Many thanks. You sound like my wife. And she also cursed the stuff and ended up removing what was still there, she is so sweat.

So with all the reactions handled I would like to add that it seemed my wife forgot one question in the talk. It was one I even never thought about but had a simple answer. She asked me if I would use like to use female perfume when dressed, and the answer was yes.

Thanks again girls