Malicious outing

[stlmichelle]

I was wondering if anyone has ever confided in someone and in a totally mean spirit they told others about your cding.
Me personally when I first started dating my wife I told her of my cding by our third or fouth date. I asked her to keep it to herself but she had to tell her mother and sister and eventually got to her father. Well I was ok with that as long as it went no further. One day my mother in law was angry at me for some reason or another (really not entirely sure) but in a totally mean spirit outed me to another of my sister in laws. Not only was I humiliated, cause I really didn't feel the need for them to know, but I was livid at my mother in law. I did not speak to her for weeks. We eventually talked about it, but I never really forgave her. Also I do not trust her with anything personal cause I know that it will leave her mouth as soon as it enters her ears. Anyway that is my story, knida out to more people than I wanted to.

[susandrea]

Some people are just like that. Jerks. If they want to hurt you, they will. The CD aspect was just an easy target for them.

They aren't worthy of your caring, are they?

[TaraB]

to be honest its not anything new or will ever change. Much is the same with racism. Alot of people arn't racist in general but when mad and they know they can hurt someone with it....the racist comments will come out.

i hate it and never participate in the same manner but when i see it i'm not suprised at all.

[Aloha_Dana]

Michelle,

Sorry to hear that your mother-in-law isn't a nice person. I almost get the sense that the run-of-the-mouth trait runs in the family, but that is not my point, which is that though your MiL hurt you by outing her, she has lost your trust. To me a person can go no lower than to be untrustworthy.

Hopefully one day she will sincerely apologize and your relationship can start to rebuild.

Best of luck,
Dana

[DonnaT]

The way I look at it, I don't worry about anyone else knowing. They have no affect on my life, and thus their knowledge can't harm me in anyway.

Nor would I feel humilated by snyone finding out that I haven't already told, because there is nothing wrong with being transgendered or a cross dresser.

I'd tell my MIL that I was totally cool with whomever she felt a need to blab to, then she wouldn't have it as ammunition to use against me.

[susandrea]

The way I look at it, I don't worry about anyone else knowing. They have no affect on my life, and thus their knowledge can't harm me in anyway.

Nor would I feel humilated by snyone finding out that I haven't already told, because there is nothing wrong with being transgendered or a cross dresser.

I'd tell my MIL that I was totally cool with whomever she felt a need to blab to, then she wouldn't have it as ammunition to use against me.

:clap: :thumbsup: :angel:

[Jodi]

Michelle, When you think of trust--remember, you asked your wife not to tell and she did. That should have been a clue.

Jodi

[michelleliz]

I told someone that I worked with one time And even showed her my Picture.

I even had her oveer for supper once when I was dressed. You just don't know who youcan trust. I think she must have told just about every one she could find. I didn't really believe I could trust her. The reason I told her I knew no one would believe her . I dont think she was right in the mine.

She told me she could have sex when ever she wanted . All she had to do was lay down and GOD would have sex with her. Can yousee why I told Her Ha HA

Michelleliz

[suanne]

Helloooooo. Michelle I think the problem started with the wife. What makes you think she didn't tell others. Sounds like with the wife/mother thing "the apple didn't fall far from the tree." Good luck.


Suanne

[LindaC]

I had a girl friend once who did the same thing to me.

I told her about my CDing in strict confidence. She violated that confidence.

This happened years ago. I still run into her and she can not understand why I have nothing to do with her.

People should learn deserve as much respect as they give.

[Gwen]

Seems pretty clear that your Wife and Mother-in-Law don't realize that they are blatent crossdressers themselves. Our society still remembers that women are supposed to wear dresses. If you don't believe it look at virtually every women's public bathoom door. I haven't met a woman yet that didn't wear pants in public. Obviously it's so common that women can buy pants in the women's department now but pants are still pants. They come from the man's world. It just shows up the double standard of self-righteous women.

I prefer to out myself but as this thread acknowledges you can't always control that. At some point you have to take the risk or live a supressed life. But our reaction is really the telling moment. We make or break ourselves. I am often outed behind my back. When confronted I acknowledge that I have worn women's clothes for mardi gras and Halloween on many occasions and find it extremely fun. It doesn't seem like such a big deal when it is put that way. I have never been pressed for a committment to dressing more often than that. If pressed further I would probably say I would in a minute if a beautiful woman asked me to. I have run my own pole and found that most non-crossdressing men would dress for a woman if she offered sex in return. Basically I play with them back by posing the response in terms that I feel favors me. It's open season on non-crossdressers you know. Take advantage of it and turn the tables.

[Helen MC]

I was married and I was up front with my ex-wife from our second date. I don't know if she told anyone else, I don't think so but if she did, e.g. her sisters, her mother etc, nobody ever mentioned it to me and it never came back to me that she had. Our eventual divorce had nothing do to with my CD side as far as I know, and when married we shared panties as we took the same size and liked the same styles. We are still quite friendly.

There is an old expression, "You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube". I have been lucky in that of the girlfriends I have had even those who did not like my being a CD and with whom I ended the relationship for that reason , none has betrayed my confidences, at least as far as I am aware. Nor for that matter have any of my male friends who are in the know. The only time I got any problems as I have related on another thread was when I was accidentally discovered to be wearing panties by a nasty butch macho male co-worker who didn't like me anyway and who told everyone else in that workplace.

I'm afraid it's a risk we have to take when we confide in another, a secret once told is no longer a secret and whether this is a sexual matter, something unfortuate in our past, a secret phobia, etc we are in the hands of the other party once the truth is out- it can't be erased like a disk or a tape. Personally I think it is despicable for an SO to betray their partner's confidences in such a manner even to parents or siblings. Michelle, I think you can see where her REAL loyalties lay and it was not to you.

[TGMarla]

They say a secret is only good when it is between two people....and one of them is dead. This is why I'm not out to family and friends.

[KarenNY]

I'm surprised that I was not maliciously outed after all the CDing I did -- in both private and public -- when I was in junior and senior high school... I was pretty paranoid about people finding out. As a typical self-conscious teenager, I would walk around school wondering if anyone could tell by looking at me that I was a secret crossdresser! Thankfully I had a supportive and rather indulgent single mother where my CDing was concerned.

I was very fortunate to have a very small circle of GG friends -- a couple of very good friends, more like sisters -- who were okay with my CDing and even hung out with me many times when I was en femme. They used to say I was "just one of the girls." And they were from my church youth group of all things! There was another mutual GG friend of ours who thought I was just weird and though she knew about my CDing, she would just stay away if I was out dressed. To my knowledge, she didn't say anything to anyone, or at least it didn't get back to me. And another mutual "friend" we just didn't tell at all because she was a malicious individual anyway who often cut down people because she had a poor self-image.

One person I strictly avoided with the whole CDing issue was my cousin Beth, who was about my age. I had originally thought when I started the whole CDing around the house thing with my mother's help and blessing, that I might have a real buddy there with Beth! However, I learned through another circumstance that she was NOT to be trusted with secrets! If I had confided in her my love of girls clothes and everything, my secret would have been all over her school and mine!

My mother had also confided in a couple of her GG friends, including her hairdresser Donna, about my CDing, and that went very well. She would even show me off to a couple of them, and Donna did many transformations on me at her salon (she had a home business, thank goodness). If anyone had a problem with it, it did not filter down to me.

[tammie]

HI Everyone: A decade ago I was dating a young woman. I was early forties she early twenties. I was not serious, at least I had no intention of getting married. It seems to me almost all women date with tehintentin of getting married. Men seem to enjoy dating as a pastime IE golf or horse racing or a vacation trip (best analogy). Where women seem to approach dating as a means to an end like the road trip, but the goal is to get to the desination not just to enjoy the trip.

This young woman is hispanic and we had the most remarkable sex U can imagine. It was perfect every time. The earth tembled every time. It was one of the best times in my life as far as sex went, but of course we all know that even with that there was the "lingerie" in the bottom of the closet calling to me, like a siren in the wilderness. So one day I at home she at work, and I get out several items and underdress for a few hrs. When I put things away I seemed to have over looked a black spandex cami.

She found it and went off like a stick of dynamite. Screaming and accusing, finally to try to calm her I made a huge mistake. I told her I was not screwing other large women in "our bed", she being very petite, but that it was mine. If there was one thing I could have done to make it worse that was it. Now she was hyserical to the point of being incoherant. After hrs of alternately scraming and crying we went to bed and she was consoled by wonderful sex and we slept.

Several days later I came home from class one evening, to find all her things gone. She had moved out everything of hers, and found my lingerie and thrown it all in the garbage after pouring mustard and motor oil all over it. Then she proceeded to tell everyone she could think of that knew me I was a queer and liked to dress in womens clothes and prance around. It occured to me to not address any of the accusations as that would only stimulate more conjecture and discussion.

The only thing I ever did was roll my eyes and say how much I missed her sweet young ass. True enough there,and I never made any disparaging remarks about her. So I am not sure who might believe her, and no one ever asked me directly " do I wear women's clothing or have gay sex". I think the people who know me for a hard working honorable individual accept me as just that. I figured most would assume she was an angry woman doing what she could to be vindictive, also true enough.

The upshot to all of this is she was in fact 2timing me, and she moved in with another man, but told me she moved in with a girlfriend. She kept coming by my house once a week to have sex. After not giving me her new # for 6 weeks I had her followed her home one day, got a plate # off the other car. I had a PD friend of mine run it to find out who she was living with. The next time she came to the house after we had hot incredible sex, I layed across her petite beautiful young body, reached under the bed for my cordless shaver and while holding her down I shaved all her pubic hair off! Then I told her to go home and lie to ....... and tell him she did it for him. The look on her face was priceless.

The last thing that happened was she got pregnant, and didn't know was the father of the baby, as she still kept coming back to me. I offered to marry her, but she choose the other amn who she was living with. I knew abou thim, he didn't know about me. I finally stopped seeing her and last time I heard from her she now has 4 children and is still married to him.

[Sharon B.]

Michell,
I know how you feel, I was dating a woman for the last seven years we had a agruement and broke up over something that to this day I don't know what it was.
To cut the story short I received a phone call from a place of phone call from a nother woman saying if I wanted to dress as a woman to let her know and she would help me. There was laughter at the other end and then they hung up.
I know the place of employment from a so called mutual friend and that was where the phone call came from.
Then she wonder why I had my number changed, and got pised off over that.
Siad I had accused her of making crank phone calls and had told everyone we know that she made them.
As of now we are not on speaking terms and just acknowdge each other if we see other among our friends.
Sharon
PS
Yes, I told her about my hobby a month after I starting dating her, but she has never seen me dressed as a woman. I had kept that out of our relationship as she didn't approve of it.

[susantv]

I have kept all my dressing to myself other than online that way it is between me and all you lovely like minded girls here.
Love susantv xxxxxxxx

[stlmichelle]

I just wanted to set things a little straight. My wife has been my biggest supporter, it is just that when she told her mother and sister it was in search of advice. She told me and explained why, believe me if I couldn't trust her I would not be with her today. It was her mother that used it to hurt me, it a totally mean spirit. Thanks to all for the replys.

[carson]

I feel for you that your MiL did such an underhanded thing. But like several others have pointed out, the problem was initiated by your SO's breach of trust/confidential information. Do not focus on what your MiL did, but on the fact that your SO violated your trust. From experience, I can tell you that that sort of behavior leads down a slippery slope.

With all good wishes, Carson

[ReginaK]

Seems pretty clear that your Wife and Mother-in-Law don't realize that they are blatent crossdressers themselves. Our society still remembers that women are supposed to wear dresses. If you don't believe it look at virtually every women's public bathoom door. I haven't met a woman yet that didn't wear pants in public. Obviously it's so common that women can buy pants in the women's department now but pants are still pants. They come from the man's world. It just shows up the double standard of self-righteous women.

Women can even buy pants in the men's department and no so much as bats an eye. I think that's even more hypocritical of society.

[Keri]

The only time I was ever "outed" was by my daughter at a bar. Seems she was a tad into-the-suds and started telling a gay chap at our table that her dad was a crossdresser and that it was "OK" with her. She probably was trying to score points with her friends (there were six of her friends at that table) on her open-mindedness about such things, using her frank chat about my proclivities as THE example of how open and accepting she was.

I blushed for the first time in 20+ years and left and went for a loooong drive to cool off. She called me the next day to say she didn't realize that I didn't want my personal life, my confidences, shared with all her friends. I thought she was a smart girl, but ... heh ... live and learn.

I don't go to bars with my daughter any more.

[CarolDonna]

Yes, it happened to me. My ex-wife told her entire family and most, if not all, of her friends, even though I had in the divorce decree that we wouldn't say negative things about each other to people we knew.

She slammed the door shut on any future reconciliation, and I believe that was her intent.

If two people know a secret, it isn't a secret anymore.

[Amanda420]

Thats a big fear for me as my ex-wife is the ONLY one who really know about me. My whole family have seen me fully dressed on Halloween so maybey they have some idea in the back of thier mind.But my ex has the biggest mouth in the world, it was a big reason why we ended the relationship, she told eveyone about every little thing that would happen in my house! If I would make a "head up the ass" comment about anyone, she would not think twice to violate our vows and break my trust by telling said person what I said!(does that make sense?) Anyway when I came out to her, I knew It was a deal breaker but I was fed up with her. I know the main reason she wont tell anyone is because she is embarresed. She doesent want anyone SHE knows to find out her husband is a crossdresser. So maybey ill just come out to the whole world and not worry anymore!