Are we stuck with crossdressing forever??

[Mia27]

Hey! So I was planning my first day to go public this saturday, I planned it two weeks ago, I had many friends who were excited and were going to help me out. But like anything else in this world, work and other things in life are preventing me from going out as well. Now that I have been thinking of it. Do I really want to go out? Or just the thought exciting enough? Do I want the world to see me dressed? I have asked myself this about a billion times.. I am worried that if i dont go out (which I do want to go out) my urges will continue to get stronger. But at the same time, a part of me wants to stop crossdressing, life would be easier if it wasnt a part of me. I know my SO accepts me and even shares clothes with me. I know though, I can see it in her eyes, she would prefer Mia didn't exist. She even told me once, that its nice that I am a CDer and we have some stuff in common, but at times she can't help it, and hates that it is part of me. So I am asking myself now, why feed the urges to go out, and be a crossdresser. What if I just fight it, will it go away? From other posts and comments, I have read that it will never go away.. it will only grow stronger... and thats what I am afraid of. I may just try quitting crossdressing, even though I do enjoy it, but its stressful, and it would be easier if it wasnt in my life. If that makes sense.

[PaulaQ]

This is very likely part of the architecture of your mind, an intrinsic part of you. You aren't going to stop it, I wish I could tell you something different, but this has been the experience of many here.

The main constructive things you can do, in my opinion, are:
1. Accept that this is a part of you.
2. Try to understand your feelings about your gender, is this part of you, or is it who you really are?

I wish you luck.

[Sarah-RT]

I too recently had the opportunity to go out for the first time with 2 friends and work and some other things got in the way. I was really excited and looking forward to it but as the time came and went and we reorganised I'm now beginning to doubt if I wanted to.

I can't place whether I was excited to go out on the basis of dressing in my room alone became boring and repetitive, whether I truly wanted to be out at all or if I just over saturated my desire over the last few weeks.

I know there are times I wish I could be a girl or simply just come out to everybody but I like being a guy and spend most of my time as such, my big problem is that I repress my urge/desire to dress and try to lock it away and then months later it comes screaming back.

I enjoy dressing and actually wish I was comfortable doing it a bit more often but I also think that if I just repress it away and once every few months I throw on a bra for a day or two I'll be cured for another while.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Avoid stress, for sure, but driving something underground probably isn't ultimately going to work- you know that. I'd be inclined to try and content yourself with limiting the activity, neither repressing it nor over indulging it- especially because your SO is somewhat ok with your present level.

Good luck, hope you can find a workable balance. Please don't hesitate to keep talking about your feelings here.

xNikki

[Amy07]

So much stress in the past years for all you here it seems, I don't care, be real and stick with the room, like I am the room then... dressing since the days you were tyhere

[Lacyfem]

Having tried to stop over a long long time I think we do have to live with it forever. Really understand how you're feel as it's stressful wanting to dress but knowing we are not truly accepted even by SO as it is in your case. Nice of her to go along with it but at some time in your life that may come to an ugly head. I'm married and wife disapproves and think if I were to go back I would not be married again as so love to dress and when not it's always there in the back of my mind. You can bury it but it will always be there and if chose to go out there can be consequences that to which I'm sure you're aware of. Good luck and hopefully you can live with your dressing and not have it be so stressful...

[natalialimapoa]

Im 24 years, and have been crossdressing since 7. And I feel exacly like you Mia.

Right now, Im in a different stage than you, since I didnt dress for the last 6+ months, but what you describe looks like the things Im asking myself.

I mean, what would I be doing here if this is not something that is inside me? I have a great company, girlfriend, family, friends. I dont need to be a CD, since my life is "complete". But I am here again, asking myself these things. I guess it really is something that we cant run away, but we will never understand completely.

Ps. sorry for the bad english.

[~Joanne~]

I think we all have wished this wasn't a part of our lives at one point or another but it is. We didn't chose this, it chose us. Now matter how far you try to run from it, it will follow you and then your right back in the dress again. It does get a bit easier once you fully accept this as part of who you are but you haven't yet so your thoughts remain confusing.

Going out the first time is always a big deal. Take a deep breath and just do it if that is what you really want to do. If you can relax enough, you'll really enjoy it. You don't have to go to the mall, store , or any where you might be seen by a whole lot of people. Remember to take baby steps, which will eventually lead to the bigger steps but keep in mind, Once your out there, the desire to be out there also never goes away ;)

[kimdl93]

There are few absolutes in life, but one of them seems to be that the desire to CD does not go away. For the vast majority of us who have been exactly where you are now, the desire has never gone away, not after decades. Bear in mind that many of us spent those decades absorbed with feelings of guilt, shame and self loathing, and spent those decades denying or repressing our desires. After all that, here we are.

As PaulaQ said in the first response, transgenderism, which includes the desire to wear the attire of the opposite sex, is very likely hard wired into our brains during fetal development. Its like being left handed. You could live a very long, potentially successful and mostly happy life repressing this part of yourself, but the chances are that denying an innate part of yourself may hurt you emotionally, perhaps even physically.

It makes a good deal more sense to try to find a comfortable balance between the demands of your life and your need to express your feminine attributes. Your SOs feelings quite understandably, mirror your own. Those worries, concerns and periods of disliking CDing are things you've experienced too. Your wife is making an effort to accept you and you need to do the same. Both of you need to expect ups and downs...it takes time and effort to shake of centuries old social conventions.

I think going out will reveal something important to both of you. That is that you can be yourself and enjoy your life presenting as a woman, and that your friends will still be your friends, and you and your wife will still be the same people to each other that you were before hand. My hope is that both of you will realize that the clothes are just a means of expressing the person that has always been there. A part that makes you a whole person.

[kimdl93]

There are few absolutes in life, but one of them seems to be that the desire to CD does not go away. For the vast majority of us who have been exactly where you are now, the desire has never gone away, not after decades. Bear in mind that many of us spent those decades absorbed with feelings of guilt, shame and self loathing, and spent those decades denying or repressing our desires. After all that, here we are.

As PaulaQ said in the first response, transgenderism, which includes the desire to wear the attire of the opposite sex, is very likely hard wired into our brains during fetal development. Its like being left handed. You could live a very long, potentially successful and mostly happy life repressing this part of yourself, but the chances are that denying an innate part of yourself may hurt you emotionally, perhaps even physically.

It makes a good deal more sense to try to find a comfortable balance between the demands of your life and your need to express your feminine attributes. Your SOs feelings quite understandably, mirror your own. Those worries, concerns and periods of disliking CDing are things you've experienced too. Your wife is making an effort to accept you and you need to do the same. Both of you need to expect ups and downs...it takes time and effort to shake of centuries old social conventions.

I think going out will reveal something important to both of you. That is that you can be yourself and enjoy your life presenting as a woman, and that your friends will still be your friends, and you and your wife will still be the same people to each other that you were before hand. My hope is that both of you will realize that the clothes are just a means of expressing the person that has always been there. A part that makes you a whole person.

[Kate Simmons]

If it's a total choice on whether to do it or not, then I would say not necessarily. :)

[Rachael Leigh]

Mia you are not alone in this kind of thinking and for many like myself it would be a lot easier for sure. My wife and I had a discussion just today what it might be like if I let it go. So yes most here get it. Don't pressure yourself. To go out though you will when its right if that's what you want

[Mink]

not forever...

but at the very least until we die!

(uh!)

though then again who knows maybe we'll still be CDers in the after death times!

as for stopping... well think of it like smoking siggies or drinking alky... sure you can work real hard and stop but i'm sure the desire and temptation will forever be there...

it's a question of it consuming you beyond obsession... and what things in life you want or value... moderation is key!

if it escalates over time... and you'd be willing to give up many great things for this? well then it better be quite important / worth it!

[ReluctantDebutant]

I have been dealing with this question myself fro the past few years. As many have said before, no the desire does not seem to ever go away, but life is made up of many desires. You can choose which desires to pursue and which ones to ignore. You can decide which desires will benefit your life and which will harm it. If you choose to pursue cross-dressing that may be best or if you choose not to that could also be best. Neither choice is necessarily wrong. It might be best to find a balance in between. You are going to have to find a place for it but that need not be center stage.

[Laura28]

Well I started trying on my mother's things when I was about 8 or 9 I am now 56 and it is stronger then it has ever been. It has waned over the years and I went years without any dressing but I would say it is with you for life

[Isabella Ross]

Mia...you're stuck with it. The key is balance and seeing it for the blessing it is. Over time, you will find balance, me thinks. Which is good, because the need to be fem will intensify as you grow older, if you can believe that. But I would never, ever, push myself to do something I didn't want to do, as in going out. You'll know when you're ready, and perhaps that will never happen. But please spare yourself the anguish of saying, "I quit" because you'll be back before you know it.

[ReineD]

I am worried that if i dont go out (which I do want to go out) my urges will continue to get stronger.


... my big problem is that I repress my urge/desire to dress and try to lock it away and then months later it comes screaming back.

Absolutely.

I've noticed this time and time again here. Repression actually makes things worse. I think the people who get to the point of not being able to stop thinking about the CDing and wanting to be dressed all the time, maybe even to the point where they want to change their lives, are those who have external barriers (non-supportive wives mostly), and also internal barriers (maybe some unresolved guilt and also fear of upsetting the marital apple cart, fear of getting caught, fear of being read and judged).

So I think you do need to go out, Mia. Judging by what I read here (and also having observed my own SO when she was beginning to go out), it can take several years before the excitement or novelty of going out calms down, provided of course that you are not TS. Obviously, a person whose male body is not in sync with their gender identity is different than a CDer. Just recently there was a thread from someone who doesn't have any barriers, this person has been going out for years, and they said that the old excitement was gone and they didn't feel like dressing as much, so now what. People in the forum mostly advised to enjoy the new calmness and just dress when they feel like it.

If you're interested in my SO's trajectory, he has NEVER had any external barriers. He put aside the CDing to focus on grad school and then career which were huge priorities for him so it was entirely his choice. He then began to dress again in his mid 30s, just occasionally and mostly in the bedroom (his partner was fully into the bedroom part ;)). They eventually broke up (nothing to do with the CDing), and my SO was single again at the same time as his career established and there was no longer a need for 12 hour working days. It then took my SO about 8-10 years of dressing at home (there was no one who said that she couldn't), until this became old hat. She eventually ventured out for drives at night, and then eventually found a TG support group to join that she attended about once every two months. When she met me, she had a wardrobe and knew how to put on makeup, etc, and we began to go out dressed in public (she had mostly only been out to the support group meetings before this). The new outings with me brought a great deal of new energy to the CDing along with a desire to experience what my SO thought were girly things; mani-pedis, having lunch with newly formed GG friends, photo-shoots, week-long TG conference, weekends away dressed, new adventures on a monthly basis to new places, trying new things dressed. Only when all that was exhausted, did it calm down again in much the same way as just staying home to dress did. I don't think my SO dressed more than 12-15 times last year. And my SO rarely dresses to just stay home. So I guess that things have come full circle. And in my SO's case, age might be a factor too. CDers in their 50s can't look like CDers who are in their 20s or 30s. Also, I think if someone has an active social life with other CDers (there are some very active groups of CD/TG friends who do a lot of things together in some urban areas), then there is more of an incentive to go out and do things dressed. It becomes the social life. We happen to live in a quiet small town where this is not happening.

So I guess you could say that over time the CDing does bring with it stronger urges to take it as far as possible (going out everywhere and doing everything dressed that he can do in guy mode). But, unless someone is TS, it does stop there for a CDer. A mistake that a lot of people make in this forum is believing that if someone wants to dress to blend on a regular basis and keeps this up for years, then eventually they will want to transition. This is simply not true. If you do not feel deep distress over having male body parts now, then you are not TS IMO, at least not the clinical definition of TS.

It's a struggle to achieve a balance if you feel that you have barriers (external and internal). You feel that other people or other circumstances are preventing you from doing what you really want to do, and the desire to be free of this is huge. This applies to everyone, no matter the situation. Everyone wants to be free to do what they want to do. But, achieving balance is much easier when all the barriers are removed, if a person is not TS of course. So yeah, you should just go out dressed, try to do this a few times per week, and keep it up. :)

[Nadine Spirit]

My opinion is, yes this is a part of us, for whatever reason, and wanting to do it will be there forever.

With that said, I think that we can control our actions. Doing so may not bring the happiness you seek though.

For example - I am a smoker and I forced myself to quit for a bit. I went six months, without a single cheat. And then one day I picked it up like I had never stopped. I think it happened because I never stopped wanting to do it. I could force myself to stop the actions, but I couldn't force myself to stop wanting to do it.

How about an example closer to the subject - I quit cross dressing once. Maybe back when I was about 30. Back when I pretty convinced this was just a sexual kink for me. I did nothing gender non-conforming. But the desire to do so never left. And the longer it went on the more I began to understand that this isn't sexual for me, it is me.

And that what made me begin to force myself to quit fighting it and realize this is who I am. Oh and no, that has not meant that I have decided to transition, because that is so not me. Me is somewhere between the ends of the gender spectrum, and that is who I have always been and who I will always be regardless of my actions.

[Marcie]

I have cross dressed for many years. Many times I have purged all my special clothing and went back to being, my boring old self. Then all of a sudden the strong urge comes back and I have to start purchasing feminine clothing and products all over again. This has happened several times in my life, so finally I have said to myself, this is my life. I am stuck with it and will never push it away again

[justmetoo]

I agree with Isabella Ross and others. I think, for most of us, it's an integral part of who we are. Trying to suppress is rarely, if ever, successful. And usually just makes things worse, such as contributing to depression or anger or other issues. Finding one's balance is one of the major keys.

[Rachelakld]

Quitting is like deciding not to parachute after you've left the aeroplane.
Many would prefer not to have this, but it's better than what my dad got, or many teenage boys in this area - they are on anti-depressants for life.

So we don't have a choice, but we can chose to ignore it for a while, until the urge gets to strong, or we can just see where it goes

Think of it this way
you need balls to be a cross dresser (unless your F2M)

[Jenniferathome]

You, Mia, are a cross dresser whether you cross dress or not. Can you stop? Yes. The question is, for how long? Who knows. Why not give it a try and see how your mood changes or doesn't change. That's the tell in this cross dressing mystery.

[Tracii G]

This is just my opinion so take it for what it is:
You want to go out but just have never made the move and done it so the urge and desire is there and will probably remain.
If you go out and have the experience of dressing in public the hurdle has been crossed and possibly the urge will ease up.
After you go out and see its really not as huge a deal as you think it is right now.
Kind of a been there done that sort of thing if you get what I mean.
I have gone out 100% enfemme so many times the luster and excitement has diminished.
Its still fun don't get me wrong its just different now.

[Julogden]

Mia, I'd say yes, it's part of who you are, not going to change. How large a part of you is what you have to figure out. You need to be honest with yourself and your SO about it, IMO.

Carol

[Mia27]

Thank you everyone!:) It means so much!! I will most likely try to find a balance.. I can't let this fester inside of me. It can get stressful if I don't stress. When I dressed almost every other day, I was very happy! But i would feel guilt.. Its hard being a crossdresser:P

[Adriana Moretti]

mia i went through the same thing.....and quit to see what would happen if i tried being a guy...got a guy job, a girl friend, a beer belly,watched Gladiator 1000 times trying to up my macho.... 7 years later....im back.......and i eat salads LOL.....its hard.....but finding a balance is key.

[AngelaYVR]

I knew this thread reminded me of something!

240035

[Lynn Marie]

I really think you can quit CDing. But only if you can get to a place where you can dress anytime you like and go anywhere you want. My feeling is that once the restrictions are lifted, the obsession will subside. Like any sport, hobby, or avocation, you can replace it with other interests and priorities once you've had enough.

[PaulaQ]

Like any sport, hobby, or avocation, you can replace it with other interests and priorities once you've had enough.

Let us know when that happens for you. Thanks.

[Angie G]

It makes sense Mia. You may be able to stop or maybe not. Some have most can't I wish you luck in what ever you do.:hugs:
Angie

[Sarah-RT]

I think the guilt is what gets me most, after I give into the urge and dress for a few days and feel happy and comfortable but then I find myself asking "what am I doing" bag everything up and pretend it didn't happen.

Then I log on here and browse clothes on amazon..

[Vicky_Scot]

Hi Mia

An alcoholic may never drink another drop but they will always be an alcoholic.

Like wise a crossdresser may never dress again but they will always be a crossdressers.

[Mink]

it's like the roach motel

you can check in...

but you can NOT check out!

[lynda]

hi like i ive always said everythink you wanted to find out can be found in the movie the godfather............. i keep trying to get out , but it keeps pulling me back in, ..

[Princess Chantal]

I really think you can quit CDing. But only if you can get to a place where you can dress anytime you like and go anywhere you want. My feeling is that once the restrictions are lifted, the obsession will subside. Like any sport, hobby, or avocation, you can replace it with other interests and priorities once you've had enough.
You know, for some this really is the case. My crossdressing desires had declined a fair amount since having more freedom to crossdress. I doubt the declination was mainly due to the freedom, possibly more to do with having more satisfied crossdressing sessions. As for not crossdressing entirely (quiting or just losing interest) I believe it depends on how much a factor crossdressing is in a persons life. Not all crossdressers breathe, eat and live crossdressing.

[Lily Catherine]

When I first came out to my parents my father told me he had worn his sister's clothing before but eventually gave it up. Why he did so was never included in the discussion; my best guess are supposed moral grounds. In stark contrasts to the 'once a CD always a CD' notion that is common in this thread, the advice handed down to me from my enraged parents was never to touch an article of female clothing. I am clearly one defiant daughter.

Add to this the notion that obedience / discipline / an overarching notion of control is considered a zenith of achievement. Resist the temptation. Hold back. Repress even. That, on my part, also didn't work out, so I'm in that limbo between resignation and acceptance.

If anything, the ideal situation is where one doesn't become self-indulgent with it to a point where everything is neglected.

[Gocaps14]

What you feel makes total sense to me, I feel the same way. I want to be the male in my family. My wife does not accept this side of me. I have tried many ways to stop, but I do find myself leaning toward dressing again. For me, I can be happy dressing at home, ln private. I am deeply closeted and I am okay with it for now. We will see what the future brings, and address that when the time come. I realize this is a non-answer to your query, just a statement of how I addressed the same issue.

[Michelle (Oz)]

I really think you can quit CDing. But only if you can get to a place where you can dress anytime you like and go anywhere you want. My feeling is that once the restrictions are lifted, the obsession will subside. Like any sport, hobby, or avocation, you can replace it with other interests and priorities once you've had enough.

Thankfully that hasn't been the case for me but then I don't see dressing as an "obsession". It is more the manefestation of an important part of me as is my male side.

And yes Mia, you should experience your first outing. It will be one that you enjoy and always remember.

[AccidentalDresser]

Isn't saying you can quit cross dressing putting it in the same category as drugs, alcohol and cigarettes?
If it is just an addiction then surely there would be ads on TV for the cure!

Personally I hope we are not STUCK with it but not in the way you would think.
We are not stuck with cross dressing. The rest of the world is stuck with a closed minded view of Men and Women and the clothes they MUST wear.
I have never seen the universal manual that states implicitly that a man MUST ONLY wear this and a woman must only wear that. It's just an old fashioned idea that is stuck in the rest of the worlds head and I hope they get over it soon.

Perhaps WE are the truly enlightened ones with free thought and self expression.

[Krisi]

You are not stuck with crossdressing forever. If you want or need to stop, it's up to you. Do you have a strong enough will to do what you need to do? Then do it.

[Tina_gm]

I think those who are at a point in their lives where dressing is not easy, or for whatever reasons not able to, its a mistake to attempt to make the desires go away or expect them to.

Every person has choices to make, decisions and along the way priorities that will at times interfere with other more personal pursuits of enjoyment. Focus on what is most important In your big picture.

Also, cders seem more than most to suffer from an all or nothing mindset. Partial dressing, perhaps some body shaving, maybe long hair. ... there are ways to express ourselves without a full transformation

[Ressie]

There are probably a few ex-crossdressers in the world. It's certainly not common. CDing is something that progresses once it's started in most cases. So if you can stop while you're still relatively young, that would be the time to go for it. But first you'll have to view CDing as something that's bad somehow rather than enjoyable. We don't want to quit because it feels so goood!

[Jeninus]

There is only one answer to the question of whether we are "stuck with crossdressing forever" that can be given with absolute certainty: No. At some point your ticket gets punched and the crossdressing finally comes to an end...unless, unless, either there is a boutique in the sky - or you come back again (but not as a girl, then that wouldn't be crossdressing, would it? :heehee:

Otherwise, you are probably stuck with the skirts, dresses, lingerie, wigs, bras, forms, shoes - enjoy, for God's sake, life is too short to miss out on any opportunity to kick back and enjoy that life as we know it.

[ClosetED]

This is the wrong place to ask this question! Do you go into a bar and ask how many ther have given up drinking? To a casino to ask how many stopped gambling? We are a biased population. How do you find the crossdressers who quit? You would have to find them at a younger age, then follow them ALL for 20-30 years and not lose them to followup, and then see how many have given it up totally. Then you could know the percent who give it up. From medical literature, it is very rare to give it up. As to progression, I have seen threads that discuss this - it seems to move along but often reaches a stable point unique to each person after an explosion of "pink fog".
Hugs, Ellen

[Confucius]

There are web sites where former crossdressers announce that they have been cured..
https://healingcd.wordpress.com/
http://www.firststone.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=84:cross-dressing-and-christianity-a-real-mans-struggle&catid=55:cross-dressing&Itemid=64

Also as crossdressers age, they usually report that it is less about sexual stimulation and more about comfort and a sense of self-acceptance. The urges are not as powerful as in our youth. We feel in control.

Are we stuck forever? I would say that nothing is forever. I am changing constantly, albeit rather slowly. I have changed from my youth. I have changed from my early adulthood.

[Sierra_juliette]

I wouldn't say stuck with it, but will it always be a part of you? Yes.

I often tell my husband that the key is to quit trying to figure out why, stop trying to control or quit and use the energy instead on accepting yourself, all of yourself. You are a great person, you have succeeded at many things and people love you. It is only when you embrace who you are that you can be truly happy.

[Mink]

I still think that most don't want to point out certain truths... that it varies!

for MOST (?) esp. on here ... it can be moderated... like having a drink now and then... or maybe some times where you drink a LOT but it doesn't get out of control

but for SOME... they're like an alky... they can't have just one! they lose control... everything in their life that matters to them plays 2nd fiddle to alcohol / CDing...

and the bad behaviours that can come with it

so often we ignore that there ARE CDers out there with wives or girly friends who are doing sneaky stuff and cheating and having porn addictions and shopping addictions and attraction to males and secretly going behind backs (online or in person)...

those are the ones that we tend to not want to talk or think about... and where probably a LOT of the more cdwives dot com board / guestbook are coming from...

this distinction needs to be better realized!

esp. in a case where it IS a fetish and has gone so out of control and delusional that some of these guys who are just Fetish CDers want to go one hormones or "become women" out of some fantasy gone WAY too far...

[justmetoo]

Well-said, Sierra_juliette!

I wouldn't compare it to an addiction. For people who act that that's one thing, but again, there's not a one size fits all answer. For myself, it's an integral part of who I am, that I have learned to accept, like Sierra_juliette says. I have reached a good balance where I dress when I want (sometimes more often, sometimes less), but it doesn't impinge on the rest of my life or cause any problems like a true addiction would.

[irene9999]

I think as long as it's not affecting your life there's no point depriving yourself of crossdressing. if you're like most of us here, it's part of your personality and you will come back to it eventually.

[Aprilweathers]

I think so, yes.

From what I have read here and experienced myself, it's something that really never vanishes completely. I've had long spells of not dressing in the past, consecutive years here and there, but something always leads me back to it. So odds are you can count on the urge sticking around. If you're spooked about going out, maybe put it off for now and see what happens. Maybe plan another night out if you find you really want to.

[Sallee]

your getting some great responses listen to them. Try a support group I have always found them to be helpful because we have all had those same strange fun desires. Crossdressing is a gift that we have to accept and help our SO's learn to accept also. Therapy can help also help you and your spouse accept your CDing because it isn't going away ever. You have to learn to accept and make it a part of your life and not an over bearing all consuming part of your life.
You will love going out when you start just have fun and remember CDing is only a part of you, a part of the whole.






you

[Amy07]

Yes, we are here to dress forever, and ever, and ever.
Or not dress too. That means a lot. 2nd Amendment proud too.

[Mia27]

Thank you everyone, I have read all your comments!:) I will learn to accept myself better. I do accept myself at times, but there is that moment where I wish it wasn't a part of me. I will work hard to find a balance:) Thank you again everyone!

[Christen]

Hi Mia,
You've got some good advice here already. I can only speak from personal experience but here goes. For me the need/desire to crossdress has never completely gone away (and it started when I was a kid). I had periods where my life was full of many other wonderful things, at these times the urge dissipated but I can't think of a period longer than two years where I haven't dressed in some way. It's awkward and difficult to handle. I spent many nights wishing that I did not have this need, but you know, in the end it's just a part of who I am. It took me a very long time to accept that and the being that I am. I think my life would have been different, perhaps better, if I'd found that self acceptance earlier.
Having said that, I'm sure there are people who have put this behind them and don't feel the need to dress but I'm also sure that they've totally accepted who they are.

A good friend of mine said 'this doesn't define me, I'm much more than just what I wear', she also says 'be the best person you can be'. Both are good bits of advice.

[ophelia]

It looks like we are. And for those of us who dress in public but are essentially in the closet the challenge becomes to successfully manage it so that we can fully enjoy the wonderfully sensuality of experience that beautiful dressing offers us.
That takes meticulous lists, planning, scouting out places in advance, phone calls to hotels and other things but it is worth it. Thanks to Google you can tour most cities and even shopping centres on your computer in advance.
So far it is working and I am happy that I can confidently slip into a lovely dress and enjoy a little me as she without a worry.

[justmetoo]

Sounds like a good plan, Mia. Acceptance isn't always easy. I know there were many times when I struggled with it. But that was pre-internet days and days when I didn't know myself as well as I do now. Hopefully, with resources like this community, and with accepting friends irl, you can grow your self-acceptance more quickly (may still take time, but hopefully you won't have to wait until you're in your 50s like some of us!). :)

[sometimes_miss]

It will probably never go away. The closest I got while being alone, was to face that I am a crossdresser, but that I will not crossdress today. And take it one day at a time. I think it lasted about 10 months last time.

It was another story altogether when I was in stable relationships. First time, about three years that I didn't crossdress, second, about 5 or 6, I'm kind of tipsy right now so my mind isn't too clear. But both times, everything else in my life was going great, so I could hold off the desire to crossdress by doing something else that made me feel good.

As I've gotten older, those other options are diminishing rapidly. I don't have many other activities to enjoy, so the desire to dress the way I think I'm supposed to looms ever on my mind.

[BillieAnneJean]

If I was compelled to do this for life I would consider it a life long blessing, not "stuck with crossdressing forever".

For me there personally there are NO negatives to CDing. It has been an enormous benefit which has allowed me to understand and appreciate the dangers and adaptations women must make for safety (like aggressive men) and just to work around the handicaps from nails, heels, managing the clothes to maintain modesty (like a hem in a breeze). Also it has made me happier to be a man because I can choose to be a man or not. Instead of my gender role being a default value it has become a choice and I prefer to be a guy who is a "woman" part time. For some reason I have been thrust in to a position where I can help people as a result of CDing. I have become somewhat known in Grand Rapids and routinely am approached by gay people who have experienced some pain. I am blessed with the capacity to give hope and hugs. It has been an amazing experience. So to for CDers. Some of us have paid a dear price. If I have experienced this, no wonder that now and then someone needing some compassion shows up in tears at one of our "Grand Illusions" CDer meetings. And most of all it is just plain FUN! For me this is street theatre. I am an actor drawing the audience in. I try to get the other patrons of the venue we are at involved with us. It is a way to educate the public.

One day I will stop because I can't do it well. As long as my SO is in my life I will be able to end my CDing and have fond memories with no regrets.

[TanyaWonder]

Hey Mia,

I have a pretty similiar experience. I had a wonderful opportinity to visit a year long psychotherapy group meeting and it changed my perspective a lot. I now feel that only by accepting this and starting to understand what it means/wants, you can eventually solve the CDing (this could mean stopping it, or change it so it fits your needs). Im in the phase of allowing myself to dress whenever I feel like it, I talk about it more freely with friends and my Gf.
And the dressing itself changed a lot. I dont longer have to dress, its more like I really want to and look forward to it. Im starting to get clues to where it could have started and what I could do to change it into something more suitable for me.
Id also suggest sharing it carefully, which you seem to already be doing...

cheers, T.

[Susi]

I want to thank you for all the interesting thoughts I've read on this topic. I've 46 and I've been secretly crossdressing since I can remember. I tried to quit many times because I felt I was doing something wrong and I felt ashamed, but finally I've never been many days without wearing any female garment. For a long time I believed I could quit it forever, but finally I realized that I can be a repressed CD, but never an ex-crossdresser. For me, crossdressing is a part of my life, not the most important, but a part I cannot deny.

Would my life be easier if I don't crossdress anymore? It's possible, but I've decided I'll not be a repressed CD because crossdressing isn't a bad thing, it isn't a sin, it isn't a disease, and it gives me a lot of pleasure and excitement without hurting me or the people I love.

None of my friends know about my love for crossdressing and I don't know if I ever will tell them because my shame is too big. I don't feel at the moment the need to tell my children about it, and I know these are important limitations to crossdressing, but at least I'm sure that I must be honest with me and my wife, and that's a big step for me!

[justmetoo]

Good luck, Susi! It gets better. :)

[Vickie_CDTV]

I have known a few folks over the years who actually quit dressing (and even a few TS who de-transitioned and went back to living as men.) For the vast majority, once you are a dresser you are always one. One may or many not choose to actively dress, but the lifelong desire to very rarely goes away.