Does having a SO prevents your CD side to "evolve"?

[natalialimapoa]

Im sorry if theres something wrong with my title, my english is not so good hehe

Well, I know a lot of us have SO (including me). My question is: if you were single, right now, would you do more "radical" things, like going out more as a girl and opening yourself to others? Would you experiment with your sexuality? Does you SO "blocks" this side of you, even if she knows and accepts it?

I ask this because sometimes I think that, if I wast dating her right now, maybe I would do some of these things. And even more.

[Kate Simmons]

I think a lot may depend on if you want to CD or do you want to take the journey to eventually become a TG woman? :)

[Mink]

I'd just point out that having a SO in general "blocks" guys from certain things... like being with other women! (unless they have an open relationship or whatnot)...

it also blocks some guys from going out (with friends) or being out at all hours of the night not having to answer to anyone...

so yeah... it def. keeps certain behaviors in check but that's the give & take / commitment aspect!

longing for companionship + freedom to do what you want

vs

companionship / intimacy + not quite as free to do what one wants!

[natalialimapoa]

Thats correct. But my question is: Would you? Would you do more than you do right now (that you have a SO)? Im sure some CDs here wouldnt, since they are happy in their actual condition and limitations.


I'd just point out that having a SO in general "blocks" guys from certain things... like being with other women! (unless they have an open relationship or whatnot)...

it also blocks some guys from going out (with friends) or being out at all hours of the night not having to answer to anyone...

so yeah... it def. keeps certain behaviors in check but that's the give & take / commitment aspect!

longing for companionship + freedom to do what you want

vs

companionship / intimacy + not quite as free to do what one wants!

[FeliciaMCD]

Block is a strong word.

Personally, I find my wife helps me keep a balance and define limits. Personally, I would never consider transitioning even while single. On the flip side I wouldn't have someone to stop me from buying breast forms.

And to top it all off, I wouldn't trade for anything. My wife is the best thing to ever happen to me, even if she isn't 100% adjusted to me cross dressing. She's gone from a DADT to "well, it gives us something else to talk about" in a short period since I "restarted"

[carahawkwind]

My wife has helped me a lot of pick out outfits and wigs and do makeup, so she's definitely evolved my dressing; if I was still on my own it would likely evolve a different direction, probably more outgoing and sexual, but sloppier and trashier.

[melaknee]

i purged when she moved in but she has since found out because i told her. she's letting me now, i am trying to escalate or find acceptance from her,l i won't do it unless she allows it. i had lots of stuff before i purged everything. lifes adventure's i guess,....

[MissTee]

No. My wife supports me, and she understands I need to dress to be at peace. She encourages it. Remarkably, then, I am very content with my needs as they are met.

[Marcie]

I believe if I were single, I would probably do a lot of radical things. For example I would concentrate on being and looking very feminine, to the extent of feeling comfortable, and presentable when I go out in public. I am married and have been for many years. My wife does not know of my cross dressing fetish and would likely dump me if she found out. I am trying to develop an acceptable feminine voice to use when I am out in public. At present my wife is away on a months vacation out of the country, so I can work on evolving my feminine characteristics. In answer to your question" Does having a SO prevent your CD side to evolve" The answer is YES

[Jenniferathome]

Natalia, I love my wife so there is no "other" to consider. That's what marriage is. She does not hold me back, we are married. She has given me three great kids, and complete support of this rather weird side of me. There is no more to ask.

[justmetoo]

I don't have an SO and there's nothing really blocking me from doing those things you mentioned other than my own lack of desire to do so. :)

[Julogden]

In my opinion, yes, being in a relationship makes it much more difficult to work on gender/dressing issues. I feel that anyone dealing with gender stuff ought to avoid serious relationships until they've worked out who they are and what they need to do.

[Rachelakld]

When younger, I was very anti-gay,
When I got older and free, I explored the gay scene, liked the people but chickened out of playing, not so much chicken, but just not interested in men that way.

When I see your picture, you are a girl, when I read your question, you are a girl.
Maybe you should find out what you are, before your SO becomes a Serious Other.

If your SO is male, I would think "cool", if your SO is female, I would think "poor girl"
The reason I say this is I've know a few men, who realise they were gay 20+ years in to a marriage, and that their partners "wasted all those years" in a sham marriage when they could have had a proper marriage (and you could have had the "right" partner).

[AngelaYVR]

Apart from being dressed a little more frequently, there is not much I would change about what I do now. I usually have a day per week to dress and go out and this keeps things on an even keel for me, lets off the steam. However, if my wife was not so understanding, then I would probably think differently.

[kimdl93]

No. She has been aware and to greater or lesser degrees supportive of me as I've grown. As my understanding and need for expression has changed, she's been open to the changes, not always enthusiastically, but still there for me.

I am reluctant to use words like evolve or profession to describe the changes that do occur over time, simply because it's difficult to discern what may have always been present, though repressed, from behaviors that are entirely new.

[Taylor186]

I consider my wife the voice of reason when it comes to my crossdressing. She helps to keep me balanced. That said, we have an agreement that I can go out once a month and right now I'm happy going out once or twice a year.

[Nadine Spirit]

In short, no.

The only difference not having a SO would have on my cross dressing is... nothing. I would only be lonely, but my cross dressing would be the same as it is now.

[stacy956]

Nope if anything my wife in my eyes my super hero for dealing with my other side "stacy" she has shaped me into the good person and girl that i am i wouldnt trade it for anything in the world and we dont have any kids and still i wouldnt let her leav :)

[docrobbysherry]

Yes, absolutely. And, I believe that most who say differently r in denial!:brolleyes:

I have completely broken loose because I HAD complete freedom and privacy to do so. My daughter moved in 2 years ago and I was forced to come out to her. She doesn't approve so I warn her when I'm going to dress. Just because she knows, it inhibits my dressing.

When u live with others, u will contiously or uncontiously consider their feelings and schedules. Even if they approve!:sad:

[natalialimapoa]

When u live with others, u will contiously or uncontiously consider their feelings and schedules. Even if they approve!:sad:

Exacly what I was thinking when I created this thread. By reading others responses, I think that it may vary depending on where you want to go with your desire of being CD, and how free you are with your SO.

[Miriam-J]

I'm sure it depends on the SO. I've certainly read many stories here where folks have been dissuaded from the healthy experimentation needed to "grow up" as a crossdresser. But this isn't always the case. In my own case, my wife has been a major asset in my progress as a crossdresser. She's provided moral support, advised me on makeup, decorum, and clothing, and encouraged and accompanied me on many of my early outings. All this helped me to progress rather quickly from my "teenager" stage of crossdressing to the "grownup" stage.

I'm sure there are more like her out there. Just be patient and hang in there.

Miriam

[NicoleScott]

There's no way of telling for sure, but probably yes, especially going/being out more. Probably not experimenting sexually.

[Nadine Spirit]

Yes, absolutely. And, I believe that most who say differently r in denial!:brolleyes:


Yup. That's it. I am in denial. Actually, internally, I have secretly always really wanted to take this cding thing as far as possible and because I love my wife I have unconsciously decided that is not what I want. Thanks for pointing that out. Now I know myself so much better!

[AnotherCuteTGirl]

I know I would, although I don't find guys attractive they actually get annoying I just want to be girly when I dress so I'll put up with them. But, I don't do anything when I dress other than take pictures and go online since I am taken lol
Not like it is a bad thing though because obviously if you really wanted to do it you would, if you already dress in secret not like you trying "radical" things wouldn't be. I personally wouldn't do that but hey some people are different

[cassiekat]

Yeah I guess my exes have hindered my evolution so to speak, for revenge the second ex dated me and fully" supported" me to try and embarrass me or whatever, it actually ended up helping me to a degree. I'm really hard to embarrass publicly, my family can shame me like nobody's business though:)

[Amber_Lynn86]

For me when I'm single Amber begs to be let out.

[Teresa]

Natalia.....,
I think if I was twenty four again I would have let rip more than I did, but that's in hindsight !

My answer is a simple YES to your question, I would probably be a sixty plus idiot for a while just being out and about !

[missycd1]

Yes, I believe that I would be much more "out" if my SO either knew or if I were single. She just left for a week and I am already in panties and a bra. Looking forward to taking part in one of those webcam chatting sites and letting loose. Has anyone ever done that?

[Krisi]

I've been married so long I can't imagine life without my "SO" (wife). If I were single right now, I suppose I would go out dressed more often but I would still keep it from my friends and neighbors. I hope I don't ever have to face that situation.

[Mollyanne]

I have been cd'n all my life (50 + years) and to be honest, if I hadn't married I probably would have transitioned. My wife knows about my wants and desires and we have discussed her boundaries and my ultimate goals. And yes, I would have evolved if it weren't for her loving and being married to me.

Molly

[Sonya]

In my opinion, yes, being in a relationship makes it much more difficult to work on gender/dressing issues. I feel that anyone dealing with gender stuff ought to avoid serious relationships until they've worked out who they are and what they need to do.
I totally agree with the above. On the other hand if your so totally accepts you and you fullfill eachothers needs then your cd can evolve and blosdom but being single you can surely experiment in much more activities.

[laurenp245]

Interesting question! I have to agree with the majority here, it most certainly has the potential to make us hold back a bit. It's impossible to be in a solid relationship with someone and not consider their feelings on nearly every decision we make. Whether it be what color to paint the kitchen, where we are going on vacation, or in our case how often we dive into our alternate wardrobes. It's all about balance and compromise. In the case of those with non-supportive spouses it certainly will hold you back from evolving your fem side, but even those with supportive spouses have to consider the feelings of the other lady in our lives and take that into consideration and it could possibly make you second guess some choices.

<3 Lauren

[cheryl reeves]

my wife keeps cheryl in check,for i have a bad habit of going overboard on dressing.

[c2candice]

I had so many wasted single years, where the only person holding me back was myself! I had so many opportunities to explore myself, but I was to afraid of what I would find that I ignored it altogether. I was also too afraid off what everybody else would think. I was so afraid that I searched hard for a long term relationship in order to distract me from myself. Then I used it as an excuse not to think about myself.
Fast forward 1 year into marriage. I am so torn up inside about it, not taking the chance to explore. I decide to dress up behind the back of my SO. Keep my secret.
Forward 3 more years, she finds out in the worst way possible. We have 1 child
Forward 2 more years. We have another child. Still lurking in the closet, partial SO acceptance.
Forward 1 more year. To the last few months We go to a great sex councillor, and my wife is on board and we made a plan to explore my femme self together..
Today we have not executed the plan.

Moral of the story, I am closer now than ever to exploring my true self.

Hugs,
Candice

[laura.lapinski]

In short, the answer is Yes! If I were single, I would: shave my legs, and maybe keep them shaved; have my own girl clothes; possibly shape my eyebrows, possibly pierce my ears; get laser hair removal done; get breast forms, have my own make-up; go out dressed; have a CD Gurlfriend. I'd say all that is pretty radical. Had the internet been around when I was younger, I might have stayed single longer so I could have crossed some of these things off my list.

As things go, I may be single again some day, as my youngest is almost 18.

[Greenie]

Natalia, I love my wife so there is no "other" to consider. That's what marriage is. She does not hold me back, we are married. She has given me three great kids, and complete support of this rather weird side of me. There is no more to ask.

I am going to pull this up, Just for a second.

Its both nice, and terrifying for GG's who come on here to see posts like this. Keep having them, becuase they are eye opening. But many of us GG's need to see posts like this to counteract the other ones.

One of my fears is that I am holding Luca back from being who he really needs to be and that is frightening. Many supportive SO's feel like they can never be supportive enough and this is why!

[Alice Torn]

Welcome. I am single, 60, never married, and six foot six. I very seldom have been out in public. Very cautious. But, i have several personal issues that keeps me inside, and not putting myself in stressful situations. Having a SO who disapproves, IF i had one, would be challenging, but my commitment to her would need to come before dressing.

[ReineD]

When u live with others, u will contiously or uncontiously consider their feelings and schedules. Even if they approve!:sad:

This is true. My SO did not experiment with men while in his last relationship. He was free to do so after they broke up, and he finally experimented several years after the relationship ended. It turned out that for him, the reality did not match the fantasy and that's as far as it went. So yes, I think that when we're in relationships we all restrain ourselves to a degree and it's not just about the things a person might do while crossdressed. On a few occasions, I've had fantasies about men that I might have acted upon had I been single.

We even restrain ourselves (or do what we "should" be doing) when people come over for dinner! Who among us has not tidied up the place just before guests arrive.

[Beverley Sims]

My CD side went into voluntary submission when I got married, it was a commitment I had decided on.

So maybe getting married did change my lifestyle.

I am no poorer for it though.

[Taylor186]

If I were single, I would: shave my legs, and maybe keep them shaved; have my own girl clothes; possibly shape my eyebrows, possibly pierce my ears; get laser hair removal done; get breast forms, have my own make-up; go out dressed; have a CD Gurlfriend. I'd say all that is pretty radical.

I guess it is all a matter of perspective as I think almost nothing listed here is radical. Shaved legs and ones own clothes, forms and makeup seem quite common around here. I have all three and shape my brows and go out dressed too. My wife says ok to getting my ears pierced but I'm the holdup not wanting to keep them in 100% for the first 6-8 weeks.

Our journeys are unique.

[Tina_gm]

If I was single, I would play more golf, drink more beer, play more poker.... and oh yeah, dress more. But who if they were single would not have a different life? The idea about being in a committed relationship is that basically you both make certain sacrifices of your own for the other. In turn, you both together have a life which is greater because of each other than you would if you were single and had more time to do things of your own personal liking. The key is having the right person you are committed to so that the trade off is worth the sacrifices.