Ex-wives...the gift that keeps on Giving

[Caden Lane]

Reposted from my Blog

As you will recall, about two weeks ago, I was pondering telling a friend or friends about my dressing. After talking to Miss Girlfriend and my psychologist; I had elected to table the issue for bit. We came to that decision because none of us were sure how or when to proceed. It wasn't exactly the course of action I wished to go with, but based on what we knew and our fears, it just made sense.

Then today happened. I received a series of text messages from my friend Rachel. https://southerncrossdresser.wordpress.com/2015/01/19/im-telling-you-or-am-i-2/ Rachel explained that she had been feeling guilty about something, and she wanted to come clean. She told me how during one of the two separations that my second ex-wife and I had, that my ex had told her I cross-dressed. Please keep in mind, my ex-wife only knew of my propensity to wear lingerie. But she had apparently communicated that desire to someone that was a professional peer, and a very close friend. Rachel felt Mrs. Ex-wife had done that in order to drive a wedge between Rachel and I. You see, Mrs. Ex-wife had a strong belief in "scorched earth tactics." She did everything she could to make sure I had no support network. At this point, I have no way of knowing who all she told about my crossdressing.

If all she did was tell Rachel, then her plan backfired. Rachel was upset with herself due to the fact she had kept what Mrs. Ex-wife to herself, never telling me my ex had done that, and not talking to me to either validate it, or allow me to deny it. Upon hearing her confession, I had one of two choices. I could deny it; and if I had, Rachel confirmed she had been unsure if it was true, thinking Mrs. Ex-wife was simply being hateful and trying to lash out against my reputation. But she had also resolved that if what Mrs. Ex-wife had said was true, then if it made me happy, then it was fine by her. As you will recall, I knew Rachel wasn't the judgmental type; that she was completely open minded. So my other option was to come clean with Rachel, and tell her exactly the truth.

Which is what I did. I told her who I was, what I did, how long I've done it, and showed her pictures. She was amazed at how good I looked. Her exact words were, "OMG YOU LOOK FREAKING STUNNING." A higher compliment I could not have been paid. It felt amazing to be able to tell someone I was not romantically involved with. It felt awesome to hear her talk about wanting to go out with me and hang out with me while I was dressed as Caden. It was awesome to see her gush about my photos. But at the same time; I was a little disheartened. While I've harbored no love for Mrs. Ex-wife, I've tried so very hard to move away from resentment and hate. But oddly, I feel none of that even now. I simply see, as does Rachel, what Mrs. Ex-wife's character really looks like. But I still cannot help but wonder how many friends she told in her effort to damage and hurt me. Recourse doesn't seem to matter to me, and I'm finding I'm not as nervous and paranoid as I would have thought I'd be at the prospect of being outed.

I've suspected for a long time that she outed me to my brother and parents, however if they know, none of them have ever said anything; the denial runs deep with them, because they are especially bigoted. Which saddens me. But there is nothing I can do about that. Does this validate my concern she old my family? Difficult to say; they haven't said much on the matter, save for a confrontation between my brother and I on the occasion of my first separation from Mrs. Ex-wife. Even then he only made innuendo, never outright saying what she had said.

So ignoring all the negatives, one of my closest friends now knows for a fact who Caden is. Rachel unknowingly validated me, allowed me to exist a little further in the real world. Rachel has increased my social abilities, and given me more options. I'm thankful she decided to get that secret off her chest, in turn allowing me to fully share my private matter with her.

Ever & Always,

Caden Lane

[Megan b]

Hey Caden, Rachel sounds like a good friend. I know a little about ex-wives myself. No telling who she told but I don't really care anymore. I'm not telling everyone but if they find out, then I'll deal with it when the time comes. Anyway it's nice to know that you have a least one good friend.

[Paula_Femme]

Hi Caden

Wouldn't it be fun if when you and Rachel were out together, having all kinds of fun, you just happened to run across Mrs. Ex-wife?! :heehee:

I'm sure a picture of her face at that moment would be worth at least 2000 words!!! :devil:

Good luck!
Paula

[Kim81]

It is great to hear what Mrs ex wife did worked in your favour and not hers. Rachel sounds like a true friend.

[Ellen2d]

My Ex definitely took the Scorched Earth policy. I can only assume that she told our children in some derogatory manner about my dressing as a few years after the divorce they suddenly cut me out of their lives. It's now 15 years since Iv'e seen my 2 youngest and over 8 since my oldest and my grandson. Try as I may, they will not even talk to me to try and resolve anything. Dressing was not and is not a driving force in my life but certainly a part of it which my current wife understood and accepted before we really dated.

[Eringirl]

Hi Caden. Sorry about the stress that you went through, but that is a story with a happy ending!! Don't you just love when Karma works for you? You have a deeper relationship with a good friend, with whom you can be who you really are, and your ex-wife's plan backfired. Gotta love it!

And yes, you do look amazing. !

Erin

[Stephanie Julianna]

Great story, especially since it's true. We never give friends enough credit sometimes. True friends will always rise to the occasion. It's not always so with family. I told my oldest sister back in the 80's. She was always my idol as a kid and still is even though our relationship desolved overnight after that fateful confession. Because of that admission I have not seen my nieces or nephews since or ever met their children. I feel it is their loss as well as mine and was blindsided by my sister's intolerance and bigotry towards my crossdressing. She's a nurse and I mistakenly thought that being an educated caregiver that she was the perfect person to open up to. I hope you cultivate your friendship with this wonderful woman. Who knows, there might be more there than you think.

[MsVal]

Every now and then we'll read a story about someone who was circumstantially persuaded to disclose, and it turned out to be a wonderful experience. This is one such story, and I think you for the smile you gave me, Caden.

Best wishes
MsVal

[kimdl93]

Been there, done that....got the tshirt and bra. Anyway, yes, my ex wife felt compelled to out me to co workers, friends and of course my extended family. My family already knew I was...a little different ... so when the ex shared this information, no on was surprised. But other than a few awkward conversations, life went on. I can't think of a friend or coworker who ever held this against me. I think they attributed the outing to the understandable anger of the time, and also, as a friend said, everybody has something....everybody.

Glad you rose above this Caden. It is great to have GG friends that you can share and confide in.

[reb.femme]

That pretty much equates to a 11 out of 10 on the bitch scale from the ex. However, a nice misfire in the end in regard to your friend Rachel.

As you say, '...and I'm finding I'm not as nervous and paranoid as I would have thought I'd be at the prospect of being outed...', so pretty much a fait accompli with this previous secret. I wouldn't out myself deliberately at work but if it happens, oh well, I'll live with it.

Fantastic that you have a truly supportive friend.

Rebecca

[MissTee]

Things being what they are and ex wife aside, most importantly here is that you have discovered you have a true friend. How rare. Cherish that.

[justmetoo]

Are true friends really that rare?
Regardless, they are to be cherished. :)

[AccidentalDresser]

Hello Caden.
I had long talks with my now confirmed X fiancé the last 2 night and it seems that she must also have the same scorched earth policy. She made sure she told everyone we knew and showed them photos. Apparently she started by crying to her girlfriends that we were broken up by another woman then went on to explain that I was that other woman.
I don't understand why X SO's feel the need to be so vindictive.
All I can be thankful for is that she is gone and gave me the ring back.
Turns out none of my friends were or are as good as any of yours as they are all having a good laugh at my expense and emailing photos of me between each other.

[alwayshave]

Hello Caden,

My ex-wife as well is toxic. Thankfully I kept my dressing hidden from her and she does not know. I'm sure she would have told everyone. She has however, infected my children with her invective and I have not spoken to my children in years.

With regards to your parents and brother, if your ex is toxic and your ex told them, your family will tend to ignore the message based upon who the messenger is.

I know that my parents would not believe a word that my ex would say based upon her behavior.

Jamie

[Diane Smith]

Accidental, I suggest you get the ring re-sized to fit your finger, and wear it proudly!

- Diane

[Katey888]

That is a truly good friend Caden - nice to know there are still honourable folk about, and very good that you've been able to utilise the situation as a real positive. :)

Proves how even those we think we know well can still be unpredictable... :thinking:

Katey x

[Caden Lane]

Rachel is a true friend. There's a follow up to this article I posted yesterday. I will certainly be sure to post it here. It kept getting a little bit better.

I do love that karma worked in my favor, and that Rachel saw through Mrs.ex-wife's bitterness and vitriol. She put her true character on full display. If she did in fact tell my brother parents or children, none have indicated they know. They all hold a special place in their heart for her, and feel she is capable of no wrong. For a long time, I was essentially a black sheep for not making it work. Coupled with the fact she had attempted to tell people I'd had a second affair. She started doing that when she felt she wasn't getting the appropriate pity she felt she deserved upon kicking me and my kids out. So I'm not entirely certain if they would believe her over me. But she may have done me a favor in regards to them; if I ever feel compelled to tell them, it won't exactly be news.

I e truly taken so many positives from this, not just in Tachel knowing, but also in how I feel and am handling the whole scenario. I have a sense of peace that is palpable, and Ms. Girlfriend, my SO feels that this whole situation has helped me mature in a way, and heal from the toxicity of that past rationahip. I believe she may be right. Anyhow, the follow up article is forthcoming...

Ever,
Caden Lane

[Caden Lane]

So yesterday I had arranged to take a day to spend as Caden. While I was getting ready, my friend Rachel messaged me about joining me for lunch. I was ecstatic; I had someone to share my daytime Caden time with. So we arranged where to meet.

I met her at the restaurant, and her response upon seeing me in person for the first time was that I looked adorable. I wasn't shooting for adorable, but hey, I'll take it! So we ordered lunch, and girl talk ensued. So many topics, so little time. Before we knew it, our lunch was pushing late into the afternoon.

She had confided in me she had never been too big on makeup; it had never been a huge necessity for her, and she felt simplicity was better. But she seemed almost giddy when I suggested we go to Ulta in two weeks and get makeovers. It will be my first professional makeover, so I'm pretty excited too. But throughout the afternoon, we both admitted to feeling giddy and happy. The conclusion we came to; we both had an instant girlfriend; one who we shared a bond with we couldn't share with anybody else. That being where we had worked at previously.

We briefly discussed Mrs. Ex-wife and how she came to tell Rachel and her husband. I'm still in a very good spot with that; look at the happiness it brought me when Rachel told me she knew! How can I be mad about that? And to top it off, it backfired on her; she didn't get the result she wanted AND in fact, it made Rachel and I even better friends!

Sure, there is no telling who else she told, but they've never said anything if they do know. Very few friends have filtered out of my life since that breakup, so I can only surmise they feel like Rachel, or they don't know.

In the case of Drug and Chesty, I hesitate to inquire if Mrs. Ex-wife said anything to them. If they do indicate she mentioned it to them, it then creates a situation where I either have to deny it to their face, which I'm completely against, or I will feel compelled to tell them, just like I told Rachel when she brought it up.

Miss Girlfriend feels the same way; there is no sense in creating a situation if one does not exist. Why borrow trouble? Right?!

So while I was recounting the details of my day to Miss Girlfriend over dinner at this awesome little Trattoria, she told me she'd like to visit with Rachel. She explained that suddenly, her world opened up a little bit more too. She had somebody to talk to about it, she was no longer shouldering it alone. Which made perfect sense to me. I had hoped to set something like that in place when I'd pondered telling her co-worker; but I had not realized all of the benefits that came with it as far as Miss Girlfriend was concerned. Her arguments were suddenly exact carbon copies of mine. Her needs were copies of mine. I really did not see that coming.

So now our world is a little bit bigger, I feel validated and confirmed. I exist on a greater scale; I am not merely a construct within my mind. I have form and function as a person. I have friends, and I have value to those friends.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[justmetoo]

That's really good, Caden Lane! Sort of "the truth shall set you free", eh?
It's very cool you have Rachel to share Caden time with, and even cooler that your SO also has someone she can share with in Rachel. Sounds like a win for everyone, except the person who set it in motion as an attempt at sabotage. A case where everyone gets what they deserve in this instance.

[Caden Lane]

I agree justmetoo. It is a win-Win for just about everybody, save for Mrs. ex-wife. In fact, as I move further and further from finding out Rachel knew, I find that I have less anxiety about if Mrs. Ex-wife revealed it to my family or kids. Although I did have a conversation with the mother of my children yesterday to inform her what I found out. She has an extreme distaste for Mrs. Ex-wife. We only talked briefly, but she again confirmed with me I had no intentions of ever telling the children. She stated; they've been through too much. While I tend to agree, I know how I've raised them, I know how tolerant amd accepting they are. Would that translate the same way if they knew about me? Hard to say; often, Loved Ones react poorly even if they would be accepting otherwise. So I just resolve to avoid situations where they may find out the truth, or where I would feel compelled to be truthful with them.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[sue1965]

Hello Caden, My ex wife is similar to yours using the scorched earth method. Unfortunately for her, I came out to my Lawyer, family and friends before she could use it against me, especially in court.
My lawyer knew everything we did over the years with the cross dressing and near the end, her girlfriends involvement in our sexual exploits including the threesome with her.
When My ex's lawyer brought it up in court we were all smiles, Nothing to fear as my lawyer was going to cross examine her and ask who was in control of this lifestyle?? And also who invited her girlfriend to join the party??
It worked out in my favor coming out to those who needed to know in my case.
Not everyone needs to know but there are people I feel need to know and I am fairly happy I did open up.