Shopping and slipping back into the fear

[Sarah-RT]

Hey all, just finished college for the day as well as it being pay day I thought I'd buy myself some new clothes since ordering online can take several days and costs a bit more because I get anything shipped to a holding locker so it doesn't arrive at my house.

Walking through the city from college I forced myself to go into one of the department stores, anyone from the UK, it was primark, or penneys as it is called in Ireland. The particular branch I went Into keeps their lingerie right beside the men's section(probably a good way of making extra sales for men with an SO) I had recently gotten some breast forms so I wanted to get adequate sized bras for them, my strategy was I'd pick up a pair of jeans and then go over, have a browse and then when it came to paying for them I'd have guy stuff and girls clothes.

I chickened out, put the jeans down but saw a hoody I liked and got that for male me instead, I thought "well round 2, try again" the checkout desks where all downstairs through the women's section so I thought I'd wander through, I must say the selection this time of year was awful, terrible colours and styles and nothing really jumped out since I've gotten to the stage of wearing outfits as opposed to anything female I could get my hands on

Walking towards the female jean section because I only have 1 pair and they are oversized, I chickened out again,veered off to the checkouts and left.
I have to say the cashier girl was very Un friendly ,bagged the jumper and kinda shoved the bag towards me with a "next!" Glad I hadn't bought more and especially anything female, she made it seem very unwelcoming.

I'm now on the bus on the way home thinking of going on amazon again and waiting til next week before anything new will arrive.
I used to be able to shop(albeit with a lot of fear and kinda grabbed whatever I could) I'm wondering if online shopping has caused this relapse, anyone else have similar hardships?

[binair10]

The cashier must have been to the Woolworth`s charm school. lol.

Julie.

[juliecd1]

I know how you feel. Have had some of my most distressing moments dealing with sales people that make me feel unwelcome. I have lived in a town where there was a vintage and second hand women's clothing store that was very nice. The owner had a small sign in the window "Cross dressers Welcome " It was one of my favorite places as I could try things on and get an opinion. I often choke myself when in bigger stores at the mall or even TJ MAXX. Amazon is ok but you never know exactly what you are getting. It is always nice to feel welcome at a real store.

[~Joanne~]

I feel, sometimes, that I cheat the whole in store shopping thing because My SO is usually with me and picking out things for herself and for me. The up side is that I am now a lot more comfortable being in that section by myself. Don't let a SA shake you, depending on their age, and more importantly, their experience, you will get a different reaction with each one you go to. Some like their job and most don't. It sounds as if you got a don't.

[cdterri]

up till about 10 yrs ago it didn't bother me in the least to shop and buy anything fem I wanted to. Then for no apparent reason I became gun shy. Wife hates to shop so I buy everything off the net. This isn't as bad as it sounds if you know your style and how to navigate fem-sizing. Also a lot more choices on the web.

[Stephanie47]

I agree with Internet buying. When I was younger I bought bras and panty sets (with a coordinating slip if available) at holiday times (Valentine's Day, Christmas). I noticed younger men shopped more. Probably their wives or girlfriends suggested heavily they were tired of getting a vacuum or pots and pans for an occasion. Buying sexy lingerie for a woman has a lot more added benefits than a vacuum (wink, wink). As I got older I noticed there a fewer if not no older men shopping in the lingerie department. I'd feel really awkward buying a panty and bra set for my wife now.

I am tall, so I have a terrible time finding dresses that actually fit. I have to stay away from dresses with high waistline, especially if belted. I need to buy wraps, sheaths, empire waists. Ebay has the best selection of dresses for those styles. I do check the on-line offerings for the brick and mortar stores to see if there is anything worth checking out. Over the last two years I have bought maxi length sundresses at Sears. Those dresses (3) actually are long enough that they hit the top of my feet. That is a rarity for me. So, I am not chicken to hit the brick and mortar stores. It's just more efficient to use the computer.

[Michelle 78]

Hi Sarah,

I've bought one or two things from Primark, they are OK but I find the quality not to be the best. I buy a heck of a lot of my stuff from Debenhams, I have went to the counter myself with dresses, tops etc and the staff never made me feel uncomfortable at all, I do suspect that they know it's for me and I too feel uneasy buying women's clothes but it is the most comfortable place I shop at. New Look is another store to check out especially for Shoes and Boots, never had a problem in there either. Matalan is another good store to buy things too, and a great one is ASDA, just put your things through the till yourself self service!!

You can always choose to click and collect in store, as most stores do that now and it is free!! it is a godsend for me especially when I buy underwear as I'd never dare to take that to the counter just not brave enough yet to do that.

Hugs

Michelle

[justmetoo]

For me, I'm less fearful when I shop en femme. Back in the days when I tried to do shopping en homme I often chickened out. Somehow I feel more like I belong and am accepted when I'm en femme (the acceptance might have more to do with self-confidence and "self-fulfilling prophecies" than with any real difference in acceptance). The cashier you encountered may have just been having a bad day, or may hate her job, or may just not be very personable, or who knows what. There could be many reasons for how she acted that could have nothing to do with you. I wouldn't let her spoil your fun, and sometimes in such a situation being pleasant or sympathetic in return can cheer up their day and make you feel better, too. Not that it's always easy to be cheerful in such a case.
Shopping on line has its place and perks, but please don't give up on shopping in person due to setbacks, if you want to shop in person of course.

[Jorja]

In the early days, it can take a lot to actually go into a store and buy. Don't feel bad it is hard to shop alone at first. I assure you, it does get easier the more comfortable you become with yourself. Keep on trying and one day you will do it. Then look out purse! You might even have to take on another job to afford your habit.