Can someone explain this?

[FAB Forum Mods]

We have a question from a Fab member and your input would be appreciated.


I regularly read posts and responses and it drives me crazy when people post a thread or comment and state one thing and then a week later, day later or whatever post something quite the opposite. As an example (not one I have seen but for example) to say dressing is not at all sexual for them, then in another post say it is erotic for them .

Sometimes I feel when I read these things and wonder are they purposely being dishonest? Do they not realize we can see both posts? I feel like these kind of things make others, SOs and such feel as if lies are to be expected.

Can anyone explain this?

[pamela7]

we change who we are, hour by hour, day by day, we see or realise things at different times. a human being is not an individual, he-she is a collective of aspects, depending on who is running the program at the time, you get the output. As one becomes braver perhaps one moves closer to truth.

then there is the matter of being politically correct, or aligning with one view in one thread, and moving to another based upon updated info/insights.

and there are some who seek to speak the whole truth all the time ... all shades in a spectrum of many dimensions!

xxx Pamela

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Purposely dishonest? - I doubt it. Garbled English? - possibly.

I haven't noticed what you're describing, and with the broad cross section of personality types, similar usernames and overlapping subjects, I don't think many people would see a pattern of lying or contradiction- it's a bit like the Bible: you can interpret it all in a thousand different ways without it negating the overall message: we enjoy wearing women's clothes, and we don't really know why.

[Katey888]

Oh gosh! My recent post in Isha's thread is not going to help this... but that's reality...

I think most of the inconsistencies are down to how difficult it can be to reconcile the multiple conflicting feelings and motivations associated with this weird condition. There's probably more truth here thanks to the anonymity the forum provides, although we definitely have a degree of embellishment going on too.

I'd also say there's a difference between deliberately lying and knowingly struggling to find a way to express the feelings and desires. I spent yesterday evening fully glammed up in a red ball gown dancing like a girl (or at least trying hard to...) - nothing sexual at all... but other times... different feelings. It's probably about as predictable as the weather in the UK... you know it's not likely to be warm at this time of year, but that's about all that can be relied on, and you really never know...

Katey x

[Eryn]

Sexist answer: We admire, appreciate and do our best at emulating women so we reserve the right to change our minds at the drop of a hat as they do. :) (this is just for humor, I don't really believe this)

Real answer: There are several possible reasons

1. The member has changed her own beliefs. If you look at my posts from years ago you will find that I was in the "Only a CDer" camp. I truly believed that then, but as my own self-awareness grew I now find myself somewhere further along the spectrum. I didn't lie to my spouse, I told her what I believed to be true at the time. Since then she has helped and encouraged me understand myself better.

2. The member is stirring the pot. Some people will argue a point contrary to their own beliefs just for the sake and entertainment of an argument. I thing that we've all known someone like this, who would say that the sky was green if you said it was blue.

3. The member is truly confused. Sometimes we just don't know which end is up and our emotional turmoil shows in our posts.
3a. Paula Femme adds: Not only is the member confused, but they're also not being honest with themselves, for some it maybe easier to consider their 'dressing as a harmless kink, rather than something that's more deeply felt or needed,

4. The reader is confused. Sometimes we read something into a post that isn't there.

I'm sure that there are other reasonings as well.

[RADER]

One can be dressed and feel very erotic, and feel sexual at the same time.
It all depends on what one is wearing. Dressed in a skirt and top, or even
just jeans would not generally give a person the same feelings as say wearing
that LBD that fits just rite and looks ah so sexy.
So I do not think they are giving you the double talk, it just what they think
at the moment, and what they are wearing at the time.
Rader

[Jenniferathome]

Some people can't be honest with themselves. As a result, they can't remember their various opinions. Just human nature and has noting to do with cross dressing per se.

[Paula_Femme]

I think Eryn has given the best possible answer, especially in regards to points 1 and 3!

Crossdressing sits on one end of a spectrum of Trans behaviour, from just 'dressing, for emotional and/or sexual satisfaction, to those who fully transition because it's who they are, and because they simply have to.... there is no alternative... other than self harm or worse.

Most of us don't know exactly why we 'dress. Some are driven and some do it just because it feels good, for myself, it started out purely sexual, a fetish, but over the years the sexual element receded into the background and now it's mainly an emotional release; it makes me feel "good," and helps me express the feminine aspects of my personality.

To Eryn's list I would perhaps add an adendum, point 3a: Not only is the member confused, but they're also not being honest with themselves, for some it maybe easier to consider their 'dressing as a harmless kink, rather than something that's more deeply felt or needed, YMMV.

[Eryn]

...Not only is the member confused, but they're also not being honest with themselves, for some it maybe easier to consider their 'dressing as a harmless kink, rather than something that's more deeply felt or needed, YMMV.

Good point and one that, in hindsight, I can see in myself, at least when I first confronted my own feelings. I've added it to my post.

[Nadine Spirit]

I think some people play dress up and along with that comes a false persona.

So maybe that might sound offensive to some, and for that I am sorry. So maybe some further explaining. Some people dress up as purely a fantasy event and within that fantasy they can play any number of roles. Thus one day they can say one thing and then the next something completely contradictory.

But I am purely speculating.

I have read some blogs that are that way as well. One TG blogger I specifically remember the person is all over the place. If you go back and read their blog from the start the person sounds really weird.

[Kate Simmons]

Not everyone feels the exact same way every day. The prerogative to change our minds is not limited to women. Sometimes it's hard to put what we feel into words that everyone can understand because sometimes we don't even understand ourselves. It may seem inconsistent to someone who doesn't know us but to us it's just who we are. If we are moving forward that will change and evolve as we do as people.:)

[MelanieAnne]

Some people just like to post and talk about crossdressing. And others are clearly trying to inflate their post counts with nonsense.

[DorothyElizabeth]

I can only speak for myself, but I find that I go through various periods. When I first started "dressing", I felt it filled a void in my life created by my failed marriage. It was nice to have a woman around the house once in a while, and since there was no one to fill that role, I did it myself. Then, later on, I had a semi-long term (two year) relationship with a woman where we both found it was an interesting sexual kink to have me wear stockings a suspender belt and silk panties. Today, I "underdress" all the time. But it doesn't feel particularly sexy to be wearing jeans and a tee shirt. On the other hand, if I wear hose with a garter belt, a corset or body shaper, and a sexy outfit, or even just those things under my "man clothes", yes, there is a bit of a sexual feeling there.

[Sandra]

...and some just want to be part of the pack and not feel left out. If a lot of members post that they all wear red lipstick said member will say the same. Next day the colour has changed so said member will agree with all the others again.

[mykell]

hello FAB,
couldnt this member just post and have a more specific example....

especially since the one brought up is about sex....and not one they have seen....
some might have a hard time responding about that in a searchable area of the forum.....
maybe the reason for dissimilar answers.....

this is a public place and although i feel comfortable here i dont share every aspect of myself sexual or otherwise in great detail, depending on the topics
also some (myself included) fall victim to automatic spell check and myself have poor composing capabilities.
so it may not be as overt as this person has eluded it to have been...
hard to say if we dont have all the facts, it will just be speculation......



sex·u·al
1: of, relating to, or associated with sex or the sexes <sexual differentiation> <sexual conflict>
2: having or involving sex <sexual reproduction>

erotic
1: of, devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire <erotic art>
2: strongly marked or affected by sexual desire


seems like a bad example....not to dissimilar after all....

[Stephanie47]

A woman has the right to change her mind! Ask my wife!

[Ressie]

As an example (not one I have seen but for example) to say dressing is not at all sexual for them, then in another post say it is erotic for them .

Sometimes I feel when I read these things and wonder are they purposely being dishonest? Do they not realize we can see both posts? I feel like these kind of things make others, SOs and such feel as if lies are to be expected.


OK, you haven't seen this example right? Is there an example that is actual because I haven't seen these contradictions your speaking of. I'm sure not all posts are completely honest on this site or other forums of various subjects. But then again, it's easy to misinterperet text. I couldn't begin to explain what I haven't seen, but I only read less than 10% of posts. Hope it isn't something I said!

[docrobbysherry]

I believe Conficious said it best, "Sometimes u feel like nut, sometimes u don't!"

[ophelia]

Potato, patato....What we mean is that crossdressing gets us horny and that we feel sexxy when we're dressed and out.
Language.....

[flatlander_48]

Personally, the original question is something that I wouldn't waste time attempting to figure it out. Humans are not perfectly consistent and that goes for everyone, LGBT folks included. Sometime our responses are pretty close to the truth and other times or responses are almost an attempt to cover our tracks and not reveal what we really think. There are MANY questions for which we will never know the answer. It's much better to realize that and move on to something that is more useful.

[ChristinaK]

It used to be strictly sexual. Now it depends on what I wear. I can turn myself on if I dress in clothing I find sexy on a woman and it makes me feel sexy to wear it in public.

My wife feels that I lied to her about my intentions, but, we do change, don't we? When you get humans figured out, let me know :-)

[girlfriendpaola]

People change, they do)))
and I can completely understand what you mean by first question)))) that's pretty natural

[PaulaQ]

Dear Questioner,

Why would you expect consistent answers about such complex and misunderstood behaviors? Why would you expect honesty from us - the world largely demands that we lie about this stuff, and many of us do too - to ourselves, to our friends, families, employers, our spouses?

What makes you think honesty is even remotely in the cards, at least at first?

How are we even supposed to know which answer is the truth? Often, we don't.

Looking at your gender when you are trans is like looking into a hall of mirrors. It's very confusing to figure out what's real, and what isn't. It takes some time, patience, and a lot of self-examination, and sometimes therapy to really know what's what.

Not to be combative, but I bet you couldn't muster that type of honesty on something so deep, something so stigmatized, either, at least not without a whole bunch of work!

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

I don't think it is a case of being purposely dishonest but more a case of either: (1) not truly understanding what it all means to you; or (2) personal growth. When I first came out to my wife I was certain it was a stay at home thing for me and I stated that on this forum, three months later I was out and about. I planned to keep it to myself and my wife (stated as well) . . . I am now completely out to the world including work. I was a 20/80 (female/male split) and am now (40/60).

We all change and sometimes that journey takes us in directions we can never imagine so we play it safe and say one thing only to discover another.

Hugs

Isha

[Beverley Sims]

Looking back I have made contradictory statements without referring to the slurred english I use.
My contradictory statements usually occur from my bad grammar, writing editing and a subsequent misunderstanding of what I have written.

With the example you use, have these people made many posts or are they just new and living in "Noddy" land?

[Zylia]

Dear anonymous,
Perhaps it's more helpful for you, us and the people in question if you actually call someone out on their inconsistencies when you see it happen. I hate inconsistencies as much as the next guy with an autism spectrum disorder, but we're discussing something purely hypothetical without any meaningful examples IMO.

[Jackie7]

Yes to all of the above, and I don't know about the rest of you, but sometimes I confess, I do drive my computer while weary, or drunk, or hammered in some other way, and then I might post something purely wierd. Ooops.

And nobody has yet quoted Emerson, something about a foolish consistency being the hobgoblin of little minds.

[Felicia Dee]

A lot of good comments here. Speaking for myself, as I continually work towards better self awareness and inner growth, I find that my view of things, (insert topic here) remain in a state of flux... y'know: subject to change as new information presents itself. That isn't being dishonest, that's being open and reseptive to change.

;)

[Seana Summer]

The other thing to keep in mind is that not everyone thinks before they start pounding on the keyboard. I myself don't always read and seriously consider every previous post before chipping in my $0.02 worth. In reading a few posts I would say that some are taking posting here as seriously as if they were having a mature sit down conversation with a close friend........and some just say the first thing that comes to mind without the slights evidence of thought. I think it is just part of the hazard of reading a chat board. You can not read someones face on a chat board so its hard to tell sometimes if a comment is meant to be serious. The sexual thing is hard to nail down anyway because it is complicated, and some would rather joke about, or deny, something that is so difficult to talk about.

[Teresa]

FAB4,
I can't claim to be totally consistent but some members may wonder how I can bare my sole one moment and then come back in another thread with a flippant or fun answer !One word," SUPPRESSION ! " DADT is just that, it suppresses the real part of me !
On the whole I have probably said too much and been too honest on an open forum but have basically stuck to what I've said ! I find the replies usually respond to that honesty !

I have no shame in admitting that my CDing is sexual and not just a panty collecting hobby !!

[Dena]

For me, it's a bit of both. Dressing is sensual and can lead to feeling sexy. But not all womens' clothing does that. For instance, I don't understand it, but I find something comforting about wearing a bra. Wearing a bra doesn't turn me on though. The same with padding my hips and behind. I like how the padding helps my skirt to fall properly, but again it doesn't turn me on... so it can vary.

[Tina B.]

The simple answer to Fab's question is: It's not about sex, until it is about sex. After all no one feels the same every day and not every outfit gives a person hung up on clothes, the same feelings.
But most of the time, it is not about sex.