Karolyn
02-02-2015, 01:48 AM
Finally! After more than 20 years! This was very hard, and even if the shock was strong, I am impressed by how fast they recovered.
A little bit of background: I have dysphoria since I'm 11. I am 33 now. At that time, I just wish I was one of the girls I was admiring so much at my middle school. Instead, I was being bullied and beaten up so bad by the guys (I was the intellectual type with glasses, no defense, and hanging out with the girls). That made me very scared of every guy. I did not tell my parents, both about the bullying and my admiration for girls. For the first one, I was scared they take action with the middle school, and the guys get their revenge, making things worse. And for the girls, I just felt like it was too weird to talk about it. At 13, I was feeling so bad I almost committed suicide. After my failed attempt, 6 hours of coma, 5 weeks at the hospital, I realized the mistake I made and how much life was important, thanks to my family.
When I try to date girls in my 20s, I felt very uncomfortable. I felt like I would not have been honest to them. Why? Because I would be with a girl just to be closer to what I wanted to be, rather than being the guy that the girl wanted to be with. So that made me single and virgin until now. 10 years ago, when I was 23, I started crossdressing daily. I was buying almost only satin clothes. That's what made me think I had a satin fetish (I saw lots of info online about that). But I realized I had no arousal from it, it only was relaxing me. I had no idea crossdressing was common, so I only thought I was doing something "pervert". So far I never told anyone, and particularly not my parents.
I discovered this forum about 3-4 years ago, and realized that it was much more common than I thought, and by then, I only had access to the MtF section, not the clothes or gallery sections. In the last few months, I took my CDing to another level: makeup, going out en femme multiple times, even interact with people outside. That is when I decided being a TG was the way to go, that's how I really felt inside. I came out to multiple people, in a very organized way, from the people I know the most, to people I see less often, and I came out to my sister three weeks ago. That feeling of freedom is amazing, and I got only positive feedback. I started to feel very depressed in the last two weeks when in drab. I went to see a gender therapist, and for her I had an obvious case of dysphoria. She approved my transition, and before she gives me the HRT letter, she wanted me to come out to my parents, as it was the last step before my new life. She gave me advices on how to talk to them, and next Friday I will talk about the discussion with my parents.
I asked my sister to be part of my talk to my parents on Skype (I am in the US, they are in France). Then I told them I had a big news for them. I had rehearsed that talk for at least 2 months, and I took notes so I don't forget anything when talking to them. I said to them what the therapist advised me to: "I am not asking for your permission, I have to tell you because I have to, I am only asking for your support. I am an adult, I have thought about that decision for many years and read a lot of documentation about the process and the consequences, I am now ready." That helped more than I thought. I spent two hours talking to them, but my father was looking down, saying nothing, but he was listening. My mother was looking in my direction, but I could tell she had tears. At the "end" of the discussion, I really insisted on the fact I loved them a lot, and I don't want things to change. They love their children a lot, and they wish for their happiness. I am now in a good situation overall (job in an LGBT friendly company, in an LGBT friendly city, good reputation at work and good job position, I bought a house, etc.), so this is the last piece of the puzzle to make me completely happy. One of the last sentence my father said was "we cannot change anything anyway, right?" My decision was already taken. And after telling how much I loved them, with the 3 of us crying all the tears we had, I left them for a moment, went to my bed, and cried for a good 15 minutes. During that time, my sister was trying to make them feel a bit better, but they were still under the shock.
My parents called me back 30 minutes later, and the first thing we talked about is my father's last sentence. The reason I told them after I took the decision was a strategy, and I followed the therapist's advice. If I did tell them earlier, as if I was asking for their permission, they would have obviously rejected it. They would have tried very hard to convince me to not take a "stupid" decision. And by finally taking the decision, it would have been as if I did not listen to them, building a bad communication, and probably fighting. That would have made things worse. So at the end, it is better to give a stronger shock, but preventing any potential fight. They have no control, they just have to deal with it.
And now, the good part. After another hour of talking, and really insisting on how it is for my own good and to be more honest with everyone, as I have no secret to hide anymore, we concluded with what scared me the most these many last years, was I going to lose them forever? We are really bonded together, we love each other very much, but I thought that decision was too much for them. At the end, they said "we still love you, and that will not change, we just want you to be happy". I was the one shocked! I still have much more to talk about to them, and the next couple of days or weeks will be critical, but the most important and scariest part is done, I did not lose my parents!! I am so happy!
I could not stay at home alone for the rest of the day, I had to go out. One of my friends I came out to accepted to see me as Karolyn in real life. We went to an Indian restaurant, then back to their place for more discussion and some board games. I felt so good, I passed one of the hardest obstacles of my life.
From now on, I think I will only have good news coming in the near future. :)
A little bit of background: I have dysphoria since I'm 11. I am 33 now. At that time, I just wish I was one of the girls I was admiring so much at my middle school. Instead, I was being bullied and beaten up so bad by the guys (I was the intellectual type with glasses, no defense, and hanging out with the girls). That made me very scared of every guy. I did not tell my parents, both about the bullying and my admiration for girls. For the first one, I was scared they take action with the middle school, and the guys get their revenge, making things worse. And for the girls, I just felt like it was too weird to talk about it. At 13, I was feeling so bad I almost committed suicide. After my failed attempt, 6 hours of coma, 5 weeks at the hospital, I realized the mistake I made and how much life was important, thanks to my family.
When I try to date girls in my 20s, I felt very uncomfortable. I felt like I would not have been honest to them. Why? Because I would be with a girl just to be closer to what I wanted to be, rather than being the guy that the girl wanted to be with. So that made me single and virgin until now. 10 years ago, when I was 23, I started crossdressing daily. I was buying almost only satin clothes. That's what made me think I had a satin fetish (I saw lots of info online about that). But I realized I had no arousal from it, it only was relaxing me. I had no idea crossdressing was common, so I only thought I was doing something "pervert". So far I never told anyone, and particularly not my parents.
I discovered this forum about 3-4 years ago, and realized that it was much more common than I thought, and by then, I only had access to the MtF section, not the clothes or gallery sections. In the last few months, I took my CDing to another level: makeup, going out en femme multiple times, even interact with people outside. That is when I decided being a TG was the way to go, that's how I really felt inside. I came out to multiple people, in a very organized way, from the people I know the most, to people I see less often, and I came out to my sister three weeks ago. That feeling of freedom is amazing, and I got only positive feedback. I started to feel very depressed in the last two weeks when in drab. I went to see a gender therapist, and for her I had an obvious case of dysphoria. She approved my transition, and before she gives me the HRT letter, she wanted me to come out to my parents, as it was the last step before my new life. She gave me advices on how to talk to them, and next Friday I will talk about the discussion with my parents.
I asked my sister to be part of my talk to my parents on Skype (I am in the US, they are in France). Then I told them I had a big news for them. I had rehearsed that talk for at least 2 months, and I took notes so I don't forget anything when talking to them. I said to them what the therapist advised me to: "I am not asking for your permission, I have to tell you because I have to, I am only asking for your support. I am an adult, I have thought about that decision for many years and read a lot of documentation about the process and the consequences, I am now ready." That helped more than I thought. I spent two hours talking to them, but my father was looking down, saying nothing, but he was listening. My mother was looking in my direction, but I could tell she had tears. At the "end" of the discussion, I really insisted on the fact I loved them a lot, and I don't want things to change. They love their children a lot, and they wish for their happiness. I am now in a good situation overall (job in an LGBT friendly company, in an LGBT friendly city, good reputation at work and good job position, I bought a house, etc.), so this is the last piece of the puzzle to make me completely happy. One of the last sentence my father said was "we cannot change anything anyway, right?" My decision was already taken. And after telling how much I loved them, with the 3 of us crying all the tears we had, I left them for a moment, went to my bed, and cried for a good 15 minutes. During that time, my sister was trying to make them feel a bit better, but they were still under the shock.
My parents called me back 30 minutes later, and the first thing we talked about is my father's last sentence. The reason I told them after I took the decision was a strategy, and I followed the therapist's advice. If I did tell them earlier, as if I was asking for their permission, they would have obviously rejected it. They would have tried very hard to convince me to not take a "stupid" decision. And by finally taking the decision, it would have been as if I did not listen to them, building a bad communication, and probably fighting. That would have made things worse. So at the end, it is better to give a stronger shock, but preventing any potential fight. They have no control, they just have to deal with it.
And now, the good part. After another hour of talking, and really insisting on how it is for my own good and to be more honest with everyone, as I have no secret to hide anymore, we concluded with what scared me the most these many last years, was I going to lose them forever? We are really bonded together, we love each other very much, but I thought that decision was too much for them. At the end, they said "we still love you, and that will not change, we just want you to be happy". I was the one shocked! I still have much more to talk about to them, and the next couple of days or weeks will be critical, but the most important and scariest part is done, I did not lose my parents!! I am so happy!
I could not stay at home alone for the rest of the day, I had to go out. One of my friends I came out to accepted to see me as Karolyn in real life. We went to an Indian restaurant, then back to their place for more discussion and some board games. I felt so good, I passed one of the hardest obstacles of my life.
From now on, I think I will only have good news coming in the near future. :)