Anne2345
02-03-2015, 09:53 PM
As I continue to make steady progress with my transition, I have recently found myself reflecting back on how I used to *look.*
Which, to be completely honest about it, I find somewhat curious considering that it was not that long ago that I went out of my way to avoid being exposed to all things *formerly* me. I mean, I just didn't do it, because it was too hard. Doing so would invariably bring up too many negative thoughts and emotions. It was counter-productive to go down that road, even for a quick jaunt, so there really was no point, unless I was already feeling crappy and wanted to take it to the next level, but I digress . . . .
Still, I haven't had any interest in doing so until now.
The difference now, of course, is that I'm in any entirely different ball game these days. I know what I am doing, I know who I am, I know where I am going, and I know what I want. Sure, I still have much work to do, and many details yet to address, but I'm getting there, and more importantly, I have put my money where my mouth is and I am *doing* these things. So I feel really good about myself in a way I never even allowed myself to dream was even possible, which is an *amazing* thing and transformation in and of itself.
Anyways, as for how I used to be in my head - that person is long gone and behind me now. I barely even *remember* that person, in fact. The thoughts, emotions, and insanity that THAT person who I used to be experienced seems like a million, gazillion lifetimes ago. And yeah, I suppose I could go through some of my old posts and stuff, but really, what's the point?
But how I used to LOOK, on the other hand, that's different, I think. I think it's different because it's a quality that is observable on its face, and it's relatively easy to compare and contrast between different points of transition and different parts of one's life. Everything from clothing to the length of hair to the look in one's eye to the manner in which one smiles (or does not smile) to so many, many other things. It brings to mind the old adage about how a picture tells a thousand words or whatever it was, but you all get the point.
Regardless, I now find it rather fascinating and kind of fun to look back on the old and compare it the new. I also find it absolutely mind-blowing, in that I can hardly believe that I used to *look* the way I used to look. It just all seems so rather impossible and stuff. Except that it's not impossible. It's anything but impossible . . . .
So earlier today my curiosity got the better of me, and I spent a small bit of time putting together a few boy-mode pictures from the past couple of years followed by some recent *me* pictures, and I posted them in an album on my facebook account, for any who are interested, here:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.627702634043050.1073741828.100004099583483&type=1&l=376106c919
Which, to be completely honest about it, I find somewhat curious considering that it was not that long ago that I went out of my way to avoid being exposed to all things *formerly* me. I mean, I just didn't do it, because it was too hard. Doing so would invariably bring up too many negative thoughts and emotions. It was counter-productive to go down that road, even for a quick jaunt, so there really was no point, unless I was already feeling crappy and wanted to take it to the next level, but I digress . . . .
Still, I haven't had any interest in doing so until now.
The difference now, of course, is that I'm in any entirely different ball game these days. I know what I am doing, I know who I am, I know where I am going, and I know what I want. Sure, I still have much work to do, and many details yet to address, but I'm getting there, and more importantly, I have put my money where my mouth is and I am *doing* these things. So I feel really good about myself in a way I never even allowed myself to dream was even possible, which is an *amazing* thing and transformation in and of itself.
Anyways, as for how I used to be in my head - that person is long gone and behind me now. I barely even *remember* that person, in fact. The thoughts, emotions, and insanity that THAT person who I used to be experienced seems like a million, gazillion lifetimes ago. And yeah, I suppose I could go through some of my old posts and stuff, but really, what's the point?
But how I used to LOOK, on the other hand, that's different, I think. I think it's different because it's a quality that is observable on its face, and it's relatively easy to compare and contrast between different points of transition and different parts of one's life. Everything from clothing to the length of hair to the look in one's eye to the manner in which one smiles (or does not smile) to so many, many other things. It brings to mind the old adage about how a picture tells a thousand words or whatever it was, but you all get the point.
Regardless, I now find it rather fascinating and kind of fun to look back on the old and compare it the new. I also find it absolutely mind-blowing, in that I can hardly believe that I used to *look* the way I used to look. It just all seems so rather impossible and stuff. Except that it's not impossible. It's anything but impossible . . . .
So earlier today my curiosity got the better of me, and I spent a small bit of time putting together a few boy-mode pictures from the past couple of years followed by some recent *me* pictures, and I posted them in an album on my facebook account, for any who are interested, here:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.627702634043050.1073741828.100004099583483&type=1&l=376106c919