Needing some advice.

[Missy_am_I]

So I am new to fully dressing and am really excited about and can't wait to go out in public. My problem is that I am rather shy and don't have any friends. In fact, the only person I know that I am "out" to is my wife. We both want to go out dancing and where I am, Michigan, there is a bar that has a gurls night every Saturday. The problem is that we have two young children that are just too young to have a baby sitter. It will most likely be 3 or 4 months before I will be able to stay out late with my wife, but I don't want to wait. So, here's my question. Should I wait for my wife or go by myself? If I go by myself, how do I become friends and have fun with others while out. I dont want to go and be the lonely gurl sitting at the bar. Thanks!

[Sandra]

How does your wife feel about you going without her?

If she is ok with it and you feel comfy with going on your own then it's up to you.

[Racheltvvt]

I'd wait. Practice dancing in heels and a dress or skirt.

[Heather_Shirly]

I am going to go with wait as well. My wife and i just have a 7 month old and my dressing has taken somewhat of a back seat when it comes to having to take care of the baby. Now i kind of have to fit it in when i can. I reckon when the baby is older my dressing will have to move a little further backseat for a few years at that.

[Jackie7]

I went through obstacles like this with my first wife, 20 years ago, and with my second (current and forever) wife 10 years ago. IMHO you can win big with your wife if you wait for her to join you. Go once to scout the landscape and report back to her, if you haven't already. But to keep her as your partner in this adventure, do everything you can to peer through the pink fog and keep some of your attention on her, and do what you can to make it fun for her., which likely would not include leaving her home with the kids while you go dancing. I got it all wrong the first time, much better the second. At each obstacle her invitation to me was, "include me. Make it fun for me too." Best advice I ever received.

[docrobbysherry]

If you're sure she's ok with it? Go, Missy!

You'll have fun just sitting alone if that's what u choose. My guess, from your avatar, u won't be alone too long. You'll get a feel for the place and u can leave whenever u like!:heehee:

[Isabella Ross]

You're one of the fortunate ones to have a supportive SO. Exclude her at your own peril.

[Julogden]

I'd urge you very strongly to wait. In the long run, 3 or 4 months is no big deal, but when you're starting out, it can feel like forever. Just be content and celebrate that you have an accepting wife. Do what you need to do to make sure that you don't take her acceptance for granted. :)

[AllieSF]

If you plan to go by yourself, why not go first in male mode to check out the place and introduce yourself to some of the other CD's there and even talk to the bartender to introduce yourself and ask whatever questions that you may have? Second, I am not sure where you are in Michigan, but there are several ladies on this site from there. Contact them by PM if they live relatively close to you. If you connect, then maybe you can join them on one of their outings. I understand that being shy sometimes inhibits you from starting the conversation with a stranger, but in this case, meeting one of us close to you, really can help get you off to a successful start in venturing into the real outside world. Good luck.

[Samantha Clark]

I think you have to set your priorities. Life, particularly with children, is riddled with compromises and sacrifices.

From my experience, family and, especially, babies comes first. Crossdressing is not, and never was, first on my list of priorities.

I remember not being able to bear the thought of anyone babysitting my only child. I think my child came first and my wife a close 1.5 (not second). Now my child is grown and married, so my wife is definitely first. Crossdressing is lower on the list.

I agree with the advice from Jackie and Isabella.

[Caden Lane]

You are lucky enough to have a spouse who is supportive, and understanding. If you exclude her, it may be a drop ofresentment that may eventually burst through the dam. Embrace her support at every turn, do not give her any reason to resent your dressing; in this instance, she may resent you went out and had a good time while she was stuck at home with the kids. Which she may interpret or later translate a a resentment of your dressing.

But another advantage to taking her with you is; somebody to simply watch your back. She will be able to coach you actively and make corrections on the spot which may be delayed if she is not with you. She will also be able to keep awkward situations from arising. Remember, there are certain social nuances women learn throughout puberty that we sort o have to pick up on in a hurry. We are at a distinct disadvantage the first few times we go out, so if you have someone watching your back both physically and metaphorically, all the better. She can also serve a a "reverse wingman" of sorts; she can be a physical barrier to unwanted advances when you introduce her as your spouse, but she can also assist in helping you meet other girls like you, by making simple introductions and help breaking the ice we so often place in our own way in social interactions.

Ever & Always,

[franlee]

You asked for advise. Wait for her, there is just to many things to go wrong and to many questions that can come from her absence. Especially in these new and learning situations. Besides if you want full acceptance the sharing is most important, so start from scratch!

[Ressie]

There are lots of us here in Michigan. Sounds like you're in the Detroit Metro area? I'm in SW Michigan and have met quite a few others from this site. Get togethers in Grand Rapids and Saugatuck are great for getting out with other CDs for the shy and timid (like me) (thanks Billie)! My gf Sammie has been living it up going out in Detroit, so there's hope for a fun future.

My first time out started with me being the only gurl sitting at the bar. But it was early ;)

[Stephanie47]

I advice to not go out and have fun without your wife. It really has nothing to do with cross dressing. It has to do with going and having a fun time where the object is to mix with similarly minded men and women. My wife and I went through having kids and figuring out, when the children are too young to be comfortably left with a sitter, what to do? I suggest, when going out without her, go to an activity where you can mingle with friends or co-workers. Let her escape from the motherly duties by going out with friends to a girl's night out. The last thing a mother/wife needs is to have an image of hubby out having a good time at a pick up joint while she changes diapers and listens to a screaming baby. Call it "delayed gratification!"

[cdinmd206]

Wait for the wife to join you.

[Jenniferathome]

Time is actually on your side. That is not the case for your kids. You blink and they are I grade school. Another blink and they're graduating college. Wait until you can be out with your wife. Maybe th grandparents spend the night sown evening and you and your wife stay at a hotel. A night away is not unheard of. If you don't have family nearby, you just wait.

Enjoy every second of your kids. I am sure you will agree they are the priority.

[mykell]

"my opinion" wait, others have made reasonable points, go with the mrs., it will allow time to make connections as ressie has said, their seems to be quite a Detroit contingent from what ive seen on the site and if you hook up with sammie she always wants to go dancing...... and when she does and shares everyone looks to be having a great time.........

[Katey888]

Old-fashioned advice from me on this one...

You want to be a serious party-goer..? Don't have kids.. :)

You now have kids... You first responsibility IS to them and your supportive wife... 3 or 4 months is nothing - be patient, practice whatever you need to at home and by all means plan your outing (as others have said - plenty of action in Michigan! :D)

You have something special and rare with your accepting wife and young family - keep her, and your family the MOST special part of your life...

Katey x

[Kandi Robbins]

Missy,

If you are in the Detroit area, there are plenty of girls here on the forum that would be kind enough to meet you and show you the ropes. I live in Cleveland and had my first experience out in Detroit and had a ball! I PM'd one of them and she was so gracious and took great care of me. There is a thread of our exploits.

Kandi

[MsVal]

If the little ones are too young for a babysitter and you have trouble getting out as a couple, have you considered this: Once or twice a month each of you get a night out while the other watches the kids. Your sweet wife would probably like to get away as badly as you.

I have some trouble getting out too, for different reasons, but when I can, I want to get back to Adams Apple for some socialization and then GiGi's for some dancing.

Best wishes
MsVal

[justmetoo]

I agree with the general consensus, wait until your wife can join you and/or make sure she gets some time of her own. Only you can say which course is best in your case. I think the main thing is to make sure whatever you do is as much for her sake as for yours. Best wishes and have fun! :)

[Sierra_juliette]

If you read any of my posts, you know I am extremely supportive of my husband. I can tell you that if life was getting in the way, I would be supportive of him going out on the town without me BUT I would appreciate it much more if he waited and went with me.

So even if she says it is okay, I would say wait it out with her. Get comfortable walking, dancing etc in heels and then go out with her for the first time. I think after that first time it might be a little more 'okay' to go out without her, but save that first for her. I know as a supportive wife, that would mean a lot to me.

[Dawn cd]

I say to wait--if you're talking about going out dancing or to bars. But there's no reason why you can't go out shopping by yourself, to a supermarket or department store--just to test your ability to be dressed in public. Once it becomes a social event, however, you ought to wait for your wife.

[Seana Summer]

I also say wait for your wife. Later, you will be glad you did

[DeeNile]

I would wait. This can be an amazing lifetime bonding moment for you and her. Three or four months is not that far off.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

I would wait. I am certain your wife wants to spend time with you and going out by yourself could dampen some of the support she gives you.

[Adriana Moretti]

Samantha is the go to girl for all things Michigan..........I'm sure she will pop in soon .......xoxo

[Kathryn_Cox]

Hi , I would go with the wait until your wife can join you. We are some of the very few who have a supportive wife and she needs to be included and especially deserves a good night out after looking after the young children. Just enjoy those little ones early times as they soon have gone. XXXX

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

I agree with the others I would wait. Even if your wife says "go ahead" leaving her at home with two wee ones while you go out may give her pause for thought. Waiting shows that you are there for her and your family and that CDing is not a priority to you. In the interim, practice your dancing, get in touch with others here (I am sure Sammie will chime in soon with an invite) and enjoy . . . you have lots of time.

Hugs

Isha

[MissTee]

Here's another wait vote. Congrats on having a supportive wife!

[pamela7]

keep a supportive wife onside, ask her, let her lead the dance of home or away?

[carahawkwind]

Be happy it's only 3-4 months. My wife and I have the hardest time finding anyone we trust to watch our daughter late in the evening and she's almost four now, and when we do have time to ourselves going out dressed often isn't out top priority.

If you do end up going out on your own, make sure your wife gets a chance to do that same thing at some point.

[Meghan4now]

Missy, I know how that feels. You took the training wheels off your bike and now you can't wait to ride. But I agree with waiting. So maybe as a compromise you can do a bit of shopping. Or maybe a little under dressing or put on a little mascara in the morning. If it isn't over the top or clumpy you may just blend in while still feeling a little pretty.

[kimdl93]

My advise - wait until you and your wife can go together. That is way better for the family dynamic than leaving your wife at home with kids while you go out to play. Three to 4 months isn't very long at all.