Question about presnting effectively as a woman

[Paula_56]

When did you start to present effectively and what one thing was most important in making your presentation effective?

[flatlander_48]

2 things actually: Makeup and a Wig.

I've never had difficulty with fashion and color coordination, including in male mode. I was never afraid to wear strong colors and there was a time when I would get many compliments on the suits and ties that I wore. At this point in my career, and just how things are in general, I dress much more casually now but strong colors are still part of the plan.

Getting back to your question, I didn't have a sense of what was possible until I had a makeover by a retired makeup artist. That was a quantum leap for me. My thought was "Yes, I CAN do this!". Everything else sort of fell together. I know how to walk appropriately in heels. I know how to sit in an acceptable manner. My makeup skills are coming together. My wardrobe is coming together and is simple, but easy to reshuffle in different ways. The only major thing that I have not worked on is speech. At this point, I'm not sure if I will do that or not.

[Shelly Preston]

The biggest thing is Confidence especially if you intend going out.

[Kate Simmons]

About 12 years ago. It was mostly my attitude, mindset and body language. If you carry yourself as a female, you will most likely be perceived as one. When you are asked to dance and out on dates , etc. that more or less confirms it. :battingeyelashes::)

[CarlaWestin]

I don't believe I'm really there, yet. For me it's being not noticed too much and outsmarting the camera.

[bridget thronton]

Letting my hair grow (short bob) and getting my foundation right

[BillieAnneJean]

I had a makeover and photoshoot by TGMiss.com in Racine Wisconsin. That showed me what was possible. It took me a number of months to figure out how to replicate the look, well as much as an amateur can duplicate a pro anyway. So I would have to say it was about July of 2013 that it all started coming together. That was very quick because I had just started CDing in October 2012. But the things I learned from four days of transformations and photo sessions were definitely worth years of self experimentation. Then it took an additional maybe year to get it to be consistent.

And the confidence level from the photos made a huge difference!

Isn't this FUN!?!?!!!!!
Billie

[Dianne S]

I don't think there's any one thing. I think it's a combination of many things, some obvious and some subtle. The most obvious ones are: Age- and body-appropriate clothes, an appropriate hairstyle (mine's natural, but if you're getting a wig, don't get a spiky blonde one if your natural hair color is dark, etc.), enough makeup without overdoing it and appropriate jewelry and accessories.

The more subtle things: Softening my voice, learning to walk and sit like a woman and learning to speak like a woman in terms of sentence structure, facial expressions and gestures.

The biggest thing, though, as others have mentioned, is confidence. If you go out with confidence and feel that you're acting completely naturally, that will go a long way to avoiding attracting unwanted attention. For me, this was the key.

[I Am Paula]

My own hair. I've bought numerous wigs in my life, and I think I only got a real passable look a few times. I will never wear another.

[SherriePall]

I started present effectively maybe a dozen years or so ago. What made the difference? A proper wig (hair replacement system is how the solon owner sold it) and proper foundation (only by going to a beauty store where it could be tried on).
With that and years of trying this and that before, the confidence level climbed.

[Leslie Langford]

Paula, I think that for me, the defining moment came when I reached out a few years ago to a local make up artist named Kelly who worked out of her own home studio. Having known nothing but disapproval and resistance from my wife regarding my crossdressing, it took a great deal of courage for me to take that first step and open up to another human being not knowing exactly what kind of reception I would get, despite her having been fully briefed on my situation beforehand. Kelly proved to be everything that my wife wasn't - non-judgmental, supportive, welcoming, enthusiastic...you name it, not to mention a ton of fun with a great sense of humor. She immediately put me at ease and began to work her magic, transforming me into a vision of femininity that never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to be able to achieve.

It was clear from the start that this was not just a "job" for Kelly - she saw this as a mixture of a labor of love as well as a professional challenge, and just like myself, she was as determined to make me the best "Leslie" that I could be. With my first session having been such an awe-inspiring revelation, I went back to Kelly a number of times over the next 3 years, experimenting with various looks including daytime and evening makeup as well as false eyelashes on occasion. So determined was Kelly to bring out the best in me that she even put me in contact with nail techs whom she knew and who were equally supportive, even offering me some of her own nail polish and perfume to try out at times. Sadly, Kelly decided to leave the make up business about 2 years ago in favor of more regular employment, but I will always cherish that relationship especially since over time, it developed into one bordering on genuine friendship as opposed to her just being a service provider to a paying customer.

Having learned some excellent make up techniques from Kelly that I was largely able to emulate on my own by then, I began to focus on accumulating the necessary accessories to complement my growing - and decidedly stylish and age-appropriate - female wardrobe to complete the full package.

That really provided the tipping point for me, and gave me the confidence to go anywhere, anytime in "Leslie" mode and feel 100% good about myself. And as others here have already noted, having confidence in oneself and being able to strongly project that outwardly is the key to acceptance by others along with the ability to blend in seamlessly, even if the Holy Grail of "passing" often eludes us.

[Cheryl T]

For me I began to effectively present this side of me about 8 years ago.
What made the difference for me was the moment I accepted myself and the confidence that gave me to be me no matter what others said, felt or did.
The second thing that did it was the complete acceptance by my wife.

[Richelle]

What made the difference for me was the moment I accepted myself and the confidence that gave me to be me no matter what others said, felt or did.

The same for me. Self acceptance and confidence

Richelle

[flatlander_48]

Fascinating! As always, there are many roads to town.

Self acceptance never was a hurdle for me in terms of crossdressing. But, it certainly was when I accepted myself as a bisexual. When I started dressing 8-10 years later, self acceptance in that context was not much more than a speed bump...

DeeAnn

[Marcelle]

Hi Paula,

You see that is the odd thing . . . I don't think I present effectively as a woman. I may blend for a short time, probably long enough for people to not give me a second thought . . . longish hair, girl clothes . . . girl. However when I think presenting effectively as a woman that would be close up scrutiny during interaction with others and I never survive first contact. So, I just assume I am read and allow myself to enjoy just being me.

Hugs

Isha

[prene]

I don't think there's any one thing. I think it's a combination of many things, some obvious and some subtle. The most obvious ones are: Age- and body-appropriate clothes, an appropriate hairstyle (mine's natural, but if you're getting a wig, don't get a spiky blonde one if your natural hair color is dark, etc.), enough makeup without overdoing it and appropriate jewelry and accessories.

The more subtle things: Softening my voice, learning to walk and sit like a woman and learning to speak like a woman in terms of sentence structure, facial expressions and gestures.

The biggest thing, though, as others have mentioned, is confidence. If you go out with confidence and feel that you're acting completely naturally, that will go a long way to avoiding attracting unwanted attention. For me, this was the key.

Dianne,

I could not have said it better.

For me, not caring how short my skirt was, or big my breasts were or sexy curvy my figure.

When I go out confident that I am naturally feminine and not caring how short my skirt is, or big my breasts were or sexy curvy my figure is.
I feel like I do not get unwanted attention and can blend in.

For me.

[docrobbysherry]

"Present effectively", Paula? Is that encrypted code for "passing"? That's what it means to me. I haven't and won't be able to pass. I hear all u need is, "confidence"?
I have confidence because I'm used to going out, for a closet dresser. But, people tend to treat me like what I am, a man in a dress. In any case, it's like a, "not a female".

I only pass occasionally while wearing my masks around Halloween! And, to me there's a big difference when they believe u r female..

[justmetoo]

I think maybe it depends on what "effectively presenting as a woman" means?

I don't think of it as presenting as a woman so much. I'm just being myself, or at least the femme side of me. I'm sure I don't pass, certainly not in any kind of close interaction or scrutiny. But maybe I do "pass" just enough for "plausible deniability" - I mean, if people aren't really paying attention I don't stand out enough to change that, and if they are paying attention they mostly just treat me as I present. I do get out, with a fair degree of confidence. I think self-acceptance was the main key, that lead to the confidence I have to go out in public. Feeling like I'm not a total goof at makeup also helped with my confidence, in that my makeup isn't so bad it draws attention to me. And then, each experience of going out and being treated well or passing unnoticed increases my confidence. The much rarer awkward or unpleasant moment erodes the confidence a little, but that's just a case of maybe a small step back against many steps forward.

[Jodi]

About 15 years ago. Big difference in confidence was a professional make-over at Merle Norman and a professionally fitted and styled wig.

Jodi

[Dianne S]

So, I just assume I am read and allow myself to enjoy just being me.

That's pretty much my attitude... except... except... it drives me crazy trying to figure out if people are just being polite or if I really haven't been read. And it's not exactly something I can ask a stranger! :)

[Eryn]

I think that I started "presenting effectively" when I stopped being overly worried about passing and just enjoyed the experience.

[Candice Mae]

Attitude and movement, acting like a crazy person and walking like a linebacker will not help you at all not matter what you look like. Then once you can "present effectively" make sure you are aware of your surroundings and have an exit strategy, especially if your under 35 lots of creeps out there.

[Daisy41]

I think I started back in May of last yer (2014). Pretty much the key for me has been to just relax and be myself and pretty much operate in my own little world (don't look at people directly).

[Rachel Morley]

I assume when you say "present effectively" you mean passing (or what feels like you're passing as IMO we never really know).


... it drives me crazy trying to figure out if people are just being polite or if I really haven't been read. And it's not exactly something I can ask a stranger! :)

I know exactly what you mean! ... but to give my 2 cents on the OP's question, I suppose it was when I started to relax and not worry about whether people had figured me out or not. On the practical side, I do think its important to have a high quality wig and and no beard shadow, along with non-masculine body movements. That's for just being out and about in a general sense. IMO very few pass a close up inspection and conversation.

[kimdl93]

I'll take presenting effectively to mean ones self assessment of ones appearance, comportment, etc. I reached a level of confidence in my presentation of self with the acquisition of a wig that complimented my coloring and facial structure, in combination with clothes that both fit and expressed how I saw myself. Pass or blend or simply being under the radar, overtime I judged that I got far fewer stares and was accepted at face value more consistently.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I agree with the others who say that it's a combination of a number of things. Certainly confidence is a main one, but the others: clothes, makeup and hair; speech and wording are also important. I don't think I pass, but I've been told I do...

[susie evans]

Hi Paula
it's good to here from you, I don't know how effective we really are but I think when we realize we are just trying to get along and survie as we want to be accepted and seen and we are comfortable with who we really are it becomes much easier , I have noticed as I get older and have been out and about for at least the last 25 plus years the confidence level has grown where I don't give much thought and I think as we advance in our presentation and get used to going out the mannerism's become more female like , looking back I think as I started going to a good wig shop that cuts and styles and learning better makeup tecnique's better color coordination, accessorize with shoes, purses ect

just some thought's

hugs Susie

[Rogina B]

I pass very well as a confident transwoman.I search high and low for unacceptance here in NE Florida,but I have not found it. Times are changing and people are very aware that Transpeople are humans as well. I work for myself as a marine engineer and tend to do all my in person purchasing without hiding.Even in the bowels of a testosterone environment[plumbing supply houses,HVAC distributors,electrical supply houses,commercial marine engine dealers,etc] I have found tolerance and acceptance for who I am. Sometimes,when they realize that you wouldn't choose to be there if you were pretending,goes a long way toward being accepted as a unique human being. My experiences over the last ten years,for sure.

[Krystenw]

Yep, What they said.
If you don't mind, It don't matter.
My "Ah Ha" moment, was when I woke up out of 42 days of being semi-comatose.
Life it too stinkin' short to worry about what others say.
"Says the 65 year old person on disability and doesn't need to worry about keeping a job."
I still get a few strange stares, but I have found that the general public are too wrapped up in themselves to even worry about anyone other then themselves.
Then again, I dress very modestly and after inheriting a couple dozen pair of pants and blouses, I have started wearing them as well.
I am very fortunate to have a very accepting wife that is honest and lets me know if I may not have on something that is as appropriate as it should be.

Krysten

[ophelia]

Look, you are always going to get clocked. Women are especially critical and scrupulous of other women. So every time out someone is sure to see, or to hear, a man in a dress. Afer coming face-to-face with some people who should know me, I am certain at this point that it is impossible for them to say exactly which man looks so friggin' hot in that dress and hair.
That line is getting finer and finer.

[Krisi]

I have to assume "presenting effectively" means passing or blending in public. Not having people staring or pointing at you. No nasty comments.

Well, we all have wigs or long hair and we all wear breast forms so that's not it. Toning it down to avoid the high heels, overly short skirts and overdone makeup helps. The one thing that many crossdressers overlook is the total shape of the female body. For most of us (and me in particular) this means a really good pair of padded panties or separate pads. I tried several, both commercial and homemade. I ended up buying a Veronica 5 and I think this is the major improvement after the obvious forms and wig.

As someone mentioned above, aside from all the clothes, wig and padding, it's important to learn to walk and carry yourself like a female. So that's what I'm working on now.

[Beverley Sims]

When I was eighteen and my hair was important then.

[susan54]

Perhaps I can give my take on this. As has been said it is a combination of things, chief of them confidence, but here is my list.

1. Get a professional colour and style consultation. This has been my single biggest jump in confidence. They will go beyond colours to include hair, glasses, make-up, jewellery, handbag, hose and so on.

2. Take their advice but with that confidence they bring, explore options and boundaries and BUILD THAT CONFIDENCE

3. Get the body language right, especially the walk. One tip that I do not recall seeing on here but it must have been - rotate the wrists so that the inside faces forward. Get this and the walk right and you are there. But don't overdo things with wiggle walks and fluttering hands.

4. Look at women, smile, smile, smile.

5. Wear an outfit you feel good in but it must also suit you. I used to get told off for hiding my nice legs, even though long skirts suited me, and I now enjoy getting my pegs out. Just don't go too short unless you are quite young, and that is foreign territory for me - I can't help the youngsters but they probably need help less.

6. I have gone out without make-up despite having a dark beard shadow. You can leave ingredients out if you get the others right. I have hairy arms and hands so always cover the arms but the hairy hands do not seem to matter. Don't expect to pass but no one pays attention if you are CONFIDENT. Good quality leather gloves the same colour as your outfit can be astonishingly effective in enhancing your elegance. It is NOT necessary to blend in unless you feel vulnerable - if you are very nicely dressed you will get compliments from strangers and that is wonderful. Personally I would never wear jeans or any trousers as Susan no matter how good they might look, but each to their own.

7. Act like woman, especially the movements, but do not overact. I am an actor when dressed - I usually only go to the same places where they all know I am a man but they treat me as a woman - they are taking part in the same play, but now and again there will be a reference to my true gender, always in a nice way.

8. Smell nice, but again do not overdo it.

9. Be ladylike and elegant. Girly and frilly does not work even for many women.

10. Ask for feedback. I used to get told to wear more rouge and eventually got that right - a long way beyond the stage where I was convinced I was overdoing it. I got told to wear more neutral lipstick so I did then I got told to wear bolder lipstick, I only stopped asking when I stopped getting any suggestions that did not contradict each other - you get to the stage where you are getting different tastes as feedback. If you do this properly you can actually get to the stage where women envy your clothes and how you look in them - and many will comment on how so many men have good legs.

11. Be CONFIDENT

[windycissy]

What a wonderful collection of comments! Of course the ones that have been repeated the most are essential, like a really good wig and that elusive confidence that makes or breaks you. I must be in the minority in that I've never had a professional makeup session, but there's been years and years of trial and error and reading women's fashion magazines to help me. The other thing that's made a big difference for me was losing a lot of weight, which made me look and feel more feminine.

[Vinni]

What a great read.

I am truly my own worst critic. Although I have not dressed head to toe in years. I do you feel I'm learning and developing skills to attempt to do Vinni well. Whatever she turns out to be.

I tell my wife all the time ...the last thing I want to do is look like a clown. A year from now may tell the true story. Perhaps I should keep a red round rubber nose handy

[S. Lisa Smith]

Great answers everyone!! I think Susan's answer is how I feel!!

[Angela Marie]

Confidence is the key. Although I had always been told I could pass I was very self conscious. I finally embraced my femininity wholly and totally and projected an air of serenity. It has made a huge difference. I think I'm more accepted now simply because of that change in attitude

[ophelia]

Look, you are going to occasionally get "clocked" as they say. I finally felt free when, sure someone might see a man in a dress, but when there was no way anyone might guess what man is in that friggin' hot dress.
Know where to go go girl and still leave nothing to chance, and work towards the confidence we all need to wear for success.

[Michelle Crossfire]

At this point, i am not sure i present effectively yet.

[Michelle_G]

Good wig , lots of practice with makeup , foundation garments for shape, and confidence.

[suchacutie]

OMG...the list is huge. I started from scratch 9 years ago. Every so often my wife would educate Tina on one more aspect of the detail of being a woman. Every time Tina learned one more piece she understood how much more there was to learn. When she finally is able to use her voice without concious thought, and uses language as a woman would naturally, she'll be comfortable in her presentation.

[Michelle_G]

Crap, how could I forget about voice? I think its my biggest insecurity.

[sara.rafaela]

Hi Paula, This is a hard thing to think about. During my last time out I went to diner in SOMA, San Francisco filled with techie types. I struck up a normal conversation with the waitress. Went to a straight club nearby and had nice conversations with both men and women. On my previous time out I was seated in a MAC chair in Macy´s Sacramento and an attractive 40 yr old lady struck up a talk with me about daughters. I go out freely and confidently, but yet when I look at myself in the mirror I see man in a dress.

[vickim]

I can second the comment and suggestion on a Veronica 5 for shape. As someone with broader shoulders and lats I struggled for the bottom half balance. That produce really helped pull it together

[adrienner99]

I don't pass but have come close to it. Like GGs, we must identify our weak points and hide or change them. For CDs, weak points might be facial hair, eyebrows, big shoulders, hands and feet...voice, walk, demeanor...changing all this takes time, trial and error and professional help if you can get it...Dressing appropriately is also a big part of passing. Most GGs in the real world don't wear five-inch heels and searing red lip gloss to go to Walmart. GGs can wear jeans, a t shirt and sneakers and still appear female, if not beautifully dressed. A woman's shape, eyebrows, complexion and walk matter more than what she is wearing, at least in terms of appearing female... I think true passing is not possible for the majority of us. My admiration for those who can is unbridled.

[LesleyMK]

I try the best i can, in my mid fifties i feel short skirts are a no, so its just above the knee or longer, i dont want to look too frumpy or older than i am. At 6'2" and 25st its difficult for me to blend in. But as i am of larger build i have some natural breast which i try to form a cleavage but still wear forms. I don't dress in jeans or any form of female trousers as part of my enjoyment is wearing a skirt or dress. Still trying to find decent shoes that fit. Those i have i enjoy although my feet hurt quite quickly

[ophelia]

Definitely using my own hair and by gradually becoming more and more blonde with highlights. If you have enough hair and have it professionally styled you will look more passable.
My head is on the large side and wigs just make it look so.

[Janine02]

A woman's shape, eyebrows, complexion and walk matter more than what she is wearing, at least in terms of appearing female... I think true passing is not possible for the majority of us. My admiration for those who can is unbridled.

I agree, I wish I could pass with a good diet and exercise i hope to!

[Brandy Mathews]

Janine,
I agree with Adrienner too. And I wish you luck.
Bree