Not feeling it at all

[stacy956]

Whats going on with me one minute the urges to be stacy so bad after a week faded and now i dont want anything to do with stacy :( sometime it get frustrating sense i have no social life besides here or anyone real to share it with hmmm.. Sorry ladys just had to vent that out

[Caden Lane]

It sounds like the dressing alone has lost it's zeal. Perhaps you need to enrich your femme life. Find goals and activities you can pursue as Stacy, to give your femme aspect depth and meaning, not just a physical appearance. Find a social network to enjoy and take part in as Stacy. I think those things would go a long way in fixing this duldrum you seem to feel.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[Suzie Petersen]

How long have you been dressing Stacy?

I think it is pretty normal for many of us to have the desire come and go to a degree. We are all different of course, but it is not necessarily a constant thing!

[flatlander_48]

Nothing is constant. We get excited; we cool off. For those of us who are manic-depressive, it's like Mt. Everest compared to the Mariana Trench. However, for most of us there is a gentle ebb and flow to things. It's just how it is. There's not much predictability to it. Next week, next month, could be an entirely different story.

[CarlaWestin]

Not to worry, Stacy. The crossdresser malaise is a normal and necessary component of this activity. Occasionally, we need to go back to a familiar benchmark of the former, non-CD existence to appreciate the excitement of this amazingly creative and unique activity. A little time off is rejuvenating and natural. So, just make the best of it. And, as far as social life goes, you have to really put effort into finding true friends. Aside from my wife, I only have one true friend and several acquaintances. I'm sure there's a CD culture in town that I could get involved with but, in my personal situation, I just don't have that much desire.

[stacy956]

Sometimes i do set goals and once i meet them its like whats next from here?i have tryd making friends but some ppl are just not intrested in being friends with a cd as in male mod i have tons of friends but cant share my other half witch is stacy then kinda makes me not wanna be her anymore but i know.a week later or a month or even a year later she might come back but the good thing i am trying to keep stacy in the fight i will take ur advice on giving stacy depth and meaning canden lane :)

Well 8 years i thought it would be a constant thing suzie?

[Katey888]

Don't sweat it Stacy... :hugs:

It's a rollercoaster... ups, downs... curves, stops... accidents, breakdowns... :lol: hopefully not too many of the latter...

Maybe try something completely different - give Stacy a break and you'll feel the desire return naturally, I bet... :)

Katey x

[stacy956]

My hromones are like mt everest maybe that has to do with it? flatlander

Carla maybe ur right maybe just a brake from stacy will make me appriciate it more

It aure feels like that katey

[Beverley Sims]

I think your feelings are quite normal, especially if you have only been dressing a short time.

[flatlander_48]

My hromones are like mt everest maybe that has to do with it? flatlander

Basically the difference between being interested and invested versus the opposite; not interested and not worth an investment of time. It was aimed at activity levels but then, we have to consider what drives that? I don't know enough to say hormones, but I do known there can be chemical balances/imbalances that cause us to feel good, bad or whatever.

Many here have talked about how dressing makes them feel better, helps to dissipate stress, lifts their mood, etc. In that case, perhaps when they feel better, there is less desire to dress. Why we dress and what we derive from it is a very complicated matter that has a lot of variance from person to person. How you respond may be very different from someone else. It isn't a case of one size/one thought process fits all...

DeeAnn

[stacy956]

8 years last month sense i started dressing beverley.



The thing is when the drive to be stacy is there its there. But after a week or two it takes a hard left turn for no reason and thats when i feel bad and all the guilt comes out then sadness flatlander

[flatlander_48]

Yes, I think that is fairly common. In a similar way, every now and then I get the feeling that what I do is just "silly", and that's how I describe it to myself. Don't know why that particular word comes to mind, but that's the sense of it. It persists for a few days and is not usually seen again for several months. Lately it seems to happen less frequently, but we'll see as time goes on.

Evidently guilt and shame are the price to be paid for an activity from which we draw pleasure and satisfaction. If we're lucky, eventually the guilt and shame will dissipate...

DeeAnn

[stacy956]

So you think as time goes on it will happen less flatlander?

[Suzie Petersen]

Stacy,

As said, I believe your reaction is quite common. We are all very different with how this affects us, but you will read many accounts from others about the need and desire come and go.
I dont think you can predict how that will go in your future. It might stay like it is now or it might change completely.

I also think a lot of times people tend to be opportunistic about dressing! Especially if it is difficult to find times to dress because of family and other obligations. I certainly see that in myself and I have had many dress-up session where I honestly didnt really feel like it when I started, but because I could not predict when the next opportunity would come, I would almost force myself to dress now that I had the chance.
Admittedly, when started, I have enjoyed it anyway, but it wasnt a need that brought it on every time.
I also see a pattern when I have had ample opportunity to dress when I pleased! For instance on long business trips (read: weeks or months away) where I had all the freedom in the world. I have had many times where I just didnt bother going through it all but thought "Nah, I'll get dolled up tomorrow instead" and just watched TV or worked on my computer instead.

For me, it is an all or nothing thing so when I get started, it is a major effort that requires all the magic tricks in the book to get to a result I enjoy. This also means a significant time investment and I dont always feel like going through all the trouble.

There are no rules for this. Do what you feel like and if you have a period of time where you dont feel like dressing, just dont!
Main advise there is: Dont Purge just because you dont feel like it for a little while! Unless you have very good reasons to get rid of your things, keep them and just store them away for a little while. You might want it all back :)

- Suzie

[Caden Lane]

Sorry about coming back to th thread after so long, but was on a short hiatus, and this topic just stuck out to me, so I had to find it again.

I think the shame and guilt are involved, but not in the way formerly postulated by flatlander. I think they are a side effect, which make you resent or regret your dressing, which in turns makes you shelve your dressing for a bit, because you feel that shame and guilt. You associate those feelings as a consequence of what you did, so you put Stacy away until you no longer feel them. Then, when Stacy comes back out, you begin to feel those feelings, and once again the cycle repeats. The key to this, is finding a way to stop feeling shame and guilt, to be okay with who you are, accept who you are, what you do, and realize you are who you are, and there can never be any shame in that.

Through my therapy, my Psychologist told me to stop thinking of my dressing and femme identity as a secret. Secrets come with negatives. Some are negatives. Rather, it is better to look at your dressing and femme identity as a private matter, one which can be shared, with those who are worthy of knowing. For me that was a HUGE step towards self acceptance, and self acceptance is what will help you begin to accept who you are and what you do, and will help minimize those old feelings of guilt and shame which are crippling you. When you dress, you are happy, because deep down, you know you are being authentic to who you are. THAT is a feeling which alone should supersede shame or guilt, but first, you have to let it, and feel empowered!

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[flatlander_48]

The key to this, is finding a way to stop feeling shame and guilt, to be okay with who you are, accept who you are, what you do, and realize you are who you are, and there can never be any shame in that.

What we have to do is claim these disparate parts of our personalities and bring them together as one. Part of it, I believe, is not considering ones female personna as a separate entity. It is just another facet of the gem. However, our notions of what we think is male and what we think is female get in the way. It doesn't allow for some amalgam of both because that's what society at large has taught us. It's that binary construct again...

DeeAnn

[Caden Lane]

I agree DeeAnn, I think we tend to create this duality of ourself a a construct to protect ourselves from the shame and guilt we used to feel. Hell, up to a year ago, I viewed my feminine aspect as just that, and aspect of who I am. However, in my ever growing effort to accept and understand myself, I've come to realize there is no "other aspect." I am simply who I am. The duality doesn't exist, I am still the same person. Always have been, always will be.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[Natasha V]

I been feeling the same way for a few weeks now. I'm still waiting to get into the mood to plan some shopping before Vacation. I find it interesting how it just fades and takes cover. Hope I don't go crazy wondering what mood I'll be in next week. Take Care Stacy

[flatlander_48]

So you think as time goes on it will happen less flatlander?

That seems to be the case for me, but I don't know how well that extrapolates. The thing is that we come to the realm of crossdressing from many different perspectives and to satisfy a number of different needs. That makes generalizations a lot harder to do. That said, yes, I do think that it gets better as time goes on. As many of us come to dressing at a later age, we have a lot more conditioning and B/S to deal with and work through than someone who is, say, 25. But, we'll get there; it just takes a bit longer...


I agree DeeAnn, I think we tend to create this duality of ourself a a construct to protect ourselves from the shame and guilt we used to feel. Hell, up to a year ago, I viewed my feminine aspect as just that, and aspect of who I am. However, in my ever growing effort to accept and understand myself, I've come to realize there is no "other aspect." I am simply who I am. The duality doesn't exist, I am still the same person. Always have been, always will be.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

To carry that a bit further, I tend to feel a bit sad when I run across people who habitually refer to their female personna in the 3rd person. It seems to me that they are still struggling with integrating the 2 parts. I guess that suggests that it is a longer and bumpier path for some...

DeeAnn