Beginning my journey

[FeliciaCDSNJ]

As I sit here and write this, I'm nervous anxious and in a place where it feels like every predator known to man is going to come out of the woodworks and feast upon my carcass. I've been seeing a therapist for 2 weeks now and quite frankly she doesn't know a whole lot about gender dysphoria but she is trying to help and while I answer questions, I think about how I will start HRT because here in the "great" southern new jersey, I can't seem to find a gender therapist close to where I live and would have to travel an hour and half to 3 hours away. My question is, for those who either live or have lived in southern nj, where can I go? I've looked on the internet but I come up with little results and less help. Right now, it always feel like I'm going to ask the wrong questions and while I am outspoken, I'm also very shy and cautious when I talk about my GD to anyone. My therapist has told me to reach out for help on forums and trans specific sites and while I took what she said in seriousness, I've yet to reach out for that help, until now, in fear of being rejected or saying/asking the wrong things. I am hard on myself as you can tell but I am working on it because the girl that is on the inside of me is now using TNT to break through to the outside world and rather than resort to self destruction, I'm reaching out for the help I know I need and want. So, where in southern nj can I go to start HRT or can the therapist I'm seeing now be that start?

[stefan37]

Mazzoni center in Philadelphia is less than an hour away.
They offer therapy and HRT.
Papillion Center in New Hope is 1-1/2 hours. They also offer therapy and HRT.

[Terri Andrews]

I would also suggest attending the Keystone Conference in Harrisburg Pa .

[Joanncdnj]

I am in South Jersey also, and solutions are on the other side of the river in Philly, or begin around New Brunswick area. Only advice I can offer, if it doesn't feel right with the therapist, it's probably not. If you decide on going to Keystone, give me a shout, as I will be there.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Yes you are too hard on yourself ...Don't let that get you down. Fear is a mind killer.

The above choices are excellent...also there is a therapist named alexis lake in paoli...there is michele angelo (who is famous for telling Dr Phil he was a "tool") in Wayne PA..

Your fear is clouding your mind.. you are going to have to deal with this head on and find that therapist...or you are going to have to work hard and educate your therapist (lots of girls here have done that type of thing)
There is also an event that is very "Cd" related called angela's laptop lounge...its very cd oriented but i got outside an met people there and made many great friends, got comfortable going out, and ended up learning basically that i wasn't a cd...my own therapy started after meeting a gal there that suggested i try it..

It's funny a friend of mine made a comment once about how to do this you really need to "grow a pair"...i shot back and said that would give me four and would double the cost of surgery, no thanks...kidding aside, you are going to have to leave your comfort zone...perhaps this post is out of your comfort zone and i can promise you my first posts to the ts forum were filled with my own fears and insecurities...it was way outside my comfort zone...

it's your life. You can do this, but you will have to work harder than ever

[Angela Campbell]

as quoted from Betty white......"I don't understand why they say "grow a pair" when they mean to get tough and take it. Testicles are soft, tender and easily hurt. Instead grow a vagina, those things can take a pounding"

[Kaitlyn Michele]

now that's LOL...

[charlenesomeone]

Angela, that was a great quote.
here is a link to another Phila.
http://www.thetransgendercenter.com

[KellyJameson]

In my opinion stay in touch with that sense of "every predator known to man being after you". Those emotions may lead you to important discoveries about yourself.

Usually the body and the gender identity are in agreement.

Gender identity is created by others and either we adopt it "or don't" and when we do not than this is measured by the degree "you don't" as to the severity of gender dysphoria which you may have been suffering from for a long time without understanding "what you were suffering from"

There are different paths (reasons) that bring a person to the place called "don't" and coping mechanisms for dealing with this "don't" place.

In my opinion it is very important to be honest about how you were placed on the path "reasons" that has you questioning your gender identity.

Even though your therapist is not a gender therapist you may want to address any traumatic issues from your childhood with her.

Pay close attention to your mother. Did she suffer from any form of mental illness/addictions? Were you subjected to abandonment, neglect, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, ect..

Were you bullied as a child by your peers? Have you struggled with your sexual identity as to who you are attracted to?

In my opinion you want to know that your gender identity "came out of" and "is coming out of" a "healthy place"

That this identity belongs to you because it is natural to you and not for unnatural reasons (caused by trauma or created by your sexuality so is for sexual reasons)

Sexual reasons means it came out of male sexuality and this will put you as far from a female identity as you can get.

In my opinion there are no wrong questions. Try to be open to learning even when what you learn may sting a little because you may not like what you learn about yourself.

It is very important to let go of any defense mechanisms because they will blind you to the truth.

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with bending gender as men being feminine or women being masculine but it becomes very serious when you are thinking about hormones and or surgery.

Anything that alters your body alters your life.

Be very careful of "fantasy driven transitioning" because when reality hits you may not survive it.

I'm not saying that fantasy is automatically bad because when you are transsexual all you have is your imagination to keep alive your identity "until you transition" but you must be clear about the "source" of that which is in your imagination. ( the what and why)

Think about "whose eyes you are looking through" as to how you want to look and why. That should lead you to the truth.

In my opinion transitioning has little to do with others or for others. It is not about the audience yet you are dependent on others for validation. Others in some way are both the problem and the solution but only as a secondary consideration because the problem was there before you were born "if you are transsexual".

[FeliciaCDSNJ]

Thank you :)

I'll start looking across the river instead. I've always known that I am a woman on the inside and knew this ever since I could remember but at that time I thought there was something wrong with me but ever since the internet I've been researching what was "wrong" with me and found out but I was scared to move forward. Now I can no longer take it and need to do so.