kids

[Michelle8]

Hi Girls
Does Anybody Worry About Being Caught Cross Dressing
And The Effect It Will Have On Your kids.
I Live In A Small Town And If I Were Caught,I Might
Be Able To Live With It But Could My Kids.
I Sure It Would Be Embarassing For Them.I Could
Not Bear To See Them Ridiculed.Any Thoughts On This?

[Deborah]

Great question
I'm a single parent of 3 kids so the only chance i have to dress is when they are at school or in bed late at night. Other then that i don't.
I don't want them knowing.

[cd sub Rachel]

I no what you mean as i have two young girls and only get to dress when they are in bed or they go away with grandparents

[Imogen_Mann]

There's been other posts along these lines... and I am an ardent DO NOT let the kid's know supporter. As the kid of mildly whacky parents, I had a difficult enough time, but in this age of perfectionism... No kid need the stress of the secret, and if it was to come out, the kid's social life at school is over (believe!).

XX

Jayme.

[Butterfly Bill]

My experience in places where men are seen in skirts and even dresses (Rainbow Gatherings, Grateful Dead and Phish shows, and gay pride celebrations) is that if kids observe adults accepting it as normal, they might ask a few questions at first, but will eventually follow and also treat it as normal. Likewise the children at the Unity church accepted my own dressing, as well as that of a transitioning TS in the congregation.

[Raychel]

Sure I always think about what the kids will think, But my kids are very open minded. And I am sure that if the time comes I will be able to explain that I just like wearing womens clotehs sometimes and they will be just fine with it. I HOPE!!:rolleyes:

[HaleyPink2000]

I have grand kids that my Daughter says will understand when they get older. I have not told them yet. But I believe my daughter about the Grand kids being more diverse than people my age. My Wife knows and does not hastel me lots . But She is not excepting of it at all. Hates that I do it etc. says I'm going to Hell for it , etc.

Well I will have to tell ya, when I retire in a few years I'm coming out to everyone then. If they don't like it so what. I'll already have my retirement in place and that is what matters. My wife says she won't leave me over it, and again my Daughter and her husband know also. So thats all I need exceptance wise. Anyone else can just go fly a kit.

Haley:)

[InHerShoes]

As a brand new parent I am running into this now. Even though my wife is well aware of my CD'ing I have always enjoyed my days off from work where I could spend several hours with the house to myself practicing with makeup, shaving and trying on about twenty diferent outfits in an hour -you girls know the drill. But now I'm not home alone. Sure my six month old won't know the difference if I come in and pick her up and daddy's wearing a camisole and lipstick but that will change; so I am already adjusting for that and I don't dress as much when I am home with the baby.
Still feeling the need to dress, I am doing so more at night now, with the wife on the couch while we watch tv or whatever (good opportunity for a joke there - the tv watching the tv or which tv is the wife watching etc.):p
I am fortunate to have an SO who is cool with my need to dress but to tell the truth dressing in front of her has been pretty occasional until recently.
So this is an adjustment period for both of us where I need to be careful of pushing her boundries while fulfilling my needs/desires. Anyway - thanks for the space to talk about it!

[pattied]

I too have two young children. And I have vasilated between letting them know, or keeping all things hidden. Things is, I want them to accept me for who I am as much as I want everyone else too, so my kids will know. Like all things in close relationships, things of this nature (being issues with serious shock-value) are best to be let out slowly. My wife and I have begun working on my 6 year old son, probing his views on men with shaved legs or painted toes. I have begun asking about pretending... "Son, do you ever pretend to be something your not?" Sooner or later we will brooch the subject of my TG...

It isn't a question of if, but when.

And I do care a lot about his well being at school. I am still me if I am in drab clothes, and I would take great pains not to embarass him in front of his friends. But I can not hide who I am to him anymore than I could my wife. It harkens to the survival issues (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22304) raised in a previous post.

[Megan72]

i love this thread, thank you. My situation is somewhat differnet. I hava a foster child, a daughter whom i love to death as does my wife. I also have two stepchildren who do not live with me.

I do not feel that any of them should know about my other side. For my foster daughter she has been through enough in her life and deserves very much to have as "normal" a family as i and my wife can provide for the next year. The added complication of her finding out might break her even further, so i just decided to put Kelliann on the backburner for times when i know it is safe to let her emerge.

The step children, they are more accepting and would probably do just fine. My daughter is a lesbian so i really see no concern there. My son is in the Army and has seen worse than me dressed. But they live in different states so i don't wory about seeing them that often, even though i would like to see them more often.

[Kera_dove]

I'm going to have a hard time for it. I live in small town usa Arkansas and let me tell you. The Good ole boys would have a feild day with my Chrildren ((when I have them)) and myself I forsee bad things happening if it came out and the town found out.

Here's hopeing you dont see me on the news

:be: ~Kera

[Cathy Anderson]

If one genuinely understands the psychological nature of crossdressing, and how it is a natural attempt of the mind to balance and remedy certain issues in ones childhood, then one sees that there is no stigma to being a crossdresser.

It is not a virtue, to be sure. But neither is it a vice--not necessarily so, at any rate. It is a fantasy. And Nature has endowed human beings with faculty of fantasy specifically to let them work out their psychological issues without doing any harm to themselves or others.

YOU have to understand this, first. If you understand this, and if you then approach your crossdressing or crossdressing fantasies responsibly and consciously--and, hopefully, with an aim of eventually transcending them--then you can deal with anyone finding out about it. That includes explaining it to your spouse or children.

In other words, you have to feel good about it first. But that isn't easy. You have to feel confident that you are approaching it with common sense, moderation, and respect for yourself (including respect for your basic maleness), and respect for others.

Said yet another way, crossdressing itself is nothing to be ashamed of. However, many things that go along with crossdressing are, potentially, a source of shame. Moderation and a genuinely reponsible attitude addresses these other things.

Cathy
my page: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/essays.htm

[BonnieJG]

YES I have a hard time I have two kids i school and the only time I get to dress up is when there are in school and sometimes at night with my wife in the bed room

[Julie York]

I Tend To Worry More About The Mental State Of Someone Who Can't Type Without ****ing Up The Rules Everyone is Taught Aged Five About Capital Letters But Maybe It Is Because I Haven't Got Kids.

[cdsheri6977]

will i have been dressing from the age of 7 will thats when it all started, but i had my frist kid at 16 and i wasnt even close to being out to anyone then, but later on in my life i was out to a girl that i was really close to and would play bed room games with me as she really liked me dressing up, and we was going to get married, we had a kid dustin and he was born with spinelbifeda a hole in the spine, thay told us he wasnt going to live but he did and really turned out to be a really kool kid, and the day befor we was going to get married i had a fall at work were i fell on my head 40feet, needless to say i was f--ked up but i was still alive and still could walk and talk so i was really really lucky, will now that i was home all the time deb and i had lots of time to dress and play, but i remember once when dustin was about 6 mouths old i went in to pick him up and the look he gave me still sticks im my head to this day, and with time deb changed as if she didnt like it anymore, but she would buy things for me to ware still and want to play but after we was done playing she would turn cold, and one day started hitting me alot, we got in to alot of fights and she was always the one that would be doing the hitting, took a long time for the police to get it but thay did and 4 years later i had it and left as i wasnt going to bring any kid of mine up in a house were anyone is hitting all the time like i was as a kid , dad use to bet mom all the time, will i was 31 then and just stoped dressing up never ever stoped thinking about it but i did stop, now im 46 and started dressing again but no one knows, and i am remarried with two step kids, and im the only dad that thay have ever known, but thay will be out of school in 2 years and i have thought about this alot, how to tell them,:bonk: i think dustin will be ok with this but the two step kids hum i dont know? :strugglin but i do know that i am going to live as the women that i am as soon as thay are out of school! :doll: sheri

[Stacy Reso]

if i had kids it would kill me if they found out and werent ready or old enough to understand

[Helen MC]

When as a teenager I started to CD and came to realise that I was not unique and many other boys and men did likewise I came to be at ease with myself about this and I still am 40 years on. I did however also soon come to the conclusion that fathering children was not on my life agenda. To be honest I don't like kids anyway, I didn't like being a child and couldn't wait to grow up and assume the freedoms, and yes the responsibilities of being an adult, so no way did I wish to have a surrogate childhood and lose many of those freedoms by being a parent.

This choice was also informed by my being a CD as to me personally I felt this to be incompatible with fatherhood , especially if I had sired sons rather than daughters. I know that some CDs/TVs who post here have a family and manage to "Square the Circle" but I would not be able to handle that. My ex-wife didn't want children, that was one of the factors which attracted me to her and vice versa ,and having been sterilised I will never have to worry about being a father, should I ever find a compatible woman who is still of childbearing age .

Good luck to those who can ride the the two horses of CD and Father, but that's not me.

[rachel-h]

I have 4 children oldest being 20 youngest 9 and they are as far as i know unaware of Rachel.But i have have had occasions where the subject of crossdressing has been raised at meal times by the older two due to them seeing something on the television or out and about.

My Wife and i have dealt with it in a matter of fact way in that everyone is different and there is nothing wrong with people who feel the need to dress this way.They have grown to accept this and are pretty broadminded, I hope that if they do ever come to discover me they will be a little understanding and accept me for who i am.

But I dont think it right to burden a child with the knowlege that their father openly crossdresses and create an excuse for bullying or teasing by their school mates just to make it easier to dress for the parent.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

But I dont think it right to burden a child with the knowlege that their father openly crossdresses and create an excuse for bullying or teasing by their school mates just to make it easier to dress for the parent.

Others have said similar in this thread, but I have a question.

Why would the child be bullied for just knowing. It's not like bullies are mind readers so how would the bullies know. You're going to tell your child not to tell people without asking you, right? So there'd be no problem of you telling the child?


Veronica

[Tamara Barclay]

I think kids have enough to deal with without having to carry around extra bagage. My 14 year old son is dealing with puberty, High School, girls, the JV basketball team, and making sure he is wearing the proper Nike shoes. He does not need to deal with my urge to dress.
I feel this is MY personal issue, not my kids. Why would I burden him with that?

[zoetv]

well my kids know about zoe and have seen me on numerous occassions ,but they are at an age they can understand (34,29) but is there such a thing as the right time to tell them their dad's tv ??? , but even then for a lot of girls out there it isn't an easy task for anyone because you don't really know what sort of reaction you will recieve , the wife of a friend found out about zoe when i inadvertantly left a pic of zoe as a wallppaer on my pc and she asked me to look up something on the net for her and when i switched it on up popped zoe in all of her finery and it didn't faze her a bit . she just asked if it was me so i told her the truth, but as some of the girls have said one shouldn't at any costs put thier children in a posistion such as this if they find out then fair enough explain it too them but otherwise if they don't know then leave it as it is WHY open a can of worms that can backfire on you

[Sarah Rabbit]

Hi all

I have two children from a previous marriage that ended in a very dirty court battle. My biggest fear of comming out, was if the ex found out, it would just give her more ammo. This heartbreak I do not need. In the future when my children and I catch up again, I will decide then if I should tell them about Sarah. My S.O. says just wait and see what happens( God I love her:D )

Hugs, Sarah R, :bunny:

[Julia Cross]

Veronic, you stated, " Why would the child be bullied for just knowing. It's not like bullies are mind readers so how would the bullies know." They are not mind readers, but depending on what age a child is made aware of things, may impact on how they keep it inside. It is quite possible that a young child would inadvertently disclose their dad's crossdressing to others because they have no sense of the societies prejudices towards the subject as of yet. However, others in the same setting may, and as we all know too well, this is where bullying often comes into play - for example. It's not to say it will happen, but the likelihood exists and your young one may not be prepared to deal with the consequences at their age.

Then as they get older and I had 2 teenage boys, they have so many issues to deal with and so many pressures, many of which are sexual in nature, high school was a nightmare for my oldest, the last thing you want to do is place another burden on their already confused mind.

Tamara, I could not agree more with your comment. It is our issue, it is not something to be ashamed about but as adults we are aware of how society deals with this issue and it is unfair for us to place this burden on others who are in our care and dependent upon us.

However, now I need to also say this. Nothing is carved in stone. And I am not condemning anyone for telling their children. I do believe that children can and be brought in full knowledge of transgender issues especially in their own family. But this requires much guidance and education on behalf of the parents. It really is no different than raising your child to know right from wrong. Both parents need to be in agreement and both need to always be aware of their child's curiousity and confusion on the topic. The child needs to be made aware of how others may react to the topic and taught to respect their opinion but at the same time not feel alienated by their actions. This is not easy, not all parents will do well with this, if in your heart you are not up to the challenge, then I don't believe that you should burden your child with this added knowledge at a young age.

I tried to keep it short here, and I am sure I missed a few things, but I hope the jist of my thought came through.

It would be a wonderful world if all children were aware of these issues at a young age, they would grow up aware of diversity and appreciate it for what it is. Then again, it would be a wonderful world if they would grow up appreciating other peoples views on religion, their ethnic backgrounds, their societal status, the list goes on. We have a long way to go.

Julia

[Melanie R]

My children, now grown, have known since they were teenagers. Both daughters are accepting but only one wants to be with Melanie. The national leaders of Tri-Ess, Jane Ellen and Mary Fairfax, told their children when they were infants. Both have grown up around Jane Ellen and others who are members of the Houston chapter of Tri-Ess. Both sons have done many programs on the crossdresser and children at colleges, conventions, etc. and have never had a problem with their father's crossdressing.

Hugs,

Melanie

[HeatherCD]

My 3 year old sees daddy get dressed up al lthe time, so she thinks it is perfectly normal for me to do so. When I put makeup on, she puts hers on. When I paint my nails, I do hers too. We have fun with is and to her is is a part of life. I think when you tell them is important. Either do it when they are too young to remember it not being that way, or wait until they are old enough to understand. In our family, it is not something to hide or be afaid of. Since my wife & I are open & accepting about it, our daughter thinks nothing of it.

[Jennifer in CO]

Mine started out similar Heather. I was living full time as a woman when our first daughter was born (1980) so it wasn't a problem. BUT, when she was closing in on 2 and was calling me "Mommy" my wife got jealous and wanted a man back in her life so I transisioned back as opposed to leaving. About 15 years ago I had abdominal surgery and could wear no pants for about a month (tubes sticking out) so I wore a robe around the house. Well, got tired of the robe one day so I had on a halter top sun dress one afternoon when the girls got home from school. They were a bit taken back so I never did it again. Pretty sure they dont know about Jenn and want to keep it that way at the request of my wife

Jenn

[KatieZ]

A few monts ago I got up the nerve to talk to my 23 year old daughter about my crossdressing. The following is from a post I made about it at the time.

I just got off the phone with my daughter. I had called to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving and we chatted for a bit. Then I asked her about our last conversation and how long ago had her Mom told her about why we split up.
I was shocked to find out that she has known for ELEVEN years! Just to make sure I asked her if what her Mom told her involved clothes. She said yes. WOW 11 years she has known and I never had a clue. We talked on both agreeing that this was much more comfortable for both of us talking about it on the phone rather than face to face. We talked for over an hour and she told me that she had talked to her friends about it and her husband and they were all ok with it. One of her friends was totally fascinated by it and kept asking questions for a couple of years. I told her that I go out dressed and some of the places I go. She said that I may run into some of her friends there as some of them frequent the same places. She told me how she snooped around and found my makeup and stuff. She is fine with it herself although she doesn't really understand it. I explained it as best I could and asked if she would read up on it if I sent her some factual material. She said she would. She told me how when she was younger and would go back to her Moms after a weekend here how they would go on about me and they made her feel guilty for standing up for me. She started crying about that. I told her how much that meant to me and thanked her for being my friend through it all and that I loved her very much. She said your still my Dad and I love you no matter what. I was nearly in tears by then.