True friends are a blessing! (Coming out thread)

[SusanaO]

Over the past months I've read several "Coming out"/"Came out" threads and it seemed to me that responses are more positive than negative, so it inspired me to come out to someone for the sake of experiment at the very least. I had only been out to a genderqueer friend and a gay friend. But yesterday, in less than a 12 hour period, I came out to three of my closest friends friends by almost all improvisation.

Friend 1:

She came over to my house as we were going to run errands together. I told her to follow me into my bedroom, I went into my closet and came out with a red sweater dress on a hanger. "This is for you," I said. "For me?" she replied. "Did you buy this for yourself?" And that's how I confirmed she had already suspected. Without any hesitation, I replied "Yes. I bought it online but my shoulders are too broad for it and it looks like it will fit you nicely." She thanked me with a smile. We actually didn't mention anything related to crossdressing until several hours later. She told me she thought it was cool I was into wearing dresses (gender bending in general), and I thanked her for being understanding, but she said I had nothing to thank her for. Perhaps if our friendship did change, it was for the better. Now we get to borrow each others' clothes :)

Friend 2:

I sent her a text message practically saying hello. I hadn't spoken to her in a few weeks, so after a few text exchanges I called her. When she asked me how my day had gone, I told her briefly what I did, and that I had given a dress away. "A dress?" she asked. "Explain." So I told her I looked funny in it as my shoulders stretched out the top. Then she went on to ask what type of dress, so I told her a sweater dress. After a few second silence, she said "Well, you're going to have to find dresses with more freeplay at the shoulders." I took her stating the obvious as a sign of acceptance. After all, we've been pretty close friends for six years. Then came the funny part: "Do think I'm some sort of sick pervert?" I asked. "You're a sick pervert with or without the dress!" she replied, and we both laughed. Then she told me how she loved me regardless of what gender identity I may have. But what struck me the most was she brought up Halloween from a few years ago where I dressed as a woman. She claimed that everyone thought it was just a goof for fun, but she could see how I really enjoyed myself as a woman. And, it didn't come to a surprise at all and she even thought I might have gender identity issues. Although I don't think I do, I realized how we forget women can be so intuitive. We're now due for some girl time together :)

Friend 3:

Friend 2 and 3 are actually best friends. I met 3 through 2, and dated her briefly, but we ended up having a closer friendship a few years after dating. Me telling her happened via text messaging. This is a truncated dialogue, more or less:

Me: Will you still hang out with me when I'm a szchizo?
Her: Sure, we can be crazy together.
Me: Or what about when I bust a Bruce Jenner?
Her: Face lift?
Me: Becoming a woman
Her: Oh. Sure, if that's what you want xD
Me: I actually didn't know who he was until the news came out (I'm ignorant on a lot of pop culture)
Her: Yup
Me: I just want you to tell me if my dress can stay or if it should go
Her: Yeah I can do that
Me: The shoes, hair, makeup too while you're at it
Her: Sounds good :P Have you tried using 4" heels? (she had seen me in 2 1/2" heels on Halloween)
Me: Yup
Her: OMG! How did it go? Did you look like newborn Bambi?
Me: LOL yes but I've been practicing, and they say men in general have it easier for having stronger legs like the dudes with heels on treadmills
Her: Yes, damn you!

Now we're supposed to go shoe shopping together!


And that's how I realized (on third occasion) that I've made it obvious without realizing. I told these friends because they're the people closest to me whom I socialize the most with, and so far they've been very accepting. After all, I have always been "one of the girls" even when with them in complete drab. Perhaps 3 sees me as a little looney, but I can't say I'm not always.

Yesterday was a good day! Next up, my parents and sister...

[Nikkilovesdresses]

A good outcome with the friends is a long way from a good outcome with parents and siblings in terms of risk, and the latter have a lot more baggage with you- the parents are presumably also from a different generation, plus may be from a very different social background. If you want an opinion, I'd say bide your time, practice coming out to some more challenging friends- unless you are so brimful of confidence that nothing can hurt you. And if you're that, the world is your lobster anyway.

Good luck, be wise, be safe.

[Debi]

last year I came out to 10 of my closest friends and without exception, they were all supportive and more than one of them mentioned how this only made me an even more interesting person!
I know that people can have very negative experiences with confessing all but there are many factors involved.
For example, my close friends tend to be sensitive, rational and lovely people... I suppose that at the end of the day, our close friends are a reflection of who we are as people.
Great account from you though. I hope your journey continues in this vein
D x

[charlenesomeone]

Congrats Susana, sounds like some great friends.
Lots of shopping GF's.
Enjoy.

[kimdl93]

Wonderful responses from your friends. I'm glad each went so well. Now, don't be overly distraught if and when someone responds less favorably. It's part of the cost of coming out. Most of the time, you'll be pleasantly surprised, and now and then someone will prove less than accepting.

[justmetoo]

That's great! Congratulations! Sounds like you have some great friends (who had an idea already). :)

I do agree with what kimdl93 said. There may be some people who won't be so accepting. We can never know for sure until it's out there. The thing is to be prepared for that possibility, without letting it making us overly fearful.

Good luck!

[WhitneyCD]

Thats wonderful Susana & Debi! I tried coming out once and it wasnt as positive as your experiences, really made me convinced I need to keep it to myself... and the internet lol

[Barbara Black]

Wow. Great Friends..

[Beverley Sims]

I was fortunate, my friends brought me out and exposed me to the world.

I was stripped of my male clothes, dressed in slacks and a top, a borrowed wig and off to buy a dress one Saturday morning.

That Saturday night out will always remain one of my fondest memories.

[SusanaO]

Kim and Nikki,

I agree. For that reason I'm still weary about how (if I even should) coming out to my family, particularly my father who's a well-read yet still into machoism.


Thanks for all your responses, ladies! :)