similar growth patterns

[Closeted Kat]

So I've been here a few months now, my initial pink storm has subsided as i learned to control the feelings and keep from going gangbusters without thinking and reflecting. I now have a general feeling of what i currently feel comfortable doing, who around, and why. I generally enjoy having my toenails painted (going on three weeks and i think i'm getting slightly better at it), occasionally wearing some stockings/tights/etc. I only do so alone as it is for my own relaxation, confidence building, skill building, and enjoyment If no one is around i might enjoy popping on some heels and a dress or skirt with a little makeup which i am not good at, but i really enjoy a white/tan/silver type eyeshadow as i have generally dark eyes and it makes me look a little brighter. I would say i'm currently feeling relatively at peace with myself for the first in a long time, as this is one of my last lingering issues at the moment in my life of accepting myself and boosting my somewhat low self esteem.

I was curious if anyone else started out this way and how their experience evolved. I currently feel no need to let others see me, let alone go out in public. I'm just curious about others if they were in teh same boat when they started and what if anything affected their progression and where they are now. I'm not seeking any solutions, or venting, merely curious about the growth of others that perhaps shared a common starting point, and where they now see themselves and what their new goals are.

hope to see how folks have grown and their stories of what perhaps lead to any changes in their status quo feelings.
-kat :)

[Beverley Sims]

I think a lot of us have progressed in this manner, I am surprised that you have not had any replies.
I am sure many have felt as you do.

[Annaliese]

I think we all start out this way, but from here it anyone guess for me it progressed to where I feel and am a transsexual, other will stay about where you are and not change, other will want to go out. Only time will tell what is in store for you. Do enjoy the ride, for my self I rejected my self, and lost a lot of years. That can never get back, so I am enjoying the years I have left, to be my self.

[Allisa]

I guess I started with only a few items and then shaving and than total dressing for my own amusement at home, fast forward to recent years and I've reached the acceptance level and now I have found a common ground of partial wearing of things femme when out and about and express my femme self totally when at home I haven't been out dressed in a long time just waiting for the right time and event or some other factor to make me go out. I think I have found my comfort zone and expression of my true self. In retrospect it's a fun strange trip I'm on, who would have thunk it?

[JeanetteX]

Just keep going and growing Kat. Reading your thread reminded me a lot of my own experiences and up to this very day I'm still learning too, both on CDing as on finding my true self.

[Closeted Kat]

Thank you for the replies, it does seem like i'm getting responses like those i am looking for. It does appear those who have replied started similarly. I'm curious if i can get more replies to get a beautiful picture of more of those on here and how they blossomed.
-kat :)

[Katey888]

Hey Closeted Kat... :) I used to be a Kloset Katey... and had many of those feelings regarding my privacy and shame but with a latent desire to share this side of me - and I think I'm getting to an understanding of what that means to me and reaching some sort of balance... but in summary...

Pre-2006: Long period of remission... probably 6 or 7 years plus.
2006-10: Time away from home on business and domestic stress meant some infrequent, casual, in-room dressing when away...
2010-13: Dressing became more complete... included just one wig... :facepalm:
2013 Jun: Purchased makeup for the first time - some fairly catastrophic fails followed but had thoughts about possibility of going out...
2013 Dec: Found this place and joined - tried makeup again and had taken and posted first ever pic :eek:
2014: Worked on makeup... HARD! ;)
2014 Oct: First ever public outing - casual evening
2015 Jan: Second public outing - fully glammed... :cheer:

But I may have peaked already - just not early in life... :lol2:

Seriously - while I am still processing my past weekend's outing, I believe both that and dialogue here has helped me understand a lot more about how I can find a balance in this and what I expect to get out of it. I may not quite be there yet, but very soon I believe I shall be... :)

Not Kwite Kloseted Katey x

[Samantha Clark]

There are no rules, and evolving doesn't need to mean a purposeful progression to some end point. In fact, evolution simply is a side effect of selection upon variation. So I would say experiment with variation and go with whatever strikes your fancy for the moment. It's about inner peace in my opinion, not what anyone else thinks is right.

The only challenge for human existence is bringing meaning to our lives and accepting ourselves. Self realization and self acceptance can be very hard to attain. But we keep trying.

My own experience is that I oscillate, and don't necessary follow a linear path of "progression" whatever that means.

[Closeted Kat]

Thank you all again for your input. I find it quite interesting how many different directions people go.

katey - your timeline was quite interesting, i'd really figured from all the pictures of you i've seen and the things you say with such charisma, that you'd been out and about for a while. You look stunning and i would proud to look even a 1/4 as good as your avatar pics i've seen.

brenda - thanks for your input as well, as an engineer by training and craftsperson by choice i find some sense of clarity by looking for evolution/progression/growth of a project/hobby/work of art

annaliese - thank you for your input as well about your own story and some others you've heard

i really appreciate the stories so far girls, and i hope for ever more wonderful things!
-kat

[Natasha V]

This sounds very much like my story, I enjoy the moment then kind of shy away for a little while but overall I believe there is some progression on my gender spectrum. Just still admiring my improvement overall.

[Closeted Kat]

natasha, thank you for the reply. I am glad to hear that you have grown more comfortable with yourself over time.

I am hoping that if one day i decide to let others see me dressed i would be confident.
-kat

[Angela Marie]

For years I only wore tights or pantyhose. Then I began slowly adding more clothes. I finally worked up the courage to get a makeover. It was a real eye opener. I could actually pass as a woman. I have progressed now to the point where I can go out dressed and get nary an awkward look. It is a progression some faster than others

[Closeted Kat]

angela that is great to hear. maybe one day i'll get the urge to do that. But for right now i'm happy in the closet :)
-kat

[Glenda58]

I think we all started like that. I started like that in 1966 then slow down for about 10 yrs. then it started again and hasn't stopped.

[LexiNexi]

Its hard but feels right. I spend all day looking forward to dressing up.

If only we were born as girls...

[Marcelle]

Hi Kat,

I think you will find progression is similar across the group but time periods may be different and end states not the same. In my case I dressed completely once when I was 18 with a GF of mine who was into shall we say "experimentation". Don't get me wrong it was not dressing the made me TG, I always knew in the back of my mind something was off balance. After that one time, I was so ashamed I suppressed, hid and beat it down for 32 years during which time with the exception of using specific items of clothing for personal . . . relief there was no actual dressing.

Oct 2013 - Everything implode in a storm of depression to the point of entering a very dark period of my life. I commenced therapy with a gender identity therapist and told my wife.
Nov 2013 - Experimented with dressing and make-up (not very good) and posted my first picture dressed. I did not have the desire to be seen in public and this would be a stay at home thing
Dec 2013 - Actively out in public while dressed but no desire to let anyone outside of my family know - dressing was occasional
Mar 2014 - Out to everyone family, friends and work colleagues - dressing less occasional (20/80 split Female/Male)
July 2014 - Went to work dressed once for a specific reason - dressing time stays the same
Sept 2014 - Flew en femme for the first time
Today - Have balanced out to some extent and dressing is now a 40/60 split (Female/Male)

Hugs

Isha

[pamela7]

i'm not sure we're all on the same path or whether some of us are in denial of that and other deeply suppressed socially-driven perspectives on being a man or a woman.

I'm wondering if us late-bloomers (50+yrs old awakening to CD) are experiencing the rebalancing of having led a highly masculine life until the CD kicked in? I was in engineering, almost all-male environments for a long long time, and spent my time working, playing aggressive competitive sports, drinking and doing the macho spicy food thing. The andropause as some call the male menopause might bring us a time in life of living the complementary life?

So, I feel fully male, with no desire to lose my tackle, but wanting to be female behaviourally and vestement-wise. Any sense in this?

[Closeted Kat]

glenda - glad to hear your experience again seemed to start as mine always feels good to have more bonding things

lexi - there are some times that i can't wait to get home just to relax and be a little girly so i definitely can say amen to that!

Isha - Its great to see another bulleted time line of sorts, I can see how things went. Thank you so much for sharing, I don't think i'm in the TG boat at this point and time I kind of felt that way once during some depression during a rough period in college where i didn't want to be me anymore but therapy for the anxiety/depression and that went away and have not felt anything like that since. But i always find it interesting to hear about people where it went the other direction and how they've coped.

pam - I too am an engineer, yes it is a very male-centric kind of world where i work, there are only 2 women in our section and only 1 is an actual engineer. Though i was never really into things "macho" to be macho. I've always been a more of a "soft" person. I like to draw/doodle, garden, i don't mind cooking. Then i have my more gruff type hobbies like building things in our home shop and blacksmithing, the major stereotypical "male" thing i do is play video games, which really i'm sad their aren't more women who do this because i think it can be a great bonding experience with anyone if you aren't the over competitive type. Again thank you for your insight as asking a question in relation that might further involve others into this thread.

Thank you all again! :)
-kat

[pamela7]

pam - I too am an engineer, yes it is a very male-centric kind of world where i work, there are only 2 women in our section and only 1 is an actual engineer. Though i was never really into things "macho" to be macho. I've always been a more of a "soft" person. I like to draw/doodle, garden, i don't mind cooking. Then i have my more gruff type hobbies like building things in our home shop and blacksmithing, the major stereotypical "male" thing i do is play video games, which really i'm sad their aren't more women who do this because i think it can be a great bonding experience with anyone if you aren't the over competitive type. Again thank you for your insight as asking a question in relation that might further involve others into this thread.
-kat

Oh I am so envious, a forge and some blacksmith activity really fires up my male side. I've been dreaming of forges and ironwork for a year or so, and have a couple of awesome hammers I'm into applying to whatever I can - one from my grandfather who was a smith/metalworker (as was my father).
Re the video games, in our family they're played by all: the girls, the boys, me and my SO.

[Vikky]

Hi Kat

I showed an interest in CDing in teenage years but kept it to myself and in denial until a couple of years ago (50 years on!!!). On retirement did an adventurous bucket list trip and at the end thought if I didn’t CD now, I never would. So:

Late 2013 – started buying clothes online– a couple of bras, slip, tops and skirts

Early 2014 – More clothes, found this site, and came out to my SO. We agreed to a DADT arrangement and I am pleased she is fairly relaxed about it, buys me items sometimes.

Currently I am quite happy with the arrangement; buy new clothes etc from time to time, have dressed when away on my own in our RV. I don’t do make up and am not fussed about meeting others. I underdress sometimes eg when walking the dog. Would maybe like to go out sometime but have no chance of ‘passing’ as I have a beard anyway. Would also like to spend more time with my SO dressed eg household chores, watching TV etc, but that isn’t on at the moment.

I am content to let the whole experience develop slowly – evolution, not revolution.

I hope this helps.

Vikky

[MissTee]

Hey Kat,
I was much the same. Somehow I managed to keep a containment field around things for many years, and during that time I feel lived the alpha male dream. Here's how I would chronicle things:

70 & 80's = Light dressing, limited to a few panty and a nightgown or two.
90's = Added a bra and a few more panty. Tried lipstick.
00's = The awakening.
10's = Out to the wife, comfortable not taking it further. Dress only at home.

I call the 2000-2010 period the awakening because during those years I grew in my need and desire to dress. Also, as you mentioned, there was a period of time where I went on a buying spree and experimented with every type and flavor of women's clothing and accessory (Jeggings, dresses, shorts, skirts, skinny jeans, flats, pumps, etc.) I love that during this time my wife helped me find myself and participated with me in that part of my journey.

Anymore, I've settled into a routine of comfortable clothes which includes simple skirts, jeans and capris, as well as tops. Occasionally the wife and I will have dress up nights where we get really dolled up (dresses, heels, jewelry, and full makeup). On those nights we cook together, then enjoy a candlelight dinner, music and some dancing. Since I'm not out to anyone but her, we call those nights "going in" instead of going out.

In short, I think I'm like everyone else. I went though several phases. It took me a while to find me and to like me for who I am. Having the love and support of my wife no doubt helped make the journey much easier.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Since you mentioned that you appreciated the timelines:

Around 13 began wearing my mother's panties, purely erotic
Around 18 began keeping panties belonging to girlfriends, and finding myself drawn to putting on their clothing, bought some androgynous stuff like silk shirts and a nightshirt from Dior that was in effect a dress
About 20 1st time wearing stockings and a suspender belt, erotic experiment with an accepting g/f
21 got my own place, began buying lingerie and underdressing almost continuously, still an erotic thing, never hid it from any g/f
21-33 loads of lingerie and a few skirts and blouses, wore a dress in Bali several times, dressed androgynously in California and New Orleans; purged several times because of selling up and changing countries- didn't trust my stuff not to be meddled with- and it was;
33-40 lived with g/f who accepted the underdressing, incl in bed, but I didn't CD; wore make up and wig for a charity cricket match; occasional experiments with shaving body hair
40-53 (present age) underdressed, ceasing to be erotic and becoming normal usage, bought some camis to wear to bed, no objection from my wife
July 2014 Vacation on my own, went with the intention of CDing and boy did I. Total immersion, 3 weeks in dresses, with make up and a wig, with friends though not out in public. Wore make up and wig to a huge social event dressed as an androgynous pirate, discovered the feeling of sisterhood with a gg friend (a real revelation that one); dramatic and very welcome weight loss began at this point; came home at height of pink fog
September: came out to my wife; joined this forum; bought some female clothes online, uploaded pics to the forum, underdressing really not erotic any more; bought a couple of bras but kinda not my thing, think I want to go for more of an androgynous look; weight loss continues, hardly Cding at all apart from underwear; shaving more, wife not too happy about it as sometimes I'm scratchy
January: 2nd chat with my wife about it, not much reaction still; began planning another trip to same friends in UK mid May;
Feb: posted some new pics here, counting the days to vacation, bought some more make up, bought femme pyjama bottoms at a lingerie shop to protect wife from scratchy legs

Too much info?

[Closeted Kat]

pam - that is wonderful that you all get to play and enjoy them. Smithing isn't too bad, there is a site called instructables that has some info on a simple forge you can build yourself, and i've heard of people using old weight lifting weights as an anvil.

vikky - it is good to hear things are going well, and as you said a slow evolution not a revolution, i can totally agree with that.

nikki - sounds like you've had an interesting evolution in many ways. Nothing was too much information.

As i sit here dressed up for the first time in a while i'm so happy i found all of you and you've been willing to share your stories with me. :)
-kat