drab or drag, why no happy medium?

[pamela7]

gals/guys ...
I do my lumberjack, workaday clothing, I do my dressing. Why is it just not acceptable to have something in between?

I mean, why do we have to "be passable" en-femme, or all-male?

"you can't go out dressed like that!" (Something never said to the kids, by the way)

I feel this is the nub of something I've yet to grasp. Help appreciated.

thankyou

[Kate Simmons]

There is no reason not to if you are comfortable with it. Most folks need a distinction though and reinforce the "norms" or societal stereotypes even if unknowingly wanting to be one or the other.:)

[bridget thronton]

Wearing both just might indicate you have integrated both parts of your personality

[Jean 103]

You want to mix your wardrobes I say go for it. I’ve seen it done, I do live in CA. The person that comes to mind I saw in Hollywood. He had style and confidence. I wear women’s clothes that can go either way in guy mode when I am off work, like jeans, tee shirts, angle boots. If you’re looking for acceptance from the fashion police or the general public, now that’s another thing.

[Krisi]

I think you could figure this out if you put your mind to it. Historically, for centuries, men and women have dressed differently. It's what people do. If you don't want to follow convention, that's up to you but you will be the one putting up with the consequences. Is it worth it? Only you can say.

[Katey888]

If it's acceptable to you, you can do it... there are some notable examples among our members who do quite successfully - but I know there are many who struggle too...

Once again, it's easier to fall into a binary slot: drab as a guy; or drag and at least, maybe look like a girl... Muggles are comfortable with binaries and a quick glance will categorise you as one or the other because that's what's expected...

Occupy a middle ground however, and you create dissonance - folk will look for more cues but struggle to put you in one of those slots... but that's their problem, not yours... :)

Katey x

[JayeLefaye]

Go for it! I mix and match all the time. Be polite and wear it like you mean it. You might be surprised at how much fun it can be, and at how most of Society just doesn't care one way or the other as you go about your business.

Jaye

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Eddie Izzard can pull it off, so can any number of rock stars- it helps if you don't give a damn what anybody thinks, you're rich, and you get laid a lot.

For the rest of us, proceed with caution. When I'm in places where it's more anything-goes, like New Orleans, Las Vegas, or Bali come to that, I dress far more outrageously. I can't imagine Somerset is writhing with glamorous eccentrics, but then nor is Provence. Nice and Cannes are more colorful, but most of France is dead conservative. The worst place I've been recently is Amsterdam- sure they're liberal in terms of what they do and don't permit, but the way they dress! Ugh! It's like a cross between a church fete in Shropshire and expensive hiking gear from LL Bean. Then New Year's Eve happens and all hell breaks loose, but it's the only day of the year.

I get funny looks here for wearing white tennis shoes with a suit. Actually I quite like funny looks :)

[Beverley Sims]

I have always thought androgynous was in the middle somewhere. :)

[Jaymees22]

I think everyone is different. Personally I like to compartmentalize everything so it's either all male or all female from head to toe and everything underneath, but that's just me. Hugs Jaymee

[Erika Lyne]

Hey Pamela,

First let me say congratulations on your wife joining. It is great to meet the woman who penned such a wonderful post.

As far as dressing between, hmmm.... I look at my own daily-public wardrobe. It is somewhat "in between." The jeans I wear daily, are women's jeans and it says so right on the back waist band, I just don't care. I wear a women's watch every day and I really don't care what people think. I wear a Pandora charm bracelet frequently that my wife and daughters gave me with charms that they picked out for me because it really means something to me. I'll wear women's t-shirts and other toned down tops as long as there is no obvious adornment again because I kind of don't care what others think. My favorite sweat shirt is teal with a beautifully feminine Tinkerbell printed on the front. I wear many things in my daily public (out of work) life that favor gender neutral except they were bought from the women's department.

Around the house, I don't always get dolled up. I've mimicked women this way unconsciously. Everyday there is an opportunity for a woman to dress way up but most settle on what's a comfortable place with little to no makeup. It is just a lot of work to put on all of that and to maintain it. Many times I'll wear mostly male drab but throw a denim skirt with it, or totally male with a pair of small dangling earrings with no big hair or makeup or high heels. After all, I'm just kicking around the house. It is a "comfortable place" for me.
Hugs,
-E

[Andy66]

Why is it just not acceptable to have something in between?

I mean, why do we have to "be passable" en-femme, or all-male?


Wait, wait, wait... Who said that? I question the authority of whoever made that decision. Theyre not the boss of me. :tongueout:

[Nadine Spirit]

Oh wait a minute, does that mean that I have been doing this all wrong then???

Seriously, when I am dressed as a guy, I am generally dressed as a mix of genders. I prefer to call it gender non-conforming. I do lots of things that are traditionally seen as feminine. Like keeping my nails painted 24/7. Currently they are painted a sparkly blue! I also do a large variety of other mix ups. It works for me and thus I do it. But I never really have been one to play by the rules!

[Jackie7]

When I do lumberjack, I wear bulky flannel shirts (solids not plaids please) with girl jeans, guy shoes, and complete underdressing including a bra with matching panties and cami, girdle or spanx if I feel like it, stockings or pantyhose if it's cold. And from how it feels on the inside, there's not much difference between a hat and a wig.

Feels like a happy medium to me.

[Vinni]

Since my wife has become part of this journey with me she is ok with me leaving the house with modest panties.She picked out and she all my "day time panties" Simple Bali hi-cut nylon spandex blend. They get me thru the day and help me look forward to getting home. I typically wear t-shirt a shorts during the day so upping the attire would be difficult. Perhaps I may someday get a bit more adventurous. Who knows.

[pamela7]

the good news, i'm upgraded to being allowed OUT (including together) as long as its fully dressed ... woohoo,wayhay ... I'll take that trade.

[Cheryl T]

I think I've mixed the two for the better part of the last ten years (time out of the closet).
All my jeans are from the women's section, my socks, sneakers, underwear (Panties for those of us that love the term), some t-shirts, shorts and a few jackets too. Not that the scream CD but they are all from the softer side of the aisle. I don't have to be in full makeup and hair to feel the way I do, but when I do go out somewhere I do prefer to do it full on femme.

[Teresa]

Pamela,
I would not spoil fem clothes when using my "Huskie" chainsaws but my wife does chip in with the song ! At least I'm doing the MAN bit and keeping us warm !
I do mix clothes when walking the dog and have had some interesting outings if you care to dig out some of my old threads and see some fun !!

[Tracii G]

I do it like Nadine does a mix of both everyday.
I may get ma'am'd or called sir it makes no difference to me, it makes life more interesting.
Yesterday it was more on the female side and the cashier at Wal-Mart told me I like the way you dress its different.
I asked is that good or bad and she said definitely good.
So just one persons opinion but I'll take it.

[Allisa]

My take on this subject, I under dress and wear slim jeans, booties with different heel heights, nails polished mostly clear but now a cream color with gloss top coat and quite long for males, silver bangle bracelets, my hair long and down with waves and small curls, mascara, lipstick a neutral shade and now earrings, working on finding rings and possibly skirts out and about. Don't let anyone tell you what to wear and I'm 60 y.o. If your comfortable in your skin be comfy in your clothes.

[Rachael Leigh]

I mix wardrobe often but I do it with items that can go either way and most would never notice. I love doing it and does make me comfortable

[Lily Catherine]

I've believed that most male clothing is technically androgynous. And in that vein, much of being en femme for me involves underdressing as well as make-up, hair etc. Just for the record, I have been out wearing 'women's garments' en drab - running shoes, jeans, T-shirts etc. Then again when I cross-dress I still aim for overtly feminine garment cues e.g. sweetheart necklines, chiffon, tulle etc. because I like how they feel.

[JessMe]

Some people (myself not included) here are perfectly fine with "something in between. (E.g., underdressing, "guy in a dress", etc.. it just doesn't fit what I personally get out of this (which could fill volumes alone. ) ...I don't discount or devalue other's experience, but Jess is who I am inside, and Jess is how I express outwardly at every opportunity. Jess is a pretty typical girl (with the obvious exception of being born male. ), and she wears girl clothes and does girl things.

[Barbara Dugan]

I did it this past weekend, wear all black padded panties skinny jeans and a tight unisex long sleeve shirt with tennis shoes , of course my face close shaved and since I am letting my hair grow , it was a kind of androgynous look... the good thing my boyfriend loved it and we went to several stores, I felt very comfortable and blended really well.

[Kylee-Blackstad]

Each one of us is uniquely socially situated. Based on the evaluation of our sets of circumstances, we act accordingly.

I have a large amount of freedom and little risk to my person, so I dress feminine 24/7.

I also identify as Femme (Femme Man), and wish to be perceived as such. I feel it is my more natural gender expression.

[mechamoose]

I dress 'in between' all the time. I mix modes & clothing almost every day. It *is* possible to do, but I think it is a more complicated approach than just doing one or the other (Not to diminish the efforts involved in "transformative dressing"). You have to figure out where the edges are, where things are close to crossing over between 'butch' and 'femme' without crossing over.

I might wear a skirt to the market, or dress in slacks and a pretty girl top. My hair might be in a severe pull-pack into a pony tail or be loose & floofy. I might be wearing eye makeup along side my tattoos and beard. I might be in 'guy mode' clothing with shiny fingernails and earrings.

Lots of options available, you just have to find ones that fit you.

<3

- MM

[heatherdress]

I dress "Heather Lite" a lot. I wear female, female booties, undergarments, some jewelry, even some subtle make-up. Depends on wear I am going. It is sometimes more fun.

[mechamoose]

Girl panties and hose are a *given*.. So easy to hide. Sports bras are simple things to camouflage in winter.

My 4" heels? Not so much.

- MM

[justmetoo]

There's nothing wrong with either, both, a "happy medium". Whatever works for each person. It's all good. :)

[donnalee]

Done it so often I forgot which way guy or girl buttons go.
Recently I bought 2 trenchcoats, one classic gabardine with a liner, the other white wool, Both are double breasted and can be worn either way and I couldn't remember which was which!

[Marcelle]

Hi Pamela,

IMHO, while some here may believe there are rules to Cross Dressing Club . . . there are none. Dress the way you feel you need to dress. For some it may pink chiffon dresses with pretty pink bows and stiletto heels, for others it may be jeans, top and boots while others may mix male and female clothing for an androgynous look. Some may like to wear make-up and shave while for others it is not their thing. We all need to do what makes us feel good.

Hugs

Isha

[pamela7]

Thanks everyone,
Isha, I think this is the key - no rules, and just a matter of deciding on how the outer world meets me. Definitely I'm confusing other people being "man in a dress", whereas they clearly say they're happy if I'm all one or all the other.

If I/we are to successfully challenge humanity's dualistic mindset, this is one unavoidable way of doing it - lumberjack AND strumpet!

"You only live twice!"

[charlenesomeone]

Women's jeans often, and Jean shorts. Always underdressed no matter when. I echo the others it's what you are comfortable with and if others you care for are comfortable with if that matters.

[pamela7]

yes, those we care for, and yet I wonder, are we protecting them from diversity or keeping them in-stereotype by not revealing all?

[kimdl93]

Of course you can mix and match to you're hearts content, in private. In public I have found that when I wore combination of male and female presented a discordant appearance, more likely to attract attention that if I go fully en femme. I suppose it is noticeable because it's uncommon

[sometimes_miss]

I mean, why do we have to "be passable" en-femme, or all-male?

As long as you don't mind people assuming that you're gay/trans, or answering 'that question' about your sexuality, no problem. Wear female stuff; we'd all like to, just don't want to deal with the annoyance from idiots. Even today, wear pink often enough seems to make some people automatically question sexual preference. Even when it's just a pair of normal white boxers that clearly got tinged when in with some red object in the laundry, there will always be some assholes that feel the need to bring up the gay question.

[StarrOfDelite]

For some reason, my basic needs are satisfied if I can put on some light makeup (thin eyeliner but no eye shadow, medium red/pink lipstick, eyebrow pencil), a pair of interesting earrings, and a wig, and see myself and not my male alter ego when I look in the mirror. Not that I would wear a Brooks Brothers 3 piece suit and black wingtips when I have the aforedescribed look, but if I am satisfied with my face I really don't care what clothes I'm wearing, and I feel just as Femme if I'm wearing cargo jeans and a oxford cloth button down under a sweatshirt as if I was wearing a skirt and blouse.

As has been pointed out by several other posters, we are all different, and I do what satisfies me individually and don't worry whether someone else thinks I am a crossdresser, an androgyne, a pre-op, or a transsexual.

[lucyUk]

I try too mix and match, I pretty much live in my female skinny jeans and trousers, jumpers, tops and t shirts. They're not overly feminine, but not too masculine either. I try to carry off a gender neutral style. I have a couple of pairs of female ankle boots which go great with my skinnys :)

I am lucky (or unlucky) that I am quite petite, so the majority of guys clothes unless they're an extra small are simply too big for me, which makes going shopping for my guy side quite difficult....but as a result most of my shopping is actually from womens clothing shops :)

[CynthiaD]

Why no happy medium? Because fully en femme is much happier than a happy medium! :)

But seriously, dress however you want.

One of my favorite "drab" outfits is embroidered jeans with a navy-blue cowl-neck top and open-toed flats with a bow in front. No breastforms and no wig. I've gotten a few comments, like "Are you a girl?" (No, not right now.) One woman told me she liked my outfit, but she would never wear panty hose with jeans. (I wear pantyhose all the time, because I'm prone to blood clots, and they help my circulation.) It's fun.

[justmetoo]

Sure, if a happy medium is what you want that's great. Some people don't, they prefer to dress fully femme when they are able to. That's great, too. Neither is wrong or better or worse or whatever. That's what I meant when I said it's all good.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I'm doing it right now. I have on a long heavy knittted fabric skirt, and a men's sweater. Fairly typical wear for an evening around the house. Have been given permision from my boss to wear skirts at work. ( building up my courage for that one ) Typically shave my head becuse of male patttern baldness, there is no attempt to look female.

[ReineD]

Eddie Izzard can pull it off, so can any number of rock stars- it helps if you don't give a damn what anybody thinks, you're rich, and you get laid a lot.

For the rest of us, proceed with caution.

This.

How social are you? How important is it for you to be involved in various social circles, outside of the TG community? If it is, then don't come out unless you live in a place like San Francisco maybe. What about your job? And if in a relationship, what does your partner think? If not, how important is it for you to find a partner?

If you're rather a loner and you don't mind, then dress the way you like. People on the street will not say anything to you. Their internal reactions will be mixed. There will be a few at one end who will judge you harshly. There will be a few at the other end who will admire your courage in expressing yourself. And the large middle will be split between those who don't care and those who will be amused. But, no one (or very few) will say anything.

[Michelle_G]

It depends on the audience. If we are out locally , I keep it more low key. I do have a few pairs of juniors jeans and pants that don't really look girly. If I am at home or we go away where I am not likely to meet anyone from work, I will wear juniors skinny jeans,jeggings, leggings, lycra yoga capris, and uggs knockoffs. My wife and I went away for our anniversary in the fall and I wore my skinnys and uggs the entire weekend. We take a lot of camping trips in the summer and I frequently wear my yoga capris with a long t shirt. Spent the day at Hershey Park in a long t shirt and black Danskin yoga capris last summer. Most people didn't seem to give me a second glance. I would see a few people do a double take once in a great while , usually a teenage girl, but not enough to make me feel like the hunchback of notre dame.

[suchacutie]

Personally, I don't want an "in between". I have two gendered selves and we keep them as separate as possible. If I'm in between I'm not sure who I am!

But that's just me :) (us?)

[LexiNexi]

The dichotomy is what makes it exist.

[happybra]

I am very happy under dressing.