Out I Say!

[angpai30]

I just stared a new job on Monday and it was pretty fun with the people were there. The saes floor had hit 3 saves per account that comes through higher than they ever had. So, the project manager of the team was voted to wear la dress the next day. Everybody was getting pumped for the day because this dude has a beard and is all masculine. The dress none the less was pitiful. At any rate they were laughing at him and taking pictures and calling him a crossdresser. For some reason this hit a really big nerve for me for them to be doing such a thing when they claim to be an equal opportunity employer. The day before I was requested to state something interesting about myself and I told everyone that I had my son on the same day as my sisters and they were born 2 hours apart with the also the meat of the story, but didn't disclose that I'm transsexual. I did this so that I could make a point later.
Well, the next day came and he prolonged his journey into the dress as long as possible. Finally, when he did get into it he looked pretty cute! But, they were all still calling him a crossdresser. So, later when It was requested of me to present something interesting about myself I reiterated the story and told them that it was actually my ex wife that bore the child and that I am transsexual. I don't think half of them knew the significance of me saying I'm transsexual. One of the guys in there came up to me and said that he was gay and that he truly admired my courage and bravery for outing myself to he entire training class and impressed that I would do such a thing. We talked for a little bit and during our conversation he asked me why I did it. I told him how it irked me that thy would make fun of someone no matter a true crossdresser or not. My thought was that if they are truly an equal opportunity employer and they mocked a crossdresser, what would they do when they found that a mtf transsexual was sitting among them and they didn't know.
The reaction I got was none but short f what I had expected, but more than what I had hoped. The entire class clapped as several people came up and gave me a hug. I even have an LDS lady looking out for me. as several other people. I'm happier than happy at such a wonderful response and it all stemmed from something as simple as another being in my IMO mistreated.

[Rogina B]

It is a sad thought that supposedly "progressive" work mates take on "bullying" in the workplace.Perhaps the person who actually came up with the plan of the dress day is the "real dresser"..Perhaps that person has an inner desire to be humiliated..never know!

[phylis anne]

something I have found about the bullying type is that quite often they have something to hide and lash out at others so as to not draw attention to their issues
hugs phylis anne

[kimdl93]

That was well timed and well said.

[CarlaWestin]

Yeah, I feel you. The mega corporation I'm with has a strict, zero tolerance policy protecting gender and sexual orientation rights. But, individuals still view it all as freakish and unnatural. I'm just wondering when that moment will happen in HR when I break the silence with, "Because I'm transgendered! That's why I'm offended!" Until then I'm just amused at the awful things that supposed good people say to bolster their own fragile egos.
Oh, and your LDS lady is an angel!

[Eringirl]

Way to stick up for yourself, your beliefs and others !! Inspirational.

Erin

[angpai30]

Sorry for all the typos. I typed this when I was dead tired and half asleep. I didn't realize that there were so many.
I have a friend of mine who isn't passable, but she's detransitioned because of confidence levels being to low. So, one day we were at Ihop and the waiter comes up and asks me "What would you like mam?" after taking my order turns to her and says "What can I get you sir?" as she is fully dressed as a woman took her order and walked away. I was fuming by the lack of professionalism. I called the waiter back over told him to apologize to her and that she is a her and thus should be treated as such. The whole time she was looking at me saying "No, No, No." Then I requested to speak to his manager. I told her the situation and then requested a new server. She complied with our request and took the young man in afterward and chewed into him for the mistreatment of the guests. When we were done with our meal, we paid and exited the restaurant. She then turned to me and said thank you and that she was impressed that I stood up for her and really appreciated it. I don't know what it is, but I don't like other people getting mistreated. Even if they aren't Transgender. I guess its called the "Mom" gene?

[Rachel Smith]

This goes back to the original post not the one above where your friend was treated awfully.

But in the first post it was done in a humorous way and they ridiculed no one but the man in the dress. I don't understand how people take offense these days to things that are not meant to be harmful, hurtful or hateful. Now if they had said something to you that's a different story just as it was when your friend was involved.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I don't know, Rachel. I think I'd cringe inside if I was around a bunch of people making fun of crossdressing, it hurts when it's a group in a way that an insult from an individual doesn't hurt. Anyone looking closely at me would see that my face was distinctly uncomfortable. I hate to admit it but I am affected by peer pressure- and I'd be crap at poker.

You've got real guts Angpai to stand up for your friend like that.

[Andy66]

That was very brave of you, Angpai. Awesome!

[Rachel Smith]

That's my point Nikki they were making FUN of a guy in a dress not a crossdresser. They were not hurling insults at a crossdresser that would call for action.

[charlenesomeone]

Good for you and glad your new coworkers may have learned something.
The restaurant situation was truly uncalled for and good on you for probably
helping someone else that you may not even know about. Thanks from all of us and
to to those we don't know about.

[angpai30]

Non hurtful to the individual that may have been taking the plunge to accept such a jest, but to others it may have been in some regard to their own gender identities, as such, a gender fluid person in whom it may isolate. As isolated as the jesting may have been the fact still remains that maybe there were others who were offended by it as if it were taken to be a jest against their own gender identities whether it be cross-dresser or transgender, In some form of the act itself suggests that having a gender identity different than what is to be expected.is to be shamed, jested at and used in a derogatory manner. So, is it really a harmless act whether he is a cross-dresser or not? It did raise the moral just a smidgen, yet the harm that it could have caused could be a lifetime for someone struggling with themselves already.

[sometimes_miss]

That's my point Nikki they were making FUN of a guy in a dress not a crossdresser. They were not hurling insults at a crossdresser that would call for action.

The greater problem is that it makes it very clear that they think a guy wearing female clothing is someone that is worthy of insults. What's worse, is that I see this behavior often in women, as if a man behaving or dressing as a female is something bad. Don't these women realize that they're insulting all women when they make femininity something to be ashamed of?

[angpai30]

This is also a big problem. Making femininity look shameful even to women, like wearing a dress is something to be forgotten and only used for mockery purposes.

[Karen62]

This is the result of parroting learned bigotry and the mindless hatred of other people without critically thinking about the implications of such behavior. I've had discussions with my counselor about my "abandoning" my male privilege and whether or not I understand that (more specifically, that I understand others will perceive this and it could be the source of tension with some people during transition).

It is terribly sad when gays are publicly pilloried by closeted gays (often politicians!), immigrants speak poorly of other immigrants, minorities discriminating against other minority groups, and women unknowingly affirming that masculinity is clearly superior to femininity, so much so that women believe they must emulate masculinity to be successful in the world, but woe to be the foolish man who needs to express his feminine side. He has crossed the line of what is socially acceptable, walking backwards in life's social order of things, and these poor thoughtless woman criticize and condescend to the man as though he is utterly worthless, all the while unaware that they are building the case of their own worthlessness.

I don't believe this is a universal experience, though. I believe there is a growing (albeit slowly!) movement of enlightenment that femininity stands on its own as valuable to humanity (and not just for caring for others, raising children, etc., but in roles of public and business leadership that require intellect and deserve respect) and a lot of women are embracing this. I don't think this is as widely accepted worldwide as it is in the US and Europe (and even that could be improved!), but compared to 100, even 50, years ago, things definitely have improved. But when some cultures today still forbid women from even driving cars, dressing in anything other than effectively a shapeless bag, or cannot be seen in public without a male escort to whom they are related (or married - lest they be open to assault!), then there are still culture wars to be contested and enlightenment to be raised.

I never understood when I was young (think 1970s and the ERA movement) all of the anti-feminist women who spoke out against those women who just wanted equality and respect. Ironically, these women critics spoke out against women participating in business and in politics, insisting that women were needed first and foremost in the home, yet there they were themselves, speaking out in public forums, engaging in social politics, and doing by example the very thing they were speaking out against. They apparently never got the irony of that. I found it all terribly sad back then. And when I hear of women criticizing men for acting in a feminine manner because it is beneath their dignity to do that, I am still saddened by the lack of thought expressed.

Karen

[angpai30]

This is where as Karen put it "becoming tolerant of the intolerant", which makes even those in the trans community comfortable right where they are. But being comfortable right where you are in life can sometimes be dangerous not only to yourself, but to those around us as well. It's like the word Tranny. The trans community has gotten so comfortable using this word to describe ourselves over time and have become comfortable with the word, yet we get upset about others using the word when it is still widely used among our community to describe ones self status as transsexual. I agree with many of your comments about the respect of one individual cannot be measured merely through thought, but by taking action.

[Sallee]

great for you You took a very appropriate response. And probably left people questioning their reactions