Therapy

[DeeNile]

Tomorrow I am going to a therapist for the first time. It is my sincere hope that they will be able to help me come to terms with all of this. I have shared this private side of me with a handful of people, all who have known me for many years. Tomorrow, i am supposed to open up and blindly trust a random stranger with this, in hopes of help. I reached out to a local GLBT resource center for the referral. Does anybody have any advice, tips, suggestions, horror stories, or anything that they feel would help with tomorrows initial meeting and session?

[franchesca]

I started therapy two weeks ago and am totally eager for my second session tonight. I found every excuse not to go lol I've never been good about talking myself let alone to a complete stranger! Somehow though I felt free to be me with my therapist, I don't quite how to explain it, but it just felt right. I'm so glad I got over my fears and insecurities...

[MsVal]

Hi Dee.
I hope all goes well. This can be a very worrisome time, but perhaps I can help with some of that.

Do you really want to find out and deal with your issues, or is this something you feel somehow obligated to do? If you want an accurate assessment and effective treatment then you must be honest with yourself and your therapist. You may be asked some very thought provoking questions. Some of them may be easy; some of them may be really uncomfortable. You may not know the answer to some of them. It's all okay. Be honest.

If you are worried about the therapist or your privacy, you shouldn't be. This isn't some arbitrary stranger, it's a therapist that is known to, and recommended by the GBLT resource center. I have an inkling that there is nothing you can say or do that the therapist has not already seen. Don't worry about privacy. The HIPAA laws protect you. As an example, my therapist and my wife's therapist cannot discuss our cases without our signed consent, even if they worked for the same practice.

Horror Story: I went first to a well qualified psychologist (PhD candidate), also known to the local LGBTQ community. In the initial meeting the therapist said that I was likely transsexual, would probably transition, and would be happy to write the letter when it became necessary. I went into that meeting with a lot of anxiety. When I left, I was so upset that I couldn't drive. Following the advice from many on this forum, I chose a different therapist and never went back to the first.

Success Story: The second therapist holds a MSW degree and is also known by the LGBTQ community. I've been seeing her about twice a month for nearly a year. I was an emotional wreck as I walked into her office for the first session. When I left, I felt MUCH better. I had HOPE. She doesn't like to use labels, but after the second month, when pressed for an answer, she said that I was likely a plain vanilla cross dresser. Today, I am becoming comfortable with "ME" and on my way to "HAPPY". I'm not there yet, but it's on my RADAR for this year.

I don't care for the timing, or the way it was presented, but I often wonder if there was some truth to what the first therapist said. My current therapist said not to get hung up on labels, just become "ME" - whatever that turns out to be.

Does that help Dee?

Best wishes
MsVal

[Katey888]

I think you may find it will be easier talking to a complete stranger.. :hugs:

Remember that this is someone who is dedicated to help you and only you, in complete confidence, and in order to get the maximum benefit you must give them your total trust... :)

So not quite a random stranger as they are professional and you have the referral as a trusted local resource... Deep breaths - be calm - if it helps and if they are accommodating, you might try just closing your eyes and imagining you are alone and just talking to yourself...?

Good luck!

Katey x

[JenniferR771]

Sigh. Some are good ; some not so much.
When my wife found out about my "hobby". She went to a therapist. One of the things the female therapist said was,
"You are not still sleeping with him ARE you?"
I think she thought I was gay and could transmit sexual diseases.
The therapist's back ground and institution where she was employed had conservative Christian beginnings.

I suggest you go to the therapist's website and read carefully. Look for signs of familiarity and training in LBGT matters or omission of same.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I've seen 3 therapists, one was useless- far more interested in a project I mentioned I was working on than in getting me to open up- I never went for a 2nd session.

One was excellent: insightful, intelligent, sensitive, patient- he helped me enormously and I left with the deepest respect for him.

The third was a tiny little ex-nun, a late-comer to trained therapy, just so good, kind and wise- she too helped me hugely.

I will remember the two as long as I live, and my life was tangibly improved for seeing them.

You'll find the first session a little strange, especially because many therapies involve the therapist waiting for you to speak- they won't do it all for you! But I think you'll know soon enough whether you can work with them- if you don't click, don't give up the process- find another. You have to feel comfortable with them.

I wish you the very best of luck.

[sabrinaedwards]

I have wanted to go to a therapist, but I have always "chickened out." If I did go I would want to go to a femaie in that I would not feel intinmated. Perhaps I would bond with a female. In any event I feel that I could benefit from professional person.
Love, Sabrina

[Kate Simmons]

A therapist is a neutral person to talk to and a sounding board.They can offer suggestions based on what you tell them but you make any and all decisions. :)

[Marcelle]

Hi Dee,

I have been seeing a therapist for over a year and she has helped bring order to chaos quite effectively. My one word of advice is be up front and honest as that is the only way she/he will be able to help you.

Hugs

Isha

[Natasha V]

I been considering looking for a therapist but also feel I would prefer a female otherwise I'm gonna clam up.

[docrobbysherry]

Every therapist I've been to was female. I can recommend them. I've seen about 6 in my life. None spent more a few minutes on my "hobby"!:eek:

It's your therapist's job to make u confortable enuff to open up. Theres not much a good, experienced counselor hasn't heard. Wearing your SO's panties will not faze her. If u r sexual involved with your fem persona, she won't bat an eye.:straightface:

If u r not comfortable speaking freely after one session with a therapist? U should not go back. You're wasting both of your time and your money!

Beyond that, a good therapist will quickly zero in on your important issues. She won't be interested in your little adventures out or folks you've run into, etc., etc. If she just listens to u but doesn't provide any direction or help? Find another therapist.:thumbsdn:

[DeeNile]

My first meeting is now in the books. It went rather well. I'm glad I went, and looking forward to our next meeting.

[Ashley1212]

Glad to hear you first session went well.

[TinaZ]

My first meeting is now in the books. It went rather well. I'm glad I went, and looking forward to our next meeting.

Glad to hear this.

As others have said, you should feel comfortable in session, even if the topic is difficult (meaning, a rapport with your therapist is essential).

I don't know where I'd be without mine. She's helped me make some remarkable, healthy progress regarding this fun thing we do. Best of luck!

[Lori Kurtz]

Some therapists are better than others, of course, and you will have to use your instincts to decide how good the one you go to is. But the most important thing is for you to be completely honest regarding your feelings about yourself, your sexuality, your dressing, and everything else that comes up in the course of your therapy. Your therapist is supposed to be a professional who will help you based on his or her perception of your needs. Some of that will probably make you uncomfortable, and if it does, that's one more thing you need to be honest with your therapist about. You are always in control of yourself and your therapy, and you always have the power and the right to stop if you decide that it is not doing good things for you. Best wishes to you on this next step in your journey.

[Teresa]

DeeNile,
I had my first session yesterday and it went very well, we soon broke the ice and ended up the session joking about one of my accidental outings !
One funny moment was the low wow comment when I showed her my avatar picture, she asked how long it took me to do my make up and hair and was surprised when I said about twenty minutes ! I found it easier to show her rather than trying to explain where I was with my CDing and that I wanted to present better than just a guy in a dress !
I found it strange to talk to someone who was not judgemental or pass comment , the problem is if I'm allowed to I won't stop talking and drift off on a tangent which made it difficult for her when trying to keep me on track ! As I pointed out I'm sitting on fifty years of Cding and it's all got to come out !

Please don't fear talking to a total stranger, after ten minutes they cease to be that, they're there to help you if they can !!

[Jorja]

First, relax, take a deep breath, and calm yourself. Your therapist is not going to suddenly turn into someone questioning you about some murder under a spot light. They are there to help you.

The purpose of the therapist is to get you to think and sort out things in your head. They are not going to listen to you and then say, you are a CD or you are TS. If they do, move on and locate another therapist. They are going to guide you through a series of questions and exercises that will help you determine these things for yourself because only you can answer these things.

Your first session will likely be about you both getting to know each other and you learning how they operate. You will need to go into this with an open mind. If you normally dress day to day, feel free to go to your sessions dressed. Tell the truth about everything (no matter how much it hurts), hold nothing back. Be assured, your deep dark secret that you have guarded all these years is safe. You just need somebody to help you make sense of it all.

At the end, maybe you will have discovered some things about yourself that you never realized or just took for granted.

Good luck

[steftoday]

I saw my therapist yesterday as well. She and I have been discussing so many topics; HRT and transitioning primarily. Last session, I went partially dressed, and skipped the makeup and hair. Yesterday, I did my makeup at home, and decided I was going to go with a sophisticsted look. I wanted her to tell me if my look would be ok for attending a conference or one of the DC meet ups. So I wore a two piece Ann Taylor outfit with some taupe heels. I did not wear the skirt to her office, but my upper half was all female. Once arriving there, I slipped into the bathroom, put on the skirt, heels and my wig.
My therapist told me that she thought I looked "classy", and when I asked if I should expect pitchforks and torches from the townsfolk, she laughed and replied that I was "fine"!
The point of all this is that since talking to this therapist (whom I would recommend with all my heart) I am learning more about what I need to do to accept me. I am learning that I am not a monster, and that I have worth. I am learning that thoughts of self harm hurt everyone.
I am learning that I still have a lot to learn. Having someone to talk with has been cathartic.

I don't know where I will end up on this spectrum. But talking to her has allowed me to go from deep in the closet and out only to my spouse, to driving 15 miles on the interstate with makeup and forms and jewelry on, and not giving one $hit if anyone notices.

Finding this therapist was the best thing I could have done. I wish I could have had this type of help 30 years ago..

[MsVal]

[...] I found it strange to talk to someone who was not judgemental or pass comment [...] Please don't fear talking to a total stranger, after ten minutes they cease to be that, they're there to help you if they can !!

That's my experience too. She's the brightest person in the room but defers to me. She's like the close friend that I wish I had. Someone I can talk to about anything without fear of criticism.

She will ask tough questions whose answers can only be found by digging deep into myself. They in turn help me see myself in a different, usually better way.

She will give me homework which involves more than a cursory answer. Again, this requires more self reflection and results in better understanding. For example, this week's homework is to write about what I would do and how would I do it if I had no constraints.

Best wishes
MsVal

[DeeNile]

Actually, we only spoke about my CDing for a few minutes. It was a basic summary of how I had been caught by my parents in my younger years, who knows now, for how long that I have been doing this and things of that sort. The majority of my first session was all about my childhood, which is better than any soap opera on TV. It was very easy to talk to her, and eye opening to me. Just in this one visit, she has helped me immensely. I wish that I had done this sooner. Later in the day, it lead to one of the best conversations with my wife that I have ever had. I look forward to my next appointment.

[Sarasometimes]

If you found a good one so soon you are lucky. I spent many $$$ teaching bad ones about CDing then I found a great place and a great therapist. She was worth the effort and now I can talk to her about anything. If you can't then you aren't going to get very far. Great ones help you without you realizing it till a bit after. I also found going to therapy dressed was helpful when I was ready to do so. You may have to suggest this to her as an option.
Great to hear you have one in the books.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Advice? Just be truthful and honest to the therapist, as well as yourself. Don't go all dolled up like a barbie. I did that. Then one day I wasn't able to go to my apartment to change after having gotten off work from a construction job. I thought I looked terrible. The therapist took one look at me and said "Now that's more like it! You look natural!"
She was the therapist that first voiced to me the question "Why can't you be both?" Male and female. What she meant was to take, what I deemed to be, the best attributes of both sexes.
I've been trying to understand myself for years. I still don't have all the answers. Maybe I'm not supposed to.
Oh! I forgot. Don't ramble on in a tangent. My therapist accused me of doing that. I didn't realize I was. Sometimes memories are fragmented and don't make a lot of sense when they come to the surface. The time lines are often out of whack. Two memories that may seem to be connected are sometimes not.
I any event: Good Luck!
I'm proud of you.
You realized you need some help.
Often people are to proud to admit when that happens. They try to go it alone. Unfortunately it doesn't work out very well for them in the long run.
No man, woman or person is an island unto themselves. We are apart of a huge continental community of Human Beings.
I'm glad you made this post. It caught my eye.
Lately I don't usually post many replies. I guess I'm too self absorbed.

[Beverley Sims]

I would assume a registered and cetified therapist.
Your fears are unfounded as they apply a strict code of confidentiality.

If you don't like what you hear fron the therapist, you may try another one.

They will all have slightly skewed advice depending on their views and their judgement of the subject or patient.

Read through the various experiences and then try it for yourself.

[Amanda M]

First of all - I agree. This person is a complete stranger. However he or she is a complete stranger with insights that most people don't have. Not that they are so smart - just that they have been trained in their profession. I'm a psychotherapist, and I have made my living that way for several years. One of the things that we are most careful about is not to pre-judge. People call and book and an appointment, and hey-ho, most often what they said on the phone bears little or no relation to their real problem. Not that I mean that that is true in your case. Honestly, I expect that you will be greeted - and treated with grace, empathy and concern. At least, that is the standard I set for myself.

Guidelines? Be honest, open and true to yourself. If you are not, you are wasting her time, your emotional energy and your money.

If you would like, PM me.

Amanda, ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP UKCP Reg.

I know, it's all Brit stuff - but we are reasonably competent! Take car

[pamela7]

A therapist should not advise a client, under any circumstance IMO. I've been facilitating therapy sessions since 2003, and prefer to use advanced forms of "clean language", a way of asking questions that lead to the client emerging their own answers from their unconscious without any directing, any leading or biases from the therapist. Going to a therapist though has many forms, and really some of the best therapists are not experts in gender issues because they don't need to be. Their method and their understanding of how clients structure their reality should determine their performance, and their empathy and compassion should be a guide to their sensitivity to any client situation.

As I'm a CD'er I consider myself too-closely engaged in the subject matter to be sure of remaining "clean" in my method with a CD/TG client, so I would not contract.

Another thing in this day and age though, is that you can work over skype or other voip with a therapist anywhere in the world anytime. If there's a good one they can lob you questions all day long, it need not be costly, and you can come to your own understandings at your own pace. This forum is the best I can find for self-help grouping in CD/TG.

xxx Pamela

[YasminJ]

this is really interesting as I have been battling the question of if I should have therapy or not. I am in a similar boat and have never really discussed my emotions, sounds sad to say out loud but true.

[Lollipop]

I'm in a similar boat - however, I think this forum and it's many resources will be a great help to
Jessie