Homophobia for Valentine's day.

[I Am Paula]

On my way home from the gym this morning, I stopped at a florist.
I asked for a colorful mixed bouquet, and the woman behind the counter first gave me a 'What a loser, has to buy her own flowers for valentine's day' look, and said, 'For yourself, or do you want them wrapped?'
'They're for my wife.'
Canada has had same sex marriage for so long that this should not even raise an eyebrow.
'Oh,.............................................. ...............................................ain 't THAT sweet!'
Homophobia is alive and well.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'm not exactly sure that was homophobia, was it? Are you sure it wasn't sexism?

It all gets more and more confusing, the longer I'm on this site.

Anyway, flowers are a Good Thing whatever the occasion :)

[mechamoose]

People make assumptions, that is human nature and I can't entirely fault them for that... but in Canada?

And besides, what is wrong with a woman giving flowers to her man? I *love* getting flowers!

(Yah, I know, I'm not the average guy)

- MM

[spandexgirl188]

As ignorant as this is going to sound, i have yet to experience that. so far during my transition, my family and friends have treated me great. i keep waiting for that moment though, as if its a bad experience you know its going to happen and you just wait.

[Frances]

She's asking if they are for you or if you want them wrapped and you read homophobia into it? I don't see it.

[Jorja]

I have been transitioned and post op for 36 years. I have been into many flower shops in that time. I have NEVER, I repeat, NEVER had a problem with homophobia, sexism, or anything even closely related. My money is green. They want this green money. They will do what it takes to get this green money. I think you have read more into it than was really there. Quit being so sensitive about being trans.

[Laura28]

Wow I think that is stretching it. I don't see anything wrong with what she asked or said .

[I Am Paula]

I guess I didn't phrase things well. The only homophobic part was after I mentioned my wife. Her comment 'Well ain't THAT sweet' was snarky, and rude.

Jorja- I never have had an issue about my being trans anywhere, by anyone. For some reason mentioning that I'm married to a woman throws them for a loop. That's all.

[Lori Kurtz]

I'd say that sales clerk owes you an apology and a nice bouquet of flowers.

[Frances]

That makes more sense.

[Eryn]

I wasn't there, but it seems that it could either be homophobia or simply a misinterpretation of her offhand statement.

One has to ask if this perceived slight is worthy of any attention. If the person is homophobic you aren't going to change her. If you misinterpreted her statement then you are worrying about something that is a product of your own imagination.

[Heidi Stevens]

Now Paula, if'n y'all wuz down here in the South, especially places like Alabama and Arkansas, you'd know ain't no such thing as a woman with a wife! Now you just mind your place, missy! Now get out of my shop, state law says I don't have to serve you for religious beliefs.
This gives you the kind of treatment you'll easily run into in most of every thing south of the Ohio. These folks will even float into the big cities where you think you'd be safe. Blow it off, dear, the ignorant exist everywhere.

[Angela Campbell]

well.....not in Florida.......

[Andy66]

I think its amusing that you shook up the muggle. :heehee:

[docrobbysherry]

The thing is, if can't consistantly pass? This kind of thing happens out in vanilla land all the time, Paula.

Does anyone remember the saying, "If u can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen"?

It's for that very reason that I rarely venture out among the Muggles dressed!:sad:

[LexiNexi]

Stupid people are easy to ignore.

[Rianna Humble]

Doc, we aren't talking about a cross-dresser who only goes out dressed on the odd occasion, Paula is a woman.

[Jennifer8]

I soo totally agree with you Paula!

You know I used to worry ALOT about what people mostly guys would do or say if they found out I was trans.
BUT you know what!!! I guess im lucky I guess or maybe im never really out much by myself which is sorta weird now that im thinking about it lol but ya Im like 99% of the time out with my wife or our mom or all 3 of us so I guess people see 2 or 3 girls and coool Ya for me right??
I was always a bit scared being out with anyone when I still only had my boy name ID just cause you never know and it was like a big sign saying HEY BOY IN A DRESS HERE cause it didnt matter hwo good you looked or how well you pass when ur ID says ur a boy! and if somethijng would of happen it would have happen to me and however I was with. I cant tell you how much happyier getting rid of that makes me everyday still!1


But Stacy and me alone or even with are mom have gotten some really really NOT nice things said about us and even right to our face for being together specially when people would think we are sisters then OMG your married!!!!!!!!!!! TO HER!!!!! HOW could you let your daughter do that??? you approve of that? I mean like some pretty mean shit!! you dont even wanna hear some of the nasty shit guys have said to me n her it just makes me that much happier nothing I was never ever really a guy specially some assbutt like that.

OK ya we also get ALOT of good things too lots of people are like thats great!!! congrats and all that but you always remember the bad things more then good ones just cause they hurt I guess

[Leah Lynn]

I don't think a business person should make ANY personally tinged comments while waiting on a customer. I raised a stink in a c-store once, over a snide comment made to me, that that person was ultimately fired. I know very few people in business that can afford to alienate customers, driving them away.

I'd let the owner know that the comments were entirely out of line and you'll be buying flowers elsewhere. And demand an apology.

And now, I'm totally off the idea of sending myself a bouquet!

Leah

[Kris Avery]

Arkansas...state law says I don't have to serve you for religious beliefs.

It's soooo frustrating. They have even repealed trans anti-discrimination laws and ordnances here.
In 2015 it's mind blowing really.

I personally blame that "fine piece of work" Mrs. Dugger for her anti LGBT campaigns - using her show as a platform without any personal education.
But then again; 19 kids, I rest my case. Nutjob :devil:

[angpai30]

I don't tolerate intolerance. I always stand up for my friends who don't pass well. In fact I have a friend I occasionally go to ihop with that doesn't pass at all. When we were seated the waiter turns to me and says "what will you have mam?" I place my order and the waiter turns to my friend and says "What would you like sir?" This infuriated me and I educated him on her status as a woman and that she should be addressed as such and that I demand an apology to her and that she be addressed correctly. The whole time my friend was saying No, no, no in as quietly as she could while I'm chewing out this waiter. I then asked for his Manager in which whom I explained the situation and then requested a new waiter/waitress.
She honored my request for a new waitress and after everything was said and done this waiter was taken into the back and chewed out by his manager. After we were done and exited the restaurant my friend turns to me and says "Thank You, no one has ever done that for me before." I have done this for cis friends as well and myself when I was first starting my transition I had this very problem. Life is to short to worry about what "May" happen. If you don't take the time to be assertive and demand respect from those at that time then who's fault is it? The seller or the buyer? Homophobia is not something that I encounter at the flower shop or any kind of discrimination and I live in Utah.

[I Am Paula]

Believe me Angpai30, homophobia is so rare in Canada that it threw me completely. The OP was because it had never happened to me before.

[kimdl93]

I can't imagine why she felt then need or right to make such a snide remark. People can be so rude.

[mechamoose]

I don't tolerate intolerance.

I can't fuc7!n% stand intolerance either :)


I always stand up for my friends who don't pass well.

Hey there sweetie! You are like ME!

I want to run interference so our meeker members can just be *themselves*.


After we were done and exited the restaurant my friend turns to me and says "Thank You, no one has ever done that for me before." I have done this for cis friends as well and myself when I was first starting my transition I had this very problem.

Let me add my thanks as well. This sort of thing is my personal crusade. I want to make our world safe for those of us who don't (or can't) blend.

We still have the right to be ourselves.

Look me up if you are ever in New England.

<3

- MM

[Jorja]

Well Kim I can think of a few reasons. Maybe her own son or another relative is going through transition and she does not approve. That is her right. However, I do believe she should have kept it to herself if it was in fact homophobia.

[BeckyW]

well.....not in Florida.......

Angela- do you mean Florida is a good or a bad place to be trans? (I'm thinking of moving there post-transition.)

[giuseppina]

Well, I guess this florist doesn't need Paula's business very badly. I wouldn't darken their door again.

[Angela Campbell]

Angela- do you mean Florida is a good or a bad place to be trans? (I'm thinking of moving there post-transition.)

A wonderful place!

[DebbieL]

I experienced MUCH more homophobia when everybody thought I was gay because I was so feminine (despite my best attempts to hide it). I never really "passed" as a boy, and am often surprised that I pass so well as a woman.

When I transitioned, about the only time people raise an eyebrow is when I tell them I've been married to my wife for 9 years. The US didn't have gay marriage in 2006 - anywhere. They ask if I got married in Canada, so I finally have to explain that I was her husband when I got married. That gets a bit of a fish face. Then I tell them I'm in my late 50s and have 2 grand-children and that's a bigger shock. Most people think I'm in my mid 40s.

[I Am Paula]

Usually, my mentioning my wife just garners a pregnant pause. I never mention that we were husband and wife when we married. That's like explaining physics to a cat.

[Rianna Humble]

Cat's can be very intelligent

[Barbara Black]

So sorry to hear that Paula. Such a stupid conclusion to jump to in the first place. I expect more from Canada than from The States.

[CarlaWestin]

Cat's can be very intelligent
Cats will pretend to listen if you dangle a treat in front of them.

I'm neither gay or religious. So, I just roll my eyes when my best friend of fifty+ years goes off on a proselytising anti-gay rant. When he comes out to visit, I think Carla will pick him up at the airport.

Anyway, rudeness finds it's way into everything so I wouldn't worry about the flower shop lady. I got a venomous FU look from a receipt checker lady at Costco as she verified that the 6 pack of bikini panties in my hand matched the receipt. I was tempted to say, "Your husband likes me in panties at the motel." but, I just let her marinade in her personal hate.

[Sarah Beth]

I've don't go out dressed so never had anything like that happen to me. I wouldn't dare go out dressed around here. The governor here in Kansas just revoked the previous governor's protection for employment rights for anyone the LGBT community in terms of state employment. That's how homophobic and backward this state is.