I finally went out!!

[Gwinnie]

On Saturday I got all dressed up pretty. White sweater with short puffy sleeves, a line knee length denim skirt, tall boots and pretty infinity scarf and drove all the way up to torrid. Once I got there I walked straight from my car and in. I was the only person in there. The SA were great. Complimented my boots and didn't say a word about me being a guy. I was in there about a half hour. So, I thought it was going well, so I went next door to dress barn. I was greeted by a SA that made it pretty clear I wasn't welcome. So I left. On the way out I held the door open for a guy and his wife. He didn't even give me a second look. I went over to Maurice's and no one said a word to me. As I got back in my car a car pulled up in front of me. It was a guy and woman. She saw me and laughed. Whatever. I drove around a bit and went into a lane Bryant for a bit. No one spoke to me in there either. All in all I'm happy I did it and would love to do it again. I'd love to go out with my wife to dinner while wearing a pretty dress I bought recently. But, we just had a new baby last week, so going out won't be happening for a while I think.

Gwendolyn

[sara.rafaela]

Congratulations on the new baby. I have a 10 month old and a 4 year old. I am sorry about your Dress Barn encounter. That is actually very lame. I wish you success on your next ventures out.

[Welshgirl]

Hi Gwendolyn,

You are never going to be able to stop people from expressing an opinion in public, but for employees of a company then that is a very different thing. In the UK it is against the law to discriminate against anyone based on their gender identity. In the US the situation is a little more complex as sometimes laws are made on a state-by-state basis, but the overall effect is the same - it is still not permissible for you to be discriminated against on the basis of the way you are dressed. Below is a link to a site that gives an overview of the situation by state:

http://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps/non_discrimination_laws

That SA has broken the law by his behaviour, both on his own account and on behalf of his company. I would have thought that a quick letter to the store manager explaining the situation and offering to take it up with them in court should they disagree would go a long way to making dress barn a much more pleasant place to shop! Whether you would be willing to follow it up or not is irrelevant - the fact is that once it has been pointed out to the company that they are in breach of the law, they have no option but to put it right.

I am thrilled that there were other parts of your trip out that were so much more pleasant than this though! I am a GG, and I can't believe how much courage it must take to step out of the front door wearing ladies' clothes. You are all awesome, in my opinion!!!

[sonja hems]

Well done on getting out there. I'm sure you will have many more trips out in the very near future.

Sonja x

[JeanetteX]

Hi Gwendolyn,

So good to read you went out. You've shown great courage, something I still don't have! And despite the few awkward moment I hope you enjoyed it and will do it again in the future.

Congratulations with the new baby.

Jeanette

[vickim]

Congrats on the step out. ... and might I say that it was the quite a big one too. I'm glad it was a mostly positive experience.

[Rachelakld]

Congrads on getting out, it is a lot of fun, and if someone looks at you funny, just smile back.

[Jessie James]

That's wonderful Gwendolyn!

Despite a couple of hitches it sounded like you had a good time. Your courage is inspiring, I only hope my first (eventual) outing goes half as well as yours. I think I'll just consider it a success if there's not a mob with torches and pitchforks chasing me :heehee:

Jessie~☆

[Marcelle]

Hi Gwendolyn,

CONGRATS on your first outing into the Vanilla world. Yes, you will find those who are less than tolerating and some may laugh but you handled with grace and poise. Going out in public does require a thick skin and you proved you have it. However, we are sometimes our own worse barometers when judge other people's reaction. I am just curious the SA at the Dress Barn did she say something about you not being welcomed or was it just her demeanor? The reason I ask is that sometimes people are just miserable D-Bags unhappy with life in general and it may not have been you the SA was upset about but people in general. I also take laughing in stride. Unless someone is pointing at me and laughing, I don't get too wrapped up in that response as she could have been laughing at anything (perhaps she was sharing a funny moment with the guy in the car). All this to say, yes there are mean people out there but not every sideways glance or giggle is necessarily directed at us.

Again congrats on a first big step and you will find it can get addictive.

Hugs

Isha

[phylis anne]

Looks like you had a good time ,however i was surprised at your experience in dress barn we have one here in western wash ,that is quite friendly to c/d and trans they treat you like one of the girls , keep it up and like the others have said ignore the public
hugs phylis anne

[Henriette7]

Hi Gwendolyn

Great to hear about your first outing, it feels great doesn't it :-) Soon you will try again and in no time you will go everywhere :-)

Hugs
Henriette

[Victoria Demeanor]

Wow girl you go…. A big congratulations on your outing, I am hoping to sometime soon be a day walker and go out shopping instead of my normal lurking at night. As I wasn’t there I can not say for sure, but would agree with Isha. Not long ago I walked into 7-11 on my way home, as I walked in the door the sales clerks erupted into laughter. I stopped and nearly turned to ran. The SA then let out with a OMG you’ve got to hear this. She had the other clerk repeat the joke he had just told seconds before I walked through the door. It was a very funny joke. She then Looked at me, complimented my dress and with a big smile asked what she could get for me.
In any case don’t let a few small minded people keep you from being who you are.
Victoria D ;)

[Maria 60]

It takes a lot of courage to do what you did, you should be very proud of yourself. It's not just a man in women's clothes that gets peoples attention, a while ago a co-worker got splashed with a chemical that left a few marks on his face, he comes into work everyday complaining that he can't handle going out and people staring at him. People love dirty laundry and if anybody is out of the perfect stereo type they stare or laugh. I don't pass and it would take a lot of surgeries to make me pass, so I don't walk out the door, but if one day I decide to bite the bullet and go for it, I have to except some different reactions, but till that day the closet is a nice place also.

[BillieAnneJean]

So your SO just delivered a baby a week ago?

I am sure you already thought about this but PLEASE:

Cater to her.
Take up a large portion of the household chores.
Care for her.
Right now it should be all about her and the new person.
She may be experiencing some physical discomfort and changes so be comforting.
Tell her you love her and the new person.
Show her you love her and the new person.
Put CDing on the back, FAR BACK burner until her life goes back to something less exhausting, less personal sacrifice.
She just did something for the both of you that you can never repay. Make it obvious that you appreciate it.

As I am sure you are already doing!

[suzanne]

Bravo, Gwinnie. Well done! The first outing is the hardest, and I'll bet you can't wait to get out again. Don't just ignore the rude SA at Dress Barn, make a complaint, either to the store manager or to the corporate head office. What was done to you was not right, and is no longer acceptable.

[Gwinnie]

This happened a few weeks ago. I've been with my wife every moment since the. We were in the hospital for a week with the new baby then came home for 2 days. Then in the hospital another week cause my wife had an infection. This is just the first time I've been able to get on here to tell about it

Gwendolyn

[Michelle_NY]

I would love to do the same with you gf. Where are you from? NY here

[Karen R!]

Wow Gwendolyn congrats! Don't dwell on the negatives, work on the positives. Always will be people who disagree and hate. Let em. Lots who love and care too.

Karen

[justmetoo]

I agree with Isha (ever wise) and Karen R. You did well in spite of some possible negative responses. It's true that sometimes we read things into what other people say or do, and sometimes we are correct, or maybe what they say or do is explicit enough that there's little chance of mistaking their intent. On the other hand, sometimes there is something else going on; maybe we misinterpret things, or maybe they're having a bad day or are just a sad miserable person in general, or bigoted, or who knows what. If it's an SA and you can determine for sure that they are being negative it's okay to either bring it up with someone higher up, or "vote with your feet" and don't give them any business. I think it's better to report it, but I know I wouldn't always have the emotional fortitude to do that. If it's just someone in the general public there's not much we can do about it except try to shrug it off (often easier said than done). In my experience the negative reactions are few. And I have had nothing but good experiences at Dress Barn; I'm sure the higher ups wouldn't appreciate a bad SA.

[Sarah L]

You did great!

I have only been in dress barn a couple of times, and not had a problem. You will definitely go out again and I look forward to reading about it.

[Jilmac]

My money is just as green and spends the same as anybody else's, so if a SA gives me the cold shoulder I won't patronize that establishment any more and they'll lose out on a potential steady customer.

[lingerieLiz]

Congrats on the new baby.

As for shopping, went out with my wife Saturday in guy mode for valentine's day . I was amazed at the stores we went to that the SAs didn't seem interested in selling anything. I guess they made so much money last year they aren't worried or they already have their layoff notice. I've noticed this more lately. So don't let the lack of being waited on bother you. Yes some SAs can be nasty if they don't want to wait on you. Just find another.