Another Personality?

[nikki2014]

Last night my wife and I were at dinner. We go out about once a weekend to ourselves sometimes once every two weeks depending on what is going on. Well last night was our night out and we went to dinner before our normal shopping trip. We go to a Mexican restaurant and have a margarita with our meal. Of course one margarita lead to two. Well of course the subject of my CDing was brought up. The margaritas definitely added to the conversation. I few weeks ago I told her my CDing name was Nikki. She had a hard time with it and didn't want to hear about it. Well since then she's made a few comments, in a good way, about Nikki. So last night she started asking questions about Nikki. She asked where I wanted to go shopping and I replied with the normal places is fine. She asked where Nikki wanted to go and I replied wherever was fine. She asked what did Nikki need and I said anything really. Well then she made a comment that I was referring to Nikki as if she was another person. I said well in a way yes she is. She said well does she need to come out a bit more because if that's what Nikki needs then maybe she could work something out. I said I don't know if I really needed that but more or less Nikki just needed someone to talk to, someone to be friends with, ask questions, and share stuff with I said that if she got to know Nikki then I think she would think Nikki was a bit of fun. She said I didn't marry Nikki I married Nik. He's the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I said well yeah, there's nothing different about Nik. Nikki just wants an outlet. She said well you have the forum where you have voiced some things and I'm sure you've made friends there. Well of course I have but it's not the same. I want someone to talk to.

I am extremely grateful I have a wife like her. I know a few margaritas help the conversation along which I'm glad because some things needed to be said or discussed. I don't think Nikki is another personality it's just someone I relate to that allows me to CD. Nikki doesn't take control over me and I dress when and how I want when I want. So what do you think? Do you have an alternate personality that is your CDing self or is it just you in girl mode? How do you see yourself in CD mode?

FYI - We did go shopping and she helped me pick out a bunch of panties and bra's that fit. She even had a smile on her face too when she was helping me as if she was content and happy for me.

[pamela7]

I'm just me, it's just like I'm letting out a bit of me that rarely expressed before, if ever.
In a sense our femme persona is an alter-ego for us, but then so is a ventriloquist's dummy, it gets to say and do things we can't. I feel the same with Pamela, she can do things, hug or cuddle, give empathy in a non-male way, and I like it.

[marilyn m]

i think my fem side is one and the same, it can be very difficult for partners to understand, if you have an understanding wife that is fantastic, i just prefered marilyn if you can be sympethetic to youre wifes needs thats good,

[Nadine Spirit]

I am me regardless of how I am dressed. I think some may think I "play" more womanly while dressed, but as my wife knows, I can be more womanly or manly regardless of how I am dressed. I am just me.

But honestly, I have only been able to find me by allowing myself to dress more and be okay with my gender non-conforming behavior. By doing this I have brought out my fem side more so, but also have a greater appreciation for my male side as well.

[Angela Marie]

I don't think it is another personality. At least for me my femme side has always been there just hidden. It has become much stronger over the past few years and I have embraced it.

[Melody A]

I used to think of Melody as more of a seperate identity but now I realize that she is simply an extension of myself (My feminine side personified). I believe that "she" harbours certain emotions and attitudes that tend to come through much stronger when I let her loose, not so much that she is another personality.

Mel

[justmetoo]

I don't think I'm much different if at all, whether I'm en homme or en femme. Either way it's just me (hence my user name). It's possible I let some aspects of the real me come a little more to the fore en femme than en homme, but if so not by much. Also, I think the more I have come to accept myself the more I have become the real me in general. I do use my femme name when I'm talking about my femme side with people I know, just a shorthand. Sort of a separate mode of being but not a separate being in itself, if that makes sense.

Anyway, it sounds like things are pretty good with you and your wife. Good that she's asking questions and learning about this stuff. And even helping you shop and all (with a smile, even better). :)

[Tiffany Jane]

Glad to hear your wife was open to discussing, helping, and allowing an outlet for you. With an opportunity for balance, I would imagine you will both find the experience to allow you to be yourself and she will have Nik. I would say that if I repress Tiffany, I become less of my own personality. If I am able to express myself, allowing all of my needs to be met, I am much of the same person my wife married, though at the time she didn't know that it meant outlets for what appears to be another person, much less a woman.

[ReineD]

My SO and I had a similar conversation at the beginning of our relationship. It felt odd to me to refer to the feminine aspect of my SO as a separate person, sort of like having multiple personalities.

I struggled with how to get around the language and my SO and I determined that we needed to stop referring to my SO's feminine expression in the third person, for example by saying things like "Does M want to dress tonight? Would M like to wear this or that?" etc.

So instead I say, "Do you want to go out dressed tonight?" Of course no one goes out naked, but the term "dressed" implies wearing feminine clothing. When looking at a female clothing catalogue, even if my SO is in guy mode I'll ask, "Do you like this dress, or do you prefer that one?" Or, "This weekend, do you plan on getting your nails done?"

This made a big difference, I think, in how my SO perceived herself. Up until then his/her male/female selves were separate, there were separate interests assigned to one or the other personality, and s/he didn't even keep the male and female clothing in the same room. Now, everything is much better integrated and my SO is always the same person, no matter how dressed. Honestly, it barely registers when my SO gets out of guy mode.

[Marcelle]

Hi Nikki,

When I first started introducing this part of me to my friends (male and female) I could tell for some there was some reticence in meeting. After initial awkward moments, they settled, I settled and we just went about our normal conversations the same as if I was "en boy". Some approached me a few days later and said they were expecting a completely different person but in the end it was just me, same likes, same wants, same interests, same humour.

Like Reine and her SO my wife and I never refer to Isha in the third person when we are talking. It is "are you going out dressed today?", "do you like this sweater or how about these shoes?" . . . it helps to normalize things for us.

Hugs

Isha

[Maria 60]

I don't believe it's an alternative personality but more of a way to speak in public or maybe my wife does want to separate them. When I am dressed we still talk about the same things and she has even told me that I am easier to talk to when dressed and take advantage of it. When we are in stores and she see's something she believes I would want, she will ask me "do you think Maria would like this". I believe she wants to separate them in some way.

[phylis anne]

For me it is like being clark kent (superman) when the need is felt I jump into my other clothes and emerge as phylis quite relaxed and sociable grea t stress reliever I did go to work under dressed the other day and people in the shop spent all day trying to figure me out ! nice mood one of them said where is grumpy old phil and what have you done with him , so all iin all a good day
hugs phylis

[Lily Catherine]

I am Iris and Iris is me. I find it awkward referring to myself in the 3rd person. Despite my real name (or exactly one spelling of it) being unisex, I would rather not be known as that en femme. Not sure if that's the norm for heterosexual CDs (as I am).

[~Joanne~]

MY SO likes to have fun with my femme name and that's OK with me. I don't ever refer to myself as anything but me just dressed differently. If we are out shopping, like yesterday, if someone is within ear shot, she will say "Do you think Joanne will like this?" or "This is in Joanne's size", but then sometimes she'll just blurt out, "This will look good on you" or "This will fit you" which is more common ;)

[Pat]

I have a slightly different take on it -- I am the same person no matter how I'm presenting; the same being is making decisions, evaluating situations etc. But the question was personality.

Jennie's personality is very different from my male personality. The latter is a standard uptight, reserved New Englander who has to know a person for about a year before he'll say hello to them. Jennie will talk to strangers, touch them (in a socially acceptable way,) is willing to take social risks that male me won't/can't. Male me can summon Jennie when he needs to but usually doesn't and vice versa. And to your topic, my girlfriend loves to be out with Jennie...

[Tracii G]

ReineD makes a solid point that is what has worked for me in the past with girls I have dated.
They knew is was just one side of me and not a different personality.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Nikki, I'm Nick too, in the vanilla world. I was Nicky as a child, and a number of adult friends always called me Nicky and I really liked that, so Nikki was a very small step.

Nikki is part of a whole, but for all I know there may be more to me than Nick+Nicky+Nikki: there may be a Nicola too, that remains to be seen.

Anyhow, allowing our femme sides to see the light and breathe the air isn't about changing personality, it's about expressing the personalities we already are, the parts of ourselves we've repressed and suppressed for a very long time. I see this as wholesome development, forward movement; not a perversion or distortion of who we've appeared to be for so long.

Hope that helps.

xNikki

[susy]

i have and easy answer but i'm young to say that :/ the femme side of me is the real me , the other side is just a mask of me, tha't what i think

[pamela7]

Nikki is part of a whole, but for all I know there may be more to me than Nick+Nicky+Nikki: there may be a Nicola too, that remains to be seen.


Nicola probably comes out to play in sunny Spain (or Mexico)?

[Rachelakld]

MPS
Rachel is the only sub-personality I let out to play.
We tend to inter-switch quite a bit, depending on what is happening around us, and it's a very fast switchover, makes a blink of an eye seem slow.
We also sometimes blend, that is while in one mode or another we suggest things to each other (no not voices in the head)

The psychic tell me I have a "split soul".
I'm unsure what they mean as it was a public show and while family thought it funny, they didn't feel it was right to discuss it on stage.

I have another 2 personalities that I've had to bury, but they don't always stay buried

[Pat]

Nicola probably comes out to play in sunny Spain (or Mexico)?

I kind of assumed it was the mad scientist side (Tesla.) :)

[Beverley Sims]

Nikki,
Just another form of progress, keep it going and don't push it.

[meganmartin]

I find that regardless of how I am dress I am the same person.
However I do tone down some of the things i would do dressed in drab.

[DeeNile]

I feel that i am always me. I dont have a female name or personna that overcomes me. On the other hand, my wife has alluded more than once that i have an almost secret double life. I can see her point of view, but its only secret because she doesn't want to participate and i am too chicken to ask her for help.

[nikki2014]

So there are some great points here and a few questions of confusion came to mind. My wife is becoming more and more accepting of Nikki. She has made a few comments about Nikki but in a good way. But she has also made references to her that she doesn't want to meet her or know Nik as Nikki. She said she just can't handle that part of it. But what makes it more confusing is that when we're out shopping I don't know who she's talking about when picking out clothes. She and I are about the same top size, M or L. I can wear her same size bra but don't fill the cups unless I have my forms. We can wear the same panty size of M or L although a L is a bit big on me but still fits whereas a M fits just right. Pants size is the game breaker. She is a 10 easy, (I say she's more of a 12 but I don't dare tell her that). I am a perfect Size 8 (pants only though). So when we're out shopping and she picks something up, I have no idea who she's making reference to. Is it Nik, Nikki, herself? So I stand there confused as to who she's buying it for.

I also feel as if I'm Nik and when en femme mode, I'm a lot more relaxed, as some of you have stated. I'm still me but the more caring, loving, gentle, and sensitive part of Nikki comes out. My wife has made reference to me saying that Nik needs to be more of these and I agree. So when I am en femme I do feel these things. I don't feel as if there's an alternative personality just a part of me that has been repressed for years is just now being allowed to come out.

I also feel the need to talk to someone and my wife is the one I want to talk to and share things with. I also understand for her that things need to be taken slow before this can happen. So in the meantime what do I do and how do I solve this?

[Amy Fakley]

Anna and I had similar conversations after I came out to her. As Reine mentioned, purposefully not referring to Amy in the third person, using personal pronouns like "me" and "I" and "you" ... that small change, made communicating about my gender issues about a thousand times easier.

My emotions are slightly different in my girl mode, and I think that's because I subconsciously "give my self permission" to experiences and feelings I wouldn't normally feel free to have when I'm in that mode. I've been slowly learning to integrate both sides of my personality, and that's been a positive thing so far. It definitely wasn't helpful to think of myself as two personalities. Your mileage may vary of course :-)

[carhill2mn]

When I am presenting as a woman I try my best to act as how I think a woman would act in the same situation. I think that, as a result I am a softer, more tolerant, more patient person. I also try to listen more and talk less. My good friend says that he prefers my company when I am en femme.

Does this mean that I have a different personality? Perhaps, it does.

[Brandy Mathews]

Carole,
I am like that too. To me, that is just the "normal" way to be en femme. An I agree with the softer, more tolerant, patient person thing. Too bad that I can't dress 24/7, but I can't. :sad:

[Candice Mae]

My personality has never changed, I still listen to the same music, work on engines, play hockey, and have an interest in technology. I still talk the same way, only thing that really changed is my mannerisms. Nothing major mostly I don't sit with my legs spread anymore and walk alittle different.

Family and friends have told me that I look happier, confident, and relaxed compared to when I was a guy.

[MissTee]

Not sure this will make sense, but here goes: naming the femme part of my behavioral continuum helps me to personify its existence and to acknowledge its presence in my life. Even my wife commented that it is hard to wrap one's head around without giving that part of me a name. Thus, by having a name independent of my birth name -- in which the things that I do that do not fit neatly within the classical genetic male behavior can be separately scrutinized -- to categorize my femme proclivities into facilitates the linear processing of facts and nuances in a way that may contribute to a higher understanding. One day.

[Lynn Marie]

Good story Nikki. Glad to hear you and your wife are communicating better. I'd die if I didn't have CD girlfriends to share life with. I'll probably pass on another wife, had one, thanks.

[Jessie James]

My personality when en femme was and always has been my true personality, my 'male' side is just an act, one brought about by years of conditioning and repression. In time, I hope to break down the mental and social barriers and express myself the way I want regardless of what I'm wearing.

Jessie~☆

[sometimes_miss]

I think that clinging to the idea that we have two separate personalities is simply a result of all the guilt and shame that society instills upon us for simply wanting to behave or feel anything feminine. The worst thing about it is, that by assigning those feelings to some other non existant personality, we simply continue to refuse to accept that we have those feelings and that it's part of who we are. By doing so, we not only are demonstrating a lack of respect for ourselves and our true feelings, but for women in general as well, by assigning femininity as less worthy of us than being the traditional macho male.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki, That's awesome you are so lucky to have such a wonderful wife.:hugs:

The ball is in her court now go slow and don't overwhelm her with this.:daydreaming:

[UNDERDRESSER]

Everybody is a bit different, and so are our reasons for doing whatever it is we do. But I have said before, that I think one very common source of our crossdressing behaviour, is the feeling that a lot of men have, where they are not allowed, to behave in any way that could be considered feminine. So, you get the reaction "Hell, if I'm not allowed to be like that as a guy, I'll be a woman then!"

This thread is to me, a very strong validation of this theory.

Consider these comments.


My emotions are slightly different in my girl mode, and I think that's because I subconsciously "give my self permission" to experiences and feelings I wouldn't normally feel free to have when I'm in that mode.
My personality when en femme was and always has been my true personality, my 'male' side is just an act, one brought about by years of conditioning and repression.

I think that clinging to the idea that we have two separate personalities is simply a result of all the guilt and shame that society instills upon us for simply wanting to behave or feel anything feminine.
I'm just me, it's just like I'm letting out a bit of me that rarely expressed before, if ever.
In a sense our femme persona is an alter-ego for us, but then so is a ventriloquist's dummy, it gets to say and do things we can't. I feel the same with Pamela, she can do things, hug or cuddle, give empathy in a non-male way, and I like it.
Jennie's personality is very different from my male personality. The latter is a standard uptight, reserved New Englander who has to know a person for about a year before he'll say hello to them. Jennie will talk to strangers, touch them (in a socially acceptable way,) is willing to take social risks that male me won't/can't. Male me can summon Jennie when he needs to but usually doesn't and vice versa. And to your topic, my girlfriend loves to be out with Jennie...
Anyhow, allowing our femme sides to see the light and breathe the air isn't about changing personality, it's about expressing the personalities we already are, the parts of ourselves we've repressed and suppressed for a very long time.
i have and easy answer but i'm young to say that :/ the femme side of me is the real me , the other side is just a mask of me, tha't what i thinkI don't quite agree with naming this side of our personalities with "femme" or "feminine" but it's more of a shorthand way of describing it. I do feel that GGs have more of this that GMs, but there is a huge overlap. Part of our problem with bringing this into the open, and being able to discuss this publicly, is coming from the women's side of things. Quite a lot of them are just as vehemently against anything less that fully macho males as the worst redneck mouth breathing men.


In time, I hope to break down the mental and social barriers and express myself the way I want regardless of what I'm wearing.
I see this as wholesome development, forward movement; not a perversion or distortion of who we've appeared to be for so long.
Amen Brother!, Err Sister, err whatever!

[MsVal]

The stereotypical male persona is much less effusive than the stereotypical female. Those of us with a feminine nature have strong incentive to repress that part in order to blend with other males. I believe that in our cases, the male self vs female self is simply an instance of whether we are repressing or not.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Amy Fakley]

... So, you get the reaction "Hell, if I'm not allowed to be like that as a guy, I'll be a woman then!"

This thread is to me, a very strong validation of this theory.


Well, I don't know if its really as simple as all that, at least for me. I don't remember ever approaching it from the perspective of "well if I'm not a boy, I must be a girl".

For me it was more like "I want to do/experience/have/be these things, and they are typically "girly", and that's probably gonna result in some form of ass - kicking or another, so perhaps it's best just to keep that quiet" ... and I picked up on that pretty darn early, I'd say by 7 or 8 I had a real clear idea that this was a part of myself to be hidden at all costs.

In hindsight, I can trace the entire arc of my life back to that realization. From that moment on, I started becoming a very complicated person, and that only snowballed as the decades marched on.

[Kandi Robbins]

Nice story, love seeing stories like that. I'm not sure I have two separate personalities. However, I do know that once I self-accepted and embraced my crossdressing, I changed completely. Maybe Kandi took some control, but I love it! Everyone I know, family, friends, co-workers have noticed the difference (while my wife is the only one who really knows why). I am physically, emotionally and outwardly different. Shaved everything, talk to everyone I come in contact with and am just plain happy all the time, regardless of what frustrations the day might bring. I think I am that way no matter how I'm dressed. But I have definitely changed, softening up a bit I guess. I have made friends with people I never would have befriended in the past (at my great loss) and have engaged in lengthy conversations with some women as if I was a girlfriend of theirs (dressed as myself).

[UNDERDRESSER]

Well, I don't know if its really as simple as all that, at least for me. I don't remember ever approaching it from the perspective of "well if I'm not a boy, I must be a girl".

For me it was more like "I want to do/experience/have/be these things, and they are typically "girly", and that's probably gonna result in some form of ass - kicking or another, so perhaps it's best just to keep that quiet" ... and I picked up on that pretty darn early, I'd say by 7 or 8 I had a real clear idea that this was a part of myself to be hidden at all costs.

In hindsight, I can trace the entire arc of my life back to that realization. From that moment on, I started becoming a very complicated person, and that only snowballed as the decades marched on.I think you are agreeing with me. I should have said, "Well, I'll pretend, to be a woman then." While putting on this female persona, you can let out this side of yourself that would "get you a kicking" as you put it.

[Rachelakld]

Wow UNDERDRESSER, I so totally disagree about Strongly Validating your theory.

Your argument that it's one personality, when you quote their differences (except for the lovely Candice, who is still her wonderful self)

Now if they had all stated they are still the same old pain in the behind, regardless of how they dress, then I would go with 1 personality.

But since they have acknowledge differences, I would theories a split personality, sub personality, whatever your want to call it, maybe they only change 1% and therefore a micro or nano-personality, BUT definitely not the same grumpy old Btard controlling the skin bag.

A test might be, if dad had found out his little girl slipped out the window at 2am to meet a boy - what's your reaction.
If it's not EXACTLY the same when your enfemme, then you exhibit a DIFFERENT personality, your no longer the hallway pacing grumpy old man, your the woman sitting down patently waiting for your daughter to get home SAFELY (men think to discipline for breaking trust, women think safety).
If you only worried about your girls safety in this test, then you are probably 24/7 female, in the wrong skin.

[Marcie]

I definitely believe "Marcie" is a totally different personality from my male self. It is the feminine personality that will taunt the male personality into transforming into a personification of a female. Each personality is completely different, right down to the food we eat, television programs we watch, and even the way we keep and clean the house. Yes, I really believe "Marcie" is a different person from my male self

[Cheryl James]

When relating what I have done dressed as Cheryl, I have noticed that I often write or speak of Cheryl in the third person. Because of this I have wondered about a split personality. My conclusion is that I do not have a split personality. Rather, when in male clothes, I behave in the socially accepted ways that men (in general) are allowed to behave. When dressed as Cheryl, I am relieved of that obligation and can behave as I truly feel. Having thought about this a lot, I believe that there is more Cheryl in my male side than there is my male self in Cheryl (if that makes sense). It's just that my feminine side is handcuffed by societal norms when I am dressed in male mode. I will say that my values don't change, but I am much more comfortable when presenting as Cheryl. This was a very thought provoking thread. Thank you, Nikki and all who have contributed, for stimulating my thinking.

[Taylor Ray]

Reminds me of Jung and anima/animus.

There are many 'unconscious' aspects to our personalities. Bringing these out and expressing them can indicate a movement towards integration.

When I am fully decked out for a weekend or something I can play up "Taylor", but in the spirit of fun. (Maybe similar to drag culture?)

During the week when I am wearing a cami and pink sweats, I find a more integrated medium.

[Rachelakld]

Most people think of split personalities as in CI crime programs / Jekyll & Hyde etc, but most of us split as a coping / defence mechanism, and other split for no known reason, often with the split only being noticeable under extreme stress.

One therapist expressed the split to me this way

"a man in game on the football field, is not the same personality who is holding his new born daughter, or the same personality holding a beer at a mates BBQ, even if it's the same person"........and the conversation grew.......
"generally most humans have 5-7 sub-personalities" and went on to explain "hunter/breadwinner personality" "parent personality" "husband personality""co-worker personality" etc as examples

I know my "dad mode personality" is a lot more fun and childish than my "husband personality"

SO I must ask, if you are the EXACT same personality,
HOW can you be calmer than you?
HOW can you be more emotional than you?
HOW can you be DIFFERENT if your NOT DIFFERENT?

[scarletcd]

I used to think both Male and Female me were different and I would act different. Since both sides have essentially merged into one (More Female I guess) my personality etc have become one and the same.

[marilyn m]

sometimes i think iam going mad trying to balance the two, the macho facade, for society and the feminine taboo internal ,
in the past i would beat myself up , it was like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, the devil questioning ,why are you doing this? and the angel answering because this is me, acceptance is everything i think :angel:

[Rachelakld]

Wish mine would merge, actually, no, I have uses for both modes

My kids often tell me to girl up, and stop being the grumpy tight fisted old man, but I find being hard about money, setting budgets, keeps us out of debt. I'm an old school hard ar-- type dad.
I also like my girl side as she can communicate with my girls better (male side has an "Off Switch/don't care button" to listening to gossip)