things that have surprised me about cross dressing

[Welshgirl]

I am writing this as a GG wife of a CD, who has recently discovered the delights of wearing ladies' clothing. There have been things about his dressing that have really surprised me.

For me, the feel of running my hands over his stockinged legs was a big surprise - it feels so good! Also, I love the softness of the clothes as I cuddle up. I wasn't expecting how good his legs look in stockings and heels, either.

I love how shopping trips have turned from a quick sprint round the shops to a leisurely consideration of different fabrics and styles, and I am most surprised by how much I feel responsible for how Pamela looks when going out.

What else has happened for all you other lovely ladies (GGs and CDers) that has been so unexpected?

[alwayshave]

Welshgirl, you are going to make a lot of people on this board green with envy for a SO like you.

[Beverley Sims]

I was introduced to full time dressing when I was twenty, I had been doing it for a long time before.
My girlfriends dressed me up for a Saturday night outing and it just went from there.

Months later I was the chief fashion adviser to the girls and always helped with any fashion blunders they considered "wonderful".
I was also their body guard in disguise and frightened many an admirer off by staying out of sight, using a deep voice to tell them to move on.

I was often asked, "where did he go"?

In a soft voice I could reply, "there was no one else here."

To answer the question.....

Chief fashion adviser to my girlfriends.

Well, I did look Better than a couple of them.

Then. :)

[kimdl93]

Hmmm, surprises. Perhaps the biggest surprise for me as a TG person has been the boost in my overall confidence and ability to cope with stressful life situations. It sorta makes sense...I've dealt with presenting myself as a woman in public, proving to myself that I can handle more than I realized.

[meganmartin]

Welsgirl,

Like others have stated I am one that is green with envy.

Things that surprised me about crossdressing:

1. Being out dressed people really dont care and typically pretty accepting.
2. The girl stuff is lots of work.
3. It's expensive
4. How fun it can be to be around others who share my love of dressing.
5. The number of lifelong friends I have gained from being special.
6. Although my wife is not overly thrilled about my crossdressing, think she knows I know how much work it is.
7. Opened my eyes on being more open minded to others who are different. If I can not be tolerant of them its hypocritical for me to ask them to accept me.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Welsh Girl, Maybe you could talk to my wife and tell her how much fun it is.:daydreaming:

[pamela7]

where to begin?

1. surprise at welshgirl's acceptance/enjoyment of this
2. surprise at my happiness - glowing - dressed
3. surprise at a whole new insight into things feminine - why so many layers, why such a large handbag, why so long to get ready to go out - i could go on
4. the joy of fabric
5. enjoying shopping ... that I never expected!

[Welshgirl]

To Blue Orchid and any others who have the same request -

I will be very happy to talk to your wife/SO if she would like to talk to me. Obviously I can only give my own perspective, but as someone who has recently come to all this then it is still fresh and alive for me. Sometimes, once we get used to something, we forget about the little details of the transition from life before to life after.

Another thing for the list - I have been truly surprised by how many CDers say that they feel much more relaxed, calm, serene and other similar descriptions when they have the chance to dress. That must feel very special!

[meganmartin]

Welshgirl,

Yes I should have stated that in my first reply.
My wife noticed that i take my time while doing my makeup, its all a sort of therapy.
Like washing away the stresses of the dude life and stepping into the fun world of Megan.

As you stated it is very calming, my wife will notice a change in my mood when I have not dressed in a few weeks.

[Lee Andrews]

The biggest thing I've noticed is my acceptance of others and their own lifestyles. Growing up in a family that had little tolerance for people different from us, I fear I could be like that if not for crossdressing.
I'm still me, big tough construction worker on the outside but if others found out I'm sure I would be looked at different. There is no reason for it and I apply that attitude towards others.

[Kate Simmons]

The freedom of self expression is a big plus for myself. :battingeyelashes::)

[docrobbysherry]

Welsh, your pleasant post is one of the nicest and most surprising things I've read here in some time!

How lucky your SO is to have u in his/her life!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

2 major surprises- 1, how much difference a wig makes (duh, I know - bit dim), and 2, what 'sisterliness' is. I spent about 3 weeks CDing last summer, while my wife was rowing across the Atlantic or something, and the gg friend I was staying with and I had the realization at the same moment- we felt like 2 women talking to one another. Kinda weird, but very special, very moving.

[Amy Fakley]

I guess the biggest surprise for me so far has been that the whole world didn't fall to pieces when I finally broke down and told my wife about it. I'd lived my entire 39 years up to that point never telling another soul (other than semi-anonymously on the internet). I was so terrified to admit this face to face to someone who knew me, let alone my wife. It was an event horizon for me ... I literally could not see past it, and I had spent my entire life living under the weight of the immense fear.

Until one day, I came out the other side and the world was still here, and the weight was gone, and it is wonderful beyond words.
I had no idea my world could be this happy!

I'm also surprised that my daughters actually request me to do their school shopping with them. Maybe it's because I'm a pushover, but I choose to believe it's because they value my impeccable fashion advice :-)

[Brandy Mathews]

That is so awesome Amy, so happy for you.
Bree

[sometimes_miss]

I had absolutely no expectations that my wife would leave. I was so sure that everything else about me would surely outweigh the fact that I was a crossdresser. I had gone over it in my mind a thousand times; not matter how I envisioned it, no matter what I had to do, I really believed that she would understand that I was still the same man that she married. Oh, how wrong I was. This was before I learned about the dynamics of relationships, about how and why we are attracted (or not) to someone. The pink fog had gotten me; I really believed that in the grand scheme of things, crossdressing was no big deal, that it wouldn't be anything more important to her than, say, occasionally drinking too much, or spending money on some sports related activity. So when she discovered my crossdressing, yes, I was surprised when the whole world started crashing down on me.

[Kandi Robbins]

Once I self-accepted after denial, shame and guilt for almost 50 years, I knew I had to tell my wife. Once I did that and she accepted me as a crossdresser, I was very surprised how everything completely changed for me. My wife and I are like teenagers again, after years of loving each other, but really sharing nothing (all my fault). I have not had a single bad day in the 3 months since, despite having every day things happen that would have driven me to a few drinks when I got home. I was surprised how easily I stopped drinking excessively. I was surprised how easily I dropped 30 pounds. I was surprised how deeply I could love. I was surprised how much better my daily workouts could be and how I could really become the kind of competitive runner that was never possible previously. Mostly, I was surprised how much pure joy I experience when involved in a dressing activity, whether it is interacting fully presenting as a woman or it is simply stopping in Victoria Secret dressed like the truck driver I am and discussing bras and panties. I am so much more open and accepting of people I might never have spoken to before. Finally, I am surprised how good I feel and how proud I am of myself. I know there will be bumps in the road along the way, but with my new world view, I am sure I will handle them much better than I would have previously.

[marilyn m]

hi lexi
i now full well the pain of marriage breakdown, it happened twice to me , the first had an affair then stated cd ing as reason for divorce, the second moved out then moved a male friend (lodger) in mmm we are still friends, but for a long time both wifes encouraged me to dress within limitations, and life seemed great for years, but they give out subtle signals that we dont pick up, even though i was carefull not to step over the line, i did step over the line once and brought marilyn into the bedroom both consenting but it was a powerfull experiance , women have this picture of you in there head and she didnt want marilyn i understand that now, the fredom i have now is great not walking on eggshells x

[prettytoes]

I found out a few things myself:
1-Shaving legs is actually kind of fun, and I now understand why I often notice GG's running their hands on their legs...it feels fabulous!
2-A long, silky maxi-skirt feels awesome as it sways and rubs on silky-smooth legs
3-Shaved underarms give off far less odor
4-Women's jeans stretch and flex much better than men's
5-Thongs really are more comfortable than they look
6-I sleep much better in satin and lace, or soft fleece PJ's (the cuter they are, the better I sleep!)
7-Yoga pants are super comfy!

[ophelia]

I have met several hairstylists and makeup artists who turn out to be genuinely thrilled to work with me on my look.
When I apologize for taking them into "uncharted territory" they have related that what I ask for is far more interesting than their average female client, who usually just wants her roots done and a trim. Same-old, Same-old.
For fun I ask them to dream up a new femme name for me and I ask them to safely show me things a little farther into female territory. I have taken their advice on occasion....like last time when Brooke suggested I part my hair over my right eye when I am en femme.That has been really cool..and now I have bangs and a slightly more strawberry blonde hue to my highlights!
Another time I was at a Melanie Lynne store near closing and they ordered pizza and wine and asked me to stay and try on more stuff!
Aside from satisfying my longing to appear more feminine it has turned into a pile of fun.

[justmetoo]

welshgirl, Pamela, Kandi, and others, it's marvelous to read these little tidbits. I'm sorry to read that others have had less pleasant things happen.
Things that surprised me? How comfortable and even confident I can often feel while out en femme. How unquestionably accepting some people close to me have been.

[Lily Catherine]

1. I've certainly learnt to be much more accepting of others, especially fellow CDs, in the face of an environment of disapproval and misunderstanding.
2. As counter-intuitive and ironic as it might sound, I've realised that I should never let my self-expression be dependent on and be beholden to cross-dressing alone.
2b. That being said I won't deny the therapeutic and cathartic effects cross-dressing has had on me.
3. Starting to acquire one's own fully female wardrobe is very expensive indeed.
4. Many of my closest companions do NOT care for it and were in fact fascinated by my CDing. One even suggested I do so for my driving test as women rumoredly have a higher passing rate as they look 'less confident' (Rumours at best, lies at worst; gendered statistics are actually unavailable).
4b. Apparently my high school had people who thought MtF CDs were "REALLY COOL", and were largely accepting of it.

The following start to become more clothing related:
5. I find female undergarments a million times more comfortable than their male counterparts, and feel much smoother.
5b. Especially thongs (albeit with a few exceptions).
6. The first time I ever wore a ball gown with a petticoat, it eventually looked like it was eating me.
6b. Stockings paired with a crinoline aren't fetish fuel as much as they are a necessity to prevent itching. On my part at least.
6c. Being seated in a ball gown is pretty. The process of actually sitting down, nowhere near.

[adrienner99]

What surprises me about cding is how hateful and judgemental some morons can be about it. A thread was posted on here recently about a CD who was ridiculed, jumped from behind and beaten. It doesn't usually go that far, but i have read and heard some many negative comments about it...Of course many people are more accepting and a few GGs will even help us. But there is still a lot of hatred in this world toward us.

[EllenJo]

1) I am surprised at how normal and complete I feel when dressed compared to wearing drab.
2) I am surprised that my lovely wife became accepting two years ago after years of DADT.
3) I am surprised at the fact that after my wife became accepting it took me several weeks before I felt confident enough to dress in front of her. (I realized that I was still accepting myself also.)

1w) My wife says she is surprised at how good my taste is in women's clothing. (I think she thought I would dress trashy or something.)
2w) My wife also says she is surprised at how calm I am when dressed. (See #1)
3w) My wife says she is surprised at how good my legs look in pantyhose.

Hugs
Ellen Jo

[VAWyman]

My biggest surprise was the pink fog after I outed myself to my wife.

[Kandi Robbins]

I found out a few things myself:
1-Shaving legs is actually kind of fun, and I now understand why I often notice GG's running their hands on their legs...it feels fabulous!
7-Yoga pants are super comfy!

Couldn't agree more about shaved legs, the single best thing I have ever done to/for myself.
I, too, have become hooked on yoga pants, wear them around the house now instead of my sweats.

[HollySmtms]

I am surprised at how things in life that used to bother, annoy, aggravate me do so much less now...managing these feelings clearly spilled over. I am more easy going, patient, in all aspects of my life now that I am being more myself.

And I totes agree about the wonder of shaved legs, that was a most PLEASANT surprise.

[Jackie7]

A wonderful surprise for us both has been how much fun it is to step out on the town, either as two hot old broads or both crossdressed.

Also she loves that I totally get how long it takes to get ready.

[Khora]

1. Being a girl is hard work.
2. Being a girl is expensive.
3. Girls have so many more choices in clothing than guys do.
4. OMG YOGA PANTS ARE THE GREATEST THING EVER

[Allison Chaynes]

I have been surprised at my wife's ability to become accepting over the years. And:

-how often she steals my clothes
-how awesome it's made the love life
-how much better I understand her, and feel closer to her
-how it has helped me deal with the emotional side of the relationship and communicate much better

[DebbieL]

Welshgirl - you lucky girl!
This board is filled with many happy and wonderful stories of SOs who accepted and loved their spouses as well as many painful and unpleasant experiences of SOs who rejected them.

I've had both experiences, my first fiance dropped me like a hot potato when she realized I might want to wear pantyhose. On the flip side, my second wife knew before we actually met (we met on match.com and her poke was "dude, you're wearing a dress, what's that about?". I sent her a response via e-mail and gave her my phone number if she was still interested. We've been married 10 years now, and I transitioned about 4 years ago and we are more in love with each other than ever.

I've been CDing since I was about 6, started when I was playing with the girls after school. Like girls do at that age, we started trading clothes and they decided to put me into a pretty dress. We all giggled and had fun with it, until her mother saw me and freaked out so badly she called the school board, the principal, the teacher, and most of the parents on the PTA. When I was forced to play with boys I got seriously injured - often 3-5 times a day.

Having lost my girl friends, I found myself trying on some of my mom's clothes. After a few months I was caught, but she was understanding and kind. Dad assumed it was a phase, and even admitted that he was very feminine. When they found out in 1961 that the treatment for people like me was shock, torture, and lobotomy, they did their best to ignore it, and make sure I didn't tell anyone, even the many shrinks I had to see later (post traumatic stress of all those beatings by the boys).

When I was 10, my mom realized I was still dressing when she found my stash. She was mad that I was STEALING her clothes. When I pointed out that I couldn't exactly go out and BUY them for myself, she started taking me shopping with her. She loved my fashion advice and even started dressing more like a woman of the 60s rather than a woman of the 50s. She got a wig to cover a bad hair-do (which she only wore for a week), and she set up a "good-will bag" - which I was allowed to pick from if there was anything I wanted. By the time I was 13, I was a very pretty girl. I had 40 inch hips, 28 inch waist, and 38 inch chest - with even a little stuffing, I looked very pretty.

I also ended up being "older sister" to my sister. I could brush her hair without hurting her so she could grow it longer, I helped her shop, I even taught her how to use make-up and painted her nails for her. I taught her posture, grace, and some exercises to help her keep her figure.

Growing up was confusing, I'd get beat up for being a "Sissy", or "Fairy" or the other nasty names they call boys who are too feminine. Gay men knew that I wasn't gay because I was feminine, but not effeminate. Women realized it to, but didn't know why I was so feminine. They would often tell me how much they hated that I had longer eyelashes, wider hips, a small waist, and long shapely legs.

When puberty finally hit, it was strange, I grew facial hair, but it was very patchy. I had hair on my legs and arms, but nothing anywhere else. My singing voice changed to bass, which made me almost suicidal, but my speaking voice was high, a bit like Jim Neighbors (Gomer Pyle). Though my testes dropped from way inside, everything remained freakishly small, to the delight of the boys who saw me in the showers at gym.

Several of my girl-friends (romantic) realized that I didn't respond like a man, that I didn't like it when they touched me, but that I was more than happy to please them. As a result, I became a "lesbian lover" for several years, from 15 to 21, I was a virgin - from the waist down. When I was told that if you were a boy and fantasized sex with a girl you were straight, if you fantasized sex with a boy you were gay, but my fantasies were always with me as a girl being seduced by a girl, with her in charge. When people would ask "are you gay?", I'd answer truthfully "yep, I'm a lesbian". They thought I was joking.

I told my first wife before we got married. Three weeks after we moved in together, I had done something she wanted a great deal, and she asked what I wanted, so I told her I liked to "dress up". She seemed to accept it, so I decided to marry her. I didn't find out until 12 years later that she had never accepted it and had hoped I would "grow out of it".

I was confused for years, often trying to settle for just being a cross-dresser, but deep down knowing my ultimate fantasy was to be a beautiful young woman. When it was clear that my marriage was on the rocks, and my wife started having an affair, I came out publicly, and got transition therapy. I was on the road to transition when I was given the ultimatum of "stop transition or you will never see or talk to your kids again" - but she still wanted the child support.

By the time I met Lee, I knew I was transgender, and I wanted to be honest about it. I put pictures of me as both boy and girl on my match.com profile and Lee checked me out. When she showed her daughter my profile, her daughter said "well mom, at least you don't have to worry about bruising his fragile male ego when you take charge". When Lee told me that, I knew I wanted to meet her. We talked for 2 weeks, finally met for our first date and hit it off immediately. As you have discovered, Lee loved my sensuality, my awareness of sensations, my lack of rush to get to the "good part", and my willingness to take as much time as she wanted to do what she liked most. When we got married, we even discussed doing it in late October so I could be the bride, but decided to go more traditional.

When I did start thinking seriously about transition, she balked at first, but once we had a chance to talk together and with a therapist, we started to explore it, and she could quickly see that I was so much happier as Debbie. Since then, I have been accepted by her family, our church, my coworkers, and pretty much everyone else.

I thought I did a great job of keeping my secret, because I never actually told anyone other than my parents until I told Leslie when I was 25. At my college and high school reunions, I came as Debbie, and nearly every woman smiled and said "I KNEW IT", and were so happy that I had finally had the courage to be who I really was. I guess I didn't really hide it that well.

I didn't realize until I started reading books about transgender people, especially books by Karin Bishop, that I was constantly giving myself away. How I sat, how I crossed my legs, how I held my school books, how I wore my hair, how I walked, how I talked, how I reacted when I got upset, all feminine, with almost no masculine. The boys teased me because I threw like a girl and cried like a girl, and beat me because I acted like a girl. Where did all that hatred of girls come from? Did they bring that hatred to their marriages?

You have found a treasure, hold him dear, it took more courage than you could imagine to tell you about himself. He may not have told you everything, or he may want to explore with you. You have probably already discovered that by accepting him, his love for you has grown beyond anything you could have imagined.

[Kate T]

Another thing for the list - I have been truly surprised by how many CDers say that they feel much more relaxed, calm, serene and other similar descriptions when they have the chance to dress. That must feel very special!

I think what surprises me most is that every so often someone comes along whose understanding and empathy seem to know no bounds.

Welsh girl you are a treasure beyond value. Thank you.

[Welshgirl]

Adina - thank you very much! I just treat people the way I would like to be treated, and hope that others will do the same for me.

Debbie - thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it is not pleasant to go raking through past hurts, but thankfully you have found both a way to be at peace in yourself, and a loving wife to share with. I feel deeply honoured that my husband has chosen to share this with me so fully, and I only wish that more partners could stop being so judgmental and realise that this man that they love is still the same person no matter what he is wearing.

Sometimes it seems like men who dress as women are the greatest pariahs that society could create - they face all kinds of injustices and judgements, simply because the way that they wish to express themselves is different to the way that society has said that they should. When I am thinking about this for Pamela, I am torn between supporting his (Pamela's choice of pronoun) right to go out wearing whatever feels good, and protecting his personal and professional reputation. It is not an easy balancing act, especially as Pamela is much more 'gung ho' about the whole thing that I am. Dressing at home is another thing - that only stops during the visits of a very small number of people, who are less likely to be understanding of what they see.

I want to get to the end of my days and be able to say to myself, 'yes, I did everything I could to support the people I love', rather than getting there and thinking to myself thank goodness I had followed the rules that I thought society had laid down, no matter what the consequence on those around me.

I have a FtM daughter who has a FtM partner, and a CD husband, all of whom I adore and support in every way possible. What kind of person would I be if I turned my back on them because a prejudiced society says that their choices are not 'normal'?

[Teresa]

Welshgirl,
I thing I enjoy most is the feelings my legs give me when wearing stockings and seeing a nice pair of heels !
A while ago I posted a thread asking the most enjoyable thing about Cding at the time I was sitting by on open fire with the warm glow shining across my stockings, it looked and felt so good !

I guess your attitude will be more accepting as you have come to understand and accept your own children going through gender issues ! I still ask the the question what is there to fear, it's better to become a happy whole person than a miserable inbetweener !!

[Lynn Marie]

Welshgirl, you are a rare find. I pronounce you an honorary Crossdresser! You've definitely crossed over into virgin territory previously only occupied by boys like us who have squelched our fears and learned to accept life enjoyed a little differently. In boy mode, I take my Stetson off to you.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Thank you, welsh girl, for the reminder that there is hope in the gg world that we who are cds are not sick.

[Claire Cook]

I think the biggest surprise for me has been how easy it is to talk with other women and how at ease they seem to be with me. Just the other day Sue and I were having our nails and brows done. Norma knew me as a guy (I get my haircuts there) but had never met Claire. While chatting while my nails were drying, she said "You know, this is just like talking to another woman." She could not have paid me a nicer compliment (needless to day we gave her a good tip!)

It's funny, but before I started dressing on a serious basis I never felt totally at ease talking with women. Now even in drab I seem to connect with them, it's like we are sharing more.

Welshgirl, wonderful thread and your husband is one lucky guy!

[Welshgirl]

Thank you so much for your welcomes to the forum, and for all sharing the delights and trials and tribulations of becoming such lovely ladies! If there is ever anything I can do to help, you know you only have to ask.

[giuseppina]

You're a gem, Welshgirl.

Somebody taught you (or you came to the conclusion yourself) that bigotry and prejudice do far more harm than good.

[JessicaMann]

I have always found it easier to chat with women then men. I guess we just relate better???