Questions from a doctor

[Sometimes Steffi]

My wife went to a new doctor on Friday, and the doctor asked her, "When was the last time you were really happy?" My wife was slow in answering, and the doctor said "Thanks, but I already know what I need to know."

When my wife got home, she asked me the same question. I was also slow in answering and my wife repeated her doctor's response to me.

However, I really did have an answer; but it was something I couldn't say to my wife.

"When was the last time I was really happy?" My answer is, "The last time I was out crossdressed."

How do you say that to an unaccepting wife?

[Suzie Petersen]

Did you ask you wife what her answer to the doctor was?

[Kate T]

"When was the last time I was really happy?" My answer is, "The last time I was out crossdressed."

How do you say that to an unaccepting wife?

With difficulty. BUT say it you must. It needs to be said within the context of another more important discussion i.e. what is your relationship with your wife.

An essentially complete stranger within 30 mins has identified that your wife is unhappy in her life. You have basically confirmed to your wife that she no longer makes you happy. "Thanks, but I already know what I need to know", they are not the doctors words, they are your wife's to you.

I desperately hope I am wrong but I fear you have much work to do in your relationship with your wife.

Best Wishes

[AngelaYVR]

Repeat after me: "Just now, when you came home darling"

[bridget thronton]

Dressing does not make me happy in the same way that spending time with wife and family does.

[Beverley Sims]

It is a sin to tell a lie but you do need to stretch the point sometimes.

I tell a lot of untruths. :)

[KlaireLarnia]

Dressing does not make me happy in the same way that spending time with wife and family does.

I could not have said it better. Being happy and being at peace with myself are not the same thing. I am peace when I dress, I am happy when mucking around & having fun with my wife and daughter. No contest between the two.

[lynda]

hi Steffi, crossdressing is what I do,it dose not make me happy, some times it confuses me, but I have acceped it. my wife has been passed for a while now, NOW that women made me happy, her whole being, the way she looked, acted , walked ,the feel and scent of her body next to mine. for me that was happieness, like the old song said there aint no sunshine since your gone, only dark days fill my life. Steffi be carful with this hugs lynda

[Teresa]

Steffi,
The answer I gave my wife was being allowed to dress and clean the house while she was at home, OK staying out of the way in the bedroom for a couple of hours ! Maybe not the answer she wanted to hear, I guess I should have said the last time we went for a meal !

[Marcelle]

Hi Steffi,

Firstly a doctor who thinks they can sum the true happiness of an individual with a single questions IMHO is a bit of a quack. The human condition of happiness is multifaceted and putting someone on the spot with a knee jerk question like "When was the last time you were happy" is poppycock at best. Many things make us happy. I love laughing with my wife because her laugh makes me happy. I love skydiving because it makes me happy on a different level and yes . . . I love dressing because it also makes me happy on a different level. However, perception is everything and unfortunately it appears you wife may have honed in this one person's comment as a true marker of one's happiness and she now equates that to you.

IMHO, you need to sit down with your wife and discuss what makes you happy in life. Yes, dressing may be one of those things but I am sure there are other aspects of your life, ones you share with her that make you happy. Happiness is not an "all in" on one aspect but can spread across the full spectrum of your life. Make her understand that your silence did not mean you are not happy with her just that in some aspects of your life you could be happier.

Hugs

Isha

[marilyn m]

hi steffi be very carefull and sensitive to her needs , if you want to keep hold of her,
please listen to her and compromise, communication is critical, i have been there twice,
good luck :fairy3:

[donnalee]

Sounds like a crib sheet for a scientology test.

[kimdl93]

If asked, it was this morning when I got up, made coffee and scratched my golden retriever's chin. Or right now.

As was asked above, Were you curious how your wife might have answered? I would want to know how she might have responded.

[charlene#2]

lynda,i have recently lost my wife,i guess i didnt realize how much that woman did for me.she always asked if i needed or wanted anything when she was out shopping(any thing feminine) the only thing she ever asked is i dont dress up and make love while dressed.as far as i am concerned she was a saint,she always said i was her whole life,and what ever she wanted,she usually got.ireally miss that woman,there is no finding a replacement.

[chelyann]

Hi
I'm not going to sugar coat it but you were just PUT ON A GOVERNMENT watch list buy that doctor !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lynda]

hi charlene2 if you ever want to talk , please pm me . love hugs lynda

[Helen_Highwater]

"When was the last time you were really happy?"

Define really happy; laughing your face off at a comedian, enjoying a great meal out with family and friends, gaining a promotion at work. I think a better question would be, "are you truly content with your life?". That to me speaks more about having a loving family around you, friends you can count on, not having something in your life that causes you continual despair or angst.

If I were to be asked the question, "When was the last time you were really happy?", I'd have to stop and think but I would also if asked, "When was the last time you were really unhappy?". In terms of my CD'ing it would be a happy day if I were able to come out of the closet to family if not friends and not risk all. Does being in the closet make me unhappy? If out and being able to express my fem side more freely my Doc asked me, "When was the last time you were really happy?", I don't think the answer would be any different to what I'd give now. No, life's full of imperfections and we learn to live with those.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Good thread & interesting responses to the eternal happiness question / practice.

[SherriePall]

I have to second Isha and chelyann's comments. I have never had a doctor ask if I were happy. How do I feel or what seems to be the problem or where does it hurt? Yes.
And, with the health system interconnected now to Washington, who knows?

[Brittany327]

I believe life servers us the ability to happy and unhappy.
Never met a person who was totally happy all the time...if so, there would be something weired about that person.

Being in the closet, does cause me anxiety. Then again, being out of the closet, might well present alternate issues.

[Brittany327]

Well said.
Being happy vs being at peace!!!
I do acquire a different sort of inner peace with dressed. However, we (as people) were not meant to be alone.

[Mark/Rebecca]

My wife was asked whether she ever suffers from depression. It was asked by the nurse prior to the doctors arrival. She felt it was a clinic wide push for new scripts or likely some other way of upselling her.
We unfortunately feel that doctors are also salesmen and are suspicious of their motives for recommending expensive tests at the most expensive testing facilities.

[Isabella Ross]

Despite what Isha and anyone else says, any doctor worth his or her salt is absolutely concerned with your happiness and should ask. Health is physical and mental...and very much intertwined. If your doctor doesn't care if you're happy, find another one. And Chelyann, check outside your window...there are government spies in your garden.

[kimdl93]

Actually, primary professionals are expected to include at least an inquiry into their patients mental health. It's not about selling meds, it's about providing care to the whole person.

[Sarasometimes]

I'm with Isha and I'd add the "thanks, I already have my answer" is rude and very dismissive! Did you wife, by chance wait a long time to see the doc? I know if that was my situation I would have said I was really happy the last time a doctor was on time, and that would not be today!
To me it is such a cold call type of question that could be answered so many ways and simply not having the answer on the tip of her tongue means nothing.
I think she needs to look for yet another doc.

[VAWyman]

I agree that doctors will ask this, as well as other questions (my personal favorite was 'Do you feel safe at home?' when my wife is not in the room). I do agree with Adina, tho. Something is missing in that dialogue.

[DorothyElizabeth]

My doctor sometimes asks me when was the last time I was happy. I always take a long time to answer, because "happy" is such an ill-defined, relative term. I usually answer in an oblique way, because I am what I would call "content" with my life and myself. Does that qualify as happy? I honestly don't know. It certainly does not qualify as "unhappy", so if those are the only two choices, I have to say I am happy.

I suspect the OP's wife was doing a little "fishing" or hinting that they need to have some serious communication within the marriage. My impression is she is trying to say she is not happy right now. I also suspect she might not know why she is unhappy, or may be placing too much emphasis on external reasons. In my experience, no one can make me happy; that feeling has to come from within myself. I strongly suspect that is true for the human animal as a species, even though many of us deny it.

[Tonya Rose]

This has absolutly nothing to do with dressing or not Steffi,
Sounds like you two have other issues to be resolved first<.....
Put your CDing on the back burner till Youns work out the happiness issues.
She may use that against you and blame you for her not being happy with herself.
Been there done that with a previous marrige........
Can really mess up your mind if she is into mind games. Just sayin Be careful Sis!!!:hugs:

[bobbimo]

The right answer for me is... The last time I was happy is right now!
I've done a ton of introspection over the past few years. Some of it has to do with 'why am I here', 'what am I supposed to be doing with my life', 'am I supposed to be female'.
All of which are maddening all without a text book answer. The one thing I have learned so far is about the negativity factor. It goes like this.
You start your day thinking I have all day to shower shave, do make up and slip into that new dress I bought. TODAY will be wonderful. Somewhere about the time your ready to slip on the dress you start to think. I wish I could go out, I wish I had real breasts, I wish I could stay female and never have to change back. DING DING DING. That's where you slide down the slippery slope of negativity.
When ever those thoughts come up just recognize them as negative. wrap them up and set them aside, Then focus on the positive part of whats happening right now.
You are beautiful, You are smooth and silky, You are loving the woman that you are. Its hard to do but the more you see the beautiful moment you are in, the happier you will be all the time. your mantra is 'I am a Happy and beautiful woman'. A smile will fill your heart and light up your face.
Huggs
Bobbi

[Sarah Doepner]

I like the question. I believe we go through life on auto-pilot, not thinking about things like being happy but about feeding the dog or the bank account. We go to the doctor because we have discomfort that we want to eliminate, but once that's gone are we happy or just neutral? If the question is intended to sell drugs or appease some new government regulation then it's a waste of time. But if it's an attempt to treat the whole person and begin a dialog, or even a monologue where we really think about our lives, it may be the best thing the doctor can do in that short visit.

When was I last truly happy? About a week ago I had just hit a rock and disabled my jeep 35 miles into the back country. When friends arrived to help because they value me as an individual I was happy enough to cry about how lucky I was. Before that? As my wife was in the last few hours of her life, the cancer had done all the damage it could, she was all but gone and her body shutting down, I looked around my house and found every bed, couch, chair and open spot on the floor filled with people who loved and cared for her. I knew what I was losing and it hurt more than I can describe (it still hurts), but I was so very happy with what she was no longer in pain or suffering. And she was leaving me all these amazing relationships that I would never have managed to create on my own. It doesn't matter how I'm dressed, but being valued and respected as an individual (even loved?) is worthy of being very happy. When something comes between ourselves and that feeling of being valued and respected it needs to be addressed, maybe not changed, but at least understood.

I don't know about you, but the doctor's question has sure helped me feel better today.

[Maria 60]

My cousin had a little heart scare and spent a little time in the hospital. Before he was released the doctor asked him if he had any questions, he answered, when can he play pick up hockey again with his friends? I drove them home and he kept asking his wife why she was so quit, she apologized to me and then blasted my cousin telling him when he gets better maybe he should go do what makes him happy and live his life dream of playing hockey. Instead of asking the doctor when he could play with his children again or when or if he can have sex with her, he asked a selfish question and at that point he knew his wife was right and probably wished the heart problem would have took him because he has a long road ahead. That was a good example of a heart felt answer, you just had a life taking heart attack and you thank God you are OK and your only thing on your mind is, when can I play with my friends. If my doctor asked me what would make me happy, I would answer to him, go on vacation, win a lottery, not be there with him. Yes I do enjoy my time dressing but really, is this guy even a doctor to ask a question like that.

[Marcelle]

Despite what Isha and anyone else says, any doctor worth his or her salt is absolutely concerned with your happiness and should ask.

Isabella,

I do not have a problem with a MD asking about a patients mental happiness . . . my GP asks me all the time and that is a good thing. What she doesn't do is assume she has a window into my mental well being based on a paused response. Inquiring is one thing, thinking you can sum it up in one (or lack of) response is irresponsible given that is not his/her line of expertise.

Isha

[Lorileah]

Highly unfair question and hard to answer even if you were happy 10 minutes ago. And what difference does it make to the doctor? Unless it was a Psychiatrist who was wondering how to treat your mood or depression, it is really NOYB. Maybe you were happiest when you got married but now you have settled into a routine NORMAL everyday marriage. Are you unhappy in the marriage? No but you may gauge your happiness on the HIGH you had then. Also we tend to forget the happy daily times because they are common and dwell on the unhappy times because (hopefully) they are less common. This is normal for people.

But since we are probing into things that really are none of our business...why don't you be happy and tell everyone what makes you happy?

So I would say "Bull-oney" on this question. It isn't pertinent to daily life. Arte you satisfied and comfortable? Then that's all you need

[DonnaT]

Reply: "I'm always happy."

Now ask me when was the last time I was ecstatic! ;)

[DorothyElizabeth]

@Donna T - That was what I was getting at with my answer.

[docrobbysherry]

I've read many posts where members said they weren't sure if they passed or not.:brolleyes:
My reply is, when u pass you'll know!:battingeyelashes:

I feel that way about happiness, also. If u don't recall when u were last happy? U probably weren't and maybe, aren't!:sad: