there's a "why" for everything, except ...

[pamela7]

CD-ing.

I can find a "why" for pretty much anything in the world, however terrible or horrible the truth. But the exception to this rule seems to be cross-dressing. I just want to, there is no logic, no underlying cause I can find, there's an "is-ness" to this, it just is. I reckon this is where so many of you seem to arrive at, you're just being yourselves, and going with what feels right. Oh the whole world so needs this.

I thank you all for being here, for showing the world a way.

xxx Pamela

[Dianne S]

I think there are many things that won't ever be answered with a satisfactory "why" incliuding the biggest of all: Why are we here?

The problem is that our brains have evolved to look for causes for effects because that has helped us make sense of the universe and increased our odds of survival. So animals that see patterns are very quickly selected for by natural selection.

I agree with the point you're making that the world needs to move on from asking "why" and getting to "so what?"

[Beverley Sims]

Pamela,

I know it doesn't answer your question but for me....
Because I want to.
More like crossed wires at birth, similar to those that eventually transition.
I feel more cross dressers would transition given the right circumstances and opportunity.

[Jenniferathome]

...I feel more cross dressers would transition given the right circumstances and opportunity.No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.

[pamela7]

I wasn't asking a question, I was expressing my joy at not needing to know, and gratitude for this group.

[CarlaWestin]

I'm many years past the "why" ponderance. I fluffed it off as an internal annoyance imbedded during societal nurturement while in the formative years. And all those other things that we're supposed to stick in a male wired brain. Hunting, fishing, car racing, the never satisfied procreation agenda, sports worship, all driven by testosterone and societal expectation, are appreciated but not glorified. I just enjoy being male and being female when I want to. Dual gender with no internal guilt trip demanding to know why.

Shoot! Why the hell not?

[cindyinsatin]

Pam, I applaud your ability to just accept it as it is!

After some time in counseling with my wife, we were discussing my cross dressing. So much of the conversation was around why's and what ifs. I finally just told them that I thought we were wasting time trying to get to why rather than just accept it as it is.

I truly have no idea why. I just enjoy it!

Cindy

[Dianne S]

No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.

I wouldn't be so emphatic. I would say: Most cross-dressers do not desire transition sufficiently to actually go ahead and do it. Look back at the "if there were a magic button that turned you into a woman, would you press it?" threads on the crossdressers forum. The vast majority of CDers said yes. However, the vast majority of CDers lack the intensity of gender dysphoria to accept the huge losses associated with actual transition as opposed to the fantasy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: I don't think it's black-and-white. I think there are many shades of gray.

[aprilgirl]

I used to wonder "why", going through the trouble of researching while in college at the library, via a card catalog...remember those? :)

Between now and then, (much closer to then) I concluded that as along as I accept myself and those who I've chosen to share it with do, that's all that matters. I'm happy for you that you came to the same conclusion, Pamela.

[Kate Simmons]

Personally I kind of like being part of an enigma. :battingeyelashes::)

[sabrinaedwards]

Many here think the "why" is unimportant, but it is difficult to ask others to accept us when we do not understand our own selves. This is especially true if we are trying to have our SO's come to our camp.
Love, Sabrina

[pamela7]

i'm wondering, Sabrina, if the human mania for knowing "why" is behind the stress. It's difficult to believe someone does not know why they do something cos of the cause-effect conditioning of society more generally. Acceptance is tough if one feels threatened in gender/relationship/finance/security/home/life plan.

Those who've "always know" seem to be different to those of us who've come very late to CD, but are we, did we in fact have to live in an unconscious denial, etc? We can go mad analysing, and really, it's about being happy. So simply explain to your SO it makes you happier, it changes nothing of your love for them, in fact it probably makes it easier for you to show and receive love. It's all above love.

[Jenniferathome]

I wouldn't be so emphatic. .... Look back at the "if there were a magic button that turned you into a woman, would you press it?" threads on the crossdressers forum. The vast majority of CDers said yes. However, the vast majority of CDers said yes....

You are using a fantasy thread as a proof point? Now, the responders represent such a small sample of the registered members (greater than 100,000 registered) that you simply can not use the words "vast majority." A better usage would be "infentesimally small sample wrote yes." It's not gray. There are cross dressers and transsexuals. Some transexuals cross dress.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Be thankful for who you are

[Amy Fakley]

The process of coming to terms with myself has in part, been a process of making peace with the fact that I'll never understand "why". While I'm sure, that in a scientific sense, there is an answer to that question, I'm not really qualified to contribute towards that kind of understanding.

At the same time, there's no amount of self-examination, no amount of meditation or soul searching or praying that will yield any kind of answer. Not a real answer, anyhow.

When you think about it, this has forever been part of the human experience. Before we understood about microbes, nearly every disease was an absolute mystery. Anyone who so much as caught a cold, agonized over "why" ... and frankly many of the explanations they came up with were as goofy-assed as some of the things we come up with, and they were as committed to those theories as we sometimes get.

In the end, I had to ask myself this question "if I knew why, how would I change my life?". If science figured it all out and my doctor could prescribe me some "trannymyacin" to make it all go away, would I want to take it?

I honestly don't think I would. It might have taken me 40 years to get here, but I finally love myself! Cross-gender expression is part of who I am, and without it, I'd be a different person. I'm not sure I'd like being that person!

[Barbara Jo]

No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.

True but, there are many perceived shades of "grey" between the two and this is where much confusion can exist.

[Beverley Sims]

I feel more cross dressers would transition given the right circumstances and opportunity.

Gee, this quote is getting a beating.
Oh well I suppose I can quote myself for clarity

To clarify my statement I feel that there are a lot of people who dressed were in fact transexuals and the circumstances at the time made it difficult for them to transition.
They continue today dressing as an outlet and all the rest is dreams.

I agree cross dressers generally do not wish to transition.
Some, again because of circumstances tend to lean toward that path later in life.
I wonder how many have changed their view over the years, now wishing to transition.

[PaulaQ]

No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.

Q: What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?
A: About 3 years!

*rim-shot*

I think it is extremely likely that fundamentally, the biology of what made me a transsexual, and you a crossdresser, is essentially the same. My bet would be that you went through similar hormonal variations in utero that I did, but less of your brain was wired up in the manner that usually happens for female identified people than mine was.

There are a number of symptoms that are commonly reported here that are strikingly similar to the gender dysphoria I experienced - just milder:
- need for feminine expression that started at a very young age
- an absolute need to sometimes present as a woman, these feelings are unshakable.
- depression, irritability when you don't get to CD
- sexual feelings while dressed, feelings that for many eventually go away
- little feminine behaviors you just unconsciously pick up, and have to suppress and hide.

I think we are very likely highly related - and indeed, many I know here who've told me "I'm just a crossdresser, I WILL NEVER TRANSITION!!!" are in fact now in transition.

Of course not all of you will do that, and for most of you, it would be a horrible idea.

However, I agree with the idea that if the social conditions were more accepting, a lot more CDs would transition than do.

[Missy]

even in this area there is a why for some they are able to see and understand the why and for others they may be blind to the why.

[Cheryl T]

I searched for the Why for decades.
At last I gave up the idea that I could find the definitive answer and decided that for me this is just about being who I am. The Why is no longer important to me.

[Dianne S]

Jennifer,

I think you are being defensive. It's absolutely possible that you are on the extreme end of the spectrum and enjoy crossdressing but would never, ever consider even for a millisecond transitioning. Good for you.

That's not the impression I get talking to other CDers. In my experience, many of them are occasionally wistful but quickly snap themselves back into "reality" as they see it.


A better usage would be "infentesimally small sample wrote yes.

Well, maybe the people who answered were a self-selecting non-representative sample of the membership. But I have no particular reason to believe that's the case; do you?

[pamela7]

I searched for the Why for decades.
At last I gave up the idea that I could find the definitive answer and decided that for me this is just about being who I am. The Why is no longer important to me.

At least I've given up looking for my Y-fronts. :-))))

[Jaymees22]

I used to ask why, and found my answer "Why not". Hugs Jaymee

[LilSissyStevie]

As long as you are just enjoying yourself there is no compelling reason to fret about why you do it. But I suspect that many don't quite enjoy it or its consequences as much as they put on. Then you start to wonder what it's all about. I know I've been one of those "don't care why I do it" types in the past but I was just "whistling past the graveyard to keep up my spirits" as the saying goes.

[PaulaQ]

\ A better usage would be "infentesimally small sample wrote yes." It's not gray. There are cross dressers and transsexuals. Some transexuals cross dress.

1. "infinitesimally" - you misspelled it - and I think such an assumption is way off base that it is a tiny minority. Trust me, it isn't.

2. It is absolutely a gray area. There are other trans identities than "transsexual." There are plenty of people who don't need medical transition. They may socially transition though. Most places they can't legally transition without medical treatments - often involving sterilization - but they may live their life according to their innate gender identity, rather than their assigned at birth sex. There are many other types of gender non-conforming identities. It isn't an either/or - not even close.

3. I'd only be cross dressing now if I wore men's clothes again. If you mean some who eventually transition in some form also dress in a way not consistent with their assigned at birth sex, then yes, that's true. Some of us do. Quite a lot of us do, as a matter of fact. Some don't though.

A lot more of the people on this forum will transition than most of you would like to believe, or definitely than your wives would want to believe.

I sympathize with your point of view though. I know that thought that such an awful fate might loom out there is pretty terrifying. It's easier to be in denial. And luckily enough, it probably won't happen to you.

[bimini1]

It just is. The only reason we keep asking why why why is because of the culture we live in. Folks have been telling me for years I make too fuss about it all. Make it into too much of a big deal. I finally begin to understand what they mean. You are you simply because you are.

I'm through trying to define it with some label. I'm regressing to my childhood, when this was simply something I did. Something I was that had no need for definition, someone that just is.

[marilyn m]

i agree with paula q
i had a wow moment when i realized after many years of crossdresing that i could be more female than i realized and have been repressing those thoughts to fit in with married life and society, normality has always seemed to be
the happy vanilla, boy meets girl and lives happily ever after ,which i have tried twice , the thought was a revelation, but scary
could it be true? , she keeps knocking on the door, do i let her in ?

[Tracii G]

When you quit trying to figure out the why everything is fine.
Its just a part of you.

[Adriana Moretti]

the "WHY" thread.......again..........I have the answer......it is available to you ALL on a pay as you go basis ..right now I accept all major credit cards and paypal. ...personbally I'm in the 'Why not" camp too.....after a while you just accept it and move on.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Do I enjoy doing it? YES... Good enough answer for me. :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Pamela, It's just who I am, And it's just what I do.:daydreaming:

[Kimonogirl]

Why I CD? Because I want to crusade against bigotry and fixed sex-roles and notions!

[docrobbysherry]

Here's some more "whys" for u, Pam:

Why was I regular guy until 50+ when I began dressing rite out of left field?

Why did I fantasize about tramsforming into a female for my first 10 dressing years? Then, suddenly figured out I was just a CD?

Why is just dressing never enuff for me now?

[Cindy J Angel]

Yes there is always a (why) no matter what. At some pont u accept it and u mite think the why is gone and u r right. But think did you let aver body know you are a crossdressers? Dose the wife know? If so then the why could b gone if not then the why is most likely still there. My self is all i can go on and so far the why is still there. I was a crossdressers started young. As i got older and found out more about what i was i have come to realize i am tran gender.( why am i?) Do i went to transition yes. (Agen why) .Will i that i dont know and heres that why agen. WHY is a human trait its what makes us human with out it we would just b a an animal in the woods. We would not have evolved i know this is deap. But with out the why we would have naver started. Hay just my two cent love cindy

[ColleenA]

As long as you are just enjoying yourself there is no compelling reason to fret about why you do it. But I suspect that many don't quite enjoy it or its consequences ...

I wouldn't say that I "don't quite enjoy it," Stevie. For me, the more accurate phrasing would be that I am torn in my enjoyment of cross-dressing. There are parts I enjoy, I accept, and I embrace, but there are also parts that I don't like, that I struggle with. And because of the two contradictory sides, I did want to understand the why of my dressing.

Well, it did come to me - and it only took about 39 years. I really began dressing in 7th grade - though I have memories of a few dabblings prior to that - but the light only dawned on me around age 51 as to why I have a compulsion to wear women's clothes. At that point, the big picture of my CDing life came together and I could see it all much more clearly. (I also knew that my reasons for cross-dressing were MY reasons and would not be a directly pertinent explanation for most others.)



In the end, I had to ask myself this question "if I knew why, how would I change my life?". If science figured it all out and my doctor could prescribe me some "trannymyacin" to make it all go away, would I want to take it?

For me, Amy, I would take the "trannymyacin." In fact, for about five years (age 46 to 50), I did not cross-dress at all, nor did I feel any compulsion to do so. The personal need that CDing fulfills was being met another way. When that other way vaporized, a specific (and identifiable) trigger brought women's clothes back into my life big time. I wish I still had the thing that precluded my desire to cross-dress. I may in fact recover it at some point, but I don't see it happening soon - and so I come to this site.

I do appreciate the thought expressed by some here that they accept and embrace this part of their lives. More power to them. But that's just not for me.

[Brianne_bc]

For me the dressing has always been about the feel of the clothing, especially shoes. I am very tactile. i also feel that i may be very high functioning low level undiagnosed autistic, which may explain the increased sensitivity to touch. just puttin it out there

[Marcelle]

Hi Pamela,

You have arrived at the same place I arrived . . . Why? . . . Because. Now I can get on with enjoying life on my own terms. So welcome.

Hugs

Isha

[Amanda M]

Labels again!

A fabulous sketch reworked a little:

Cleese:
(designer leggings and heels) I look down on her (Indicates Barker) because I have had SRA.
Barker:
(JC Penney dress and flats I look up to her (Cleese) because she has had SRA. but I look down on her (Corbett) because she is just a CD. I am middle-class –
I’m contemplating SRA
Corbett:
(Sisters denim skirt and Huggs) I know my place. I look up to them both. But I don't look up to her as much as I look up to her (Cleese), because he has got innate breeding and is a transwoman.
Cleese:
I have got innate breeding, but I have not got any money since my op so, sometimes I look up (bends knees, does so) to her. She has money. (Barker).
Barker:
I still look up to her (Cleese) because although I have money, I have a long way to go.. But I am not as uninimportant as her because she’s in the closet (Corbett) so I still look down on her. (Corbett).
Corbett:
I know my place. I look up to them both because I am the lowest of the low – a closet CDr. Had I the inclination, I could look down on them. But I don't.
Barker:
We all know our place, but what do we get out of it?
Cleese:
I get a feeling of superiority over them.
Barker:
I get a feeling of inferiority from her, (Cleese), but a feeling of superiority over her (Corbett).
Corbett:
I get a pain in the back of my neck.

Accept who you are and enjoy it!

[Erika Lyne]

Hi Pamela,

I know you were just throwing it out there as a "Thanks for being there..." thread but, you seem to have awakened a sleeping giant. I agree with so much of what has been said:
-I can't come up with a "logical why" either.
-I've tried to accept myself and move on enjoying life.
-Long before I ever thought of finding this site I've thought of a "Transition Button" and yes, I would have hit it years ago--now that I have a family of my own maybe not.
-I work in a field that has a large portion of gay men and I frequently get flirted with and my reply to turn the flirt away is usually, "I'm not man enough for you."
-If I knew the "why" would it change my life? Would I take the "Trannymyacin" to stop it? Probably not but it'd make explaining it to other people (spouse included) a whole lot easier and it might make self acceptance easier too.

I am with you on this thread, "Thanks everyone for being there." for making this quirk more enjoyable even if so few of understand any remote notion of a "why."

As a side note, (I wish I could find the research online but I have not been able to.) there is some medical proof as to when and how our brains get "wired" in their gender and sexual identity while en vitro. The research was done in Europe trying to find a cause and effect of why some people were homosexual and most not. It is theorized that it is caused by a hormonal flush that the mother experiences early on during the pregnancy. Too much of a female hormone flush with a male fetus sometimes causes the fetus to identify as gay. It would be curious to see if the same is true for all aspects of gender too.

As to a possible personal answer to "why?" My mother lost a fetus, my twin, early on in pregnancy. Was my twin a female and were some of her identities transferred to me because of the hormonal flush that should have been intended for her? Was my twin miscarried because she was not able to develop properly and my mother's body knew it and chose the stronger fetus for survival? Did my twin imprint on my development before she was miscarried? Curious questions that try to answer the CD "Why?" but also open a whole different volume of questions without answers.

Hugs from across the Atlantic,
-E

[kimdl93]

Oh yes, the rhetorical why question again. One can speculate, arm-chair empiricized or philosophize to your hearts content, but the alternative is to look to the evidence. That evidence suggests that the answer is in our fetal development. For reasons (whys) not yet fully understood, our brains developed with structures and functions similar to women's brains. The differences are detectable in brain scans. So, basically, most of us were born this way.

Note I said most....I'm sure some of us just love the clothes.

[Teresa]

Pamela,
I had very little joy of not knowing why ! To try and make sense I wanted to know why, when I was on such a rollercoaster ride, and giving lame reasons to a none accepting wife wasn't good enough !!

I know why now and accept myself with whatever label I have stuck on my back ! It's the ones around me now that need to understand the WHY !

[Cheryl James]

I have given up on "why". My big question now is "when" can I dress again. I know that I will never stop, in fact, I don't ever want to stop. I just want more. So, at this point "why" might be interesting to know, but it wouldn't change a thing for me.

[pamela7]

so to resume:
why? - because
when? - whenever I don't HAVE to be in drab
who? - with anyone who'll be accepting
where? - wherever i'm "allowed" by my SO
how? - however I want
what? - that's the doozy ... a girl has so much to choose from

[lisagurl]

why? well my aunt dressed me as a girl when i was a kid, it was all inocent just being silly, but then after that i was hooked, bad thing is i was always stuck in the middle, afraid to take it any further except in my apt, truth is its killing me inside, and in the end it just ends as a erotic experince....im bipolar, it sometimes makes it worse, but thats the why........

[sometimes_miss]

Well, there's always a reason for it, it all depends on 1. whether you're willing to go through the trouble to figure it out, and 2. you're willing to accept the results you find; most people have the biggest trouble with the second part.

No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.
Some do, some don't. Depends on why we crossdress.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: I don't think it's black-and-white. I think there are many shades of gray.
Lots of people refuse to accept that. They want ONE, and ONLY ONE reason. Nothing else will do for them. And when they can't find it or don't like what they find, they make it up. "Well, we must have been born that way". It's a catch all for everything in life.

Many here think the "why" is unimportant, but it is difficult to ask others to accept us when we do not understand our own selves. This is especially true if we are trying to have our SO's come to our camp.
The reason why others want to know the 'why' is so that they know where they stand in our lives. Wives/SO's most important, because virtually all of the time, it will affect whether they stay with you or not. And if you can't give them a good enough reason, again, they will decide on their own, and their choice as to why THEY think you crossdress will most likely be the worst possible one for you.

It's not gray. There are cross dressers and transsexuals. Some transexuals cross dress.
And then you have the crossdressers who have no idea why they crossdress, and so very well may be TS. But they either don't know, don't want to know, or refuse to even accept the possibility due to a lifetime of conditioning that has made them feel that being TS is completely unacceptable. So, they block out the possibility, even if everything else points to it.

To clarify my statement I feel that there are a lot of people who dressed were in fact transexuals and the circumstances at the time made it difficult for them to transition. They continue today dressing as an outlet and all the rest is dreams.
And some simply realize that transitioning would make so much of their lives so much worse that the end result is not worth it. Far too often people's definition of a transsexual is someone for whom living as their current physical sex is completely intolerable, so they feel they must transition. Of course that is not true of all TS.

For me the dressing has always been about the feel of the clothing, especially shoes. I am very tactile.
This of course begs the question as to whether it's simply the fabric texture you like, in which case you can get mens clothing made of the same things, or because it's FEMALE specific articles of clothing that make it feel good for you to wear it. The shoes thing sort of gives it away, especially if you say you like the feel of wearing heels; after all, you can buy mens shoes that will distort/hurt your feet too, just buy them two sizes too small and narrow. Unless of course masochism is part of your life's enjoyment, then I will of course understand that desire. There are women's shoes that are comfortable, it's just that whenever I hear this idea of people who say they like wearing heels, it simply doesn't add up. I don't know any women who wear heels for long distance walking, which sort of throws a wrench in any theory that suggests that they are more comfortable than simple flats or sneakers.

[jeank]

Why, oh Why OH WHY?

I don't think any of us knows or understands it.

But the thread opened a lot of questions about CDers generally being latent transitioners. The one thing that hasn't been raised is sexual orientation.

If I wanted to transition, which I don't, (and I accept that there may be a lot of life-long programmed gender specific experiences and prejudices that make up that statement at play), then I would think that if I wanted to become a woman and live my life full time as a woman, then it would be reasonable to assume that I would be sexually attracted to men.

But I'm not. At all. I have had a lot of gay friends over the years who were friends because they understood I wasn't. So if I were to transition, I'd transition to be a lesbian woman.

Nothing wrong with that, but I think it may serve as a measure here. I'm in a minority as a CDer, but moving from one minority to another is statistically feasible for me, but for a majority of my statistical minority??

Thoughts anyone?

[katem]

I think that the fact that CD'ing doesn't include sexual orientation is fascinating.

To most outsiders, they view CD'ing as either a "sex thing" or a "gay thing". The sex thing is the result of negative stigma from somewhere (usually porn, tv, etc). The gay thing is thanks to drag queens - and DQ's dress for 100% fun and to perform/compete and usually not to fulfill any type of unknown desire. So, most people have either seen a CD as a man having sex (usually with another man) dressed as a woman in a porno, or on stage/tv as a gay man being a drag queen. Both are considered somewhat taboo (the latter being more and more accepted, but still considered "gay"), and as a result we get mislabeled and misperceived frequently as a crossdresser.

Yet the majority of us who actually do CROSSDRESS do neither of those things. We're mostly straight men, who are attracted to women so much that we want to present ourselves as one. I think it's safe to say that CD'ing for a lot of us straight men also provides some type of sexual response...but we're attracted to the vision we project as ourselves dressed as a woman, not the man inside. I'm attracted to women, other cd's (who I consider women), and well, myself.

I think gender identity and SO are just two unrelated things. Many lesbian GG's are considered happy with their own gender but attract to other women. The same goes for gay men, they are attracted to men but still want to be a man. I agree with the transitioning statement though, if I was trans I probably would be a lesbian!

[marilyn m]

sexual orientation, mmm
i know some hetrosexual guys that do go with convincing lady boys in places like thailand,
i know when my niece new about me she thought i must be bi sexual, but as a lot of us, i always thought of myself as straight is
there is a curiosity, the specturm of sexuality must be vast, :)

[Lorileah]

stick with the OP' question, quit fighting over if crossdressers would transition or not. Not what the thread is about.

[Dianne S]

Thoughts [on sexual orientation] anyone?

According to my therapist, about 1/3 of her MTF patients are attracted to women, 1/3 to men and 1/3 pretty much asexual after transition.

Gender identity and sexual orientation are orthogonal.

[Kimonogirl]

@ Dianne

Too bad that Korea lacks Therapists so I cannot get such info like this....

In here Therapist refers to jerks play with faux-candles and poisonous herbs.......what a joke :/

Very Conservative counselors and Psychiatric docs are unaware of how to handle MtF's.

[Leighcdmd]

Up until about five years ago, I would often ponder the "why" of my need and love of crossdressing. Now that I am retired and realize how truly short life is, I have stopped thinking about the why and concentrated on enjoying the experience as much as possible.

[Nolwenn Elizabeth]

Pam,

I think you answered yourself in the first post. "You just want to." Why wouldn't that be a good enough reason? It makes you happy. That in and of itself is more than enough reason to do many things for ourselves and each other. Allow yourself to be happy.

That's just my feeling.

Love ya,
Dawnie.


CD-ing.

I can find a "why" for pretty much anything in the world, however terrible or horrible the truth. But the exception to this rule seems to be cross-dressing. I just want to, there is no logic, no underlying cause I can find, there's an "is-ness" to this, it just is. I reckon this is where so many of you seem to arrive at, you're just being yourselves, and going with what feels right. Oh the whole world so needs this.

I thank you all for being here, for showing the world a way.

xxx Pamela

[Lily Catherine]

"Why are you so interested in ladies' clothes? Did you try them on? COME HERE!"

I was dumbstruck when my mother found out I crossdressed, and my 11-year-old self could hardly reply her. I continued dressing and getting caught many times over the next 9 years without much question. I just liked it.

Even now it's hard to give a response without invoking its after-effects (read: relief of stress, feelings of prettiness etc.)

[NicoleScott]

I was caught playing with lipstick what I was a young boy. My father held me down and smeared it over my mouth while verbally humiliating me (note: I've hardly touched the stuff since then. hahaha). Anyway, he never asked me why. Just as well, as I had no answer then, and still don't. There IS a "why" but we just don't know it yet.