Do you feel lonely in the closet?

[Michelle 78]

Hi all,

This one is for all the Girls out there like me who are in the closet.

Yesterday I had 2 hours to dress as nobody was home. I rushed home from work, went right upstairs, put on my girl clothes and then headed for the bathroom, put on my make up and wig and headed downstairs to have some quality time as Michelle, this took 45 minutes in all. This gave me around another 45 minutes as Michelle, as I try to give myself another 30 minutes or so to re-drab and remove my makeup before my Mother comes home. I'm guilty as most on here for trying to hang on till the very last second to change back which I did and only left myself 15 minutes to remove my makeup!! big mistake as I've got very sensitive skin and because I rushed it and now my face is feeling the effects today.

My Mother and Grandmother came home on time, my Mother knows about Michelle said to me after my Grandmother left the room "you have been scrubbing your face it's bright red" No hiding anything from my Mam that's for sure.

My point is that for once I wish that I didn't have to go through all of that just to take it all off again less than an hour after all that time and effort to put it on in the first place. My Mother knows I dress and gives me space to do so, but I'd love to have her opinion on how I look, how well I've done my makeup etc, even if it was a criticism for getting it a bit wrong. She doesn't want to see me as Michelle, not even a picture. I respect her decision as I totally understand it as is a lot for a Mother to accept this from your son and I love her to pieces for supporting me over the last 8 months since I told her, but it can be frustrating sometimes. I'm not saying I'd want to dress all the time that I'm home, no way, but sometimes it would be nice to share an important part of my life with somebody else.

Do you feel the same? maybe you'd love to hear your SO opinion on how you've done?

Hugs

Michelle

[Sarah Louise]

Couldn't agree more. I would love to be able to share this, get feedback and discuss it with my wife. After a dressing session, I get a strong need to come clean, but this soon wears off and common sense / fear of the consequences kicks in and I keep it bottled up. The best thing I did was go to a dressing appointment. One of the benefits was finally being able to discuss this with someone who understands cross dressing.

[marilyn m]

hi michelle to be honest, i have shared my dressing with 2 wives over 24 yrs
and i actually prefer dressing on my own, you can really let yourself go, they usually laugh
and have actually been quite jealous of my legs and full lips, and you get the ,i dont like you shaving youre legs
and the chest is a no no , and finding the right time to ask if they didnt mind if you dressed. it can be awkward ,
iam sure its not the same for all wives ,maybe i just didnt find the right ones x:GD:

[Pat]

Not directly on topic but since I share your issue of sensitive skin -- there are a lot of makeup removers on the market and they're a worthwhile investment to save you taking a layer of skin off when you're trying to lose the makeup quickly. Even a simple, inexpensive cold cream would take the makeup off and leave your face moisturized. (You just smear it on and wipe it away gently with tissues.)

[RADER]

Well since my wife passed almost 2 years ago, I dress as I want, but I am in the closet
with you also. I stooped using make-up, it is only me, and I never did a good job of
it on a good day. My wife would try to do it once in a while, but because of my heavy
beard, it did not always turn out rite.
I do wish I could go out; but I would never come close to passing.
Rader

[Sarah-RT]

I'm the same, still in the closet in my family home, what prevents me from dressing more often is the fear of getting caught, between work and college I have very little time to myself so I try to plan out what I can do in my spare time so if I'm not up early I'll stay up late and dress and just watch or play a video game but it can get repetitive and very very lonely

This in turn increases my desire to come out to people but I know I shouldn't because it is out of desperation. I can't really get the time to do makeup because the half an hour is get to enjoy it seems like too much work but I have a week off college soon that I also booked a week off work so I can try to learn the ropes and enjoy myself.

I too have quite dry sensitive skin and have never really had much hair growth on my face which I've always joked was a blessing but it's starting to grow more lately and I'm getting razor burn and in grown hairs which is a downer when trying to look female

[Katey888]

Yes and no... :)

Yes because a lot of the time it just wouldn't be practical and it would be good to do it more...

No because I have got out to a couple of specific events and the recurrent joy I get from reliving that time out carries me over a lot of drab time...

If you can get away from home to experience that - I'd recommend it. Events or venues that are TG friendly just help you ease into it versus worrying about the 'passing' or the voice, or any faux pas with bathrooms.. :eek: If there are a lot of other CD girls there, trust me, no one will really be giving you too many second glances... unless for the right reasons.. ;)

Once you've experienced that with relative strangers (I think it's easier) then you can consider and better assess what it means for you to become uncloseted closer to home. You may find a few special outings are enough - but at least you've gained the experience to know yourself...

You're away from the pressures of domestic life, hotel room to yourself, no pressure to change back... no pressure to clear everything away at the end of a day... Simples! :)

Rader: There are support groups and events near you and I have no doubt there are folk out there who would be pleased to help you out if you wanted... Even if you only did it once and never again, I'm sure the experience would stay with you a long and pleasant time... :D

As for my SO expressing an opinion on how I've done... I think I'd rather 'pass' on that than any aspect of dressing... :eek:

Katey x

[PaulaQ]

My time in the closet was as lonely and isolated as I've ever felt. It was absolutely horrible, both from the constant fear of being caught, and the isolation - I only felt OK dressed, and that only happened when I was completely alone. I hated it.

[Closeted Kat]

i am closeted, but for me its mostly by choice not fear. I'd had done some dressing before i accepted it at the start of college during some depression/anxiety but when i got that cleared up i stopped dressing for the longest time. My parents know i've dressed before, they've never seen it, and i've not told them i've started again, but its because i do it for me, no one else so i perfer to do it alone and just enjoy myself. would i like someone to share with? maybe but right now i'm contented with where i am and what i'm doing.
-kat

[cindyinsatin]

I too debate whether its all that lonely in the closet. My wife knows but wants no part of it…doesn't even like to talk about it.

I am fortunate that both work and family commitments often give me days at home alone. She has been gone for a week now and comes home tomorrow. I get to be incredibly indulgent during those times and get to dress and behave as I wish. I stay femme as much as possible. Sheer bliss!!

I also agree with Marilyn, I can let myself go and not worry about any pressures or anxieties.

While I often wish I had someone to share this with, I think more along the lines of a "girlfriend" who shares my interest. Rather than my wife or a friend.

Kinda sad I have to put my stuff away for now. But I just try and look forward to my next time home alone.

Cindy

[iGenny]

To answer the question in your title, Yes, except for all y'all.

I'm close to 60, and as I've mentioned before, I didn't start even having the feelings to cross-dress until 4 years ago. I can't imagine what it must have been like for all of you who are my age and have had these feelings all of your lives, before the internet let you know you weren't alone.

I'm home alone right now with the wife at work for about 2 hours. So makeup, dressing, c h i l l i n g, scrubbing before she gets home. I'd like nothing more than sharing this with her (I think she'd enjoy it eventually), but her opinion is that everything is a choice, and we should all choose to conform to the norm.

It would be so cool if wife & I could exchange tips. As it is, I had to be careful how I replied when she asked me "what do you think?" She just asked the other day about mascara on her lower lashes. It is Amazing how that frames her beautiful blue eyes, but all I could say, fake awkward, was that it looked good but not too young.

So, yeah, my beard and I stay in the closet.

[StephanieinSecret]

I think most of us would choose to be out if we could. The social and professional stigma is too much for me to justify it, though. My SO knows, and I'll reference my hobby occasionally, but they want no part of it. I want to include them in EVERY part of my life, and it makes me feel bad to keep my hobby seperate from them. Even though they know I dress and don't make me feel bad about it, hiding it from them still feels dishonest. And trying to find time to dress and be with them-seperately- can only be detrimental to both.

[Nadya]

Hi Michelle,

I understand what you mean. My SO knows and supports this side of me but no one else knows about it. I've been thinking a lot lately about coming out to some people that only know me as a man. I think dressing up for me is only halfway towards feeling happy, the other half is getting acceptance from others.

[Cindy J Angel]

Yes all the time. scared you're going to get caught which can happen quite often. For the makeup use baby oil easy on the skin. I hated it so i opened the door and walked out. It sound like u cracked the door open wont b long now mom knows so u are on your way. Love cindy

[DanaR]

Hi all,

This one is for all the Girls out there like me who are in the closet...................Do you feel the same? maybe you'd love to hear your SO opinion on how you've done? Michelle
Hi Michelle,

Most of us have been where you are. You told your mom and she give you space; which is great. Have you tried asking her questions, maybe about makeup or other things? If she is open enough to let you have space, then maybe she might be open to help you a little, if she doesn't have to see. Sort of like a mother daughter talk. Here is a suggestion on what I use to take makeup off, olive oil and then just soap and water. The olive oil does a good job for around the eyes and lips too.

[Cheryl James]

My marriage is a DADT relationship with respect to this part of me. Opportunities are limited and I do not have a friend to share this with. Yes, it is lonely. I feel for your situation and understand completely.

[Teresa]

Michelle,
I don't know how old you are to so it's hard to say if it's right how much your mother restricts you !
Now days if I have limited time I forego the makeup and just enjoy the dressing, the I've been there and done it with rushing to get it on and then take it off only to be read anyway because you've missed some or in my case made my eyes red with rubbing too hard with stubborn mascara !

After having so many years being in the closet I am pushing now to be more out in the open, does begin to feel a waste of time when you can't share and enjoy something which is harmless !

[Crissy Kay]

No, I am still happy being in the closet. I do have a cd girlfriend who comes over every so often to dress with me. But with more then a month of this awful weather, she has not been around.

[sometimes_miss]

I've always lived an often solitary life, so I'm able to spend great deals of time on my own without feeling lonely. Whenever I get the desire for company, I just think of some of the most annoying people I've ever had to spend time with, and then the desire goes away.

[docrobbysherry]

No. I've NEVER been lonely, because there have always been things I enjoyed and wanted to do by myself ever since I was your age, Michelle. My dressing only began after I was 50 y/o.

Altho I DO go out often dressed with a number of dressing friends now? I refer to myself as a closet dresser. Because I receive the most joy, excitement, and satisfaction while dressing in private with NO LIMITS OR RESTRICTIONS!:devil:

Just wait, Michelle. When u leave your family home, you'll have many opportunities to take Michelle wherever she wants to go!:battingeyelashes:

[Jaymees22]

No I don't feel lonely in the closet, in fact I prefer it. I had been going to a therapist and always went dressed, I had gone out on a few outings and I also went to a support group. Then I decided I just like staying in, less hassle, less risk and I still enjoy it. I'm an only child so may be that's why and I was never a very social person, I can be social and sometimes the life of the party but I find it a struggle.

I find that I know if time is short I wear much less make up and I always buy products that don't say long lasting. Hugs Jaymee

[jeank]

I'm with Katey on this one - yes and no.

Most of the time, no - I enjoy the experience of just being Jean with no hassle or restriction, and I'm quite comfortable with myself for company. Every now and then I think it would be nice to share, and maybe I will do that someday, but it's not pressing.

I do find however that I am not interested in "grabbing a couple of hours". I only dress when I know I've got a decent chunk of time available - usually at least a day, otherwise I find it all rushed and not relaxing and actually not worth it. Probably I've been spoiled by the opportunities I've had like this when my wife travels.

[Michelle 78]

Hi Girls thanks for all the great replies:)

To be honest I'm quite happy in the closet, at least for now anyway. I just think that now and then it would be really nice to share my dressing with somebody else and get some feedback good or bad. Dressing can feel a bit of an empty experience sometimes after you spend all the time, effort and care on your appearance and then an hour or so later take it all off again and think afterwards was it all worth it? Of course Yes it is!!:)

Thanks Girls for all the Makeup removing tips also, I do use a decent makeup remover which does the job quite well it's just sometimes I'm guilty of rushing it because I try to hang on till the last minute to re-drab and don't leave myself enough time to do it properly!!

Many Hugs

Michelle

[katem]

My time dressed, for me, is a personal experience and I use it as an escape these days. I used to think I was lonely, but when I have the chance to dress, I prefer it to be alone (for now at least). I feel like even if I was out, it still would be that way. As I continue to grow, I'm sure I'd like to interact with others while dressing. I don't think I'm quite there yet.

[kimdl93]

There used to be a frequent contributor here named Suzy, from the UK, who had been a single, solitary CDr for many years, but lived alone without fears of discovery or self inflicted injury from makeup removal. She seemed quite happy with her life and gave no hi to of wanting to seek out a confidante nor to mingle her CD existence with other aspects of her life.

I'm at least as old as Suzy, but find that I desire acceptance and companionship. Solitary dressing would for me be a very lonely enterprise.

My point is that it depends on the individual. As my mom once said, there's a difference between loneliness and solitude.

[JessicaMann]

I do get lonely!!! I love dressing, and as I don't make for a very convincing woman, I feel TRAPPED!!! it's a double edged sword!! I can dress and feel complete, but what con I do??? I am afraid friends, family, and or neighbors will see me!! so I hide inside!! or I could wear what I'm "expected" to and interact with everyone?????? I would love to find a local, discrete place where I could be Jessica and be with accepting people!!!!

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Michelle,
Although I am "out" to my SO. All that really accomplished was
making the closet a bit larger ( and being able to hang my stuff in it).
I still find that after being out in public a few times, I still have that closeted
feeling. Sure I've had interaction with others (strangers), but none of them know
my real identity.
For me, getting out of the closet means more than that, it's allowing myself to let
people know the real me. Am I ready for a boy/girl pic post? No not yet, but to be completely
uncloseted, someday.
If your mom knows, and is willing to talk with you, be honest with her and talk.
Maybe she can arrange more time away from home to allow you more privacy.
Don't push to get out, that will happen when the time is right.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[immike]

Michelle-That's my name,as well(wink) I definitely must stay in the closet,my dressing is in secret,only because I use my mothers clothes.I only use her dresses,skirts
all her silky soft blouses&tops,all of her business wardrobe,like her good pantsuits&skirtsuits&her growing closetful of heels&boots&shoes.Fortunately,we are about
the same size,so I can get away with dressing up when she leaves for work in the morning.I order pantyhose&silky undies&bras online,so I have a private stash&I just
slide into beige pantyhose daily&dress randomly in one of her outfits&a pair of her heels.I am petrified of being caught by her,or 2 sisters,so I lock all doors&close the
blinds each day

[Helen_Highwater]

but her opinion is that everything is a choice, and we should all choose to conform to the norm.

Genny, and sorry this is just me being pedantic, to choose to be the norm isn't a choice, a bit like you can have it in any colour as long as it's black.

And as for me being in the closet and lonely, again I'm a yes/no'er.

No: If I get time home alone then I tend to dress without makeup 98% of the time so don't have the added pressure of cleaning up. Plus the only person to see it would be Mrs Mirror. What I do find is that I can get bored as having done all the necessary household chores, ate lunch, spent a bit of time here, I'm just sitting with little or nothing to do. I'm not bored with dressing just with being confined to the house but not lonely. I would experience the same if in drab.

Yes: There are times when it would be wonderful to share this pastime with other kindred spirits and this is something I'm hoping to do within the next few weeks, a first for me. However I will, if all goes to plan, still be in the closet to family and friends.

I strongly suspect however that were it not for this forum and the wider web, photo sharing etc., loneliness and feelings of isolation would be much more to the front.

[Lily Catherine]

Perhaps I am the textbook introvert – the one who wants to be alone but not lonely, though I hate that term's guts. One of the better parts of dressing is being truly alone and devoid of any obligation. That again being said, I haven't really had much of a social stigma beyond my friends treating it as an oddity and my parents telling me never to dress for the sheer sake of it. I still have an irrational fear of being caught (and it is nothing remotely fetishistic) in the act because, simply put, of the repercussions.

I accept my being in the closet (for now) out of professional stigma. I don't know if that's going to change down the road when I resume my full-time studies again, but I've been trying to come to terms with the closet doors being shut.

[Sarah-RT]

Helen you have it down to a T, I dress without makeup at home too but that's just to save time but I get bored of the surroundings quickly and easily , less so in drab but that's because I'm not trying to be expressive.

The problem I find is that when drab I could go outside and find somewhere or something to do where as en femme it's almost like being in prison

[ophelia]

I am lucky to be close enough to other large enough cities like Montreal and Kingston where Ophelia can roam fairly freely. I managed my "femme freedom days" out of town.
I do occasionally dress in town and to be honest part of the attraction is the fear that I might "leave the closet door open" and get caught.
I am seeking discrete GG friends in those cities, but the closet door in that case would only be open a crack.

[RachelCross]

I do feel lonely sometimes, but this forum helps out a lot. I have shared Rachel with my best friend since high school. He's gay and is completely supportive so it helps. The down side, he is two hours away and has never met Rachel although he has seen pictures and has given me positive feedback. Without that, I'm not sure how I would feel. I am married but am afraid of the day my SO finds out, if ever. I just hope when/if she does I am comfortable enough with myself to withstand what comes next, whatever that may be. I am curious about going to an event and my friend and I have discussed getting together for dinner so he could meet Rachel. He's offered to cook me dinner, so a girl has to take advantage of that!! :) I am a bit of a loner, or I should say, I am comfortable with it. I would LOVE to have a girlfriend to dress with, go shopping with but have no idea how to initiate that.

Just my two cents, if I don't have more than 3 hours to dress I forego the makeup, I just make sure I'm clean shaven and put on false eyelashes and some lipstick. It's quite amazing how a pair of false eyelashes can soften my look. I then put on a cute dress and heels that can come off quickly and go about my day. Each girl is different but hope this helps.

[Stephanie47]

My answer is "yes and no." There is a difference between "sharing" cross dressing with someone else and having sufficient time to express oneself. I went through a lot of what you are experiencing as a teenager. Living at home with two parents, a brother and sister in a small apartment is the pits. Not just because of cross dressing urges, but, just because there was no privacy-period. Even after marriage and kids there was not too much time afforded to be en femme. That resulted in therapy days off from work when my wife was working and the kids were in school. It was indeed very stressful to grab a few crumbs of time.

Now I am retired with a working wife. Most days I have six to seven hours to be en femme. I forego the makeup. After all most women do not wear makeup around the home while doing chores, so why should I? I usually have a productive day doing what I would have done en drab: laundry, ironing, vacuuming, baking, etc.

My wife is not supportive of cross dressing, so I do not dress in front of her. She told me decades ago to join a support group if I felt the need. I have no desire to just go out en femme because of my physical size. I dress for stress relief. It is good therapy to "run away" from my male side. If I went out and ran into stares and criticism it would defeat my purpose for being en femme.

If you have your own space at home and since your mother is aware of your cross dressing, just schedule your own private time in your room. I'm sure your mother will respect your privacy. Also, forgo the eye makeup. It is too much of a bother and takes too long to get off. Stick with lipstick and light rouge.

You may want to try to locate a support group.

[SharonDenise]

For forty plus years I shared my secret with my wife. I told her while we were still dating and she accepted my cross dressing and gave me her support. I thank and loved my wife for being so accepting. However, it was a secret between her and me. At first, I had no desire to come out of the closet and was content to dress up at home when the situation allowed it. I've always been able to underdress. As the years went by, I felt the desire to want to go out dressed en femme but never did as I was afraid of what would happen if I was discovered. I don't think my wife would have gone for it either. Since my wife's passing last year, I joined a cross dresser support group and this forum. I now go to their meetings and social activities dressed en femme. I feel that I've taken steps towards going en femme in public but still hide it from most family and friends. I'm not a Susan B. Anthony, willing to carry a banner to further our cause for public acceptance. Fortunately, there are others out there willing to do just that.

[Khora]

Yes I feel very much alone in this right now. I've never really had anybody in my life that I could share this with so it's always been just me on my own. I've actually found that this sometimes kills my motivation to actually dress and explore further. Not having anybody to share it with sometimes takes the fun out of it.