Murphy's Law

[ophelia]

You know how googling something works. While googling new transgender laws for my province of Ontario Google suggested some really ugly stories about intolerance, violence and even murder towards us. A very scary wakeup call.
So from now on transgender, or crossdresser will come second in my search subjects.
But it has served to remind me that we are so far from acceptance.
Murphy's Law, ie; Anything that can possibly go wrong, will.
If you go out, look and book ahead, prepare, know your limits and try to relax while leaving absolutely nothing to chance.

[Alice Torn]

Sad to say, but where there are humans, there is also good and bad, everywhere.

[Kate Simmons]

I always ensure that I don't go anywhere en femme where I'm not welcome.:)

[scarletcd]

We are living in exciting but scary times. The more exposure the Trans/Cd community gets the more backlash it will get from a vocal minority. The statistics on violence etc will fluctuate and it will make for depressing reading. But rest assured that perceptions are changing and even if we don't have true acceptance in our lifetime we are laying the foundations for future generations.

[Teresa]

Ophelia,
As we are a minority in society, we will be targets ! I wonder if you checked statistics of crimes on other minority groups in Ontario how we compare ? All crime is bad and the only way to reduce it is to educate society ! Sadly you'll always get some deaf ears whose only law they understand is their own ! As others have said don't temp fate and prove Murphy's law wrong just stay away from certain situations .

[pamela7]

wikipedia lists 10 TG people already dead in 2015 in usa/canada from hate crimes!

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jan/29/end-violence-against-trans-people-police-stop-perpetuating-it

http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/feb/04/boy-meets-girl-bbc-trans-sitcom-quiet-revolution

okay, now i get why passing and hiding.

[Katey888]

Ophelia, it's a very good point - one that some might feel has been laboured a little recently, but actually it's an ever present danger for any of us that go out and the need for awareness cannot be overstressed.

Teresa makes a good point about minorities in general - and that affirms to me again why it is so important that we should feel comfortable about snuggling up in the LGBT community. It seems sad that hate crime of these sorts seems so prevalent but perhaps it isn't everywhere... I think we do have to remember that a large number of members do simply go out in the community with little or no harassment and often that is due to the relatively relaxed environment they inhabit. It is possible to plan and do things that are safe and fun... What scares me no end (for the ones that are doing it) are the folks that go walking their neighbourhood alone and at three o'clock in the morning... there are safer ways to get out if you really must get out! :)

Katey x

[Lorileah]

Guess you could stay home, nothing bad can happen there can it? Thing is you are at risk every time you do anything. You just have to minimize the risks. You do it everyday. But you can't live your life in fear. You have to "Live" your life. Surviving is not living. You just have to be aware.

[Karen R!]

Ophelia, it's a very good point - one that some might feel has been laboured a little recently, but actually it's an ever present danger for any of us that go out and the need for awareness cannot be overstressed.

Teresa makes a good point about minorities in general - and that affirms to me again why it is so important that we should feel comfortable about snuggling up in the LGBT community. It seems sad that hate crime of these sorts seems so prevalent but perhaps it isn't everywhere... I think we do have to remember that a large number of members do simply go out in the community with little or no harassment and often that is due to the relatively relaxed environment they inhabit. It is possible to plan and do things that are safe and fun... What scares me no end (for the ones that are doing it) are the folks that go walking their neighbourhood alone and at three o'clock in the morning... there are safer ways to get out if you really must get out! :)

Katey x

I live in a reasonably small town (pop 10,000). I do walk every morning. During the week its 2.2 miles, 30min and on weekends when I get time I'll do up to 10 miles. I leave my house at around 2:30 am during the week and maybe an hour later on weekends. I think this is the best time its so quiet plus I can walk on the streets instead of the sidewalks. Been doing it for years and never really had an issue. I am dressed bundled up this time of year and usually in way short shorts and a tattered tank in the summer. Always have my knife (always not just when walking) and phone and do feel safe. On the rare occasion I see another person I casually steer clear of them.
I am going to live my life while I'm alive. Really have no fears.

Karen

[DebbieL]

When I first started dressing in public, I didn't really have a good coach. My skirts were too short, my blouses too tight, my heels too high, and my hair too big. I looked like a low-class hooker, and would often be way too sexy for my situation and surroundings. As a result, I got read pretty regularly and got a lot of attention I didn't want.
To me, I was less worried about getting beat up as a girl, because I had been attacked so many times as a boy. I couldn't hide my gender dysphoria and boys regularly saw this and it made me a target. I often came in from recess or gym bloody and bruised. As they were beating me, they would use the usual nasty names "Sissy", "Fairy", "Queer", and so on. Finally, in High School, someone explained that if you are a boy and have fantasies about sex with men, then you are gay. If you were a boy and you fantasized sex with a woman you were straight. When people would ask me if I was gay, I would say "Yes, I'm a lesbian". I was being totally honest, but few people took it seriously. Those who did, found out that I was telling the truth. Rex was asexual, Debbie was bisexual, but with my negative experiences with boys, I preferred the friendship and affection of women, as "one of the girls".

Keep in mind that many of the violent crimes against transgender women are drunks attacking women they think are all woman and then found to be transgender women. The most dangerous is when both the man and the T-girl are drunk and things get rude. Some people (including myself at one time) go looking for trouble without realizing it. I could sit across from a man and castrate him verbally with the help of his girlfriend. When I drank/drugged, I went into blackouts and one of two personalities would come out. "The Bitch" was a bit of a feminist and too often repeated things said in the boy's locker room about the girl, and things said by the girls about the boy. She usually caused a lot of trouble. The "S***" was more likely to end up in the coat room providing satisfaction to any woman who decided that it was time to come and go. Often the problem with this was jealous boyfriends I didn't even know about.

I think that the only reason I lived to the ripe old age of 59 (my avatar is a recent picture), was because I stayed clean and sober as well as avoiding situations where there were a lot of drunk men. Perhaps not as fun, but much better for my life expectancy, and I have had a full and rich life.

[Teresa]

Lorileah, You could stay home and fall off the last pair of ridiculous heels you just bought !! I don't know if there is a fear of high heels ??

[Marcelle]

Hi Ophelia,

As a resident of the Province of Ontario and one who has experienced the darker side of intolerance, I can say that the statistics you are reading have to be interpreted with caution. Most violence (and I am not saying all) against trans folks occur around the sex trade industry which is has a higher rate of violence associated with it irrespective of gender or gender identity. Most the studies regarding harassment (verbal) revolve around trans children at school. Don't get me wrong, there are people who hate in society and when you go out you may run into some very rude people which requires a very thick skin. Violence? Yes it can happen but it is rare as an everyday occurrence and while it did happen to me, I still hold it was an outlier on the normal distribution of what can happen.

You are right though . . . if you plan to go out, be vigilant, take precautions and things should go fine.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

It would be interesting to plot such incidents by time and place. I'd wager that the vast majority occur a) late at night and b) in high crime areas. Avoid those two controllable risks and things will be just fine.