A sense of purpose? Come clarity? Sound track to your escape?

[Candice Mae]

Continuing on in my attempt to understand CDs, I have another question for you ladies. We've cover almost every "why"? But, what I wondering is whats your goal as a CD, what are you doing to achieve it? And why is the goal important to you? What do you think will happen when you achieve your goal? Will your outlook change causing you to create new goals, or will you stay put?

And props to anyone that gets the references in the thread tittle.

[Jenniferathome]

Hi Candice, to me a goal implies a plan. I've never made a plan. Certainly, at some unplanned point, I wanted to go out. Going out is a sort of public declaration of who I am without outing myself. All I want from going out is to be comfortable as I am. Today, I still have no goals and no plan. I have a simple desire to be comfortable.

BTW, not an In Flames fan

[Beverley Sims]

I achieved my goal as a CD when I was 21, I wanted to look and pass like a woman.
I had a small frame 112 lbs and was suited to rather curvy and frilly dresses.
All full style and with full petticoats.
My girlfriends were a great help in moulding me and when my lifestyle changed and I abandoned the share house with them I had achieved most of my dreams, living as a girl for six months continuously was part of it.

If I had the opportunity I more than likely would have continued the hormone treatment and transitioned.

Later in life I organised mock weddings, a great outlet for me.

I have no goals now just to live life and explore the world which I have done a number of times.

When I go on holidays part of it is as a girl and the rest androgynous.

You do have to pander to a wife's requirements.

[Marcelle]

Hi Candice,

Just curious . . . what is about CDs you don't understand? When I read back over your posts, you started here CD and moved toward being TS so I am assuming you know something of the condition :facepalm:

Anyway trying to "understand us" is as insurmountable as me asking all men or women to tell me what their goals are and where they see their lives heading then saying, I have figured out all men/women. We are all different and discovering the goals of one will not necessarily lead you to the conclusion of who we are. Some just want to feel good, for some it is sexual, others it is an innate need and their goals will be flavored by that drive.

Isha

[Cheryl T]

Sorry, but I didn't begin this journey with an outline of achievements and I don't have a plan or goal now.
I'm just being me and enjoying it.
Not everything in the world needs to be structured and planned out with bullet points and an end game.

Just have fun....life is too short. Just ask Spock ... "Live long and Prosper".

[justmetoo]

I can't say I have a goal. Except maybe to be true to myself, and express a part of me? But there's not an end to that. I mean, you don't achieve self-expression and then stop.

[Kate Simmons]

My original goal was to discover who I was. I've gone way beyond that since making my feelings my own. Now I create myself on a day to day basis in an additive way building on previous learning and accomplishments. Works for me. :)

[adrienner99]

I have struggled with the BIG WHY for decades. No answer other than that, when I am dressed, I feel "right." I feel this is me, this is who I am. My goal is just to balance two conflicting lives. I am not "out." I hope to look as female as possible when dressed, without giving anything away in male mode. I won't arch my eyebrows, pierce my ears, etc. This is far from a perfect life, and some will say I am not being true to myself. But i have two selves. I adore women's clothes, dresses, skirts, heels, lipstick, perfume, etc. I hide that self not so much out of fear, but out of practicality.

[Andy1087]

It's ironic that I found this post as once again I am feeling frustrated and unhappy about my CDing journey. I am now 53 and have wanted to dress since I was in high school but I never worked out they way I wanted. I don't necessarily need or want to be passable enough to go out in public, but I would like to look like a nice lady like so many others here do. I am very jealous of so many of you ladies here. I really never has CD goal in mind as I never really set goals in any part of my life as it seems they never happen, why try if I fail and don't get to my goal all the time. I feel like such a loser.

Andrew

[Anna Stouf]

If you ask CD'rs why they do it, one of the things most of them will say is that it relaxes them. And one of the ingredients of relaxation is NOT having goals that you are constantly trying to meet.

When I was working, I always had to set goals. And I always hated those quarterly meetings with my boss and management team when I had to discuss and submit reports about how I was doing on achieving my goals. Ugh! The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that I was underdressed and no-one but me knew it. I would sit there in the meeting doing my presentation, while feeling the nylon slip that I had under my business suit.

Now that I am retired, no more goals! Woo-Hoo!

Hugs,

Anna

[Sarah Doepner]

I have a hard time setting goals or achieving clarity because the base I work from seems to change on a regular basis. As Lewis Carroll wrote in "Alice's Adventrues in Wonderland"; “I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!”

I'm at an age now, 65, where just waking up on the green side of the ground is a pretty good daily goal. If I can wake up and have options on how to face the world with a smile on my face, that's even better. Once I accepted my crossdressing as a part of my life, things did seem to settle down and I seemed to have a bit more flexibility to explore. For those looking for a goal, achieving peace of mind is one I would highly recommend. Getting over guilt is a good one and I'm almost there, but abandoning fear is still a work in progress. It looks like transparency is going to be the key to that last one and I'm trying to figure out how to do that within the constantly changing set of circumstances I see around me.

[Katey888]

Candice - I think you're expressing a question that is likely common amongst folk who fall into the large(r) buckets of the gender mosaic - by that I mean cis-gendered males and females, and transexuals (who for me, in simplistic terms, are just 180 degrees in opposition to their physical gender). And I think this underlines why we are so hard for normal society to accept as, despite having your own individual challenges in presenting against your physical gender, you can't grasp why so many of us occupy this confusing and inexplicable middle ground, of 'part-time girls'. :)

But then we don't really grasp it either, do we..? :confused:

To address your question regarding goals: The significant one I have now (and which is a developing one) is to have some enjoyment with this condition in a social way. Compared to some of you youngsters, I am a complete novice in getting out and socialising, but I find it completes a need for me to have this aspect of my persona validated, even if only by other trans* and trans* friendly folk. My outlook has already changed in the past year or so - which is staggeringly rapid compared with the previous 30+ years (I blame you lot! ;)) - but I'm pleased to say that for me, it isn't a rollercoaster gathering pace in a shroud of pink fog...

I think there is another aspect for you and other younger folk to consider - and that's a general perspective on life. Until a few years ago I used to have mid- and long-term life objectives - they were rarely written down like career MBOs, sometimes they were, but they were always in the back of my mind. Then my wife experienced a developing medical condition that has literally turned our lives upside down. These type of events tend to make you consider the relative futility of life objectives and bring a sharp perspective to the more experiential aspects of life - and I think that is something that comes to many of us with age too.

My point being - life (whether you are trans* or not) shouldn't be considered a series of check boxes to progress through on a list, or phases of a project. All too soon you realise you've missed opportunities to experience aspects of life that won't necessarily come around again, and the best way to address the future is with a totally adaptable approach that says: "By golly and by God, I don't know what life has in store for me but I intend to wring as much enjoyment out of it in any way possible while there is life in these wrinkly but well-manicured hands!" :yahoo:

Katey x

[Stephanie Morgan]

Interesting thread.....especially considering my wife and I were having a discussion along these same lines last night. I never really thought about any goals, at least not outright. I simply want to be me. To be comfortable in my own skin (which I am still working on so I guess that counts as a goal right?). And to just have fun with life. Don't really have a plan for doing that, except to keep on doing the things I enjoy, like CD'ing.

[Teresa]

Candice ,
We may have covered many of the WHYs but not come up with all the answers, I still find it important to find out what makes your CDing tick ! Especially when you have to try and explain it to others !
My goal at the moment is to be more open and accepted so I can be at peace with it ! Achieving that may result in me dressing less but hopefully free my mind to do the other things in life I should be doing ! After that well at sixty three I may have run out of time, I don't mind if I can die happy and others are comfortable with all aspects of my life ! Sounds like it could part of my epitaph !!

[pamela7]

I have no goal, and no interest in a goal, that's my old left-brain world before i awoke to the more important (to me) experience of "creating without outcome".
I am experiencing, and allowing life, the universe, and everything to interplay with me.

When something as unknown and apparently irrational as our desire to cross-dress emerges, like any compulsion, there might be short-term desires you could call goals, like "today i want to wear blue". :-)))

[AllieSF]

I don't think that CD's in particular need any type of goals, end targets nor plans. We may have some short term ones like going out or wearing a wedding dress, or whatever, but more specifically who we are and where we want to be with ourselves in the future are not really needed. Accepting who and what we are is much more important. Many, many people here over think and over worry about the why's and where's of CDing. I truly believe that over thinking and worrying about it all leads to just as many frustrations and anxieties as the more important questions of how to we live with what we are satisfying ourselves (not just physically) and those other important people around us, how we find our individual balance point, how we tell those that need to know.

A question back at you: Why do you need to know?

[CynthiaD]

My "goal," if you can call it that, is to live my life as the person I am, not as others wish me to be. I achieve that goal every time I put on a dress. I suppose there were some mini-goals along the way, like accumulating a reasonable wardrobe or developing the courage to go out in public or learning to be proud of who I am, but I achieved those some time ago. They were never an end in themselves, just a means to an end.

[Candice Mae]

Hi Candice,

Just curious . . . what is about CDs you don't understand? When I read back over your posts, you started here CD and moved toward being TS so I am assuming you know something of the condition
Isha

I understand CDing, it's the desire to come out or put your self in a situation to be outed. It's kind of like repeatatly touching a hot stove eventually your gonna touch one of the burners and get burned. And hiding a secret from loved ones is another thing I don't understand. Those that should know you should be truthful with.

For me it was never really CDing as Ive always had gender identity issues, it was mostly just a way for me to apease my female gender I felt inside of me. For me I never had a problem accepting I was TS, for me the issue was learning to be comfortable and embrace the real me in public.


Candice - I think you're expressing a question that is likely common amongst folk who fall into the large(r) buckets of the gender mosaic - by that I mean cis-gendered males and females, and transexuals (who for me, in simplistic terms, are just 180 degrees in opposition to their physical gender). And I think this underlines why we are so hard for normal society to accept as, despite having your own individual challenges in presenting against your physical gender, you can't grasp why so many of us occupy this confusing and inexplicable middle ground, of 'part-time girls

Katey x

You hit the nail on the head there Katey.



BTW, not an In Flames fan

Ahh, I was hoping it would take longer for some one to figure out.

[Zylia]

Wait what, we're supposed to have goals now? Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Why can't we just be a pack of dogs chasing cars?

[YvonneDreams]

I have only one real goal in life and that is to be happy, joyous and free. With wearing wearing feminine clothes, dressing up etc., I get a certain feeling( I've heard it refered to as the pink cloud) that I haven't found doing anything else. There are many aspects of my life. When I play guitar I am happy but it's a rather different feeling than dressing or when I'm rock climbing, so on and so forth. For me it boils down to just being me, not only accepting myself but embracing myself, loving myself. Who knows maybe 10 yrs from now I won't want to dress maybe I'll be fully dressing all the time. I take life one step and one day at a time and am grateful I get to be a part of life today. Any who that's just my two cents.
"It's the possibility of making dreams come true that makes life so interesting." Paulo Coelho

[Sarah-RT]

Wait what, we're supposed to have goals now? Do I really look like a guy with a plan? Why can't we just be a pack of dogs chasing cars?

Did I ever tell you how I got these scars? :D

A question to answer a question here but are we CDers in a form of purgatory or limbo? We're one gender wishing to look like the other but rarely do it publicly or for long, we don't all transition of even many of us and we also can't stop. Seems like while the TS members have their own harder challenges they do move on while we get stuck behind.

Seems we forgot to pay the ferryman and are still waiting on the banks of the Styx, unable to move forward but no longer able to go back.

[rachael.davis]

My "goal" is progressing to living full time, being passable at it, and going forward with a real life after decades of denial, self hatred, alcohol/drug abuse, and involvement in high impact full contact martial arts to punish a body I despised for being male.
My timeline seems pretty good on it
and my soundtrack is "the return" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVGfNTEF9YI

I don't generally follow goth bands, that song spoke volumes to me.

[Ineke Vashon]

For me it is the journey, not the destination, that is most interesting.

Ineke

[Jackie7]

It never occurred to me to have a goal until you asked, but in thinking about it I realize that I do have one. It's not to transition, and it's not to pass as female. It's to become the most elegant, confident, and interesting cross-dressing man that I can. When we talked about it last night my darling wife said I am part of the way there and getting better all the time. Right or wrong, I'm choosing to believe her. As to what I will do when I get there, well, it's the journey that counts, isn't it, even as the holy grail continues to recede.

[Lily Catherine]

As far as purpose goes, I've always mentioned that I dress for the sake of it, though I'm still trying to uncover any implicit or subconscious motives I have ever had. There isn't exactly any further end for me besides my limited dressing being an end in itself, as opposed to anything that aided me in achieving something tangible.

I find it jarring that, within the confines of my mind, I am able to describe the 'lower outcomes' (ranging from sexual arousal, to attractiveness, delicateness, all the way to a peace of mind) of my dressing when I never set any intangible goal and/or 'higher outcome'. At best it remains 'I intend to wear this skirt / achieve this silhouette / feel this petticoat caress my skin'.

But at the end of the day, the ultimate meta-question – why do we want to know why? – still drives these threads I guess. I can only answer for myself: to be sure where and who I am, and where and how I am going.

That being said, passing as female would be the greatest success on my part, but once again, I have no known underlying reasoning to actually do so. For the sake of it indeed, I guess.

Also, as far as soundtracks go, Muse's Butterflies and Hurricanes is where it's at for me despite my lack of any major CD-related aspirations yet.

[Suzie Petersen]

I agree with Sarah. One main difference between the TS and the CD population, is that the TS has a well defined end goal, and the CD does not. I also believe that this is a good part of why many CD'ers are very frustrated with it all. The fact that there is no easily definable purpose for the activity. The CD want it all and want it to be reversible, instantly.

I am not making light of the TS path, not at all, but I do think it in some respect is easier because there is an end point.

It is also likely that the general population has less of an issue with TS's than with CD's! From we are toddlers, we learn that there are 2 genders, male and female. It is one of the first things we learn and it makes order of the world for us. You are either in one box, or in the other. There is no box in the middle.

When someone transitions, they move from one box to the other, so now there is order again! Good! All people now have to do is forget the past.
But when someone one day wants to be in one box, and the next day want to be in the other, and then back again over and over, it is confusing and the order is lost. People get confused about it and as usual, when people are confronted with confusion and something they do not understand, all the worst behaviors come out.

So in a very very simplified way of seeing this, the TS's ultimate goal is to move to the other accepted box and the CD's ultimate goal is for the world to accept a change in the order and accept the establishment of a third box.

My goal? To make it to the end of my life, on time.

In the words of Gandalf: "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us!"

- Suzie

[Gretchen_To_Be]

My goal is to look as good as you do in a dress ;)

[Candice Mae]

Thanks, but I've had some fortunate developments and never really developed a male stature.

[PaulaQ]

One main difference between the TS and the CD population, is that the TS has a well defined end goal, and the CD does not.

My goal is to give birth to a child. I am expecting great, and terrible disappointment at the certain total failure of this end goal, despite it being well defined. There are a lot of things in this life I'd like to experience - I'd settle for having a period. Or even a real vagina. But no, none of those goals are attainable. I'd even be happier with the lesser goal where even knowing my history, all people simply treated me as a woman. Unfortunately, this will never happen. Ever. Not in my lifetime. I will always be one of two things:
1. Hidden, stealth, treated like a woman as long as my secret is kept
2. An "other," if it's known.


It is also likely that the general population has less of an issue with TS's than with CD's! From we are toddlers, we learn that there are 2 genders, male and female. It is one of the first things we learn and it makes order of the world for us. You are either in one box, or in the other. There is no box in the middle.

There are plenty of people who transition, but who are at least close to the middle. Their plight is not easier than yours - there is no social template for someone who presents as neither gender all of the time. There are plenty of people who don't correspond to the binary. I'm one of the ones who does, and I don't think I'm in the majority in my area, at all. The reason the world doesn't accept CDs is that they have no idea, in general, how many of you there are. There are a lot of CDs - but y'all mostly aren't visible. So people pretend you don't exist.


When someone transitions, they move from one box to the other, so now there is order again! Good! All people now have to do is forget the past.

Right - except almost no one does really ever forget our history. I'll forever be "that chick who used to be a dude."


So in a very very simplified way of seeing this, the TS's ultimate goal is to move to the other accepted box and the CD's ultimate goal is for the world to accept a change in the order and accept the establishment of a third box.

Our goal as TS individuals us to find a way to be comfortable in our own skin. This does not always involve exactly moving from one pole of the gender binary to the other. I dress a lot more femininely than many GGs do. My goal isn't to conform to the world. Screw them - seriously - just screw them. My goal is to be myself as best I can be. Many people in this world will never accept someone like me no matter how well I conform to the gender binary.

That said, I will agree with you that if someone like me, who really does correspond well to the gender binary - I'm a friggin' girl, for pete's sake - has trouble being accepted by society, then folks like CDs, or other gender non-conforming people don't really have a prayer of being accepted generally.

However, as for the notion of it being easier to be a TS than a CD - bullshit. Try dealing with things when the going gets tough without donning your man-suit, and get back to me about "easier."

[CherylFlint]

The goal was to “pass”.
It took many years and many hours of wearing the wrong stuff and not doing a good job on my makeup until I saw the light.
And the light was that I needed help, so, little by little, I got help.
I went to a professional mastectomy bra fitter and was fitted for the proper size forms.
Went to a wig store and found out what wigs work for my face/build.
Had a friend who I asked for help and she said yes.
So, taken-in all together, I finally got to the point where I can “pass” most of the time.
I’ve been to baseball games, the mall, parks, etc. “dressed” and have no problem.
These days, when I’m “dressed” as Cheryl, I pass completely when my wife is with me. We go to restaurants and she’ll do the ordering. Works very well.
So, my goal was to “pass” and I still enjoy dressing and going out.
Stay safe.

[Ally 2112]

I just go with the flow my goal is to be happy

[Adriana Moretti]

My goal when I came back from my purge was simply to get out again and have fun. I enjoy going out and having a good time. Now that I been there, and done that I dont think I really have any goals...except maybe to travel more, but I have no intrest in transitioning...I am however spending alot more time dressed these days, but transitioning is not on any agenda, hair removal yes.....but thats about as far as I would take it. I dont need to be a girl full time, I think it's because of how I grew up in New York ..clubbing in drag was just a fun thing to do...sure I took it to a whole new level, but I am content where I am and I am happy with myself right where I am at.....now as far as goals?? maybe to lose just a few more pounds...does that count? xoxo

[GingerLeigh]

You will go as far as you let it so your ultimate goal keeps moving. Seems once people achieve what they want, a "more involved" desire arises and becomes your next objective.