coming out regret

[Megan72]

This is a question that i have been wondering about for awhile. It seems that even though my SO is accepting of my dressing and i am comfortable doing it wiht her, there are still times, like now that i feel that i should still dress in secret. Does anyone have any thoughts on why this is? It kind of seems as if since i have been alone in this endevour for so long that it has become ingrained in me that i have to keep it private.

[Jamie M]

could it be that you've become addicted to the thrill of doing something "naughty" and now that you've come out it's suddenly got a degree of legitimacy that has taken some of the thrill away ?

[paulaN]

My wife knows about my dressing although she does not like it very much. I could probley dress at home without any troubles. two things seem to hold me back. One she is always around and never gets out of the house for any lengh of time. I would rather have the house to myself for an overnighter so I can get dressed and stay dressed. If I am going to go through all the trouble I want to do it right. I would not have to lesten to any comments either. #2 My son is 17 and he does not go to far either. I could dress wile he is at school but I want to do it right. And you never know when he might have to come home early for some expected reason. I am comming to the conculision that I am going to have to settle for just wearing womans clothes for a day. no makeup ect. I realy need a good dressup day and soon. A cheep motel in portland is my best option. But like most americans I am working poor. I have the time off but no mun no fun.

[Julia Cross]

Hi Kelliann,

I totally understand how you feel. For me, although she says she is OK with it and even plays along at times, plays with my hair or does my makeup, both are seldom, I am still uneasy to dress fully around her. For me the reason is clear. I was married before and she knew about it and encouraged me to explore it, which I did. Then, she started to take a dislike to the dressing. She eventually came to the conclusion that she didn't want it in her life. So, I have moved on, I was up front about the dressing from the second date and all that it implied yet I am still "gunshy". Although I dress at home almost all the time, I dress down, no shoes, no bra, no makeup and not overtly girly things like little cocktail dresses and mini's. Although I like these items, my fear is that if I go too overboard she will eventually come to reject it as well. And to be honest, I am content with the level of dressing I allow myself. I feel I have compromised just enough for her to not be visually assaulted by a 6'3" man in women's finery but for me to still feel feminine enough.

I hope this helps a little. You are not alone.

julia

[Megan72]

Thanks to you all for great insight so far. i think that the replys are very helpful.

[Joanne08]

Hi Kelliann,

For me dressing is a very private thing. You may be experiencing a similar thing in that you want to have the alone and private time to reflect, feel and/or fantasize without any outside influence. You know how you developed your dressing habits and if it was done exclusively alone for a long time it just may feel more comfortable. I am discussing my CDing with my wife, which is going at a very slow pace, about her acceptance and I think that no matter how much she will accept my dressing I will still want to have my alone time.

Love, Jo

[Megan72]

This is all very strange to me. My wife seems to think that when dressed it is all about sex. I have to admit that i am usually turned on when dressed, to some degree. But even that has lessened as i have become more accustomed to dressing. I think that maybe i need to open a more serious dialouge with her in regards to this issue.

[Julia Cross]

Kelliann,

If there is one thing I have learned, keep her in the loop. Crossdressing is a very complex behaviour which outdiers find difficult to understand. If you don't explain how you feel and what you feel to help them understand you, then they will likely come to their own, ill informed conclusions. I have found the random, yet frequent conversations my Gf and I have about dressing have really helped in my comfort level around her as well as hers around me. I feel she no longer is wondering "where will all this lead to?" and knows whos she is with. In the beginning she was unsure and worried about a possible transitioning, which for me is not in the cards.

Julia

[Cathy Anderson]

there are still times, like now that i feel that i should still dress in secret. Does anyone have any thoughts on why this is?
In my personal opinion crossdressing is mainly a fantasy, and fantasies, pretty much by definition, *are* private in nature.

It's just like play. Sometimes a child may want to play with others, but other times they want and need to play by themselves. Some kind of psychological issues are getting worked through--hopefully.

Cathy

[AprilMae]

Since coming out my SO hasen't seen me dressed mainly due to schedule differences, but partly due to the fact she isn't sure if she wants to see it yet. And I am reluctant even if she wanted to. I've been doing this for 30 years and it has become my private place, and I kind of like that. If she does want to see it I guess I will but if she were to request it be done not in her presence I don't think I will mind.

[Petra1]

I've been married for 8 1/2 years. My wife has known about my dressing for almost 11 years. She has seen me dressed. We have even had breakfast while I'm dressed. And you know what? I still feel kind of awkward when dressed around her. I don't know why.

So, I pretty much keep my dressing restricted to those rare weekend mornings when I'm up before her. (Or when I go to work on Sunday mornings or when she's not home, like now.) And then most of the time, I make sure to change back to drab before she gets up. Sometimes she'll get up and I'll still be dressed. No big deal.

Weird, huh?

[Sarahgurl371]

I have told my wife all about this stuff. I have answered her every question. She has seen me dressed. She has boughten me clothes. She does not approve anymore. I do not know what happened. I tried to ensure that I wasn't pushy or selfish etc. Things just changed.

I wanted so much to be able to be with somebody when dressed. I do not wish to be alone. I want someone to know ME. I wish to share ME. And be loved for ME.

That said, when we were in a more accpeting time, I still felt uncomfortable dressing around her. Part of it was for her comfort. I didn't wish to hurt her feelings in anyway - the way I sit, or walk, or whatever, something I say or do.

Now she thinks I should dress in front of her to try and bring her acceptance level up. I cannot do it. I am afraid of hurting her even more. I am afraid of being rejected again.

So I guess I feel like I should be alone because I will not offend or hurt anyone else's feeling be merely being ME. I know what this is, even if I cannot describe it in detail. I just feel the way I feel and dressing in private allows me the opportunity to just exist, on my terms.

I have failed to live up to her perception of ME, and once that happens, how do I fix her perception of who I am?

For so many years, I have kept this to myself. After the course of events we have gone through, I am ever mindful of the possible consequneces of my expressing myself how I wish. I have hurt her terribly. Although I desperately wish to have someone in the room with me, to know ME, For fear of hurting others and / or being hurt myself, I feel compelled to remain "closeted" when physically dressing.