Traveling Pretty

[Jeri Ann]

My 97 year old mom has been in the hospital for hip replacement surgery and a rehab facility now for several months. I make the two hour (one way) trip at least 3 times a week to see her.
Most of the time I travel pretty. When I get to the hospital I go into a family restroom just inside the entrance carrying a tote that has what I need to change back to male mode.
I dress casually with girl jeans, perhaps a tank and pink hoody, and Sketchers (think grocery shopping). It is a simple change, leaving the jeans and sketchers on, removing makeup and wig, and then putting on a long sleeve shirt on over the tank. Every time I look into the mirror before beginning the change, I like what I see and it is with tremendous regret that I proceed.
Oh how I wish that I could visit my mom as her daughter. Sorry, I just needed to tell someone.

Jeri

[Rhonda Darling]

Jeri:

I don't know anything about your personal situation vis-a-vie telling anyone about Jeri, but I do know that I really regret not finding a way to tell my Mom before she passed away a few years ago. I think she would have taken it hard at first, thinking that she somehow caused Rhonda, but she was a tolerant and smart woman who I think would have embraced having even a part time daughter. Don't live life with regrets.

Just my humble opinion. Your mileage may differ.

Best,
Rhonda

[audreyinalbany]

I'm on board with what Rhonda said: wish I could have had 'the talk' with my mom. She would have been ok with it….she was ok with it when she caught me wearing her stuff back when I was five years old back in 1959.

oh, and BTW…a hip replacement at 97 !!!! Kudos to mom for having the gumption to have it done!

[Bria]

Jeri, I'm glad that you visit your mother three times a week, at 97 you won't have her too much longer, so get in as much time with her as you can. When she is gone you will still remember the good times that you had when visiting and the clothes you were wearing won't make a difference (I hope).

Hugs, Bria

[Jeri Ann]

My mother is a very intolerant and judgmental woman. I could never please her. I never heard her tell me that she loved me until about six years ago. I really don't think she knew how to say those words. I finally decided that I needed to let go of the pain of that and love her until she asked me why. I started telling her that I loved her. Every time I was leaving after a visit and every time I talked to her on the phone, just before hanging up, I would tell her that I loved her. One day she weakly responded, "I love you too." For the first time in 58 years I heard my mother tell me that she loved me. In time it became more natural for her and now when she tells me that it is genuine and heartfelt. She is still critical and judgmental but not to me. We have a wonderful relationship now. I can not and will not jeopardize what I have waited so long for and needed so badly. Thanks for responding. I value input and it feels good to tell someone.

Love,
Jeri

[justmetoo]

I think I know whereof you speak, Jeri. Although my parents are younger than your mom my dad is similar to the way you describe your mom. He is one of the few people In my family I have not come out to and I don't foresee changing that any time soon.

[Melissa73]

Alright, i need to add my 2 cents to this, as last year i lost my mother. I was fortunate enough to be able to tell her the year before that i was a crossdrresser. I thought it would go rough, but lo and behold when i told her, she was like "i know! Ive always known" and we were able to talk about where i shop for clothes, and the fact that i attend a support group....She was thrilled that i was seeking support and choosing to "accept" myself and said that no matter what i did, or do.. she loved me.

And now a year later, i sit back and smile, that with mom gone..... i had no secrets from her. and no regrets.... And i knew that she supported me


Melissa

[Diversity]

I understand your feelings, but with your mom at age 97, I'd opt for keeping things as they are for her benefit. No sense upsetting her at her stage in life
Good luck to you both!
Di

[MissTee]

Good luck to both you and your Mom. I am like you and I would not reveal Misty to my Mom. Primarily since my Dad is deceased and most recently my oldest brother, Mom now looks to me as the family patriarch. That's what she needs most from me, and I don't really have an overwhelming need for her to know about Misty. Thus, I'm putting her and her needs first as she did for me most of my life.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Hope your Mom does well. You are doing the right thing by visiting her. As to letting her know, you are the best judge of that!!

[Jeri Ann]

Miss Tee,
Thank you. You understand completely. My mom has lost 11 siblings, a husband, and my older brother who died on Christmas day when I was ten. She looks to me as the patriarch of the family and it gives her comfort to know that I will take care of her affairs and honor her wishes when she is gone. She prays every day for God to take her in her sleep. She has lived a long time. She is tired and in pain most of the time. She has always been independent and her physical condition is like a prison to her. There is absolutely no way that I would add another complication to her life. With that being said, there is a bit of irony to my situation. When she was pregnant with me she and my dad were hoping to have a girl. I will elaborate on this peculiar situation in another thread when I get a chance. Again, thank you every one for your input.

Love,
Jeri

[alwayshave]

I never heard her tell me that she loved me until about six years ago. I really don't think she knew how to say those words.
Jeri, my 85 year old mother has never said that she loves me once. I know she does, but her Shanty Irish demeanor just does not allow for it. Funny, my father tells me all the time.

[kimdl93]

oh how I can relate. When my elderly mother was still living, I'd often drive home to see her...a cross country journey of some 1400 miles, traveling en femme the entire distance. Changing from my traveling mode back to male mode was (and remains) a momentarily unpleasant, nearly painful experience. And even though mom knew of my cross dressing, I never felt comfortable fully revealing myself completely. She may have taken it in stride, but...it felt like an imposition on my part.

[Lori Kurtz]

The generosity and consideration that you show to your mother, and your willingness to forgive her shortcomings, will help you in dealing with your feelings about her for the rest of your life, long after she is gone. Through the gifts you have given her, you have enriched your own life in a way that is a model for us all.

[Beverley Sims]

Tex,
It is noble what you do, some secrets do need to be kept.
The big reveal so late in life could go either way.
I also used to err on the side of caution.

[Jeri Ann]

Since stating this thread about five weeks ago I have traveled pretty about fifteen times when going to visit my mom. After getting home late last night from my granddaughter's soccer game, I just knew that I would be too tired or not in the mood this morning to get ready to do it again. After a shower, before I even realized what I was doing, I had foundation and eye shadow on. I thought to myself, "what are you doing?" finished my makeup, put on a casual outfit and got on the road again. I can't seem to help myself. I think I need help.

Jeri

[cheryl reeves]

i came out to my mom and she said i kinda had my suspicions for my dresses were never in the same spot,it was 2 mo later i showed her cheryl at holloween,she thought i made a good looking woman...now my dad would be the one who would have a time understanding since i like dressing as a woman and being with a woman..my mom tells me she loves me cause she has to but as for liking me thats a different subject,for i was to damn smart and gained the nickname the book for i was always reading and studying something...i was lucky for my parents were open about sexuality which allowed me to find all i could on what was called tvism and found i did not fit any catagory at that time...