Michelle789
03-02-2015, 04:18 PM
Today marks a year and a half since I joined the forum. I know by now I must start to sound annoying with all the anniversary threads. Haha, Cody and I celebrate our monthly anniversaries for each month, although six months was more special.
I haven't posted on the forums much in the past two months. I've been super busy with work, Cody, church, AA. But I wanted to let everyone know what is going on in my life during the past six months.
So, at the time of my last anniversary thread, I had just come out at my AA home group, which meets on Friday nights. I have been going to my AA home group, often for back to back Fridays. Largely because I needed AA more, and also because my trans group was canceled around Christmas time. My AA group has been really supportive, and I really love going there as my authentic self, as the woman that I am.
Everyone there, along with my former neighbor, my chiropractor, co-workers, and even the woman at H&R Block, all tell me that I seem WAY more relaxed, happier, natural, and myself, since I have transitioned. Cody told me that he noticed I became more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin after about a month on hormones, which is about the same time I came out at my AA group. I feel the difference too on hormones. For me, a combination of hormones and living authentically is helping me to feel more comfortable in my own skin, and able to actually live life.
I have attended a number of AA meetings since then, although I really need to look for local meetings and not Hollywood and West Hollywood meetings - they are just way too far of a drive. So these days, I attend my home group and 1-2 Skype transgender AA meetings every week. I plan on eventually finding a local AA meeting here in the Valley.
I also gradually came out to friends on Facebook, one at a time. I came out to everyone via private message, and everyone was very supportive. I had contacted some people from my past (college, former co-workers) and spoke to them over the phone. They could all hear the difference in my voice and that I sounded more happy in my voice.
September-October
Sept 12. I had my name and email officially changed on the phone list for my AA home group.
Sept 29. I met Eryn and Persephone in person. Eryn, Persephone, Cody, and I went to eat Thai food at a local Thai restaurant in North Hollywood, hung out and had a really great time. It was really a pleasure to meet these two lovely ladies from the forum.
Oct 1. I went to my doctor for my two month on hormones checkup. The blood results indicated my hormone levels were half way between male and female. I told him about the physical and mental results, and he determined that I was getting better than average results. He gave me the option to either double my spiro or keep it at the same. He starts everyone out on half the normal dosage of spiro and then increases after a few months. I decided to keep my spiro dosage the same, since spiro can be really scary stuff.
Remainder of Sept-Oct. I also spent a good deal of these two months preparing my coming out letter to my family. I wrote a six page paper, and my therapist reviewed it. I also had spoken about this with people from AA, Cody, church, TG support group, and the forum.
November-December
Nov 1. I sent the letter to my father and brother by email. Initially I was expecting that they would tell my mom, but they didn't. In fact, my father didn't even want me to tell my mom, and thought that if mom finds out that it is somehow going to ruin his life.
Nov 2. My father gives me the big lecture on how I am going down a path of self-destruction, and how I should start taking male hormones. He also told me that I am to never dress as a woman in their home town nor visit them dressed as a woman. He told me that I cannot attend the funeral. He told me that my head was filled with some kind of smoke. He told me that I will never pass because I am 6 foot tall, and that the only men that would date me are men who are taller than me, and that such men will beat me up.
After the conversation was over, he left me a voice mail message instructing me not to tell my mom. He said that mom would harp on him every day for the rest of his life, and that she would blab it to everyone in the town. He furthermore mentioned that he didn't want the guy who cleans their house, who is a conservative Republican, to find out. This was the first two voice mail messages that I saved.
Nov 7. I came out to my mom over the phone. She actually took it very well. She didn't cry, yell, or have any negative reactions. I was pleasantly surprised that she essentially took it as easy as anyone from AA did.
Nov 13. My dad sends me a voice mail message reminding me not to tell my mom about me being transgender. He didn't know at the time that mom already knew. He said that if my LGBT friends are advising me to tell my mom, that they are not my friends, that they are "our enemies." I broke down and cried hysterically after hearing the voice mail message. I also saved this message.
The voice mail messages. I ended up playing both voice mail messages to my therapist, Cody, and a few close friends.
Nov 20. I went to my first ever Transgender Day of Remembrance.
Nov 22. I spoke at and led an AA meeting as a woman, and shared about my transgender experience. I later on went with a very close female friend to a makeup party at MAC to learn some more makeup tips, and bought some more makeup.
I purged my male clothes. I gave Cody whatever fits him. The rest, I donated to the poor.
Nov 24. I put up my Christmas decorations for the first time in three years.
Nov 27. I celebrated my first Thanksgiving as my authentic self.
Dec 22. Cody and I went to Universal Studios.
Dec 24-25. I celebrated my first ever Christmas as my authentic self. My celebrations included going to church on Christmas Eve, followed by Christmas Eve dinner with me and Cody at my place. On Christmas Day, we had another big celebration that night for both Christmas and our six month anniversary. We had a nice big dinner, opened presents, sang, danced, and watched the remainder of a move we started watching the other night.
I decided to stay in L.A. for Christmas, since my father told me I can't dress as a woman to go home and visit them. And there is NO way I am dressing as a male ever again.
Dec 28. My church's trans group had it's monthly meeting and annual Christmas party. I was also appointed co-chair of my church's trans group.
January-February-March
Jan 10. I created a new Facebook page for Michelle, and sent most of my FB friends a mass private message redirecting them to my new page. I have friended most of them, as well as people from church and my TG support group.
Feb 2. I saw my doctor for another hormones checkup. This time, he determined that I was experiencing the symptoms of testosterone creep, and he doubled my spiro. I feel significantly better since doubling my spiro.
Feb 13. Cody and I went to LuvFest at my church. This was a fundraiser for a scholarship fund for LGBT people and our allies, and also a fun activity for Valentine's Day.
Feb 14. Cody and I celebrated Valentine's Day together. This was my first ever Valentine's Day where I had a date or significant other in my life.
Feb 21. I did a Skype Video chat with my mom and brother. My father was not involved in the conversation. My mom and brother got to see me for the first time as a woman. My mom started using the correct pronouns for the first time. We will do more Skype Video chats in the near future. I also "came out" to my mom and brother about going to MCC. I haven't, and don't plan on telling my father about MCC anytime soon. My father may have more issues with me going to MCC than he does with me being trans. My father detests all religion, especially Christianity.
Feb 27. I asked this woman from my AA group to be my temporary sponsor. This is my first time having a woman sponsor. I am looking forward to working the steps again, as my authentic self. I wasn't completely thorough on my first two fourth steps. I left out everything related to gender dysphoria. I also feel more open to admitting all of my character defects, resentments, and fears, that I wasn't open to admitting five years ago when I did my last fourth step.
Feb 28. I had my sixth laser hair removal session. My beard has been significantly thinning out through the laser treatments.
Mar 1. Last night, I finally took down my Christmas lights. It was sad to remove them, but also it is time to remove them and go back to "normal". Oh well, in 8 and 1/2 months, I will be putting up the decorations again.
The last four months have been emotionally very difficult having to deal with my father's reaction. I am slowly recovering from it, but it has been a very slow recovery.
I look forward to continuing on the forum. I hope that I can reach out to newcomers who are questioning their gender identity :)
I haven't posted on the forums much in the past two months. I've been super busy with work, Cody, church, AA. But I wanted to let everyone know what is going on in my life during the past six months.
So, at the time of my last anniversary thread, I had just come out at my AA home group, which meets on Friday nights. I have been going to my AA home group, often for back to back Fridays. Largely because I needed AA more, and also because my trans group was canceled around Christmas time. My AA group has been really supportive, and I really love going there as my authentic self, as the woman that I am.
Everyone there, along with my former neighbor, my chiropractor, co-workers, and even the woman at H&R Block, all tell me that I seem WAY more relaxed, happier, natural, and myself, since I have transitioned. Cody told me that he noticed I became more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin after about a month on hormones, which is about the same time I came out at my AA group. I feel the difference too on hormones. For me, a combination of hormones and living authentically is helping me to feel more comfortable in my own skin, and able to actually live life.
I have attended a number of AA meetings since then, although I really need to look for local meetings and not Hollywood and West Hollywood meetings - they are just way too far of a drive. So these days, I attend my home group and 1-2 Skype transgender AA meetings every week. I plan on eventually finding a local AA meeting here in the Valley.
I also gradually came out to friends on Facebook, one at a time. I came out to everyone via private message, and everyone was very supportive. I had contacted some people from my past (college, former co-workers) and spoke to them over the phone. They could all hear the difference in my voice and that I sounded more happy in my voice.
September-October
Sept 12. I had my name and email officially changed on the phone list for my AA home group.
Sept 29. I met Eryn and Persephone in person. Eryn, Persephone, Cody, and I went to eat Thai food at a local Thai restaurant in North Hollywood, hung out and had a really great time. It was really a pleasure to meet these two lovely ladies from the forum.
Oct 1. I went to my doctor for my two month on hormones checkup. The blood results indicated my hormone levels were half way between male and female. I told him about the physical and mental results, and he determined that I was getting better than average results. He gave me the option to either double my spiro or keep it at the same. He starts everyone out on half the normal dosage of spiro and then increases after a few months. I decided to keep my spiro dosage the same, since spiro can be really scary stuff.
Remainder of Sept-Oct. I also spent a good deal of these two months preparing my coming out letter to my family. I wrote a six page paper, and my therapist reviewed it. I also had spoken about this with people from AA, Cody, church, TG support group, and the forum.
November-December
Nov 1. I sent the letter to my father and brother by email. Initially I was expecting that they would tell my mom, but they didn't. In fact, my father didn't even want me to tell my mom, and thought that if mom finds out that it is somehow going to ruin his life.
Nov 2. My father gives me the big lecture on how I am going down a path of self-destruction, and how I should start taking male hormones. He also told me that I am to never dress as a woman in their home town nor visit them dressed as a woman. He told me that I cannot attend the funeral. He told me that my head was filled with some kind of smoke. He told me that I will never pass because I am 6 foot tall, and that the only men that would date me are men who are taller than me, and that such men will beat me up.
After the conversation was over, he left me a voice mail message instructing me not to tell my mom. He said that mom would harp on him every day for the rest of his life, and that she would blab it to everyone in the town. He furthermore mentioned that he didn't want the guy who cleans their house, who is a conservative Republican, to find out. This was the first two voice mail messages that I saved.
Nov 7. I came out to my mom over the phone. She actually took it very well. She didn't cry, yell, or have any negative reactions. I was pleasantly surprised that she essentially took it as easy as anyone from AA did.
Nov 13. My dad sends me a voice mail message reminding me not to tell my mom about me being transgender. He didn't know at the time that mom already knew. He said that if my LGBT friends are advising me to tell my mom, that they are not my friends, that they are "our enemies." I broke down and cried hysterically after hearing the voice mail message. I also saved this message.
The voice mail messages. I ended up playing both voice mail messages to my therapist, Cody, and a few close friends.
Nov 20. I went to my first ever Transgender Day of Remembrance.
Nov 22. I spoke at and led an AA meeting as a woman, and shared about my transgender experience. I later on went with a very close female friend to a makeup party at MAC to learn some more makeup tips, and bought some more makeup.
I purged my male clothes. I gave Cody whatever fits him. The rest, I donated to the poor.
Nov 24. I put up my Christmas decorations for the first time in three years.
Nov 27. I celebrated my first Thanksgiving as my authentic self.
Dec 22. Cody and I went to Universal Studios.
Dec 24-25. I celebrated my first ever Christmas as my authentic self. My celebrations included going to church on Christmas Eve, followed by Christmas Eve dinner with me and Cody at my place. On Christmas Day, we had another big celebration that night for both Christmas and our six month anniversary. We had a nice big dinner, opened presents, sang, danced, and watched the remainder of a move we started watching the other night.
I decided to stay in L.A. for Christmas, since my father told me I can't dress as a woman to go home and visit them. And there is NO way I am dressing as a male ever again.
Dec 28. My church's trans group had it's monthly meeting and annual Christmas party. I was also appointed co-chair of my church's trans group.
January-February-March
Jan 10. I created a new Facebook page for Michelle, and sent most of my FB friends a mass private message redirecting them to my new page. I have friended most of them, as well as people from church and my TG support group.
Feb 2. I saw my doctor for another hormones checkup. This time, he determined that I was experiencing the symptoms of testosterone creep, and he doubled my spiro. I feel significantly better since doubling my spiro.
Feb 13. Cody and I went to LuvFest at my church. This was a fundraiser for a scholarship fund for LGBT people and our allies, and also a fun activity for Valentine's Day.
Feb 14. Cody and I celebrated Valentine's Day together. This was my first ever Valentine's Day where I had a date or significant other in my life.
Feb 21. I did a Skype Video chat with my mom and brother. My father was not involved in the conversation. My mom and brother got to see me for the first time as a woman. My mom started using the correct pronouns for the first time. We will do more Skype Video chats in the near future. I also "came out" to my mom and brother about going to MCC. I haven't, and don't plan on telling my father about MCC anytime soon. My father may have more issues with me going to MCC than he does with me being trans. My father detests all religion, especially Christianity.
Feb 27. I asked this woman from my AA group to be my temporary sponsor. This is my first time having a woman sponsor. I am looking forward to working the steps again, as my authentic self. I wasn't completely thorough on my first two fourth steps. I left out everything related to gender dysphoria. I also feel more open to admitting all of my character defects, resentments, and fears, that I wasn't open to admitting five years ago when I did my last fourth step.
Feb 28. I had my sixth laser hair removal session. My beard has been significantly thinning out through the laser treatments.
Mar 1. Last night, I finally took down my Christmas lights. It was sad to remove them, but also it is time to remove them and go back to "normal". Oh well, in 8 and 1/2 months, I will be putting up the decorations again.
The last four months have been emotionally very difficult having to deal with my father's reaction. I am slowly recovering from it, but it has been a very slow recovery.
I look forward to continuing on the forum. I hope that I can reach out to newcomers who are questioning their gender identity :)