Blending vs standing out

[Danitgirl1]

Hi all
A variation on the 'blend vs pass' debate.
I saw this in a local mall and thought it may be pertinent to some of us...
Maybe by blending we are doing ourselves a disservice?

[Kate Simmons]

It really depends on "how" we stand out. :)

[Jackie7]

I like to blend in when out and about, but can't help standing out in a social setting because a) when I'm comfortable I forget and relax into a distinctly male posture and stance, and b) soon as I speak I will be read due to my gravelly basso voice. Once I am up close and talking to other people I don't mind standing out, in fact I want to stand out as the most elegant and confident crossdressing man that I can be.

[Jaquee]

​I guess the question of us doing ourselves a disservice is kind of dependent on the girl and the situation. Personally if I'm going shopping or something like that, I'd prefer to blend in. On the other hand if I'm going to the bar (dependent I reckon) I have no problem standing out. So I guess it depends on each girls preference. If you're plenty comfortable out in public then by all means I say go for it stand out and enjoy it. Like I said I know I get noticed and read more if I go in a store on the way to the bar cause I'm dressed more to stand out than I would if I was going shopping.

[meganmartin]

That has always been my argument.
If your passing 100% of the time to 100% of the people they will never know what a crossdresser is and is not.
Whereas if you blend and some read you as a crossdresser, they may say that is a guy but she is well dressed and really put together well.
You never know you may change someone's perception of what a crossdresser is.

Also my own experience I've had more fun while out when read as a cd than not.
People find it a reason to open up the discussion and respond positively. But don't take this to mean that I go out of my way to be read, it's just not something I worry about if I am.

[rocketscientist]

Ding! Ding! Ding! Megan said it perfectly for me. I've been saying that for years here every time someone starts a "passing" thread.

[NicoleScott]

I dress to neither blend nor stand out. I dress to please myself. Others can make judgments. I don't care.

[bridget thronton]

I think the goal is to do the best you can with what you got (at least that allows me to feel good about myself)

[flatlander_48]

I have 66 years worth of standing out, so in that sense, crossdressing is just another speed bump...

DeeAnn

[docrobbysherry]

Passing is the Golden Ticket!

TS's may prefer to blend. Especially if they consistently pass.

CD's that pass may choose to blend one time, stand out the next.

Closet CD's r used to dressing as they please. As one of those, I'm becoming increasingly resentful of having to dress doughty when going out in Vanillaville! Since I can't pass no matter what, why not go out feeling good about my looks since I'm going to be made as a man anyway?:daydreaming:

241977

[Beverley Sims]

To stand out you have to have "IT".

Whatever "it" is. :)

[michelleddg]

I know this is rather obvious, but I had some reinforcement during my recent "Michelle Las Vegas" week. Each morning a professional glam makeover, flirty dress, nylons, high heels. Then out to The Strip for photos. Could not be anything but a dude even though I was presenting quite well (I think) because I was completely out of sync with the environment.

Back to my room, change into jeans and sneaks, reemerge 10 minutes latter and I'm free to be me the rest of the day.

Then it's dark, back into flirty dress and heels and I'm blendy-ish for a nice restaurant. Context, context, context. Hugs, Michelle

[phylis anne]

I like to blend for now so as I can find my comfort zone on how I present but I have always favored the tomboy/girl look
hugs phylis anne

[kimdl93]

Meh, I don't know that an advertising slogan really captures the relative merits of blending versus standing out. For them, it's conspicuous consumption. For us, being conspicuous is more akin to being the wildebeest singled out by lions because of a conspicuous weakness.

[Suzie Petersen]

Golden rule of car body work: "If you cant make it blend in, make it stand out!" ;) meaning if a seam cant be invisible, make it very visible and make it look like it is supposed to be there. Maybe that can be used for other types of body work too!!

It depends on the situation of course. When I would go out, daytime, shopping etc, I would do anything I could to blend in and be invisible, just another woman out and about. If at a party or night club however, "Glam it up" and "Flaunt it if you got it" was sometimes the better option :)

- Suzie

[justmetoo]

I am shy and introverted and don't like to be anywhere near the center of attention in any situation, so I prefer to blend. I'll let others be outstanding. :)

[Jilmac]

Blending in for me is looking like every other old broad in my surroundings, standing out would mean others would be pointing fingers and going TSK TSK and TEE HEE

[KlaireLarnia]

If you stand out too far you risk many negative things or reactions. I am one for standing out, but only to the point of keeping within public acceptance. There are limits and if we break them the risks are too high for 99% of us.

[AngelaYVR]

Finally! Blending is for cheap wine, I prefer to be a glass of champagne!

[Catina]

I agree with you Justmetoo ! Hugs

[Lynn Marie]

Golden rule of car body work: "If you cant make it blend in, make it stand out!" ;) meaning if a seam cant be invisible, make it very visible and make it look like it is supposed to be there. Maybe that can be used for other types of body work too!!

It depends on the situation of course. When I would go out, daytime, shopping etc, I would do anything I could to blend in and be invisible, just another woman out and about. If at a party or night club however, "Glam it up" and "Flaunt it if you got it" was sometimes the better option :)

- Suzie

Well said Susie. I like to blend while shopping too. Levis and a pair of Noconas always blends well.

[Marcelle]

Hi Dani,

For me blending is not about hiding who I am (it is glaringly obvious to those around me that I am a guy) but about moving around the Vanilla World as just one of the many much like I do when en boy. So in essence I both blend and stand out.

Hugs

Isha

[Princess Chantal]

If you stand out too far you risk many negative things or reactions. I am one for standing out, but only to the point of keeping within public acceptance. There are limits and if we break them the risks are too high for 99% of us.
Not quite true, I had absolutely no negative reactions and things happen when I enjoy wearing my victorian outfits and other vintage looks out in the public eye. I have had many welcoming hugs and conversations while standing out big time in these! When I am not dressing in those "costumes", I tend to dress in stand out "smart casual" looks where others would be wearing relaxed casual and have had not much negative reactions as well.

[ChristinaK]

I tend to be somewhat schizophrenic in my approach. Sometimes I want to pass completely and blend in 100%. Other times, I like to push the boundaries and wear women's styles with a manly face and no forms. That seems to push the envelope. When I get positive responses, I feel like I have furthered the cause. ( Uh, what is the cause?)

Isha, you are an inspiration to us all and I really admire your courage, outreach to us all, your insight and your beauty; sorry for your recent unfortunate encounter with the Neanderthal men. Maybe our children will have a greater appreciation of who we are.

[pamela7]

Why not both, and even sometimes at the same time?
Blending is camouflage, safer alone, small group. Standing out - a must for any CD party, where also we blend cos we're all standing out.

The birds of paradise make their displays - standing out - for the females - as part of their mating rituals. When they undisplay, they become more camouflaged. So, wear a coat, and take it off at the right time?

[meganmartin]

Ding! Ding! Ding! Megan said it perfectly for me. I've been saying that for years here every time someone starts a "passing" thread.

WHOO HOO Someone agrees with me, that is rare so I had to point it out.
Thank Rocket scientist you made my day.

Although i can not take all the credit. Early on I was so overwhelmed and nervous about going out. The argument for not going out that I was not passable. A dear friend name Phoebe Reece told me what I had repeated here. With every once of my being I hate to admit she was right. Once I stopped worrying if I passed it just became so easy to enjoy the moment.

[Jorja]

I was out standing in my field. The tractor driver did not see me because I blended in and he plowed me over.

[BillieAnneJean]

Blending is a safety asset. If I blend in, as opposed to stripper wear at the mall, then they have to think about it. Is she or isn't she? By then they phone is needing them and I am gone.

The best way to be OUT enfemme is with a group. Safety in numbers.

Check out The Grand Illusions. We regularly take newbees OUT enfemme.

SUCH FUN!
Billie

[pamela7]

http://www.bu.edu/writingprogram/journal/issue-6/laverriere/

re "the grand illusion" ?