Perspective

[sabrinaedwards]

I recently read a post that referenced a website that is devoted to the wives of crossdressers. I went to that site and read what was available on their forum. I hope this is not a representation of how the general female population feels about us. I was taken aback by the totally negative emotion of this group. As I have a DADT relationship with my wife in regard to CDing, I think that I will keep it that way. For those that have supportive spouses, consider yourself fortunate and it seems like you are probably in the minority.
Love, Sabrina

[Jenniferathome]

No. Do a simple search here for "crossdresserswives.com" and you will see this is a well known cross dresser bashing site.

[Erika Lyne]

Hey Sabrina,

Yes, this is true. When I was first looking for an online support group I came across a few that were, shall we say, a bit questionable? Um, I am not looking for sex, I am not looking to be a pin up, I am looking for people who can help me and I help others through this tangled web we live in and I was truely hoping to find one with a Welcome Mat for SOs/Spouces. I found it here and my wife has since joined. We still struggle even though we support eachother but I am very glad I stumbled across this site for both of us to be here and try to grow closer.

Thanks for your similar observation of what's out there.

Hugs,
-E

[sometimes_miss]

Always curious, I almost went to that site. However, reason got the best of me, and knowing that it's probably mostly negative, and I don't need any more of that, I won't even go to their home page. It'll likely only get me depressed.

[Beverley Sims]

I also was surprised at the negativity I found there.
Like a female support group for divorcees.

[Katey888]

Don't go there if you are of a sensitive nature... :eek:

I'd guess it's representative of a lot of women who are not accepting. It's clearly representative of the many that post there - it would be hard to argue that it can be anything else...

Is it representative of what women in general would think of us? Possibly. I'm guessing there are more unaccepting GGs there than supportive GGs here at cd.com in absolute numbers, but on the basis that the vast majority of women never have to deal with addressing the issue, it's hard to be definitive. What you can say is that the reactions you see there are one possible outcome to revealing all if your SO happens to be unaccepting.

The site is just 'yin' to our 'yang' (or vice versa...) :)

Katey x

[charlenesomeone]

Interesting how groups that begin to achieve some amounts of equality then are so antagonistic
of other groups doing the same. Will acceptance ever happen to us that come out later in
a relationship? And there are no guarantees that that may change.

[CONSUELO]

Is anyone surprised at the negativity of the spouses of some cross dressers. If the cross dressing was not revealed before the decision to marry, a very important piece of information is withheld. Finding out about cross dressing later in the marriage is bound to be a shock.

[Tina_gm]

There are a good number of GG's that believe a man should be all man all the time, the more masculine the better. There are also a GG's who tried to accept CDing, but the CDing became more and they lost their man completely. I would think from the time that I saw that site that those are the two types of GG's who frequent that site the most. Those who believe it is an abomination completely, and have a co worker or family member or whatever, but mostly I saw women who have either extremely narcissistic CD husbands, or they are TS or leaning toward it.

[MsVal]

There could be a high number of women who are married to CDs that frequent those less reserved sites.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Michelle (Oz)]

I had a look at the website too. Sometimes I think about pushing my wife to go beyond a DADT arrangement to be more accepting (read "see me dressed") but sites like that one and the frequent heart felt stories on this site are a good reality check and confirm the wisdom of my strategy of not confronting my wife with my dressing.

As to how the general female population sees us, my experience confirms your concerns. As Michelle I have 7 girlfriends that are married or have partners. All are very supportive, accepting and great friends. However, all but one says that they wouldn't want their husband to dress.

[LilSissyStevie]

I've read the site and while there is misunderstanding, there are lots of legitimate concerns and complaints. It's heartbreaking, really.

[RuthM]

When I was first told by my SO about his need to CD, I did A LOT of research. There are good support sites out there and there are bad support sites out there. The one you reference in your post is very similar to the site that I first joined. As someone with no understanding about CDing or how it could possibly affect my life, the first site I joined was not a good reference point. Any question I asked, the response I got was "you should leave". Since I found no help at that site, I left.

My SO, hearing I was struggling to find a good support group/website to be on recommended this one to me, and this site has helped me A LOT. That being said, there are many threads that I find little value in and at the beginning terrified me. The most important thing is that I wanted to learn & understand and this site has some of the best information that is out there all contained in one spot.

I don't believe that those with supportive wives/SO's are in the minority. I think that it seems that way as the negative voice gets the most attention.

[Janet161]

That is a mean spirited site filled with misinformation. The dominant commenters are extremely dismissive of men who cross dress and take a real Dr. Phil attitude. Too much hatred and bile over there. Stay away from it.

[Victoria Demeanor]

I am so glad this site was brought up. I recently came out to my wife and have been looking for places for her to get information and talk to others about this. I looked at this site and the first thing I read was "about the founder" Basically WOW, how could someone with such an education come to the conclusions as she did. I wanted to read some of the forum, but I could never get through the weeds of, buy my book or let me consult with you for $50 an hour. I will stop from bashing this place as I do try to hold myself above that and perhaps it is good for some, but ya, no I wouldn't send my wife there. I am really hoping I can get her to this site.

Oh and I just want to throw this out. I have been married for 23 years and only recently came out to my wife, so yes big shock for her, but in my defense I also just came out to myself. It's not always that we are hiding it from the ones we love, sometimes it because we are hiding it from ourselves.

[TinaZ]

It's not always that we are hiding it from the ones we love, sometimes it because we are hiding it from ourselves.

This is an EXCELLENT point, Victoria. In my case, "Tina" did not exist up until a year ago. I'm finding out about her as I go. I wasn't maliciously hiding something, because I didn't have the information. Then as info began presenting itself, bringing it up is incredibly difficult, because I didn't want to hurt my wife or our relationship.

[Greenie]

I came there before I came here, and I was attacked for being an accepting SO.

Remember the good GG's exist. *raises hand and waits to be noticed*

[CountessVF]

Oh and I just want to throw this out. I have been married for 23 years and only recently came out to my wife, so yes big shock for her, but in my defense I also just came out to myself. It's not always that we are hiding it from the ones we love, sometimes it because we are hiding it from ourselves.

Bravo!
The only constant is change.

[SharonDenise]

I've responded previously to similar posts but here it goes again. I came out to my wife while we were still dating. She gave her pink baby doll pajamas to me as a sign of acceptance and support. She supported my cross dressing activities for forty-plus years until she became one of heaven's angels last May. I guess I'm lucky that I seem to be one of the minority on this forum that had such a supportive wife. If and when I start dating again, I would have to tell any future prospective companions early on in our relationship about my cross dressing. I'm too old to hide it in the closet from a future significant other. At least, this is how I hope to respond. We'll have to see what actually happens if and when I actually meet a potential Ms. Right.

[pamela7]

i've facilitated a fair bit of "couples retreats" in my time, almost always at points of breakdown/split/now-or-never, and when I see/hear/read the different perspectives of both there are times when I wonder how on earth they can both be talking about the same thing, they're not even "on the same planet" sometimes.

Sometimes what we say and what we do are drastically different, we need to vent some spleen in order to then be loving, we need to get out the negative in order to find the positive. Despite its appearances there are valid concerns, needs for the man to do manly things at time, needs to control money budgets, to consider wider social implications, and rather like addicts I can see we can become over-obsessive (pink-fogged) and egocentric in our CD urges to the detriment of rational perceptions.

There is a space inbetween these contrasting world views where we can meet and move forward, but it all begins with love.

[sometimes_miss]

Is anyone surprised at the negativity of the spouses of some cross dressers. If the cross dressing was not revealed before the decision to marry, a very important piece of information is withheld. Finding out about cross dressing later in the marriage is bound to be a shock.

While I understand why women feel upset that we deceived them about crossdressing, I find it sort of on the same level of deceit that so many women deceive us on a whole lot of things before we marry them as well. How many women are very careful to stay slim & sexy until after the wedding day, then it's all bets are off as far as weight is concerned? Or the ones who are supposedly happy with our job and income, then after the 'I do's' there's the pressure to make more money, change jobs to get promoted? Our house is fine while dating, but after the wedding we have to sell it and acquire a bigger home and mortgage? Bigger more expensive cars. They stop wearing sexy clothing, and the cute lingerie is gone in favor of flannel pajamas. They cut their beautiful hair short 'because it's easier to take care of'. Stop wearing makeup. Inconsistantly shave while complaining that we have a rough or 'unsightly' beard (that was my favorite). Oh not to mention the most often complained about female post wedding behavior change, that they really don't enjoy oral sex so that quickly becomes a thing of the past once the wedding is over. The list just goes on and on, and women will justify it all. But we do something they don't like? They treat us like criminals.

[Kate T]

*raises hand and waits to be noticed*

Yes Greenie, you are allowed to go to the toilet :p

Seriously you are noticed and your involvement and support not just for your SO but for everyone on here is also valued highly :hugs: